If Tomorrow Never Comes, a jag fanfic

Author's notes: I don't own the characters but I do like taking them out to play. I don't own the song either – thanks to Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy for writing it.

Recent months had been an emotional and physical draining time for all at JAG. Contending with personal and professional traumas, Harm and Mac had found themselves at a loss. Mac had endured the loss of Clayton Webb, the doctor's diagnosis and events surrounding the death of Sadik, something which she had not discussed with anyone.

Harm had opened his home and heart to Mattie and now it looked like she was moving back to be with her father. This was the outcome he had wanted but it was tearing at his heart. To complicate things, Sturgis was acting JAG. Harm didn't begrudge his friend his success, but he thought he might have been given the honour.

The retirement of the Admiral and Harriet going on inactive reserve made the office a duller place. It had begun to feel less like home as a procession of strangers took up residence. The workload was heavy and the national focus on the war against terrorism meant there was often more at stake than a drink driving or fraternisation charge.

After the Dining Out, Harm and Mac felt that they had reached a new understanding. Mac needed the comfort and solace she found in Harm's arms and he needed to be needed. He had regretted bringing up the baby deal so soon after Clayton's death but he wanted Mac to know that he was hers.

Sturgis, Mattie and Jennifer had all been telling Harm to act on his feelings, to let Mac know that he loved her. But Harm felt the timing was wrong, Mac needed to grieve. Privately, he admitted that the time had never been right but he was still optimistic that he would get his chance. He truly believed that Mac was his soul mate.

Harm was eating breakfast late on Saturday morning when Mattie came into the apartment, followed closely by Jennifer.

'Good morning ladies,' he said cheerfully. 'To what do I owe this pleasure?'

'Harm, Jen's going to take me shopping to get some provisions for our last girl's night,' Mattie said taking a bite from his toast.

'Last girl's night?' Harm asked.

'Well, not our last ever but our last for awhile. You do remember that you are taking me to my dad's tomorrow,' Mattie drank his orange juice.

'Right, that's tomorrow.'

'You forgot, didn't you?'

'No, I didn't forget. I just didn't want to think about it happening. It's going to be way to quiet around here without you.'

'Harm, it's only for two weeks. You'll hardly notice.'

'Anyway, Sir, I can turn the stereo up to the max and dance around our apartment if you like,' Jen teased.

'I don't think that will be necessary, Petty Officer.'

'What am I going to do with myself?' Harm asked with a half smile.

'Well, you could always ask Col…' Jennifer began but stopped when Harm shot her a disapproving look. Mattie saw it but continued the thought.

'You can take Mac out to dinner tonight and talk to her. Tell her what you feel. Tell her you l…'

'Mattie,' Harm said in a warning manner. She had promised not to reveal his declaration of love for Mac to anyone.

'It's okay, Sir, it's nothing I don't already know. I won't say anything.' Jen tried to reassure him.

'Aren't you going to be late?' he asked them trying to change the conversation.

'Harm, the shops are open for another seven hours,' said Mattie.

'Yeah, well, don't let me keep you.' The conversation was over.

The next afternoon Harm threw Mattie's bags in the back of the Lexus and climbed into the driver's seat. He wanted Mattie to have a great time, to reconnect with her father but he knew he'd miss her dreadfully. He tried to keep the conversation light on the hour long drive out to the house Mattie's father was renting.

'So, you've packed your school books?'

'Yes, Harm.'

'Did you get work from all your teachers?'

'Yes, Harm.'

'You are going to finish it, aren't you?'

'Yes, Harm.'

'And if you have any problems…'

'If I have any problems I'll ring you. Harm, it's going to be alright. I'm looking forward to spending sometime with my dad. I'll be fine.' She patted his arm.

'I know you'll be fine.'

'You'll be fine too. You just…' Mattie began.

'Mattie, don't start.'

'I wasn't going to. I was just going to say that you did an amazing job with me. When I first met you I hated the world and wanted my father to drop dead. You changed all that. You let me know that someone actually cared about me. That I was important, not some little kid to be pitied. You let me know I was loved and could love, that I could trust and be trusted. Whatever happens with my dad, I can never thank you enough for changing my life around. I love you, Harm.' Mattie looked at Harm and saw a single tear slip down his cheek.

'I love you too, Mattie. You've changed my life too.'

'I know I have. You now know that you can be happy, you can be loved and…'

'Mattie!'

'Harm, promise me that you will tell Mac you love her. Things change so quickly, you never know when it will be your last chance. I always regret not telling my mom I loved her on the day she died. I never got that chance again. Don't you regret it too,' Mattie pleaded.

Harm pulled the car up into the Johnson's driveway. The drive had gone too quickly. He got the bags from the back and put them on the doorstep. Tom came out to greet them. Mattie gave her father a quick hug and went into the house.

'Which bedroom's mine?' she yelled from the stairs.

'At the top, second door on the left. Sorry, it's not much,' her father yelled after her.

He looked back at Harm and shrugged. 'Didn't quite know what the in thing was for teenage girls.'

'I'm none the wiser either. Every time I think I figure it out they go and change the rules,' Harm smiled.

'Good, I'm not the only one. Come on in, Commander,' Tom walked into the house.

'Oh, no, I won't,' said Harm remaining on the doorstep, 'I'd like to get going; besides this time is for you and Mattie. I'll ring later on though, if that's okay?'

'Are you sure, Commander? Won't you have a coffee, cold drink, something?'

'No, I'm sure.'

'You are free to ring anytime, Commander. After all you have done for Mattie and I, how could I say no,' Tom said. Then, into the house, he yelled, 'Mattie, the Commander's going.'

Mattie ran back down the stairs, 'Harm, aren't you staying?'

'No, Mattie, lots to do. Have a great time here. Mind your father and don't forget your school work.'

'Yes, Sir,' Mattie gave him a mock salute. 'Drive safely, Harm.'

Harm returned to his car and turned to wave. Mattie was hugging her father and Harm felt a little sad at the sight. He turned the key in the ignition and heard a knock upon the driver's window.

'Mattie,' he said, opening the door. 'Forget something?'

'Yeah, I did, two things actually. One, I love you Harm.' She gave him a hug and then kissed his cheek. 'Two, this is for you.' She handed him a CD and a note. She kissed him again and went back to her dad.

'See you in two weeks,' she yelled back at him.

Harm opened the note,

Dear Harm,

I put this CD together for you. You are always doing things for other people and you seem to forget about looking out for yourself. That's what I am going to do.

When you get home, you'll find the other part to this present. All I ask is that you understand that I am doing this in love.

Love Mattie

xoxoxoxox

He inserted the CD and pushed play. He backed down the driveway and had turned out of the street when the music began. At first he thought the music was too low so he turned it up but then realised that it was supposed to be background music. Mattie's voice blared out loudly. Quickly he turned it down.

Harm,

I have told you this so many times and you still haven't listened, so now I am trying a brainwashing technique. This CD goes for an hour. I want you to promise me that you will listen to it in its entirety – all the way home. Do you promise? Harm said nothing. I said, Harm do you promise? Again, Harm said nothing. Listen Buster, this is your last chance; promise me you will listen to it all. Harm relented, 'I promise Mattie,' he said to an empty vehicle. Well, that's better. Remember I do this in love. You taught me that to be happy you need to be true to your heart. You need to learn your own lesson. Life is too short, you shouldn't have regrets.

There was a short pause and Harm shook his head. He knew where she was heading with this. He was always good giving advice to others but reluctant to take heed of it himself. More music started.

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

By the time the song had concluded Harm realised he was crying. The song had well and truly hit home. He was always thinking there would be tomorrow, that somehow, someday he and Mac would get together. He had never thought about what he would do if tomorrow never came. He had contemplated he may lose Mac to someone else but never that he wouldn't be there for her. He reached down to turn it off and heard Mattie's voice.

Harm, you promised me you'd listen the whole way home. Harm shook his head, the girl could read him so well. The song played for a second time, then a third. By the time he arrived home he had heard it so often he knew it verbatim.

In his apartment later on, he picked up his guitar. Attached to it was a note, Me again Harm, got you a present. Look under the Law journal on the coffee table. Harm did so and picked up the sheet music he found underneath it. Without looking at the title he knew what it would be 'If Tomorrow Never Comes.' He smiled, Mattie had gone to a lot of trouble.

He picked up the phone and dialled Mac's number, there was no answer so he left a short ambiguous message. He then dialled the Johnson's number. Finding Mattie was taking a shower, Harm told her father just to let her know that the message had been received.

Harm was getting ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. He was desperately hoping it would be Mac and the disappointment at it being Jennifer showed on his face.

'I'm sorry, Sir. We're you expecting someone else?'

'No.'

'Are you sure? You seem disappointed.'

'No, not expecting anyone. Please come in.'

'Sir, I know this is probably not the best time but I was hoping you can help me. You don't have to but…'

'What is it, Jennifer?'

'Well, I have a friend…'

'A friend?' Harm questioned.

'Yes, Sir. I do have friends you know,' Jennifer answered defensively.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you didn't. It's just when people start conversations with 'I have a friend' they are usually talking about themselves.' Harm tried to smooth things over. 'Want to start again?'

'Yes, Sir. Well, I have a friend,' she paused to wait for a comment but when none came she continued, 'and this friend is having some problems of late. I don't know how to help.'

'Has your friend asked for help?'

'No, Sir.'

'What makes you think your friend needs help?'

'Everyone needs help now and then, Sir. I'm just worried my friend won't realise that there are people who care about them and will be there.'

'What sort of problems are we talking about?'

'Personal, private problems, Sir.'

'Care to elaborate?'

'He is lonely and is afraid to do what's in his own best interest.'

'What does he need to do?'

'Love, Sir.'

'Love? Do you love this friend, Jennifer?'

'No, Sir, but I do care about him dearly.'

'Does he love you?'

'No, Sir, but he is in love.'

'Jennifer, I don't see how I can help you.'

'Sir, how do I let my friend know that he is doing himself an injustice? That if he'd only take the chance then his life could be so much better. He doesn't think he deserves happiness but he really is a wonderful man and he does. He really does.'

'Are you sure you don't love him?'

'I'm positive, Sir. I just want to help him.'

'Well, Jen, if it were me, I'd just say 'Friend, I care about you. I am here for you. Is there anything I can do to help? You need to put the ball back in your friend's court. You can't help people who don't want to be helped.'

'Thank you, Sir.'

'Does it help?'

'I don't know but I'll give it a try,' Jen smiled. 'Harm, I care about you. I am here for you. Is there anything I can do to help?'

Harm looked at her in surprise. 'Me, I'm your friend? I'm not having problems.'

'Sir, I believe you are my friend. I also believe that you are doing yourself a huge injustice. You love Mattie so much and you have done so much to teach her how to love again but you won't do it for yourself.'

'Petty Officer, I don't believe this is an appropriate conversation.'

'Oh, Sir, don't pull rank on me. You need a friend.'

'I need a friend who will let me be and not one who keeps interfering.'

'Sir, I don't mean to interfere. You went all out to get the best for me and for Mattie. I just want the same for you.'

'Jennifer, I appreciate that. It's just…'

'It's just that the timing is wrong. That you would act on your feelings if the time was right. Is that it, Sir?'

'Something like that, Jen,' he smiled weakly. She turned to leave. 'Jennifer, thanks.'

'Anytime, Sir, but do me a favour?'

'Name it.'

'Remember that quite often the right time never comes. Life is unpredictable, here today, gone tomorrow.' She turned to face him. 'Do you know the adage, 'Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today'?' Harm nodded. 'That's because, sometimes, tomorrow never comes, Sir,'

Harm moved to the phone to call Mac, he needed to talk to her now, today. He couldn't wait until tomorrow. As he bent down it began to ring. It was Mac.

'Hey, Flyboy. Mattie get settled okay?'

'Hi Marine. Yeah, all went well. I was just about to call you.'

'About what?'

'You home?'

'Yeah.'

'I'll be there ASAP.'

Harm listened to the CD all the way to Mac's house. He didn't need any further reminders about his mission but he let it play anyway. As he arrived at Mac's he pulled it out of the stereo. He knew what he wanted to say but decided to take it with him just in case words failed him, as they often did when it came to talking to Mac.

Mac opened the door wearing her summer pyjamas.

'Harm, what's so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow? It's nearly midnight you know.' She walked into the apartment but Harm stood in the doorway watching her. 'Harm, you staying out there?' she said when she realised.

'Ah, no, sorry.' He walked in and sat down on the sofa.

'Coffee, tea, water?' Mac asked. 'Harm, are you listening?'

'No, yeah.'

'Harm, was that yes or no?'

'Sorry, no to a drink, yes to listening.'

Mac sat beside him on the sofa. 'What's up?'

'Nothing, why?'

'Nothing? You travelled out here at nearly midnight, you are off in your own world and you can't answer coherently.'

'Sorry.'

'And you keep apologising. What couldn't wait?'

Once again, Harm's ability to string together the words he desperately wanted to say dissolved. He had rehearsed all the way over and knew off by heart what he would actually say. Now he had the opportunity he knew he'd have trouble just giving his own name. Mac reached over and took his hands. She was beginning to get concerned, he looked so worried.

'Harm, just take some deep breaths.'

'I'm trying. I'm just so…so…'

'Nervous?'

'No.'

'Worried?'

'No.'

'Apprehensive?'

'No. Damn it, this always happens.'

'What always happens?'

'I know what I want to say and then it flies out the window. Thank God it doesn't happen when I'm in court.'

'Well, just think of this as a case. Present your evidence, make your arguments.'

'Evidence, okay,' Harm remembered the CD in his pocket. 'Can I use your stereo, please?'

'Certainly,' Mac sat back and smiled. She had an idea as to where this was going.

She heard Mattie's voice and Harm quickly hit the fast forward button.

'Don't worry about that bit,' he said hurriedly.

He pressed play just in time for the chorus and turned to watch her.

Mac sat and listened, she knew the song well. She had opened an email from Mattie that afternoon with the song attached. Mattie had strongly suggested Mac listen to it, and she had, repeatedly. Mattie wrote that she couldn't say why but she thought the song would prove to be significant. As the chorus ended Mac walked to the stereo and turned it off. She knew how the song ended.

Harm was confused at first, not sure if her ending the song prematurely meant she wasn't interested. He watched her walk towards him, his heart was racing. This was make or break time.

'Mac,' he began in a quiet voice. 'I keep waiting for tomorrow, for the right time, the right place but some friends today kept reminding me that tomorrow doesn't always come, tomorrow is…is…is always a day away.' He was trying to search for the right words. 'It doesn't seem that there will ever be the right time and I…I..' again his words started to fail him.

Mac came to his rescue. 'Yes,' she said simply.

'Yes?' It wasn't the response he was anticipating.

'Yes. If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I loved her? Yes,' she smiled.

'You know?'

'I do but I'd rather hear it from you.'

Harm took her in his arms and drew her close. 'For so very long I have wanted to tell you that I am in love you. I have wanted to hold you and kiss you and make love to you. I wanted to go to the top of the tallest building and scream to the world that I love Sarah MacKenzie. But I never could, until now that is. Sarah, I love you.' He kissed her with a passion he didn't know existed. For the first time in his life, every part of his body yearned for another. He felt excited and dizzy and relieved he had finally spoken the words.

In the midst of the thrill of the moment, he realised he had kissed her without waiting for an answer. Without seeing if she felt the same way. Slowly he broke the kiss and moved back.

'I'm sorry,' he muttered.

'For what?' Mac was in her own blissful daze.

'I never gave you a chance to say anything before I kissed you.'

'Were you wanting me to say something official?' She knew what he was angling for.

'No, I just thought if there was something…; she put her finger on his lips.

'Actually, Flyboy, there is. I, Sarah MacKenzie, do truthfully declare that I honestly, sincerely and without reservation love you, Harmon Rabb Junior. Is that official enough?' she smiled the smile that he knew was just for him.

'That'll do,' he drew her close again and kissed her again. He heard the chimes of midnight from a clock in the next apartment.

It was tomorrow.