A/N: Here it is! At last, the promised AF fic! Huzzah! It's a few days later than it would have been, because my friend Jess gave birth on Friday, and I became a proud auntie :) So happy! :D

Anyway, on with the exciting prologue!

Guesstimation: I have absolutely no idea where my copy of Opal Deception is, and was unsure whether Juliet remembered the fairies or not. From what little Wikipedia had on the subject though, she didn't, so I worked from this assumption. Please, if I'm wrong, let me know and I'll edit :)

Warning: Just mild swearing and occasional mild sexual references early on, though there'll probably be kissing in later chapters. Kissing! OMG! Ewwwwz XD

Disclaimer: All characters ect. that you recognise belong to Eoin Colfer, and no copyright infringement is intended. Ant Burrow is, however, a creature of my own creation.

AU: This story is only mild AU, because I wrote the plot, then realised that one throwaway sentence in Time Paradox made it redundant (ARGH) so in this universe, the laws of magic still apply; fairies cannot enter buildings uninvited ect.

Dedicated: To Jess and Brooklyn. My Veronica-Twin and her Cat-Rat-Mouse-Bird-Muppet-Dumbledore-Potter baby light up my life :)

Artemis Fowl and the Laws of Magic

Prologue

Ant Burrow had never been so nervous. The hairs of his sensitive beard were writhing wildly, a phsyical manifestation of the butterflies twisting his insides to knots. His hands shook as he felt the ground beneath him, beard hairs probing the earth to detect the electrical buzz of several buried motion detectors. The residents of this house were obviously cautious, and wanted to be prepared for subterranian intruders. Ant made a mental note to be very careful.

Unbuttoning the bum-flap of his trousers, he plunged headfirst into the soft earth, massive Dwarf teeth making short work of the dirt that lay before him. His hairs guided him easily past the sensors, and he tunnelled his way up through the rich, flavoursome clay of the wine cellar. He didn't have time to truly appreciate the delicate boquet of the clay however, mind focused on the difficult task ahead.

Once he had surfaced, Ant held a hand out, wiggling his fingers until the few solitary brown sparks of Dwarf magic laced themselves lazily around his digits. So far, so good. No headache or nausea either, beyond the ones provided by his shaken nerves. He pressed his fingers to a small scrape on his cheek, caused by an underground stone, and grinned as the magic played around the wound, slowly meshing his skin back together. Perfect. So far, everything was going exactly as he had been told.

Heading for the door, Ant was dismayed to see that security had been stepped up a little since his hero's day. Rather than a simple key lock, a number pad had been set into the ancient door, little red light flashing on it's surface. Following his instructions, Ant keyed in the numbers 060601, and grinned to himself when the light flashed green and the door hissed open. He crept on his nimble toes along the siding of the stairs, to avoid hidden pressure pads, and followed his directions to the safe, feeling a lot more confident about his mission now. This wasn't so hard. No wonder his idol had found this place a breeze. He keyed in the number combination again on the safe door, which had been concealed behind a hologram of a brick wall, which simply melted away when Ant put his hand through. He sighed in satisfaction when the first door opened, revealing a second door with a microphone awaiting it's master's voice.

Feeling like a spy from one of his illegal Mud Man movies, Ant withdrew a tiny device with a speaker and a button, the latter of which he pressed, activating the former.

"I am Artemis Fowl." Enunciated a breaking Irish voice, it's sound filling the room. "Elf, Pixie, Sprite, Dwarf, Goblin, Gremlin, Gnome, Demon, Centaur, Troll." The lock gave an acknowledging beep, and hissed open, revealing the third and final door.

It was about that moment that a large shadow spread across Ant's vision, and he turned around to see an angry blonde mountain staring him down.

"Looks like someone's been caught where he doesn't belong."

000

Juliet Butler had gained a lot of muscle since she began wrestling professionally, though not enough that she resembled her brother Domovoi just yet. She was currently taking a short break from her career to watch Fowl Manor while the Fowls and Butler were taking a family holiday. A fresh Blue Diamond tattoo shone on her shoulder, the first female ever awarded the honour, though she hadn't managed to match her brother's record as youngest ever graduate of Madam Ko's academy.

Slurping on her blue slushie, Juliet put her bare feet up on the workbench in the surveillance room, staring at the monitors boredly. Nothing had happened for the past week, and she wasn't expecting it to happen now. The Fowls were due back in another week, and Juliet looked forward to returning to wrestling immensely. It had been great taking some time off, but it had officially gotten boring, and Juliet was looking to put a little action back in her life.

Blinking mascara covered lashes (some things never changed), Juliet set her slushie down and focused her attention on the wine cellar camera. A small, hairy person had burst from solid earth, and now seemed to be attempting to crack the combination lock. When the door opened under his hairy fingers Juliet moved, making for the safe nearest him. If the thief knew enough about Fowl Manor to open one of Artemis's personal security measures, he would know where the safe was.

Juliet was, as usual, right on the money. The person had already made it to the safe without triggering any alarms, and opened two of the three doors when Juliet caught up to him.

"Looks like someone's been caught where he doesn't belong." Juliet snarled, using her best intimidation voice. As per usual, it worked. The small, hairy man turned to face her, trembling like a leaf. The hairs of his wild beard twisted and swayed in alarm and Juliet blinked, staggering for a second as the sight of this diminutive, hairy person triggered a hidden memory left in her subconscious, and the time the LEP had erased from her mind all came rushing back, filling her head to capacity, and Juliet had to fight to retain consciousness, stumbling backwards clutching her head. Eventually she succumbed to the pressure inside her skull and lost consciousness, sinking worriedly into the blackness.