A/N: I RETURN TRIUMPHANT. Haha, no. Actually, life's kinda been a little sucky for a bit, and I guess it's been sucky in a way that's made things too hectic for me to work on my fanfiction. I kinda fell into choose your own adventure stuff for a while, in the form of Saints Row: The Third. Violent video games are not your friends, kids. No matter how much fun it is to murder random civilians with a giant purple dildo. Remember that.

This is kind of a spiritual successor to Spinner's Day Out in the way that peeps are annoyed and decide to go hang out in town, meeting crazies in the process. Yaaaaaay!

You know the drill, folks. Me no own, you know sue, reviews appreciated, yaddayaddayadda, ROLL IT!

Tezz snuggled deeper under his blankets, covering his ears with the down comforter, hoping to drown out the noise of his bickering caregivers. Was this what it was like for children of divorce, he wondered? Lying awake in their beds as Mommy and Daddy insisted they were correct with barely restrained hatred, tossing catty insults like high school girls? Two 'mature' adults argued over whether this or that was better for the still recovering Tezz, each asserting that their way was right and the other had no business questioning them.

"Your IQ does not even reach room temperature," she spat. "In Celsius. What makes you think you would know better than I how to care for him?"

The blonde rolled his eyes at the insult to his intelligence and snarled. "When theoretical physics is somehow going to heal him, I'll call you. When was the last time you cared for a sick person? You've got the bedside manner of Jack Kavorkian!"

Unfortunately for Tezz, the two who argued in front of his bed were not his long-dead mother and father. Rather, the man who thought he had been caring for people long enough that he didn't need some coed to waltz in with her fancy book-learning and tell him what to do was his lover, AJ Dalton. And the intelligent, well-educated young lady who believed she knew better than a backwoods Canuck when it came to medical fact was the female alternate universe counterpart of Tezz's whom the Battle Force 5 had rescued, Teresa Volitov.

It was awkward, listening to his boyfriend and his sister arguing while he lay there in bed. Tezz was sure Spinner would have come up with something funny to say to shut them both up, but Tezz was not very good at defusing tense social situations.

"Look, Dr. Gupta said—"

"I do not care," Teresa hissed. There was little doubt her time with Dark AJ was coloring her opinion of the one who stood before her. "You are being ridiculous. That is something you do for a fever. It is true he needs to rest, but his temperature is fine. Why are you even in here, anyway? I do not appreciate your interference while I care for my brother."

AJ glared. "I'm the one caring for Tezz, here, Teresa," he snapped.

"Why? What is he to you?"

Tezz froze. He had yet to explain to Teresa his relationship with AJ, knowing how badly she hated seeing his face. The situation was becoming tenser by the moment. He had to escape before she made him explain himself.

AJ crossed his arms. "He's very important to me," he insisted quietly. "All of my teammates mean a lot to me. But Tezz… Tezz is special."

The Russian woman put her hands on her hips, eyeing the larger male. It always made her so nervous to be in a room with him, so much stronger than her as he was. All the horrible smiles she had seen, not on his face but on one just like it. Somehow, she did not like at all the way he spoke to her, the way AJ looked at the floor and the wall and anywhere but into Teresa's eyes.

"Special how?" she demanded. "Please, enlighten me with your country wisdom."

AJ sighed. She was going to find out eventually. "I think that Tezz should be the one to tell you," he said softly. He moved to the bed and gently pulled back the covers. "Tezz, could you help me out here?"

But both of them let out a startled gasp. The bed was empty, and on the pillow was a slip of paper. Carefully, AJ picked up the paper and unfolded it, but its content baffled him. The text was so illegible that all he could make out was a little drawing of a clock.

"Um, Teresa," he said, "Can you make heads or tails of this? I'm not so great with the Cyrilic alphabet."

In annoyance she snatched the paper away and glanced at the writing. "It says 'Out to lunch, back in one hour,'" she said in disbelief.

For a moment the pair locked eyes, each wondering if perhaps they should have been nicer to each other, if their animosity had driven Tezz away. Each wondered how long their charge had been missing before either of them noticed, and if the young Russian was at least safe.

And then the moment passed and they started yelling at each other again.

"This is your fault!" Teresa screeched.

AJ's eyes went wide. "My fault?! You're the one who—"

Sherman Cortez sighed dejectedly. In this instance, the gentle giant was experiencing a feeling that many young men felt from time to time; he was hungry, but could not decide what he wanted. Nothing in the fridge really caught his fancy, and furthermore, he didn't much feel like cooking. Spinner was too busy with his game, as usual, to help with making lunch or even offer a suggestion.

Sherman turned towards his brother. "Soooo, no storm shock so far today."

"Mhmm," Spinner murmured, strategically mashing buttons on his NintendoDS.

"From the current atmospheric conditions, there probably won't be a storm shock for a while, either."

Spinner growled out, "Come on, you spike-shelled little bastard. I got a fire flower with your name on it!"

Sherman smiled. He had been so worried for his older brother lately. Spinner had been acting strangely since his assault, but there were moments where his old personality would shine through and give Sherman hope. Yes, Spinner was essentially ignoring Sherman, and Sherman was okay with that, because it was a sign that things besides the tragedy of the attack could occupy his mind. Before he knew it, Spinner would be back to normal and all would be right with the world.

Still, Spinner wasn't the only one for whom keeping themselves occupied could be a problem. Vert had suspended Spinner from the battle zones until he had sufficiently psychologically recovered, afraid the gamer's mental state would be worsened by combat. The Buster Tank was pretty useless without Spinner manning the weapons system, so Sherman was basically banned from the zones, too. Sherman had spent some time in the lab to try and keep busy, but the younger Cortez was just too anxious to really concentrate on anything important. He didn't take well to being cooped up without a break.

So, yes, he told himself he was concerned for his big brother, but mostly, Sherman was just really bored.

"You know," he said, "we never did get to go out for Chinese. We could go for lunch and maybe then you could show me around Totem Corners."

A high-pitched tone from the DS signaled that Spinner had paused his game. He looked up at his little brother and raised an eyebrow, gently putting the DS down on the counter. He scratched the back of his neck. He checked the clock on the wall. Spinner opened his mouth to say something, closed it, looked away, and crossed his arms with a frown.

"Bro?" the younger Cortez asked in concern. Sherman looked worriedly at his brother. "You okay?"

Spinner shifted uncomfortably on his kitchen stool. "I wanna stay home."

The younger of the Cortez brothers furrowed his eyebrows. "Spin, you haven't left the hub since we brought Tezz home from the hospital. Are you sure you're alright?"

The gamer frowned. "I just don't want to go out right now," he said, shrugging. "I don't see what the big deal is. Let's just eat here."

Sherman considered this for a moment, analyzing his brother's actions. Spinner had retreated into himself as soon as someone had suggested he go outside, which was all within normal parameters for a lot of gamers, but Spinner was the kind of guy who usually loved adventure and excitement. Perhaps he had experienced a tad too much as of late, and Sherman took this into consideration. But Spinner had barely been dragged from the hub to the Tipsy Roadrunner, a night out with friends that had been completely soured by Tezz's hospitalization. And now, he didn't want to leave the base at all. Staying cooped up was bad for Spinner, but he was not going to listen to reason for the time being.

So Sherman decided not to use reason at all and instead whined like a child.

"But I don't feel like cooking," he complained, putting a little extra nasal into his vocal inflection. "There's nothing interesting in the fridge and I want egg rolls! Why can't we go out for lunch? You never want to do anything fun anymore." Despite being so much larger than Spinner, Sherman leveled a pair of puppy dog eyes at him fit to make the Wicked Witch of the West weep. "I'm bored! Pay attention to me!"

Spinner rolled his eyes in exasperation. "God, alright! We'll go, already! Just stop looking at me like that. It's embarrassing." He snorted. "To think a grown man could sink so low. Pfft."

Sherman smugly grinned at the flawless execution of his plan. "It'll be good for you to get some fresh air and see the sun, Spin," he said. "Usually you're the one telling me this, but you need to lighten up. Let's go out and have some fun."

"Yeah, I guess," the gamer said. He grumbled, but Spinner did have some trouble keeping the smile from his face. After a moment, the smile turned to a laugh, and his younger brother grinned back at him.

Sherman beamed happily. "I knew you'd come around, Spin."

"That's not why I'm laughing!" Spinner chuckled. He pointed towards the hall. "Look!"

Tezz stopped in his painfully obvious tracks. The young Russian had attempted to sneak unobserved out to the elevator in order to escape the hub, but obviously, physical operations had never been his strong point. Tezz, while capable of some measure of subterfuge and cunning, was not nearly as graceful as Zoom, Agura, or even fancy-pants Stanford, and so the Cortez brothers had spotted him easily.

Upon realizing he had been noticed, Tezz darted forward to the front of the kitchen island, ducking down so as to put it between himself and the hall; now if someone came up that corridor, they would not see him.

Spinner failed to stifle his snickering laughter. "What the hell are you doing?"

Tezz glared up at the brothers. "I am attempting to abscond from the hub unobserved," he whispered harshly.

"Great job, by the way," the hacker chuckled.

"Stop talking so freely, please! They will hear you!"

"Who will hear us?" Sherman furrowed his eyebrows with worry. "Tezz, shouldn't you be resting?"

"But how can I rest with those two constantly arguing?" the Russian hissed back. "Neither Teresa nor AJ will give me a moment's peace. If I must stay here, I will go mad!"

Sherman sighed. "I understand that must be very frustrating for you, but your health really isn't up to par right now, Tezz. You shouldn't even be out of bed."

Tezz looked up at Sherman in alarm. "Surely you are not thinking of handing me back to them! Sherman, please, just go about your business and say nothing! This is all I ask!"

"I dunno…"

Back down the hall from which Tezz had come, they heard two voices. AJ's usual trumpeting tenor was rumbling dangerously low, and Teresa's typically sultry tone had risen to a venomous screech. Sherman's ears started burning from the insults they hurled at each other, and he knew then that the hidden genius had not been exaggerating. Presently he cleared his throat to grab their attention. Both Teresa and AJ blinked in surprise as they continued their approach, poorly disguising how they had fought.

Teresa shot a cold look at the Canadian. "My apologies, Sherman. I hope AJ did not disturb you with his outburst."

"My—You started it!"

"You are mistaken once more, you unevolved—"

"Listen, you arrogant, anorexic—"

"I am NOT anorexic!"

Spinner rolled his eyes dramatically. "For the love of God, shut up! You're both being ridiculous."

The female genius rounded on him, snarling. "You have nothing to add to this conversation!"

Spinner pointed at AJ. "You. You know Teresa doesn't like you. We all do. But she's the only family Tezz has. She's always going to be a part of his life."

Teresa relaxed, nodding regally. "I stand corrected. Finally, someone around here speaks in a rational manner." She only gazed smugly at the now deeply scowling AJ, confident that she had won.

And then Spinner rounded on her. "But the BF5 is like an extended family and AJ was here first. He's not going anywhere anytime soon. So you both better get used to each other and learn to be civil." Spinner shuddered in disgust. "Ugh, you know if I'm the voice of reason, something's gone seriously wrong. No wonder Tezz left!"

Teresa turned in shock. "Tezz left?"

"Yeah, he said you were both being irrational and he was going to Zeke's to get away from you," Spinner lied. "Honestly, I can see what he meant."

"Tezz is still quite weak!" Teresa exclaimed. "He is not supposed to be out of bed!"

Before his older brother could further antagonize the feuding pair, Sherman put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Now, guys, the two of you fighting like this was likely very stressful." He gave them an apologetic smile. "He's probably fine. Just give him some time to cool off, and I'm sure he'll come right home."

The female Russian looked positively downcast, so concerned she was for Tezz. But Teresa gathered her resolve and straightened to her full height, glowering haughtily.

"Come along, AJ," she demanded icily. "We must check Tezz's tracking beacon."

AJ looked over in surprise. "We?"

"You helped to drive him away," she hissed, jabbing a finger at his chest. "You will help me look for him."

Not wanting to argue further, AJ grudgingly followed Teresa out of the kitchen and towards the control room. Acknowledging that AJ only helped and had not driven Tezz away on his own was likely the closest the stubborn young woman would ever come to admitting she was wrong. The Cortez brothers watched the pair walk away and, as soon as they were out of earshot, Spinner snapped his fingers and motioned for Tezz to follow behind them.

Spinner acted naturally, leading his brother and friend to the garage, concealing Tezz behind the physically imposing Sherman whenever necessary. Soon enough they were on the ground level and quietly debating their mode of transport. Originally, Sherman's plan had been to borrow the Dodge Challenger from the Wheeler residence, as the Buster Tank was too ridiculously large to park in Totem Corners, but Tezz was so worried about being caught before being able to reach it that he offered to let them take the Split Wire if they took him with them. The boys agreed, but there was still the matter of Tezz's tracking beacon.

With a quick entry into his Android tablet, the elder Cortez hit the Hub's computer network with a lag spike—the internet slowed to a crawl and the computers ceased to do anything but buffer or freeze on their loading screens. If they were going to get out of there unabated, keeping Teresa and AJ from tracking Tezz's watch for the next ten minutes was crucial.

"He could just leave his communicator here," Sherman said, pointing out the obvious.

Spinner scoffed. "But it ties together the outfit so nicely!"

"And jamming the hub computers could keep the team from being notified of a storm shock opening or an attack on Earth."

"Calm your tits," the hacker said offhandedly. "It's not like I nailed them with a denial of service attack. The local usernet will just be a little slow for the next half hour or so. Everything's going to be fine."

Relieved, Tezz sighed. "Thank you," he said. "I never would have asked you to lie for me…but I am glad you did. Thank you for smuggling me out of the hub."

As the three boys climbed into the Split Wire, Tezz offering Sherman the wheel, Spinner looked at Tezz in surprise. Slowly, he nodded. "You're welcome," he told the genius. He continued to stare for a bit, but once Sherman had started the car, he shook his head and put on an easy smile. "I just knew we would've never heard the end of it if you'd been stuck with those two the whole time. Even I was getting pissed off just listening to them."

"Yes, well. I still appreciate it very—"

A loud rumbling noise interrupted this statement, and Spinner and Tezz stared at a now blushing Sherman. Refusing to look at either of the young men who laughed at him, Sherman merely frowned and pointed the vehicle towards the center of the small town.

"Like you've never heard a stomach growl before," he said bashfully. "Seriously, can we go now? I'm hungry!"

Recovering or not, the Russian wanted nothing to do with his bed just then, no matter how comfortable it sounded. And so the duo became a trio, and Volitov and the brothers Cortez made their way to the colorful little neighborhood known as Totem Corners. A short drive up Mechanics Road pointed them towards town, jiggle-joggle over to Totem Avenue by way of State Route 17, and they had their parking space in the lot behind Lucky Panda Chinese.