Evan loved Christmas. It was full of warmth even though it was cold. He enjoyed the hot cocoa, the sweaters, and sitting by the fire when he visited his family for the holidays. It was the season of giving and kindness and cheer. He loved it more than anything.

His favorite part was sending gifts to the guys and seeing their reactions over Skype while they opened it. With the exception of Delirious, the looks on their faces were always the highlight of his day.

One cold night he was up late playing Rainbow Six with some of the boys and he asked them if they'd got their presents in the mail yet.

"I've got mine." Moo spoke, Luke and Ohm agreeing right behind him.

"I haven't got mine yet." Delirious said casually.

Evan scrunched his brows. "That's weird. I thought I sent yours first. Probably just a small delay. I'll check the tracking later."

"It's okay, man. I appreciate it anyway." He said and Evan could hear the smile in his voice. But he got quieter the longer they played and Evan noticed. He always noticed.

"Hey, if we don't play together again before the holidays, Merry Christmas you guys." Delirious said and they all wished each other a happy holiday and parted ways. But as soon as Evan left the call, Luke was calling him again.

"Hey."

"What's up?" Evan asked when he saw the concerned look on Luke's face.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this." He paused and collected himself before he continued. "Jonathan hates Christmas."

Evan blinked back the shock. "What? We make Christmas videos all the time and he has so much fun."

Luke chuckled sadly, "Yeah, he's not having fun because of the whole Christmas thing, he's having fun because of you. He'd never tell any of you and he puts up a front so no one will know. But he hates it more than anything."

Evan felt somewhat betrayed and he didn't know why. Maybe because he thought Jonathan would've told him something that huge. "Okay. So . . . why does he hate it?"

"Because he's reminded of what he once had and how he's alone." Luke looked on the verge of tears. "I always invite him over for Christmas to be with me and my family so he's not by himself, but he always says no. Because he's too kind for his own good and doesn't want to be a burden. Which he's not, he just refuses to let anyone help him."

Evan was starting to worry. "What do you mean, what he once had?"

Luke cleared his throat and sat up straighter, looking around his room cautiously before he looked straight at his camera. "Evan . . . he had someone. Five years ago. He was going to marry her and she had a head-on collision with another car on Christmas day. She didn't make it. They found out she was three months pregnant when they did her autopsy. So he lost his family before he even had one. That's why he hates Christmas, because he lost his entire world that morning. He hasn't been the same since."

"Jesus . . ." Evan swallowed around the lump in his throat and caught the tears before they dropped and soaked into his sweater. He sniffed, "Why are you telling me all of this now?"

"Because I don't want him to be alone this year." Luke wiped at his own eyes. "And I understand if you can't come, but I'm inviting everyone else."

Evan nodded, "I'll see what I can do."

Before they ended the call, Evan caught him. "Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"What was her name?"

Luke grinned, "Charlie. She was . . . the best person for him. She balanced him out and he was whole. And I don't know if you even want to hear this, but you remind me of her. Maybe that's why he leans toward you so much, not that he'd ever admit that, but I know he finds some sort of peace in you."

Evan didn't know what to say, he just looked around for an answer, coming up empty and rubbing at his face instead.

"Listen, I don't mean to throw this on you. You just need to know, considering you're one of his best friends. Just let me know if you can come."

Evan nodded, it was all he could do.

He couldn't sleep that night, or any other night after that hardly and when he looked on the other side of his bed and saw the blue package he thought he'd already sent to Delirious, he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his phone out.

It rang and rang until his mother's warm voice answered.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey, baby. When are you coming to see us?"

He sighed, "I think I'm going to miss the family get-together this year, Mama."

"Is something the matter?"

"No, no. There's just . . . someone that needs me right now."

He could hear the softness in her voice, "That's alright, you do what you need to do. Go take care of them, Evan. We'll still be here."

"I'll see you guys as soon as I can." He grinned. "I love you."

Jonathan wasn't one to go on long walks, not since her. But he always made an exception during the cold holiday to visit her and the child he never did get to meet.

He had to hand it to the city for always making the cemetary a nice place to be this time of year. They strung up beautiful lights throughout the low hanging oaks and even had Christmas melodies that played softly through the quiet headstones.

The bench in front of their grave was worn and always occupied by the stone teddy statue that he'd had placed there to keep them company throughout the year. He watched his breath disappear with the slight breeze as he took his seat. The sky was a deep grey as the sun disappeared and he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt the sun shine on his face on Christmas day. It never hurt any less when he woke up to the overcast sky, the same sky he stared up at that morning he'd answered his phone and heard the news.

Charlie was never late.

"Hey, Charlie-bear." Jonathan was already blinking back hot thick tears. "I hope you're still being awesome with our kickass kid, wherever you guys are. I just . . . miss you so much. The house is so quiet. I still don't know how to move forward from this."

His chin trembled and he buried his face in his hands and cried. He choked on the tears and dark thoughts that he held in all year. He felt worse this time for some reason instead of relieved. He usually felt the pressure ease when he cried there on that bench in the cold, but not tonight.

Not this Christmas.

He stood and paced, but the tears didn't stop, the sobs kept ringing out and his body felt heavier and heavier, his knees weaker. The fountain nearby beckoned him and he sat on it's ledge, looking over at all the coins it held, the long lost wishes of better days gone by. Many were his own, none of which had ever seen the light of day. He stopped wishing years ago.

The cold crept into his skin through his jacket and he couldn't feel his fingers, but it seemed like he'd always felt that way. So cold, numb, and disconnected from everything and everyone.

Nothing was worth sticking around for anymore.

But just as the cold was numbing his lips he felt a warmth wrap over his shoulder and he looked over to find long fingers resting there. His eyes travelled up the arm they were attached to, then he gazed upon the face of an Asian that he knew too well. An Asian that set his heart and soul on fire.

Evan looked down at him with sad eyes and pressed his warm hand against Jonathan's tear stained face. "You're gonna freeze out here."

Without a word Jonathan stood and sank into Evan's arms, swallowing his heat and his spirit that spread around him. "I don't . . . "

"You don't have to say anything." Evan grinned softly against his jacket. He was so normal and nothing he'd expected and his heart broke a little when Jonathan held him a bit tighter and tucked his head into the crook of his neck.

"There's a storm blowing in soon, we should head back in." Evan suggested and they finally broke apart. He took a moment to let his eyes absorb Jonathan's face. He was pale, cold, and exhausted. His nose was red, along with his eyes from crying. He had dark short hair and eyes that looked like they could be sitting in the sky they were so bright. His sad smile was what really had Evan aching.

Jonathan looked at his feet for a moment and then back up, unsure of himself in his current state. "I can't believe you're here . . . I never wanted you to see me like this."

Evan shook his head, "Dont apologize. How about you introduce me?"

Jonathan was shocked, standing there dumbfounded until he cleared his throat and nodded, leading Evan to their grave. "Here."

Evan took a seat and Jonathan joined him, having never felt warmth beside him on the bench before. It was soothing. "Charlie, was her name. And I'll never know if she knew she was pregant before she died. It's a question I'll never have the answer to. I'll never know what name she would've picked out for our daughter."

Evan looked over at him, "It was a girl?"

"Yeah." Jonathan smiled for the first time in front of her grave. "I always wanted a little girl."

Evan stared out at the lights hanging from the trees and he felt a bit serene. "Me, too."

"Really?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah, I'd raise her to be a big nerd by the time she was three. I can imagine her little high pitched voice running through the house trying to drop kick me and then as I fall to the floor she'd say -"

Jonathan said it at the same time Evan did, "Flawless victory!"

They looked at each other in surprise and burst into laughter. "That's so weird."

Jonathan giggled, "Yeah, it is. I never thought I'd be a family guy, not until I found her and it all just fell into place. She moved in and I asked her marry me. We were twenty-three and I then I was already thinking about more feet running through the house. I had never wanted that with anyone else and I don't think I ever will again."

Evan nudged his shoulder, "Sure you will."

"I don't know." Jonathan shrugged. "I was fully prepared to live alone for the rest of my life. It fucked me up."

"That's why you move on. I know you may not want to and you might forget what she sounded like, but you get out there and find shit to get into. Meet new people, find something new, have fun. She'd want that for you wouldn't she?"

Jonathan blinked at him and broke into a grin, "You sound just like her. It's kind of scary. You're a lot alike. She had this raw sense of humor and I was just so drawn to it. Like I am with you."

Evan said softy, "That's why I'm here. You don't need to be alone. You need us and we're here for you. That's what friends are for."

Jonathan glanced over at him, "What do you mean 'us'?"

He smiled, "Come on, I'll show you."

Evan held out his hand when he stood and Jonathan took it and let himself be led away to a warm cab.

It was surreal as they rode through town, Evan sitting close enough that their legs and shoulders were touching and there was no way either one if them could be cold. He knew who had invited him here. It could only be Luke and he grinned as he watched the Christmas lights go by in a blur.

This was the first Christmas in five years where he felt warm. He wasn't alone and when the cab stopped in front of his house and he heard faint music, he looked over at Evan nervously. But the man squeezed his hand, assuring him as they walked up to the front door.

Before Evan opened it he looked him in the eye and smiled, "Merry Christmas, Jonathan."

The door swung open and he was greeted by all the faces and laughs he knew so well. Luke raised his glass at him. Lui, David, Brian, Brock, Tyler, Craig, Marcel. They were all there, even Arlan.

He stood there in shock for a moment before he let a laugh crawl up his throat and they pulled him in, hugging him, kissing his head and giving hard pats on the back.

"We love you, man."

He couldn't stop smiling and the night was long and merry as they piled up on the floor and played Cards Against Humanity and Mad Gab. They danced, drank Luke's hard apple cider, and nearly passed out on the living room floor while they watched Frosty the Snowman.

Evan never left his side. So when the Asian got up off the couch and tiptoed around the sleeping men in the floor, Jonathan was right behind him following him into the kitchen.

"How are you feeling?" He asked him and let a warm hand slide across his face.

Jonathan grinned, "I'm okay."

Evan cocked his head to the side.

"I promise." Jonathan chuckled and then stepped closer, letting his head fall to his shoulder. Evan pulled him in close and held him there.

"Do you have any Christmas traditions?"

Jonathan pulled his head back, "We used to watch Home Alone every year and eat popcorn and M&Ms."

Without another word, Evan found some popcorn and threw it in the microwave before he found a bag of M&Ms in the cabinet. Jonathan couldn't keep the smile off his face as he stood there patiently playing with the sleeves of his sweater.

"Come on." Evan took his hand and pulled him through the house and into the bedroom where they changed into some of Jonathan's pajamas and got comfortable in the covers with a bowl of popcorn and chocolate while Home Alone played on the tv.

He laughed and for some reason it hurt to feel this happy. It felt wrong and he guessed that it was just a part of moving on from something he never thought he would. Moving on from someone he didn't want to let go of.

Three quarters of the way through the movie he turned to find Evan watching him. Jonathan felt the emotions swell again and his eyes filled and he sniffed before he rolled and buried his face in Evan's shirt and cried.

His warm hands ran over his back and it was comforting. It was calming and the movie went off before he finally caught his breath and fell asleep against his hard body.

And when he woke, they were tangled and his eyes were sore. Evan moved when he felt him wake. Jonathan felt a hot hand slide beneath his shirt and settle on his hip.

Evan pressed his lips to the hot skin of Jonathan's neck, warming at the sound he made. It was a soft, quick inhale of surprise.

He paused but Jonathan hummed deeply, sleepily. He sighed when Evan slid his hand up his shirt, placing another soft kiss to his throat as he lay there in a haze.

He exhaled and relaxed even further and Evan pushed him gently until he was on his back. He pushed his shirt up further and kissed his way across his stomach, grinning when Jonathan flinched as his mouth ghosted over the sensitive skin of his hips. The bit that was smooth before it disappeared beneath his sweatpants.

Jonathan lifted his hips and Evan took it as a sign to keep going. So he slid them down his long legs, until he was lying there in his black briefs, more than a little aroused. He slipped out of his own and tossed then to the floor before he crawled back up his warm sleepy body, kissing at his jawline. Jonathan ran his hands down his sides and pulled his hips down on his until they were slowly grinding against each other in the quiet room.

Their lips finally aligned and it was soft and slow and painfully sweet. Evan didn't know how they never saw this sooner, this raw attraction and overwhelming fondness they had for each other.

He didn't know. But he knew that Jonathan's tongue was the wettest thing and he didn't want it to stop gliding against his.

He didn't want the friction to go away, the slide of his hips on his.

"God . . . " Jonathan pulled back for air. "Please . . . don't stop."

Evan ground down a bit harder, faster. "Wasn't gonna."

He let his tongue explore the crook of Jonathan's neck and bit down gently, coaxing a moan from him. It was almost sad, like a plea. So he did it again. It was louder this time and Jonathan was grabbing his ass harder, trying to thrust up against him. He was close.

"Evan . . ."

He looked down at him and ran a hand through his hair, "I've got you."

Jonathan arched his back and lost his breath as his orgasm flooded his body, sending soft waves of pleasure all the way down to his toes, to the tips of his fingers.

Evan was right there with him, feeling everything as his sensitivity peaked with the pleasure. He could feel Jonathan's breath on his face and he shivered beneath his fingers as they trailed up his back.

He wrapped himself around him and Jonathan tucked himself securely in his arms and finally felt like he could say he was okay without it being a complete lie.

"I don't want you to go." He found the courage to say when the morning light began to drift in around them.

Evan rest his chin atop his head, "Then I won't."

They woke up the rest of the boys and they ate a huge breakfast and enjoyed themselves. They were one big family and Jonathan felt his world piecing itself back together. Evan never left his side except to get them moved in together a few weeks later.

A few months later he slipped a ring on his finger.

And when that cold Christmas day rolled around again three years later Jonathan woke to the sound of the most beautiful laughter.

He heard a high pitched battle cry and then a body hit the floor that he knew was Evan. He giggled when he heard that tiny voice yell, "Flawless victory!"

Evan burst into laughter and it drew Jonathan out of the bed. He jumped into the hall and said, "Round Two!"

Their daughter spun around with the happiest smile on her face and she put up her fist, "Fight!"

Evan snatched her up, "Or, we could open presents. How about that, Charlie-bear?"

"Yes!"

He set her down and she took off into the living room. "Come on Daddy! Daaaaad!"

Evan gave him a warm smile and a soft kiss before he took his hand. "Merry Christmas, Jonathan."

"Merry Christmas, Evan."