Pure white snow. It's everywhere. Dancing delicately through the air before falling to Earth; covering houses, buildings, trees—the entire city—in a seemingly infinite white blanket. The silence is so thick it almost appears as if the whole town's asleep; but a quick glance at the window of any house will show a warm, flickering fire keeping the house aglow from inside, proving that's not the case.
It's beautiful; that's the first word that comes to mind. The most amazing part is that it was this magical when I came here with my mother as a little girl. I remember my face lighting up with joy as I looked from the town awash with brilliant lights and sparkling snow to the nearby forest covered in ivory and alabaster. I found it breathtaking, as I still do. Nothing's changed here, even though I've been gone for nearly a decade. I think that's part of why I love it here so much though—things don't change. It's as if this little part of the world is isolated from everything else, allowing time to stop here; to freeze forever and perpetually remain the same. I guess I find it somewhat comforting because of all the things that do change in life.
I mean, look at the last time I was here. Things were so different back when I was little. The world was full of optimism and promises, the days filled with laughter, adventure, and fun. Back then I was still my mother's whole world, and back then she still cared. The love from those days has long faded. After I started my journey, she figured she was done with parenting and didn't have to try anymore. I'd visit home to find her nowhere in sight and the house in chaos, utterly neglected. I would desperately search through my hometown for anyone with information on her whereabouts, normally getting answers from her friends. The first time, I found out she'd gone to Veilstone City to gamble. When I finally got there, found her, and dragged her back home, she'd already lost most of our money. To pay for any new necessities on my adventure I then had to find odd jobs around whatever town or city I was in to do until I could afford what I needed. Also, we'd been living off the money left by my father when he died and some support from his family, but after suffering so much financially, my mother was forced to get a job. The only place she could get one was at a Pokémart in Sandgem Town as a store clerk.
The second time I went back home, I'd been called and personally asked to do so by our next door neighbor who was worried about my mother because she hadn't been out of the house in almost a month. After quickly flying home, I found my mother shut up in our house with a scarce amount of food. Truth be told, I was scared. I was only fourteen, how was I supposed to know what to do? I tried to talk to her, to help her. I wanted to somehow magically fix things. I discovered that she'd stopped going to work because it was far away and not worth it, according to her. Soon afterwards, she stopped going outside and just shut herself away in the house. I couldn't convince her to go back to work, but I did manage to get her to begin buying groceries and leaving the house again. However, because she had stopped working, I had to work more during my journey and start sending a certain amount to her monthly.
The third time I visited home was the last. It was about a year after she quit her job, and I was under the false impression that she was doing alright and that things were getting better. I decided to take a trip home for my mother's birthday to surprise her and found out that she'd gone on a spontaneous trip to Kanto months ago. She told Jun's mom where she was going right before she left, but didn't leave a note or anything else. Because Jun's mom had told me the last time something had gone wrong, I asked her why she hadn't called and said something. She told me that she thought she was just going on a vacation and that my mom had already told me about it. She didn't think there was a need to call because she figured that my mom would call me when she got back. I continued to call Jun's mom to check in every so often for a while to see if she'd come back. After six months with no word from my mother, I gave up. I haven't visited home since. Sometimes I still like to call Jun's mom, though, and see how she's doing. She's a warm person and she's never been anything but kind to me. She'd always try to rationalize why my mom hadn't contacted me to make me feel better. And sometimes just the fact that she tried so hard for me did cheer me up a little.
And speaking of Jun's mom, Jun's another thing in my life that has changed dramatically. When we were small, we even went to Snowpoint City together with our moms. We were the best of friends. Inseparable. No matter how much time we spent together, we'd never get bored of each other and always look forward to seeing the other the next day. Now we don't even talk to each other anymore. Granted, some of that's my fault because I've stopped answering his calls and started avoiding him in all the new cities I go to. But it's not like this is incredibly sudden or out of the blue; contact between us has been gradually diminishing for years. After the start of our journey, we began to slowly drift apart. He was always an impatient blonde tornado that had to be the best and the fastest, while I was always running behind, trying to catch up. Eventually I just realized that it was a futile, fruitless endeavor and that I couldn't. It's not surprising or unheard of; people change and drift apart all the time. But that, of course, doesn't make it any less painful.
There's something I've always known, but been too afraid to admit. It's cliché and pathetic, I know, but….. I love him. I love Jun. I've loved him since we were little. But I'm realistic; I know he doesn't feel the same way and that he probably never will. Logically, it makes sense, but… if I knew it would end this way, then why does it hurt so much? Seeing him, talking to him, being with him—they all torture me because they remind me that I'll never get to be with him. All it does is ache, so I decided to end it. I doubt he'll even notice. The only thing he'll miss is having someone to battle with, and I think that's the part that hurts the most.