Taking Care of Business
Two times being a woman with a functioning female reproductive system on SG-1 made things awkward for Sam and one time it didn't.
1. Female First Aid 101
Following Hammond's confirmation of Teal'c as a member of SG-1, Colonel Jack O'Neill made the executive decision that his team needed more training. There were certain details he needed to visit with the greener members of his team: Daniel Jackson, who was as green as they come especially as far as military protocols were concerned, and Teal'c, who, though he definitely had Jack in the defense department, was nonetheless Jaffa and had much to learn as far as the American military system was concerned. A main concern of Jack's pertained to protocols regarding gate travel - specifically, what exactly one brought along when venturing through the gate on a mission. The sheer number of useless textbooks Jack had discovered in Daniel's pack during the mission to the Shavadi underscored his concern and was the reason all four members of the team now stood around a table in the deserted commissary, the contents of Jack's pack displayed before them.
Jack had just finished going through the reasoning behind keeping a pack as light as possible and touched on the need for a change of clothes, food, and water. The first aid kit was when things got interesting.
"…This is a pressure bandage. It's good for pretty much any big wound. Keep it sterile inside the wrapper till you need it, then undo it and slap it on there, use the bandage attached to keep it in place and keep pressure. There's your antiseptic to prevent infection, your Band-Aids and gauze for your smaller scrapes, Advil, which is a pain reliever, Teal'c, and there's some tourniquets, which stop bleeding, and splint supplies in the back. Carter and I are both trained on field medicine basics, but in the event that both of us are incapacitated, both of you should be familiar enough with this stuff to step in. I think there's a training of sorts on that next week with the infirmary staff. Moving on to the next item on our list…"
"What is this, O'Neill?" Teal'c interrupted, pointing to a small, soft plastic wrapped cylinder from the first aid kit. Momentarily speechless, Jack heard Sam choke back laughter on his left and watched Daniel turn beet red with embarrassment on his right periphery. Teal'c remained stoic, gently rolling the object back and forth with the touch of his index finger.
"Is this also a form of… wound care?" Teal'c blinked expectantly at Jack, raising an eyebrow. Sam let loose a giggle. Daniel avoided his gaze.
"It's, um, well…" he began, looking to Sam, "Captain, if you will?"
"It's a tampon, Teal'c." Sam was grinning at all of them, especially Daniel who looked impossibly redder. Jack cleared his throat.
"Right, yes, moving on."
"What is a… tampon?" Teal'c continued, now grasping the item with his right index and thumb and holding it closer to his face for further inspection. Sam let out a cackle and Jack could hear Daniel mutter something he assumed was some sort of swear under his breath. Jack took a deep breath and avoided all their gazes.
"Well, Teal'c, you see women sometimes… Well, once a month they… It's for, uh… It stops blood flow," he trailed off, not daring to meet Teal'c's eyes in the event that they held more questions. "Moving on."
"Do you refer to the moon cycle, O'Neill?" Jack closed his eyes and sighed.
"Are we really doing this right now?" he stared at Daniel who opened and closed his mouth and shook his head with a shrug. Sam's shoulders still shook with laughter, but Jack was thankful that she took control of the conversation.
"Moon cycle, Teal'c?" she asked, grinning. Teal'c inclined his head, replacing the tampon carefully within the first aid kit.
"On Chulak, Jaffa women bleed as a symbol of their fertility when the moon is in certain positions in the sky. Is this also true of the Tau'ri, Captain Carter?" Jack felt his ears grow hot and suspected he was turning a shade similar to Daniel. He spared a glance at the blushing man who was studiously inspecting the wrapper of an MRE. Sam smiled.
"Yes, Teal'c, although on earth, women's individual bodies dictate their own cycle. Do all Jaffa women bleed at the same time? Are they all synched?" Jack met Daniel's equally horrified expression, unsure if the face he was making was due to the content of the conversation or the level of excitement in Sam's voice.
"Indeed." Jack could swear there was a smirk hiding behind Teal'c's stoic façade.
"That's fascinating! Is there…" Jack cleared his throat loudly, interrupting Sam.
"You two can discuss that more on your own time. For now, we are MOVING ON!" He stressed, grasping the next thing on the table, shaking his head, and rolling his eyes, "Never a dull moment with you three…"
2. Chocolate
Sam rolled over in her rain-damp sleeping bag, shifting and stretching against the stiff soreness left by a rouge tree root. The dawn light was flooding into the gap in the front of the tent and she was grateful that at least last night's storm had passed. Maybe now they could actually find the ruins the MALP had shown, collect the soil samples, and gate home.
Giving one last stretch, she unzipped her sleeping bag and climbed out, rolling it up and packing it away. The motion of moving and rolling and packing released an all too familiar sensation and Sam came to the sudden realization that perhaps the soreness of her lower back and abdomen was not from sleeping on a tree root at all. Yes, she affirmed, the dates were right. She rifled through her pack, swearing when she realized that she had forgotten to bring along any supplies of her own and turning instead to the first aid kit.
Teal'c entered the tent they were sharing, pausing with concern when he noticed the first aid kit in Sam's lap.
"Are you injured, Captain Carter?" Sam felt a hot red blush creeping over her face.
"Uh, no, Teal'c." Teal'c came closer, inspecting her for injury. His eyebrow rose.
"Are you ill?" Sam sighed and tapped a nervous finger on the first aid kit.
"No, no, I'm fine, Teal'c. I just, uh, need something in here… but I'm fine." Teal'c appeared perplexed for a moment before an expression of understanding dawned across his face and he inclined his head, exiting the tent.
Sam waited until she was sure he was gone before opening the kit to grab the tampon. She grabbed it and replaced the kit hurriedly, stashing the tampon discretely in her pocket before exiting the tent and disappearing quite a distance into the tree line with a nod to the rest of the team, grateful that she had caught on early enough that there was no staining.
She returned to find their tents packed and the rest of the team ready. She fell into step with her team, thankfully taking the offered thermos of coffee from Daniel and heading towards the ruins. By the time they reached the ruins, Sam had almost forgotten the awkward start to her day.
Jack sent her and Teal'c off to collect soil samples while he and Daniel set off to explore the deserted structure. She had just finished describing to Teal'c what and where they were planning to gather the samples and was sitting on a log, digging through her pack for the containers when Teal'c interrupted her search.
"Captain Carter." Teal'c's hand abruptly entered her field of vision, holding a flat, thin, foil-wrapped object she slowly realized was a chocolate bar. Confused, she accepted the offering. Teal'c inclined his head with a deep bow.
"Uh… thanks, Teal'c. What's this about?" The edges of Teal'c's mouth curved into a smile.
"I have done much research about the customs of the Tau'ri. It is customary to consume chocolate during the Tau'ri's moon cycle. I have carried it with me in case the need arose." Sam felt the earlier rush of heat return to her face and she bit her lip, smiling.
"Ah. I see. Thanks… Want to split it with me?" Teal'c's smile expanded into a grin and he sat down next to her.
"Indeed." Sam split the chocolate bar in two halves, handing him a part. She watched Teal'c gingerly break each square and place it carefully into his mouth, finishing by licking his fingers. She shook her head, grinning and remembering her colonel's statement from months earlier. Definitely never a dull moment…
3. A Leak in Formation
"Oh, come on!" The frustrated groan beside him cut through his post-zat haze and Daniel let out a low groan of his own, fighting his way back to consciousness. His head ached fiercely and he was tingly all over. His stomach rolled uncertainly and, as he blinked at the resolutely unfocused ceiling, he willed himself not to throw up. Taking stock of injuries, he rolled onto his side and sat up, confirming his suspicion – they'd been captured.
"Here." Jack's hand was suddenly close to his face, a bent but unbroken pair of glasses in his grip.
"Found them by the door. Must have fallen off." Daniel rubbed a hand across his face, wincing at a tender spot. More like forcibly removed, he thought, but accepted them gratefully.
"Thanks. Where's Sam?" He asked, realizing suddenly that only three of them were in the Goa'uld holding cell. Jack frowned.
"Teal'c said they took her about an hour ago…" The opening of the door to their cell cut off Jack's reply. Two Jaffa held Sam, one on each side, and it was not immediately apparent whether or not their grip was due to their suspicion she would try to escape or the need to hold her upright. Her eyes were unfocused and her forehead bore the telltale mark of a hand-device. The Jaffa dumped her unceremoniously onto the floor of the cell, sliding the door closed behind them with a thud.
"Carter." Jack knelt beside Sam and she batted his attentions away with shaky hands.
"I'm fine, sir," she protested. Jack gently brushed her hands aside, inspecting her head.
"Let me be the judge of that. Hand-device?" Sam nodded, making to sit up. Jack held her down with a firm hand on her shoulder.
"I didn't tell them anything." Jack smiled and shook his head.
"Of course you didn't, Major. What hurts?" Sam closed her eyes and sighed. Giving into the firm hand holding her down and relaxing into the cell floor.
"Everything, sir… but mostly just my head." Daniel came over to kneel beside them, placing a comforting hand on her other shoulder. Sam closed her eyes, turning her head into her teammate's comfort.
Jack spread his hands and did a quick body check, feeling for broken bones while keeping an eye on her face for any reactions to especially tender spots. Her ribs were unbroken, but likely bruised given her facial expressions in response to that touch. Everything was as expected on her upper body given their past experiences being captured, but he froze and broke out in a cold, sickening sweat of desperate anger when he got to her waist. Daniel, catching the change in pace of the body check and seeing Jack's expression, looked down at Sam and paled considerably. A dark red stain extended from the crotch of Sam's pants.
"Major Carter," the depth of Teal'c's voice belayed his own considerable anger and concern, "what has transpired?"
Sam opened her eyes and blinked in confusion at the expressions of her team. Daniel looked torn between crying and throwing up and both Jack and Teal'c looked ready to commit murder. She tried to sit up, but the movement made her acutely aware of the hits she'd taken to her ribs, and she let her head fall back, her breath catching and the room spinning. She closed her eyes again with a groan.
"Carter… Sam, were you…did they…" Jack's use of her first name and his trouble finding words had her opening her eyes again.
"Nothing they haven't done before, sir. Standard treatment – a few hits, a few kicks, the hand device… I'm fine, really. I can sit up." Sam used her arms this time to push against the floor, once again meeting resisting hands on her shoulders. Daniel took hold of her hand, meeting her gaze with a look she hadn't seen before.
"Sam, you're bleeding, uh… between your legs. You don't have to tell us what happened, but we need to know that you're okay." A sudden rush of embarrassment and understanding replaced her confusion. She closed her eyes and sighed.
"I'm not… I wasn't…" This time it was Sam who was lost for words. She flung one arm over her face and spoke her piece as quickly as possible.
"I-got-my-period-a-few-days-ago-and-I'm-wearing-a-tampon-but-I-guess-all-the-kicks-to-the-gut-made-it-leak. I'm fine." The release of tension in the room was palpable and without removing the arm across her face, Sam could tell that her team was no longer traumatized and homicidal.
"I'm going to check your legs now, Carter." Sam felt Jack's hands run gingerly up and down each leg.
"I think you'll live," he concluded, patting her knee. Sam removed the arm across her face and raised her knees.
"If I don't die of embarrassment first," Sam muttered under her breath, trying once again to sit up. She felt Daniel's hands on her back, easing her upright. The act of sitting up and the change in position caused a sharp pain to explode in her head along with the scream of her ribs and she curled tighter into a ball of pain and mortification, the room spinning aggressively.
"I'm sorry, Sam, they took anything I had on me when they took my pack." Daniel's sympathetic apology and his hand on her shoulder grounded her. She felt Jack's on her other shoulder.
"Me too, Carter."
"Indeed."
Sam breathed deeply, struggling to regain control over her vestibular functioning and fixed her gaze on the far wall. Part of the golden paneling looked slightly more grooved around the edges than the rest.
"Help me up." She gripped Daniel's bicep and he helped her to her feet, Jack's hand on her other arm. Stiffly, she shuffled to the far panel.
"What've you got, Carter?" Jack joined her at the panel, also noticing the deeper, wider groove. He took off his belt, using the buckle to pry the panel from the wall and unveiling a secondary control panel.
"Nice! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam smiled with relief, nodding and fiddling with the wires behind the panel's buttons, triggering a release of the cell door.
"Teal'c, you're on point. Daniel, stay with Carter. I've got your six," Jack called and just like that, they were off.
The quiet door release lent them the element of surprise and they were able to sneak out of the stronghold without meeting any patrols. It wasn't until they were a few hundred yards from the gate that they encountered resistance. A staff blast narrowly whizzing past Daniel's head and skittering across the rock face alerted them to the hot pursuit. They bobbed and weaved, going cover-to-cover, thankful for the boulders dotting the distance to the DHD. Daniel dialed the gate and Jack sent through the IDC code, using the GDO he'd hidden in his boot. They raced up the steps to the gate, crossing the event horizon in unison and arriving back at the SGC in tandem with a staff blast narrowly missing Teal'c.
"Shut it down!" Jack called, the IRIS sealing shut and the gate winking out behind them.
It wasn't until they were through the gate and the adrenaline high wore down that Sam remembered her embarrassment. Red hot blush rose from the base of her neck to her cheeks. Jack took notice. He stepped to the edge of the ramp, blocking her from view of the gate room. Daniel and Teal'c caught on and flanked her from behind.
"Welcome back, SG-1. Report to the infirmary. Debrief at 0900."
"Yes, sir."
Hammond didn't spare a second thought to the strange formation the team formed on the ramp nor the fact that they stayed in formation all the way down the ramp, out of the gate room, and into the infirmary. SG-1 was a strange mix, but they always took care of their own.