~The Aftermath~
A story about Steve McGarrett's brave journey back from the hell of PTSD~
My receptionist, Faith, knocked on the door to my office at 3:28.
"Dr. Phillips, Commander Garrett is here to see you."
"Thank you, Faith. Please send him in."
When he walked through the door, I had to remind myself he was a client. His stride was confident, like most Navy SEALs. He was, by far, the most handsome man I had ever met! As I told myself to refer him, he smiled and extended his hand.
"Thank you for seeing me so soon, Dr. Phillips. I'm Steve McGarrett."
"It's nice to meet you, Cdr. McGarrett. I'm Juliann Phillips. You may call me Juli, if you wish."
"Only if you call me Steve, Juli."
There was something in his eyes. Something so painful & sad...I immediately went from schoolgirl to psychologist: he needed my help.
"Okay, Steve it is. How may I help you?"
Then came the pause; the one that people who have endured hell beyond all imagination take just before they draw a breath & find the courage to face the demons which had been torturing them.
"I was in The Teams. Before that, Navy Intel. I've seen & done the worst to defend my country from all enemies, foreign & domestic. I have no regrets. What's bothering me is what happened after I left The Teams. The governor asked me to head up a task force to hunt down the man who killed my father. I was so blood hungry & determined to find this motherfucker who took both my parents! It was all I thought about...until he found me & tortured me..."
He paused & I saw the tears forming in his eyes. I waited as he found the strength to continue.
"You understand, there are certain things which can't be disclosed...classified."
"I do, Steve. Was your torture classified?"
"No."
'Then, why don't you tell me what was going on with you as you were being taken." I suggested with a smile.
When he lifted his gaze to mine, his eyes began to read me as though they were searching my soul for a sign that I could be trusted...it touched me: this brave warrior, so twisted in pain, yet so loyal to his country that he would rather suffer in silence than place any citizen in harm's way by divulging classified information. Once a SEAL, always a SEAL!
"Steve, allow me to bring a little clarity to this relationship. I greatly admire your devotion to your country &, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for placing yourself in dangerous & violent situations to protect the freedoms I enjoy as an American citizen. It is a debt I can never repay but it is why I worked my ass off to be in a place where I can be of service to those of you who come home with horrible injuries that most people can't see.
I have had my battle with PTSD & found that I relate to combat vets the most. I was determined to learn how to overcome this obstacle! Here's what I did;
I found a therapist who specialized in PTSD, as I now do. I decided to face this demon who was robbing me of sleep & doing what it could to destroy my relationships. I refused to be it's victim anymore & became willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. It began the first time I opened my mouth & started telling the haunting secrets.
I went back to college, majoring in Psychology & eventually earned my PhD. I chose to make my specialty PTSD to help heal combat vets when they came home. Why did I choose this path? Because long ago, the night before my uncle's last wedding, he introduced me to this buddy of his who was a Marine from the first Gulf War.
He was having a tough day & began to open up to us about what was going in his head. Although he gave no details of his missions, he talked about violent things he had done to protect his brothers. Then he talked about how those memories tortured him; he had to sit with his back to the wall facing the entire room of anywhere he went; that he had hurt a few people as a result of their unwise decision to approach him from behind; that every time he closed his eyes, he relived those memories as though were actually happening; he would jump & have horrible flashbacks every time he heard a sudden, unexpected noise & immediately go into defense mode; and a lot of other things. By the time he finished, he & I were both crying! I related to everything he said. It was kind of like he was talking about me & I told him that I had never thought anyone else had ever felt that way. I have never forgotten that night!
My entire family, with me as the exception, have served our country in the US Navy. I had always regretted my choice not to serve. That night, however, my dream to serve was born: I wanted to overcome PTSD & help others to do so as well. I wanted to help heal our nation's combat vets who had served so fiercely for me. I serve just as fiercely for them. I will serve fiercely for you, protecting your confidences, classified or not, Steve. I am trusted with top-secret information that I will defend with all my might. And I only self-disclose when I feel it will help. I say this in response to you're looking into my eyes and searching my soul for confirmation that I could be trusted,"
I swear, his eyes twinkled and he smiled as he said, "Busted!" We laughed a little and then we moved on, agreeing to stand together to face his demons.
~End of Chapter~