I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters.
A/N: I have not been writing any fics for this pairing for so long; it feels kind of foreign to me. You see, I've been busy with writing stories for Inuyasha and D. Grayman, and hence neglected this story. But the plot bunny chose to attack at this moment, so here it is!
Title: Frozen
Megumi stirred the small pot of nikujaga, a meat and potatoes stew, over the stove, feeling an ironical bout of loneliness at how little she was cooking.
The three pieces of potato, two pieces of carrot, five slices of pork and a small bundle of harusame made the already small pot look obscenely large. She did not even need to use ladle; a spoon was all she needed to cook with.
Her loneliness was ironical indeed, when she was the one who threw him out of the house.
She did not like cooking for one person. In fact, she hated it. It was almost insulting, especially when nikujaga was his favorite dish. When Sanosuke was around, he would be hanging around in the kitchen, hoping to pinch a mouthful or two when she wasn't looking. He loved her cooking – he had always praised her, and proved his liking by eating enough for two persons. She loved to watch him eat.
She hated the fact that she was now cooking for one person.
She hated it so much; she couldn't even bear to see the half-used ingredients left over in the refrigerator. Ever since she threw him out, she never ever managed to use all the ingredients she bought from the supermarket. Half a carrot and a bowl of chopped potatoes were now sitting in her refrigerator.
Somehow, she knew she would throw it out eventually.
After all, Sanosuke wasn't around to eat it, and she did not have much of an appetite.
The dish was soon ready, and she spooned it out into a small bowl which was all she needed. Nikujaga was usually eaten in all Japanese households with rice, but there was no purpose in cooking rice now. She couldn't even bring herself to eat more than three mouthfuls, and what was the point of using the rice cooker if all she was going to cook was half a handful of rice?
She was about to sit down to have her so-called dinner, when loud banging came from the door.
It was him…it had to be. No one else would bang the door like that.
Trying to ignore the noise, Megumi picked up a piece of stewed carrot and bit into it.
The taste of the carrot and the fact that he was on the opposite side of the door formed a flashback of memory for Megumi. She wanted to ignore him, to just let him go away on his own until he realized what the problem between them was.
In her opinion, his naïve stand on how everything would work out as long as there was love was childish. She felt that he did not have any concrete plans for the future, and to someone who needed plans for everything, it was frustrating and disappointing. She tried to talk to him, but somehow, he seemed to be taking her serious words so lightly, as if it did not matter in the least. On top of that, he never once talked to her about how he felt about their future, or if there was even a future in store for them. Their mindsets were at different ends of the spectrum.
But she did not know that she was being unfair – after all, he was just 23, and she, 25. He was still so young.
The aroma of nikujaga hung heavily in the air. It felt wrong, without Sanosuke to complete the picture. Somehow and somewhere in time, Megumi had grown to associate the smell of nikujaga with him, even when it was her cooking. That was how deeply he was rooted in her life and thoughts.
She wanted to forget him, like how she told him to forget her. But she was doing a horrible job. She could not forget him…everything around her apartment reminded her of him. Even her own reflection in the mirror reminded her of him.
Picking up what was remaining of the carrot with her chopsticks, she put it into her mouth and chewed.
The softened carrot practically melted in her mouth to release a burst of flavors but this time round, Megumi felt like throwing up. Her stomach lurched with the painful reality and the association of the taste with Sanosuke's presence, and she hurriedly put the bowl onto the dining table. She pushed it away from her, certain that she could never eat nikujaga again without thinking of him.
The banging on the door started again.
Despite herself, she ran over to the door and swung it open. It was so instinctive; she did not even realize it.
The door opened to reveal the man haunting her thoughts day and night.
Sanosuke's eyes widened with surprise, while his hand remained in mid-air, as if about to continue knocking. Her breath hitched in her throat, but Megumi was always able to curb her emotions and appear aloof when she needed to be. She caught a strong whiff of alcohol, and his slightly glazed, red-rimmed eyes and flushed skin confirmed what she suspected.
"What do you want?" She asked icily, noticing with a pang of hurt how his jaw tightened with uneasiness and sadness.
He did not say a word, but instead, settled for looking at her silently. His eyes caught hers in a gaze, but she broke the eye contact almost immediately. Moments ticked by in silence and while Sanosuke appeared perfectly comfortable with it, Megumi felt as if she was dying under his gaze. She needed to escape.
"Do you have anything to say?"
Her voice shook slightly, and she prayed he did not notice it in his drunken state.
"I…I couldn't get you out of my mind…" He blurted out abruptly. "So…"
Megumi stared at him incredulously. "You came to tell me that?"
"Can't forget you…so I figured…figured that if I looked at you, I might…be able to forget you…"
She shook her head in disbelief, her eyes narrowed. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Sanosuke. Just leave, alright?"
"Megumi…"
"I am not going to talk to you when you are drunk. You're not even making sense to me…just go…please."
She needed to close the door before she collapsed into a heap. Her mask was cracking at the sight of him at her door, and it was killing her on the inside. She wanted so badly to forgive him, or perhaps for him to forgive her, be it whoever was at fault. Yet they both had too much pride.
She made a move to close the door, but he beat her to it.
"Just give me a minute…"
He reached out to stop her closing the door, his hand surprisingly strong for one in a drunken state. She relented, staring at his flushed face. The stench of alcohol, whisky, if she was not wrong, assaulted her confused senses.
"…so that I can freeze this moment…and keep it in my memories…"
The acrid, burning sensation of impending tears revisited her. Her eyes and nose ached when his words sunk in, while her vision blurred with each passing second. It was almost hard for her to see his face clearly.
She blinked once, twice, and she felt two beads of tears course down her cheeks to meet each other at her chin, where they dropped to the ground as one.
So, she was crying again, she realized.
Megumi did not know she had the capacity to cry any more, not when she had been doing it over and over again for goodness knows how long.
His words touched her – she had a soft spot for heartfelt verbal declarations, and he knew it. But she should know better than to trust a drunkard.
She looked skywards, willing her tears to cease. It would not do to let Sanosuke notice them…it was exactly what she did not wish to show him. But her efforts were in vain, for the tears still came.
"If I freeze your tears in my memory, I will always remember the pain I brought you…" Sanosuke said softly, his speech slightly slurred from the influence of alcohol.
So he had noticed after all.
Her tears continued falling freely as if they had a mind of their own, especially after hearing his words.
"So stop crying…don't melt the tears I've frozen in my mind…" He whispered, reaching out to wipe the tears away from her cheeks with his thumb. Sanosuke smiled when he noticed how she did not flinch at his touch. "See how your tears made your makeup run…? Why is it that even your tears are trying to melt everything away, and make me forget everything about you?"
"Sano…"
"Megumi…it is not working. Remember? You told me to forget you. Yet the more you tell me to forget you, the more I remember. For one, I will never be able to…to forget how you told me to forget you…"
She could not say anything to that, and instead, settled for looking at him through the film of welled-up tears in her eyes.
"You told me that night…you were crying not because you cared about me. Why do you cry now?"
Megumi felt more of her walls crumble, before a fresh wave of tears started again. He was chipping at her rapidly weakening defenses. She shook her head firmly, unable to summon her voice to say anything.
"Is it because you're in pain as well?" He asked, his voice breaking towards the end as his eyes became filled with tears as well. His face contorted with the sorrow he was feeling on the inside, followed by tears, and it was the first time she had seen him like that. Megumi never knew it was possible to feel so much pain from another individual.
She nodded, unable to keep her façade up.
"Do you like this pain?" His voice was muffled and almost raspy from crying.
She shook her head, her tears now falling along with audible sobs.
He nodded as if understanding, staring at the ground between the two of them.
A few minutes went by with the two of them standing at the doorway, neither really looking at each other. Megumi's soft sobs echoed obscenely in the quiet corridor while Sanosuke's tears fell silently, his hand occasionally reaching up to his eyes to wipe the tears away.
It was then when Megumi realized that his red-rimmed eyes were not solely due to alcohol, but also due to tears.
He sniffled loudly, and raised his head. Her heart felt like it was being torn into two – he was always so strong and confident, but the Sanosuke standing in front of her was a completely different man. Gone was the strength and confidence, and all that remained was a defeated man who lost the girl he loved.
Another sniffle and he managed a melancholic smile. His eyes were almost dry by now. "I guess I should get going…to think I came by to try to forget you…"
She could not say a word to that.
"Bye, Megumi…" He said softly and turned to go. She did not even know where he could go to.
"Sano…" Megumi called his name in a heart wrenchingly endearing manner, before she closed the distance between them by hugging him tightly around the waist and pressing herself as closely to him as possible. "Don't go…please."
He stiffened.
"Stay, Sano…please don't go." She cried. If he could swallow his pride for her, she could do the same for him. "I am sorry."
He nodded, and embraced her tightly. "I am sorry too…I'll change, I promise."
She smiled through her tears, looking up lovingly at him. Sanosuke returned her smile.
"You look terrible when you cry." She laughed, her tears still falling. It seemed so hard to stop, but the emotions fuelling them have changed.
"But you love me nonetheless." He smiled, pinching her cheeks.
"Do I?" She pretended to think.
"You don't?" He feigned a puppy dog face, one which she will definitely give in to.
She led him into the house, closing the door behind them. "Maybe I do."
The door closed with a click.
"Is that nikujaga I smell?"
Megumi nodded with a smile. "Do you want some?"
"You bet!"
The End.
A/N: Hope you guys liked this one! I hope to get back into writing more on this couple soon!