I don't really know what to make of this. I just became super depressed and I wanted to convey that. It's not all that good, but I still miss Clara. :(
She's decided that she deserved it.
It doesn't matter how much coaxing Ashildir said in the whole, "one call and the universe will blow up," speech, she wants to do it. She was about to die, after all. Willingly too. She could have lived, for however long she wanted, as long as she went back to Trap Street, but she decided that it was time. She saved enough universes and seen enough beautiful things, as well as lived as long as anyone else has. She might was well retire now.
Despite that mentality, why was it so hard to press a single button? She had his number, she was one of the few people with it, so it shouldn't be so hard. She just had to press on his number and have her closure. To tell him all the things she never had the chance of doing so while he knew her face, to say the honest truth before it was too late and to hear his voice before she faced her death. If his previous incarnation could call her in the future while she was in front of his current, it was only fair she too had the same experience.
"You know, if you continue to stare into the mobile, you'll end up burning a hole into it." Ashildir's voice came to her attention and Clara responded with a glare, which did not faze Ashildir, "get your phone call over with, we still need to land at Gallifrey." Clara huffed, looking back at the mobile. She paced back and forth, still staring at it. She could feel Ashildir's amused expression, just burning in her.
"Have you ever had such a feeling of anxiety you seem to have churning in you, even though you know it is highly unlikely something is about to happen?" Clara inquired.
"Did you mean every second I'm in a room with you?" Clara didn't find it funny and Ashildir rolled her eyes. "Clara, it's a phone call."
"I know but..."
"You said you didn't want to hear me talk about the possibilities this phone call can entail, yet here you are, trying to change your mind. If you're going to call him, call him now before I throw that phone away and put you in your rightful place. If it makes you feel better, I'll be in the library. Call me when you're done." Clara turned back to her mobile as Ashildir walked off. Her finger hovered above the number, a frown on her face forming. Even if she deserved this, all the doubt was seeping in her.
If anything, she was actually about to change her mind, when her TARDIS gave a loud beep in irritation, as if she was frustrated with Clara's indecisiveness. Her thumb landed on the number and the deed was done.
She was going to talk to him- if he answered.
It took a few rings. The butterflies in her stomach wouldn't go away.
"Come on...pick up, Doctor." As if her prayers were answered, the call went through. Neither person spoke, yet the sounds of their breaths were soft and could be heard on each other's end. The anticipation for the other party to speak was high, but the Doctor decided to speak.
"Well, are you going to tell me who needs saving, or will we just be in each other's company for the next hour while a civilization burns?" His voice was gruff and on point with the Scottish, as usual. She couldn't breathe; the world was crashing down, just at the mere sound of her voice. The diner was terrible, but after so many centuries, hearing his voice again was such a surprise.
"No, nobody needs saving," Except my heart, Clara managed to say after a few beats and she could hear the Doctor stumble ever so slightly. "I hope I'm not intruding. I know you have a busy schedule."
"No, you're not. Never."
"Oh. Good." Ah, the silence returned. Clara bit her lip, peering at the console. A change of lighting indicated slight encouragement from her TARDIS. "Do you remember me?"
"That depends." The bantering was so customary; how amazing that they fell into their roles.
"On?"
"If we stop playing these games, Clara." Her eyes widened, ever so slightly. "I know it has to be you. The TARDIS has never tried to prevent me from answering the phone."
"Does she still hate me?"
"I'm not sure-," a short pause and Clara decides that the TARDIS is probably flashing her lights or something. She wonders if he changed the layout of the console yet, besides the subtle change from bright blue to orange in the lighting of the TARDIS. She wonders if anything changed. Too many years have gone by, yet she still remembers every detail. She smiled at the thought of the TARDIS hiding her bedroom or perhaps walking through those never ending hallways. "No, no, she doesn't."
"Good to know, perhaps next time I see her, she'll tell me that." They exchanged an awkward chuckle. Clara cringed at her lack of words. She wanted to let it all out before she was gone, but nothing wanted to come from her lips. The laughter died down.
"There won't be a next time, will there be?" The way his voice broke at the end caused her to squirm in her boots. She held onto the console, the hum of her TARDIS bringing her comfort.
"No, that's just wistful thinking on my part." She sighed, "I'll be heading back to Gallifrey to be put in my rightful place."
"Ah. So time will be fine, then." A sound of confirmation escaped her lips, "How long have you been alive?"
"I don't really think my situation is called living, Doctor." A scoff from his end.
"Alright, how long have you been existing?" He deadpanned.
"A few centuries with Ashildir, going around, doing what you do. Being just like you, actually. Someone thought I was you at one point and I had to tell them that I was just a human."
"So that's why I've had less emergency calls." A smile graced her features, but all these things must come to a close.
"You still don't remember me, do you?"
"No, just the vague impression. I only know your name because the TARDIS ended up revealing it to me, but once she did, I remembered the bits in the diner. At least parts of it, along with those gaping holes in my memory. I'm sorry, I don't know-,"
"How I spoke, laughed, smiled, and all the other things that make me. It's okay," Clara murmured, "will it be alright if I just speak?"
"Go ahead. I have nothing on my schedule right now. I did spend about seventy years talking on Earth, so I need to let someone else to take over the spotlight." Her smile widened at that.
"I miss you. We've passed each other many times in the universe, I always see you on the radar, even if Ashilidr doesn't think I know about that. I'm always tempted to land beside the old cow, but the whole universe getting destroyed monologue is so overused by Ashildir that I just don't. Right now, to hell with the universe and time and all the other factors that keep us from talking. I think I deserve this damn phone call to tell you how much I love you. I know that it isn't your style, but Christ, Doctor, I do. I don't regret a single second with you. I don't regret getting your number from Missy. I don't regret becoming semi-immortal. I don't regret jumping into your time stream or seeing all your faces, with every good and bad day. I know you, how you'll beat yourself up after this, but just know that my time with you was spectacular. I just regret that I didn't say it sooner on my part. So, before I die, officially, I just wanted to let you know that."
The other end was silent. If she had a heartbeat, it would be going crazy.
"Thank you, though, Doctor, for the chance to do so much more." She ended.
"You're very much welcome, Clara. I...thank you, as well, for everything you've done. Even if I..."
"Don't remember?" The sound exasperation from his line caused her to giggle.
"Did you always have a habit of finishing my sentences?" He grumbled.
"Occasionally." Her smile dropped, as the realization of her story was coming to a close. "That's all I wanted to say and I have to hang up before I end up doing something I regret. Same goes with you. So don't go pop off and do something stupid now."
"Oh Clara."
"Goodbye, Doctor." She faltered, "my Doctor."
"Goodbye, my Clara." She ended the call, clutching onto the mobile in her hands. She felt as though she could break it, but did not. Instead, she began moving around levers and switches, choosing to land on Gallifrey. It took about a few moments before a curt nod came from the outside. Clara strode out and opened the door, standing face to face with the General.
"I take you're ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." Placing the phone on the counter of the diner, Clara Oswald followed the General to her demise. She was content, as for at least, she did not have any regrets as she walked to her death.