Title: Stare
Author: SorryGrimmjow
Genre: Romance
Rating: T
Pairings: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Summary: Remus can't keep his eyes off Sirius.
Disclaimers: The wonderful world of Harry Potter is not at all mine and obviously belongs to the brilliant J. K. Rowling. The plot, however, is mine.
Word Count: 3,142 words
Notes: God, I love Remus & Sirius. And I ship Remus and Lily as friends so bad.
It was a warm and sunny day with just the right amount of gusts of cool wind and cotton-like clouds scattered in the otherwise clear sky; in short, a nearly perfect spring day.
Remus acknowledged this as he walked across the courtyard and towards the castle doors, making a mental note to come back outside when he had finished his Prefect duties to enjoy the weather properly. He moved his shoulder bag higher up, gripping the side of the worn straps, willing the overly stuffed bag not to tear and release its unnecessary amount of books onto the ground. The sound of his footsteps became heavier as the bottoms of his shoes met the solid ground of the castle's interior. Their pace increased as he nibbled his lip nervously; Lily would certainly murder him if he was late for Prefect duties again.
With a hissed and rare curse, Remus began jogging lightly, his bag beating against his thin body and moving as to not hit other students. He was nearly there, just a few more turns…
"You're late!" said a brisk voice as he turned the final corner.
"Sorry, Lily, I lost track of time," Remus said, slowing to a stop in front of the girl who stood in front of him.
Her thin hands were placed on her hips, lips pursed and vividly green eyes boring into Remus' very soul. He gave a shudder.
"It's fine, Lupin," Lily said finally, hands slipping down but eyes still piercing Remus'. "I just took a lap around our corridors today and all seems fine; I'm sure they'll stay that way, seeing as most of the school is outside today."
"Fantastic," he said with a friendly nod.
Remus knew Lily still wasn't very fond of him, but really, who could blame her? He was friends with James who was incredibly fond of ridiculing Severus Snape. He liked to remind himself that she had warmed up to him considerably when she learned that Remus preferred books and chocolate to bullying classmates, and that was enough for him. She seemed like a smart girl, nice, too, with obvious streaks of boldness and strong determination. Lily cleared her throat, capturing Remus' attention once more.
"Would you like to do one more round before heading off?"
"Sounds good."
The two Gryffindors set off, chatting occasionally but politely as they patrolled the rather deserted corridors. When they had reached the place they begun with, Remus and Lily turned towards each other. Remus saw that she was gazing out the nearby window to the sky.
"It really is a nice day, isn't it?" asked Lily conversationally.
"Yes, it is," Remus agreed, repositioning his bag for possibly the forty-fifth time today. "I do love days like this. Perfect for reading," he added subconsciously.
Her eyes flickered over to him and she gave a small smile.
"I'm assuming that's what you would like to be doing right now."
Remus looked at her sheepishly. "I – erm, yeah."
"I'll walk you down, then," Lily offered.
"Oh, no, you don't have to," he murmured, but Lily cut him off.
"I haven't got anything better to do, to be honest," she said, taking a few paces forward and looking backwards at Remus. "Come on. A little company never hurt anyone."
He wondered how James would feel about this, and realizing he would probably be very jealous, Remus gave a little smile and nodded.
Remus and Lily walked down to the lake contentedly, and even when they had silences between their pleasant conversations, they were not uncomfortable. They approached the lake, taking in the calm air surrounding them. Many large trees stood tall and proud around the great mass of water, providing shade for the students sitting near the shore of it. Remus and Lily continued walking down until they found an unoccupied tree with the perfect amount of shade under it.
The boy turned to the redhead appreciatively.
"Nice of you, Lily," Remus said.
"Of course," she said. She eyed him for a moment before saying sharply, "You're not bad, Lupin. Unlike Potter and Black."
"I'm glad," Remus gave a light chuckle, and when it died down, he frowned. "They can be complete prats. Insensitive, too."
Lily gave a slight 'hmph' and sat down, her back against the thick bark of the tree. Remus joined her side hesitantly, and when she made no sign of protest, he relaxed and set down his heavy bag. He rubbed his aching shoulder absentmindedly as Lily began talking, picking at a piece of grass.
"They drive me mad, they do. Especially Potter."
"They drive everyone mad," Remus sighed. "And speaking of them…"
His gaze drifted towards James and Sirius, who were strutting across the grass towards the lake. Remus' eyes lingered on Sirius, as they did often these days, and he couldn't seem to take his eyes off his friend. Lily noticed his persistent line of sight and cocked her head. Not that Remus noticed, anyway; he was too busy ogling at Sirius, who was now taking off his outermost layer of robes.
Remus' brows drew together as he removed his gaze and stared down at the next to his feet. This was not normal, he thought, for most friends did not take pleasure in watching friends strip. He looked back at Sirius, who was now lounging on the grass with James by his side, black robes serving as pillows tucked underneath their heads. It was often, though, as he did share a dormitory with Sirius, and had been doing so for the past four years.
The physical attraction had come first: noticing Sirius' particularly fit body, his thick dark hair, framing his wonderfully structured face. His grey eyes only stood out against his fair skin and that stupid smirk that tore Remus apart inside. Then his content with being friends with Sirius had vanished; Remus wanted more, and desperately too.
Remus sighed moodily and tore his gaze from Sirius' body. He fixed it onto the plucked grass that lay by Lily. The redhead frowned.
"Lupin," she said unsurely. Remus nodded to show he was listening even if his eyes did not meet hers. "Are…are you gay?"
His head snapped up at once; Lily saw fear flash in Remus' eyes, but a moment later his calm demeanor had overtaken the shock on his scarred face as usual. He fidgeted, dropping his gaze to the grass below them, fingers fiddling with it nervously.
How did she know? Did anyone else know? Had he been that obvious about it? Oh no, this was bad, he hadn't even told anyone yet. He chewed on his lip as panicked questions ran through his head. Remus raised his head when he heard Lily give a small chuckle.
"I'm sorry – I couldn't help but wonder…" she said when Remus looked at her imploringly. "The way you were looking at him was…"
Lily gave a sort of hesitant smile at Remus, who returned it half-heartedly.
"I don't mind, if that's what you were wondering," Lily said matter-of-factly.
"Thanks," he mumbled, his teeth finding their way back to his lower lip.
"Is Black as well, then?" she asked after a moment's silence.
Remus gave a sigh. "I highly doubt it."
"Well ask him," she said.
Remus blinked.
"I- what?"
"Ask him. You two are mates, aren't you?" Lily said.
"Well, yes, but it's a bit of an odd question, isn't it? To just bring up from out of nowhere? I haven't even told anyone, and I'm not about to out myself to him," Remus admitted quickly.
"You sure aren't hiding it well if you didn't want anyone to know," Lily said, a sly smile appearing on her face.
"Who said I didn't want anyone to know?" Remus stammered nervously. It was obvious he hadn't, and doesn't.
Lily raised an eyebrow.
"Forget it," Remus mumbled, his gaze drifting off to Sirius again. "Doesn't matter."
Remus felt Lily's shoulder brush against his own lightly as she leaned back on the tree. He gave a sigh, his light brown eyes still fixed on Sirius.
"Do you think I should ask him?" Remus asked hesitantly. He then proceeded to say in a bitter tone, "He is interested in birds, though. I shouldn't expect anything."
"Perhaps you should," said Lily. "Actually, you should tell him. See how he reacts."
Remus turned away from the sunbathing Sirius at last, gaining courage from the firmness in her voice. He straightened up slightly against the tree, eyes curious.
"You think?"
Lily nodded, green eyes sparkling.
"No, I can't," he muttered, slumping back down, brows furrowed.
"I doubt he'll care, and if he does, I'm sure it's in his nature. He is a massive git, anyway," Lily muttered, throwing a glare towards Sirius and James.
Remus pondered this. He hadn't cared when he found out that Remus was a werewolf. Sirius should be fine with him being gay; he had to. It would be idiotic for him to be comfortable around a werewolf but not a poofter. Then again, Sirius was a bit on the idiotic side.
He exhaled steadily and stood himself up. Lily was looking up at him in eagerness.
"You're going to tell him, then?" she very nearly squealed.
He nodded.
"Can you…come with me?" he asked hopefully, even though he already knew the answer.
Lily glared past Remus' knees with distaste.
"Near Potter? No thank you," she stood up, her fingers flowing through her dark red hair, searching for pieces of bark. Lily finished quickly and flashed Remus with a reassuring smile. "Good luck, Lupin."
"Thanks, Lily," he nodded and watched her as she left.
Remus twisted so his body was in line with Sirius' and James'. Sirius was now successfully capturing the attention of some of the sixth year girls at the edge of the water. Remus sat down dejectedly; what else would he expect from him? Sirius bounding over at him, expressing his undying love and insisting that everything he had to do with girls were all just a ploy to get Remus' attention.
He opened up his bag with a roll of his eyes. His fingers found the spine of one of the books and he pulled it out fluidly. Remus leaned against the tree and found the page where he last left off. Reading always took his mind off things, and he would definitely appreciate that right now.
Remus had barely gotten through a chapter when he heard quick footsteps squishing against the grass. He looked up in time to see Sirius dropping down onto the grass beside him. Remus shifted uncomfortably.
"Moony!" said Sirius, throwing Remus one of his carelessly heart-stopping smiles. "I didn't know you were here! Why didn't you join Prongs and me over there?"
Remus eyed the lakeside, silently scowling at James, who had remained in hopes of getting some girls to fawn over him. He looked back at Sirius, who was looking at him expectantly.
"I'd take books over girls any day," he said, a slight crease appearing between his eyebrows.
When Sirius' eyebrows rose, Remus mentally disciplined himself. What a marvelous way to keep Sirius from knowing! Of course, he thought, if Sirius figured it out himself it would spare Remus from ever having to voice it. Remus chose to direct his attention to the book in his hands.
"Silly Moony," said Sirius. "So young and so unknowing, you are. Are you sure you're developing correctly?"
Remus frowned at the pages.
"Positive, Sirius. Not all teenagers are so madly stimulated by and obsessed with the idea of the opposite sex. I'm merely stating that there are more interesting things in life than girls," Remus said, not daring to look up at Sirius.
"Speak for yourself," Sirius shrugged. He stood up, twisting a bit to dust off the back of his trousers. Remus squirmed when he caught a glimpse of Sirius' extraordinary arse. "Are you sure you're not lonely all by yourself? You can join Prongs and me."
"I reckon I can survive without you two, but thank you for the offer," Remus said tightly, willing Sirius to leave already. This conversation had been awkward enough without Remus getting a hard-on right now.
"Alright, alright," Sirius said, finishing off and waving his hand airily. He began to leave when he said with a smirk, "I was just thinking you had wanted to with all the staring you've done today."
"St-staring?" squawked Remus.
Remus looked up at last, but Sirius' back was already turned to him as he walked away. Remus chewed his lip nervously. So Sirius had noticed him! Oh Merlin, how painfully embarrassing. He should have been more discreet; how stupid of him to stare so openly at Sirius in public. Lily mentioned it, didn't she? He must have been really obvious about him.
Closing his book absentmindedly, Remus pushed it into his bag and stood up hurriedly. He swung his bag over his shoulder and nearly ran across the field. This was not good, and for that, he was certain.
Remus found Lily in the Gryffindor common room, paging through her Transfiguration text as she sat comfortably on one of the armchairs. When she heard him panting slightly, she looked up, her expression mildly interested. It became much more interested, however, when Lily caught sight of Remus' slight panting and cheeks that were surely a pale pink.
"Did you tell him?" she asked, dog-earing a page of the book and closing it roughly.
Remus winced slightly for the poor book but focused at the topic at hand.
"No, but, erm, I can say I'm making a good assumption when I say that he saw me staring at him today," Remus said sheepishly. "And there were some things I said…I'm sure he knows without me ever having to say it outright."
Lily gave a laugh.
"I can't say I didn't expect him to catch on, as you were rather obvious with it, but I didn't think he would tell you."
"I'm sure he just wanted to embarrass me," Remus muttered and sat down in the chair opposite Lily's. He set his bag down and loosened his tie, "And it worked, too. Merlin, if I just knew he would see me…"
"I'm sure everyone saw you, Lupin," said Lily with a smirk.
"I swear I'm usually more discreet," Remus said with a frown. "I think I am, anyway."
"They're not exactly the same thing."
"I know."
Wanting to change the subject, Remus looked for a valid topic. His eyes rested on the textbook Lily had so rudely slammed shut prior to this conversation.
"Studying for Transfiguration?"
Lily nodded. "McGonagall's bound to give us loads of homework in preparation for OWLs. The next few chapters seem rather challenging, and I wouldn't put it past her to fly through them in lessons."
"Fair point."
They continued talking about lessons – something Remus rarely got to do – until both Gryffindors heard voices. Lily stiffened as they drew nearer outside of the common room. Remus recognized them to be Sirius', James', and Peter's immediately.
"Good luck with Black," Lily said with a wink before hurrying towards the girls' dormitories.
A moment later the portrait opened, and his three friends emerged through the hole.
"Moony, what're you doing here?" James asked as he walked further into the room and caught sight of Remus, who had taken out one of his books.
"I was enjoying the rare silence by reading but seeing as you three are now here…" Remus desperately avoided eye contact with Sirius as he made to get up.
"Aww, you're going already? Peter just got out of detention, though!" said James.
"We were thinking about going down to the kitchens," Peter said happily. "Do you wanna come?"
"Sorry," said Remus, packing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. He looked up fully as last, though his eyes never strayed towards Sirius' grey ones, "But I think I'll take advantage of your outing once more."
"You lack the sense of adventure and the wonderful tingling sensation of hunger," James sighed. "Pity, really. Well, let's go, then."
Remus saw James turn towards Sirius and Peter, the latter of whom nodded eagerly. Remus gave a salute of farewell and started towards the boys' dormitories.
"Padfoot? You coming, mate?" Remus heard James ask.
"Yeah, I'll be right there, I've just got to talk to Moony for a second…"
Remus turned around, catching a glimpse of James shrugging and leaving behind Peter, and Sirius, who had lingered.
"You, er, you wanted to talk to me?" Remus asked when Sirius said nothing. He still couldn't bear to look Sirius in the eye.
"Yeah, you, not the top of your head," Sirius said, and Remus looked up.
Brown met grey at last, and Sirius sent a startling smile at Remus. Remus flushed and looked away once more. He caught Sirius' smile falter.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked in a softer voice than before. "You've spent all day ogling at me and now you can't spare me a second's glance?"
Remus felt the back of his neck go hot as he raised his head fully. Sirius had gotten closer than the last time and was eyeing Remus.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"Don't be sorry, dear Moony; all I ask is you look at me properly," Sirius stepped closer again, and Remus felt a shiver go up his spine when Sirius' hand cupped the side of his face gingerly. He moved it so Remus was forced to look at him. "I can't be that hideous, can I?"
His throat was so dry.
"I – no, quite the opposite," Remus said lowly.
"I'm pleased you think so," Sirius breathed.
Remus could feel his warm breath on his own face, and Sirius' scent filled his nostrils. He shivered when Sirius' free hand snaked across his waist and pulled him closer.
If either of them moved, their lips would surely meet.
Remus' breath hitched as he saw Sirius move just the slightest bit and felt his lips against his own. He returned it hesitantly. They kissed, cautiously and experimentally, and then they pulled away. Remus' neck burned and he was sure his face was quite red. Sirius grinned and opened his mouth, sure to tease Remus about this.
"Oh, shut up," Remus mumbled, leaning forward to kiss Sirius again, this time with much more vigor and passion.
Sirius complied and returned it fervently. Their lips parted and their hands were on each other's bodies. Remus slid his hands under Sirius' shirt and ran them around his body. He loved how Sirius felt beneath his trembling hands; tough, fit, smooth. Everything he had ever imagined and more. Remus felt Sirius' hands run swiftly through his hair and his tongue flick around in his mouth.
They finally pulled away, panting.
"You're sodding gorgeous, Sirius," Remus said firmly, "And I can't keep my eyes off you."
"Never do."