A Series of Overused Plots: A Cliché of Clichés
Chapter One
A/N: Of course you don't want to hear the author nag right before the story, so I'll keep it short. It's 2 AM and I'm insanely bored. Why am I not asleep? Because I've decided I'll make this. Keep in mind this is only for fun and I mean no offense! Enjoy, and review (if you want).
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Hermione Granger peered into the reflection on her spotless full-view mirror. Why? Because the author can proceed to ramble on for a decent sized paragraph about Hermione's impossibly sexy features (because we obviously don't know how she looks like). And because it's definitely very Hermione-ish to study her features long and hard while the author excitedly informs everybody with a description dripping with the excessive use of unneeded adjectives.
Her hair decides to do this weird thing where it farts a little and turns into wonderful soft ringlets that softly frame her delicate face. Poof! Frizzy hair no more.
She looks deeply into her honeyhazelcaramelchocolatechestnutauburn eyes-with flecks of these super cool gold thingers-and looks down coincidentally to see her plump pink lips.
She's super pale because, psh, who goes out during the summer? Because she wears a garbage bag (or so it's described) for a uniform, we are enlightened with the fact that Hermione is no longer a scrawny looking twerp (I can't say the same for Harry though). She's a bundle of soft womanly curves decked off with a really nice rack (we'll be informed by Draco when the author decides to raid his brain).
(Author pauses to take a cold shower)
She's also got a sense of fashion now with a little help of her cousin far, far away. She's now wearing a tanktop with her navel revealed (we're also informed somewhere here that she got it pierced, and again, because Hermione's a total dare devil) and a totally fab miniskirt from New York or wherever.
Crookshanks seemed to have keeled over and died somewhere but let's not bear in mind the icky details.
Of course, Hermione's head girl and guess who Head boy is? You guessed it, none other than the Draco Malfoy, because every head master gives the position to anybody that plans to murder them!
Dumbledore confronts them with oddly shiny eyes and a bunch of yummy candies. Of course, the poor old man's rejected and instead flamed by Draco's over-the-top rage of his new partner-in-crime. But that doesn't matter, Dumbledore had candy, so everything's alright. Hermione's just spluttering a little in the corner because the author felt like showing off her intelligence. Of course, since Dumbledore has this wicked beard, he wins the disagreement.
Of course, the world wouldn't be right if we didn't have the whole Draco and Hermione walk into a dark corridor where Draco pushes Hermione against the wall and breathes on her a little and blabs about how icky she is. Well, I gave it my best. Here goes nothing…
Afterwards, it became clear that Dumbledore was final on his decision. Draco quickly leaves the office, in an extremely bad mood (pushing-people-against-the-wall-sexily-sort-of-mood) with Hermione hot on his heels.
"Malfoy! As much as I hate to say this, because you're a Slytherin with icky germs, I think we should work together to fight the forces of late-night snogging and snooping," Hermione says, always the peacemaker.
Draco growls a little, obviously agitated at the old fool. (Watch out kiddies, it's brain intrusion time, WEEE.)
That bloody fathead, who does he think he is, forcing me, DRACO MALFOY working with a nasty mudblood like her? And who does that stupid mudblood think she is, prancing around playing the friggin' saint? And what does that wall think it is, looking all blocky and whatnot? *Insert mental growling over here* I'm going to whine about it to father, but for now, I'll just squoosh Frizzhead a little over there.
"Malfoy?" Hermione asked, concerned as she watched Draco twitch around, mumbling to himself.
Draco gets all PMS-y and growls some more and begins to back her up like a truck (beep beep beep). Hermione being the most intelligent witch of the age did the most logical thing she could. She backs her little booty up, drooling at Draco's freakishly colored eyes and his ability to back people up.
"W-w-what are you doing, Malfoy?" Hermione squeaks, focused on Draco so much, she begins to get a little cross eyed.
Of course, Draco goes all horny and squooshes himself onto her invading her private little bubble.
"You dirty mudblood, don't ever talk about my father again! Sure he's in Azkaban, but who are you to judge?" Draco screams with a strong passion. He breathes super loud for good measure.
"But I didn't say anyth—" Hermione was cut off by a loudly sobbing Draco.
Upon closer inspection, Hermione decides that Draco isn't so bad and decides to comfort him.
"It's okay, Draco…" Hermione whispers, inching a tiddle bit closer. Didn't you know? It's perfectly natural to slip up and call your arch enemies by their first names.
"AUGAHHH" Draco sobs a little bit more, clearly in anguish.
"Yep, I feel that way too" Hermione says cautiously, her hand now in the air, as if possessed, making its way towards Malfoy. (Think of Harry and the hypogriff scene)
While Draco decides to spew his tragic life story, Hermione has extremely conflicting thoughts. (WEE, MORE BRAIN INTRUSION)
Draco Malfoy sobbing like a little baby? That's rich! AHAHAHAHAH. But I do feel a little bad, I mean, he looks kind of cute…HERMIONE JANE GRANGER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS DRACO MALFOY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. THE KILLER FERRET ONE. But he is kind of cute…*insert uncharacteristic girlish fretting*
"…AND THAT'S HOW MY DOG DIED, WAHHHHHHHH" Draco shrieks on top of his lungs which brings Hermione back into reality.
Hand outstretched, she pets him a little. Draco miraculously stops his blubbering. Uh-oh. Another mood swing?
Draco glares at Hermione and slaps her hand. She jerks her hand back, looking hurt.
"Filthy mudblood, don't touch me," Draco said, seeming to be back to normal now.
"For your information, you were the one who started to sniveling first!" Hermione huffed, nursing her poor hand.
Draco blushes, muttering obscenities under his breath and marches the opposite way in a huff.
Hermione also angrily stomps off.
(This is usually where the chapter ends after another long boring paragraph explaining something that the reader stopped reading 5 clichés ago)
A/N: I didn't want to make it too funny/random because I'd know it wouldn't be a parody, just a really bad blob of text. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and if you didn't, sorry.