A/N:Ichigo's thoughts after episode 342.I kept wondering if Rukia visited him during that time.
A note he left on his desk for her,in case she did.
It's not meant to rhyme!
How many times have I said goodbye to you?
Every hello felt like a new beginning.
What hurts is that life keeps going on,
and yet when you're not near time seems to stop.
Here comes the rain again,bringing darkness along.
Trapped in a circle of heavy storms,
My heart doesn't get to rest these days.
It's selfish to need you all the time.
It's wrong to ask for so many favors.
How could I pay it all back to you?
Healing my soul is a hard job to do.
I've saved you,haven't I?
That was for me as well.
People have to breathe to live,
I'm human,and you're my air.
You're far,far away now,
but you were never close enough.
Once you get to see the sun,
nights become a real torture.
Everything is so empty,I'm cold too.
You're cold as ice as well,
but I feel your warmth.
I need it,to keep me sane.
You don't know where you're going,
but you keep running forward.
I always felt like a pet,
following your footsteps.
I'm loyal,we never got lost.
Your tunnel always had a light.
I'm strong you see it?
Are you proud and do you watch me?
I need your approval,that one little smile,
it's the power that keeps me wanting more.
It's hard to understand us,you know.
It's hard,even for me.
It's illogical,the way we work.
Yet we work,like a well oiled machine
They watch me,and they stare,
they're amazed by my force.
Little do they know,it's funny.
I'd be nothing without you near.
Compassion?I don't need it.
I don't need the tears.
I was never pitiful to you.
They don't know how.
But you know how,the way to wake me up,
to cut these chains that are holding me back.
They're inside of me,but you know it.
You know everything already.
Silence. Not even a look.
You understand .
But me,I need your words,
Knowing is not enough.
And I search,every goddamn night,
are you here?Where are you,Rukia?!
Where am I?Who am I?What do I do?
You trained me well.
But I didn't learn to get by without you.
It's easy to feel you.
You glow,you're warm.
I'm weak.I'm weak.
I'm weak because I cannot take your pain away,
I can't be the one,I can't be your sun.
I feel it too,but you know me.
I'm bad with words,and expressing my feelings.
If I could,I'd spend a lifetime,even more,
Carrying the burden and licking your scars,
I'd hide you in my closet,and destroy the key,
so that nothing can hurt you,ever again.
I say goodbye,but I don't mean it.
I cannot mean it.
The bond is too strong,
the strings too tied up.
I hope you're happy.
I hope you still glow.
One day,the sun will come up.
I know it,the darkness has to end.
It always does.
The day will come,when I see your face again.
Until then…the window is open,you know…
….For the moonlight to sneak in.