Abeyance
Disclaimer: Nothing House related belongs to me.
Wilson's POV
When faced with the absurd, I laugh. By "absurd" I do not mean anything of the humorous nature. Instead, I mean instances in which somebody is shot in his own office. That would be a prime example. For obvious reasons, I stifle the sick, abnormal type of laughter that itches at my lips and I use my lack of immediate emotional response to keep control over the situation, comfort whomever needs comforting, and make a stream of "glass-half-full" remarks about whatever the given situation.
By no means am I that emotionally crippled that I lack the ability to feel whatever the proper emotion may be. Instead, I always manage to suffer from what I like to think of as an emotional abeyance. The emotion always comes to me in due time-usually about a day later. Somebody will say something that acts as a trigger, and suddenly I face a complete melt down. I try to hide while this occurs. I never want to betray my image as the calm one. I've hidden in my office; while I was living with another person, be it family, roommates, or a wife, I'd hide in a vacant room, and when I all else fails, I hide by ducking my head to my chest and covering my face.
Whether this is a good or bad thing, this is the way I have functioned since I was an adolescent.
And that is how I have gotten to this point. It is 1:52 a.m., I am wide awake, and in desperate need of somebody to talk to. Except, there is nobody. Sure, I have friends and family, but it is almost two in the morning. The world is asleep-who am I to disturb that?
Even if House were here right now, I don't think I would tell him. I would sit with him and converse about the mundane. Oddly enough, it would help me feel better. I would probably slip into the conversation what was weighing heavy upon my mind, but I wouldn't let it be a focal point of conversation for too long. Once the burden was off my chest, everything would be fine and I would be okay.
But he's not here. I don't have the option of telling him anything because he isn't with me right now. I am alone. Everybody else felt their goddamned emotions already, and here I am, alone and desperate and too late to share in everybody else's emotional turmoil. I am a day late. I am always a fucking day too late.
It's after 2 a.m. and I only slept about three hours last night. I was busy helping everybody else keep from falling apart to pieces. Well, now I'm falling apart to pieces. If I don't sleep tonight, it's okay, there will be plenty of time to sleep tomorrow. It's just making it through the night that is the hard part.