Around The World In Eighty Channels

by Doug2

The three Charmed Ones find themselves leaping from one TV experience to another.

Around The World In Eighty Channels

Rummmmble! The Manor shook as the thundered rolled through the neighborhood shaking all the windows on the south side of the house. Kit streaked across the
living room floor under Phoebe's feet as she poured over her medieval philosophy textbook and stayed under the couch.

Prue wandered in from the kitchen inquiring, "What just flashed across our floor?"

"The cat exercising her inalienable right to be scared out more than one of her nine lives. I'm SO glad that Pete cancelled out tonight. This storm was not conducive to a romantic night out. Unfortunately Piper and Leo ARE out in it!" lamented Pheebs.

"At least she has a guardian angel with her. Whew. Listen to that wind! Did you lock the outside cellar door?" asked Prue screwing up her noise.

"Yes!" Phoebe with her nose in her book.

"How about the attic windows?" Prue asked again.

"Uh huh. And the front door and the kitchen windows and our bedroom windows and the rest of the house. Prue, it's taken care of," said Phoebe now looking up at Prue sighing a bit.

"Right. Thanks. Storms still give me the…" said Prue quivering a bit.

"…willies? …goose bumps?…tingles?…hives?" said Phoebe now teasing.

"Um, whatever? I hope Piper and Leo are ok!" said Prue sitting next to Pheebs.

"They'll be fine, but this is the worst storm I've seen since in two years. Since the night we got our powers," said Phoebe.

"That's another reason for me to be nervous. We don't need anything else that earth shattering happening tonight," explained Prue "Woo," she said shaking a bit.

"Miss "Everything-in-its-place" is feeling a little out of control tonight? If it'll make you feel any better, I haven't had any promotions of trouble. All is well! SO sit down, turn on the idiot box and chill out, sister dear," said Pheebs smiling at her sister.

"Maybe you're right," said Prue as she picked up the remote and started to surf the airwaves setting on an old romantic movie form the forties.

Both Phoebe and Prue were curled up together solidly engrossed in the movie when lighting struck nearby followed by a clap of thunder that shook the foundation of Halliwell Manor. Then the front door swung open hitting the hall wall clanging the glass in the door.

"AHHH!" cried out Phoebe.

"What the hell?" replied Prue standing up to defend her home.

In trotted Piper soaking wet and shaking off her umbrella.

"Oh, it's only Piper! Whew!" exclaimed Pheebs wiping her brow.

"Thanks, it good to see you too. I usually get, 'Hi Piper', or, 'How's it going, Pipe', or just 'Hi there.' I guess the middle sister isn't rating as well as she used to," huffed Piper as she hung up her coat and stomped into the living room.

"Sorry! That last ka-boom even rattled, Prue! HEL-LO PI-PER! How was your dinner? Though coming home alone is NOT a good thing," said Pheebs in her little girl voice.

"I was not rattled!" said Prue defending herself cutely.

"Yes, you..sorry Piper! You were saying," said Phoebe now with her head in her hand listening intently.

"Well. It all started out as a good one-month secret engagement celebration with the wine and candles and all. We talked about the future and stared into each other's eyes. And then those old spoilsport Elders called Leo away. My sweetie offered to take me home, but I let him go since he didn't need another reason to have them mad at him. Besides I had the truck to get home and it was such a LOVELY NIGHT.." said Piper getting slightly peeved.

"That you thought a moonlight drive up that creek running down the middle of the road would be nice," said Pheebs smiling.

"Yea. So here we are three maidenly sisters alone on a Friday night!" said Piper throwing up her hands and landing on the couch lying next to Pheebs.

"Maidenly? Not on your life. But at least were together!" said Prue.

"If Leo works out the details on the wedding thing, you won't be alone much longer," said Phoebe stroking her hair.

"Leo is pretty resourceful. I know he can do it, but it is just all this waiting," complained Piper.

"Oh, I almost forgot. An express package came for you this afternoon. I forget all about it!" said Phoebe jumping up to get it off the bureau.

"Topical Phoebe!" said Prue changing the channel.

"Hey! Besides there is nothing typical about us three gals now. Here you go!" said Pheebs handing it to Piper.

"That's for sure. I wonder what it is? I wasn't expecting anything. From Stockton with no name. Hmmm. A mystery to me," said Piper as she tore open the package. Inside the white and purple envelope Piper found a small sphere that was spongy like rubber, but had a shiny metallic brass finish. No other note or card was with it.

"This thing is weird. Anyone order a toy for the Kit?' asked Piper fingering the ball.

Phoebe took it and looked at tit real closely. "Nicely made, whatever it is. I don't get any reaction to it. What do you think Prue? You're our odd object expert," said Pheebs as she passed it on.

"Definitely manmade recently. But the shiny coating is hard to account for on such a soft surface," Prue bounce it and then caught it. "No idea what it is," said Prue who came over next to Phoebe and Piper as they all looked closely at it.

The ball glowed for a moment and then exploded in a shower of bright golden sparks. The sisters saw nothing but a bright golden flash as their world and consciousness faded.

Phoebe awoke, or more exactly came back to consciousness standing up leaning on an object with one hand and had a trigger of some kind in the other hand. Shaking her head she first noticed how bright the lighting she was looking into was.

"What is a doubleheader?" said a woman to Phoebe's right.

"Huh?" exclaimed Phoebe.

"That is correct for $200 dollars. Make your next choice," said the older handsome man with a mustache on the far side of the stage they were standing on.

"Double-dealing for $400," the woman replied.

"And the answer is: Agreeing to lose or betrayal," the host announced.

"Beeep!" went a buzzer.

"Joan," said the announcer.

"What is a double cross?" said the same woman.

"Correct for $400. Please continue," said the announcer.

"$600, please," Joan asked.

"And the answer is: Marching at 36 beats per minute," said the host.

""Beeep!" went a buzzer.

"Paul," said the announcer.

"What is a quick step?" said the man to Pheebs' right.

"Phoebe was by now breathing hard looking right and left trying to figure where she was. Her senses said she was playing Jeopardy, but her brain would not accept that since she could not explain how she got there.

"That is incorrect," said the man who appeared to be Alex Trebec.

"What is double-step?" asked Joan.

"Correct. Remember the question must include the word 'double.' Please select again," said Mr. Trebec.

"Let go for $800," said Joan.

"The answer is" Jacket with two rows of buttons and only one row of holes." said Mr.. Trebec.

"Beeep," went Phoebe with her buzzer.

"Double-breasted. Uh, what is double breasted?" said Phoebe the clothes expert.

"Correct, Phoebe for $800. Your turn," said Mr. Trebec.

Phoebe thought that that was more than she made in the last three months. "Let's go $1000, Alex," said Phoebe still unsure but her competitive spirit came through and she was determined to win!

Then her entire world broke up into tiny little pits of color flickering in front of her dissolving into nothing.

"And the Town Council will review the Mayor's recommendations and vote on it within the next three weeks And now we go live to Phoebe Halliwell who has a report that's nothing to bark at. Phoebe?" asked the handsome anchorman.

There on camera stood a nervous Phoebe wearing a blue skirt suit holding a microphone surrounded by half a dozen dogs.

"AH hi! This is PHOEBE! And here we have a Dalmatian, a Pekinese, a Beagle and a couple of little hairy mop like things. OK?" she said looking highly uncomfortable. "I'm really a cat person."

Over her earphones Phoebe could hear the anchorman asked, "Is there anything unusual going on a the dog show, Phoebe?"

"Good question!" Phoebe turned to the middle-aged woman next to her after the woman next to the cameraman started pointing at her. "Is there anything unusual going on at the dog show?"

"Why yes! At the Kind and Gentler Animal Shelter there was a fire and each of these dogs was saved by our mascot here, Duchess. She is a pure breed Dalmatian that has been with us for four years. Last month on the fourteen there was an early morning fire and Duchess pulled the cages of each of these dogs out of the building before the firemen reached the scene. We're very proud of her. So at the County Dog Show, she is being honored," said the dog lady.

"And what are you doing for Duchess here at the dog show?" asked Phoebe a little more sure of herself now.

"We have a display telling about the rescue and will be giving her a medal later tonight. Also, the rebuilt shelter will be dedicated to this heroic dog," she continued.

"And THAT'S the way it is down a the dog show. This is Phoebe Halliwell live on the spot! ON the spot? OH, brother!" said Phoebe breaking up.

Phoebe's world broke up into millions of bits of colorful static.

Phoebe shook her head trying to focus her eyes but everything remained in black and white. She was wearing a housedress and apron and standing near a fireplace in a small apartment.

"This getting too weird. Whoever is bouncing me around playing cosmic handball better cut it out or I'll..ah..do something!" Phoebe cried to the ceiling.

The door opened up and in walked a man in a topcoat and hat that he deposited on a hat rack.

"Hi Luth-cee. How was year day?" he said kissing her on the cheek.

"Ricky Ricardo? You think I'm Lucy? Oh, how X Files!" gushed Phoebe.

"Whas wron haney? Lak, if yar still sar abot Ethal getta to sin at tha clab an not ya. Fergit abot it an thas fenal," said Ricky sitting down on the couch to read his paper.

"Ah Ricky. Oh boy. You see I'm not really your wife Lucy. You think you see her, but I really came from another place. It's kind of a Twilight Zone type thing. So do you think you might help out here. Huh, pretty please!" asked Phoebe smiling.

"Ah huh. Thas nice. Whas fer dinna dir," grunted Ricky from behind the newspaper.

"Crawdads and pork rinds!" said Phoebe sarcastically.

"Sounds gud!" said Ricky.

"I guess none listens to a scatterbrained mid-twentieth century housewife. I hope something's on the stove. Piper where are you when I need you?" said Phoebe going through the swinging door to the kitchen. Luckily something was cooking in the oven.

"Some kind of casserole. Oh well!" said Phoebe as the back door opened.

"Say Lucy, can I borrow some paprika? I'll send Fred to the market to get some tomorrow, but I need some to finish dinner tonight," said Ethel Mertz cheerfully.

"Take what ever you need. I don't know where it is," said Phoebe as she plopped down in a kitchen chair.

A knock came from the backdoor and a deliveryman walked in.

"Come on in. I'm sure you were written into this scene anyway," said Phoebe throwing her hands up.

The deliveryman asked, "Where do you wan the penguins, lady?"

"Bring them on it!" announce Phoebe.

"Penguins?" asked Ethel after she got out her paprika.

In walked a couple of penguins pecking at the furniture an snooping around the kitchen.

"Oh aren't they cute?" said Phoebe in her real little girl voice. "And you guys look good in black and white, too."

Several other penguins followed.

"Lucy are you still trying to pull off this crazy stunt to get into the show? I thought you were using stuffed penguins," said a horrified Ethel.

"Some one screwed up! And it was probably Lucy..I mean me," said Phoebe who stood up delighted at all the birds running around.

"Here's your igloo and parkas. Where do you want the dogsled?" the deliveryman asked as six huskies ran into the kitchen chasing the penguins around.

"Lucy!" cried Ethel as to of the huskies started chasing her.

"Wha all tha nus?" cried Ricky running into the kitchen still carrying his newspaper. His eyes bulged out and he started ranting in Spanish, making two fists looking like he was going to strangle someone.

Phoebe backed off among the confusion, screwed up her face and said,"EEEEEE-UUUUU!" in typical Lucy style.

Static appeared everywhere in a million different colors.

Wham! Phoebe found herself hitting her head hard on a mat. She was dressed up in short tights and another woman was about to jump on top of her. Phoebe rolls out of the way and found herself in the middle of a WWF wrestling match.

"OH God!" she said climbing to her feet. As the other woman, all six foot and 250 pounds of her, went after Phoebe, she ran to the far side of the ring.

"Get back here, Holly-sick!" she growled.

"If you insist," said Phoebe who swung around kicking her feet out from under her.

Startled her opponent said something about that not being on the program. For the next couple of minutes Phoebe kept her at bay while the audience roared at the wrestling exhibition that turned into a kickboxing match.

Phoebe heard something over the roar of the crowd. A woman in a skimpy top and bottom holding some cue cards came up to the ring. "Pheebs. Down here!" she called up.

"Prue?" asked a startled Pheebs as she looked down at her sister.

Wham! Everything went black as Phoebe took an elbow to the face.

"And the score is 3 and 2 as the Giants send up Greg Sobinski. Greg is 0 and 2 for today and is due for a hit. With the tying run on second, the Bay Area Bandits still can pull this one out from under the Yankees. Struble looks at his catcher, calls the sign and it's low and inside as Sobinski tries to check his swing. The count is oh and one. Greg didn't like that call but the umpire sends him back to the batter's box. Here comes a slider that is to down and to the left. Ball one, one and one….." called the announcer.

Phoebe was sitting to the right of the Giants dugout wearing a Giants jersey, cap and glove. As the ball-retrieving girl it's her job to return the errant fly balls from right field. Being still woozy from her last punch, she didn't completely realize her situation.

"Two and two. Freeman on second takes a lead. Struble checks his sign and it's a fastball down the middle. Sobinski swings late and the ball heads down the right field foul line with Greg following it close behind. And that's out of bounds as the ball heads for the home dugout," screamed the announcer as the batter headed back to home plate.

Phoebe was still dozing as the line drive comes straight at her bouncing off her chest knocking her down.

"Offf! W-w-what was that? AM I..oh right. We're still playing bounce the witch! Thanks heaps!" Phoebe called to the sky.

"You OK, Phoebe?" asked one very handsome Giant with 23 on his uniform..

"OH, yea, right. Gosh, thanks!" said Phoebe. "Yea, I'm OK now!" she said in a daze.

"Just watch yourself with those line drives. Don't try and catch them. Just duck and pitch 'em back after the bounce off the wall. Catching them is my job. We don't want to injure that pretty little face, OK?" he told Phoebe.

"Yea, thanks," said Phoebe still dreamily not noticing his slightly chauvinistic attitude.

Number 23 picked up the ball and threw it back to home. "Hey, watch out for the ball girl!" he called out to the umpire who ignored him. Turning around he winked at Phoebe and went back to the dugout.

Phoebe now more aware kept close watch on the game.

"These little trips through la-la land are getting more dangerous," thought Phoebe.

Sobinski was walked to first and Ed Wellkind came up next. The first three pitches were two balls and a strike. Then he fouled down to right field sideline where Phoebe was able to return it. Even though she preferred individual competition to team sports, she seemed to enjoy being part of the action.

"Struble looks worried. There's his wind-up, the swing and it's a fair ball between the right and center fielders. Welkind heads for first and Gearhart gets the ball and throws it to Santos for the cutoff and then he fires it home. Fairfield is heading for home. They the ball and Fairfield reach home at the same time and it looks good! No the umpire calls him out. Fairfield jumps up and argues with the umpire as the Giants manger and third base coach join in. The crowd goes wild. That would have been the tying run and no one likes that call!" said the announcer.

"He was safe, you moron!" called out Phoebe who was at least with the hometown team. "Safe, you idiot!"

"You tell 'em Phoebe!" cried out one of the Giant players a little sarcastically.

Then the crowd above phoebe started getting even more worked up. The noise level increased and then all sorts of things came tumbling down. Food and drink containers, souvenirs, baseballs. Though it was happening all around the stadium Phoebe seemed to be getting the worst of it.

"Hey, stop it! Stop it. I'm on your side. Stop it….." she said holding her arms over her head trying to shield herself.

Everything broke up again into that infernal static as the scene shifted again.

"The new Victoria Secret Evergreen line. Comfort, support and so much more,"
said the announcer as one model twirled around in a pink set of underwear with
on a blank stage before the camera.

"For a totally new look and a totally new you," she continued.

Another model with her arms raised up appeared slowing turning around in a light beige set.

"Silky softness and stunning sexiness," she continued.

Phoebe was seen wearing a blue variety from the collection first twirling.

"AHHH! I'm wearing nothing! This is so embarrassing!" screamed Phoebe covering up as much up as she could.

"Evergreen. Now available at a Victoria Secrets near you." The announcer concluded.

All three models could be scene standing there with Phoebe curled up on the floor blushing.

"I am going to kill whoever is doing this to us, if I can ever figure it out! Jeez!" said phoebe thoroughly disgusted.

Static..static..static..stastic..

"And now the world is safe from the forces of evil. Niceness has prevailed," said a funny looking little man with a voice like a parrot.

Phoebe was in a paneled office in front of a desk talking to a balding older man. Phoebe wearing a miniskirt with a handbag over her shoulder and a prince valiant haircut.

"Oh my god! I'm a spy!" thought Phoebe recognizing Control Headquarters.

"Max, I just don't know how you did it. Especially after you first dropped the Doppler-Wanglestaff Revertabler. Thank goodness it didn't go off," said the Chief.

"It was all part of my plan from the start. Right 99?" said Max.

"Ah, yea right!" said Phoebe a.k.a. Agent 99.

"Like she said, right! And throughout the entire operation I had him right where I wanted him!" said Max as he raised his first in the air coming down on the Chief's desk. His ashtray went flying through the air and the dirt in it flew all over the Chief.

"Sorry about that, Chief," said Max trying to clean it up.

"Just stop it Max. At least we can rest now. Kaos won't be using the professor's invention against us. And Max you stopped the him from blowing up it too," said the Chief.

"Yes I did. I got rid or the ..What did you say, Chief?" asked Max.

" I said you stopped him from using the self destruct mechanism, didn't you?" asked the Chief standing up waving his hands frantically.

"Huh?" asked Max.

"Max, you didn't?" asked Phoebe a.k.a. Agent 99.

"The bomb, Max! Where did you leave it, Max?" asked the Chief hysterically.

"I don't where I put it? DO you have it, 99?" asked Max.

"No way, Jose!" said Phoebe.

"The name is Max not Jose.. I don't know Chief. I thought I had it when I left their hideout." said Max shaking his head.

"It was in the basement of CIA headquarters!" said Chief.

"Don't tell me I left the bomb in the basement of CIA headquarters?" said a surprised Max.

Phoebe replied, "YOU left the bomb in the basement of CIA headquarters, Max,"
Replied Phoebe smirking.

"I asked you not to tell me that!" said Max.

"Boom!" they heard as the building shook and dust fell from the ceiling.

"Max!" cried out the Chief.

"You tell the Director I have a spare room. I think they're going to need it," said Max looking a little uncomfortable as Phoebe smirked again.

Ba dum dum.

Mega static pixels.

"Welcome back to Jerry Springer, where the impossible can happen and usually does. Should witches be burned at the stake? What so you say, Laura Amy?" asked Jerry Springer turning to a member of the audience.

"Yes, yes! A witch cursed me and ruined my life. I lost my husband and my job all because of a witch. Burn them, I say burn them!" she said hysterically.

Phoebe found herself sitting on the stage with four other women including Piper.

"Piper, Piper! Oh its good to see you!" smiled Phoebe as the audience chanted "Burn them,. Burn them!"

"Yea, other circumstances would have been nice. How do they know we're witches?" asked Piper.

"We're all witches, honey," said the punk looking woman next to Piper

"Witches are evil Satan worshiping devils and they all should be killed," shouted another member of the audience.

"Comments? Phoebe?" asked Jerry turning to the youngest of the Halliwells.

"Satan? No-no-no.. We stay as far away from him as possible. Hey, I go to church! Sometimes!" said Phoebe a little less confident now.

"We don't harm people. It's against our basic creed. My sister and I are the protectors of the innocence!" cried Piper.

"They all say they're innocent." shouted a man from the audience. "An old witch in my neighborhood made my son sick and he DIED. Let them all die too!"

"Aw, you can't kill us. We know everything your up too." cried out the witch on Phoebe's left.

"I don't think that's a good idea or we'll all end up on the barbeque!" said Phoebe.

"You say a witch killed your son. Trisha, did you ever kill anyone with your powers?"
asked Jerry.

"No, I would never harm anyone. My power is only for healing the sick and the sick of mind," said the quietest of the five women on the stage.

"I've killed and I'm glad I did. Those who feel my wrath deserve everything they get. Yeeaa," the witch next to Piper hissed.

"Piper have you killed anyone with your powers?" inquired Jerry.

"Um, well!" stammered Piper.

"Have you?" he asked sounding sinister.

"Well, yes. But only demons and warlocks," Piper cried out playing nervously with her hands.

The audience yelled in shock.

"Hey, they were either bad dudes or trying to kill my sisters and me!" exclaimed Piper over the noise.

"And who are YOU to say who deserves to die?" screamed one female audience member.

"Are you GOD?" asked another one.

"Yes, Piper do you see yourself as a god?" asked Jerry now inches from her.

"I..but..no..i don..I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" screamed Piper. "FREEZE!"

Al the noise and commotion stopped as the studio froze in mid-heckle.

"Good. I would try to have kicked their butts but I'm a little out numbered here. Good move, Piper." said Phoebe.

One of the women shook her head, became very scarred and ran out from among the frozen audience members.

"Hey!" called out Phoebe.

"Forget about her. Probably a good witch trying to defend her sisters. I am more worried about three sisters that are taking the kangaroo express across the TV airways. Has anybody tried to kill you recently, Pheebs?" asked Piper.

"Yea, a couple of times. Everything here seems to be real. How about you?" asked Pheebs.

"We'll lately I've been shot at on NYPD Blue, slammed against the wall on American Gladiators, held hostage in the Middle East on CNN and just now I was 50 feet tall being shot at by the Army. So how do we get out of this Miss Wicca of 2000?" asked Piper.

"Yea, it's kind of been the same for me. I did see Prue once, so we my come across each other again, but we need to know who this cosmic channel shifter is." said Phoebes.

"Fine. Let have one of your instant spells Pheebs. FAST!" said Piper getting more peeved.

"Let's see:

Halliwell sister's traveling
Through ice and flame
Who is the tormentor?
Reveal his name." said Pheebs crossing her fingers.

Mist came before them and started to form letters and then three world again dissolved into multicolored static.

Phoebe shook her head as she dropped whatever box she was holding. There was commotion everywhere as people in green clothes were running to and fro.

"Halliwell, pick up that plasma this instant. It goes in the back of the bus," yelled a blood woman who appeared to be in charge.

"Boom!" an explosion occurred near the bus.

"Can't they tell we're a hospital!" yelled Captain Hawkeye Pierce running across the MASH compound with some supplies.

"Since were a hospital maybe they want to save us the trouble to transport and wounded and bring the war directly to us! Delivered fresh and deadly to your door daily." quipped Captain BJ Hunnicut who was running along beside him.

"Halliwell, let me help you," said Hawkeye as he picked up the box she had dropped.

"Boom! BOOM!" the mortar impacts came closer.

"Stop it Damn you. We're a medical unit!" Hawkeye yelled again.

"Nurse. I forget the field operating kit. It's on the gurney inside the door. Now hurry. Thanks," said BJ trying to smile though all the shelling.

Phoebe made it inside the hospital and couldn't locate it. There was so much equipment and she had never been trained as a nurse.

"What in he name of General Grant's horse are you still doing here, Lieutenant!" said Colonel Sherman Potter running a final check of the hospital. "Bug out means bug out!"

"I a need the field operating kits." said Phoebe pointing around the room.

"Here it is, now go. Get on the bus and move your kee-seter out of here. Hurray!" said Colonel Potter.

As Phoebe ran across the MASH compound another shell hit and this time she was hurt.

"Halliwell!" called out Major Houlihan. "OH God. Charles! Please. It one of my nurses!"

"There there, Miss Phoebe. Let's have look. It's only a nick. I can't work on her under these conditions. Margaret, give her a compress to stop the bleeding and let's get out of this hell hole," said Major Winchester.

"Charles, she's wounded!" said Major Houlihan.

"And she'll get a purple heart. Now before we become causalities too let's get out of here. She'll be all right for the time being," said Major Winchester heading off to the bus.

"Come one, Halliwell. We'll get you fix up," said Major Houlihan.

"Thanks!" said Phoebe as she stood up in pain and then everything went gray and white.

Phoebe looked up into the black and white eyes of a man wearing a trench coat and a fedora with a wide brim. They were together standing at an old airport on a foggy runway.

"I'm staying here with him 'til the plane gets safely away," said Rick.

"Oh my God! Look who it is. OK, I CAN do this. Let's see. About last night. . ."
said Phoebe grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Rick continued, "Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong."

"No, no way," exclaimed Phoebe. Luckily Prue loves those old drippy romantic movies, thought Phoebe.

"Now you've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louis?" said Rick turning to the constable.

"I am afraid that Major Strasser would insist," he replied.

"Hey, you're only trying to get rid of ME!" exclaimed Phoebe as Ilsa.

"I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it," said Rick building up the intensity.

"NO WAY!" screamed Phoebe.

"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life," said Rick tenderly.

"Oh God, you are good!" said Phoebe melting in his arms. "But what about us?"

"We'll always have Paris. We didn't have it; we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night," smiled Rick.

"How about San Francisco? You and me together! Huh? You made a lot of pictures there. Fog, moonlight…oh yeah. I'm sidetracked. And I thought we'd never part again!" said Phoebe.

"And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Not now. Here's looking at you, kid," smiled Rick.

"Yeaaa!" said Phoebe dreamily. She looked up at Rick and over to Victor. "Continental or American hero? Suave debonair or ruggedly masculine?" thought Phoebe. "Decisions. Decisions! Victor! Sorry I hope you understand!" said Pheebs smiling sweetly.

"Ilse! You must go with Victor," said a surprised Rick that was used to getting his way.

"Nope. I'm with you, Bogey," said Phoebe as they walked off into the fog leaving Victor standing there with his mouth open. "This IS the beginning of a beautiful friendship," giggled Phoebe.

More static.

Organ music filled the air as Phoebe looked up into the rafters of a church sanctuary. Phoebe was dressed in a dark blue robe listening to the minister at the podium.

"And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, "Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?" And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, "What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" The word of God. And now Sister Phoebe has some words of inspiration to share with us. Sister," said the minister introducing the youngest of the witches.

Phoebe was in shock and looked around for some comfort. All she saw was an entire room full of people eagerly waiting to hear from her. Phoebe giggled nervously as she was helped up to the podium. Her side still hurt from her shrapnel hit. With no notes to speak from Phoebe started.

"Um. Well. Hi!" smiled Phoebe. "I ..um.. don't know what to say to you good people. I am not a regular churchgoer, but I do believe in a greater good. I have to. For I have seen a lot of evil in a very short time. There is bad out there, but you have to get through it. Put it behind you. You have to believe that. You have to keep the faith as they say. Faith. Faith in yourself, faith in family, especially my sisters, faith in friends, faith in those around you, those who believe in you and faith in the greater good. God, I suppose. Someone is looking down at us. If it weren't for me believing in the faith and courage that is in me, my loved ones and I would probably be dead in an alley or a warehouse somewhere. But with the faith you can win. I know it; I've done it against all types of horrible things. Things that only want to stop my sisters and me; evil things. AND there is evil out there. The devil does exist in many forms. Believe me when I say I've looked the devil in the eye, fought it and won. So all of you good people must develop the faith, keep the faith and keep on going. You can do it, just believe. I have. Thank you," said Pheebs as she sat down.

"Hallelujah!" called out one of the worshipers.

Phoebe looked up and smiled. "Nothing like a little religious pep talk," she said to the minister sitting next to her.

"Very well spoken, Sister Phoebe," said the minister.

"Thanks, Wheeew. Am I glad that's over…" Phoebe started to say.

And Phoebe's vision again broke into a million brilliant little colored bit of light.

Phoebe blinked her eyes in the extremely bright light that seemed to be everywhere. She was standing on a road somewhere in the desert. Looking at her hands, they appeared to have lost all detail. Though she could see her fingers, her ski was just one shade of beige, her clothes had no details and her feet were tiny slivers. Even her figure seemed to be exaggerated.

"I'm in a cartoon. I'm just a pale reflection of myself. Where is this?" asked Phoebe as she heard something coming up behind her.

"Meep, meep!" exclaimed the tall fast spindly bird running by her.

"Ah, no. This can't be happening! The roadrunner. Oh lord, this could be dangerous," exclaimed Phoebe.

Walking along the road she found a box of Acme roller blades, a Surefire crash helmet box, an Acme fishing net bag and the remains of a wooden box that contained a Botdafarm aircraft jet engine. The coyote was standing before her wearing the skates, had mounted the jet engine to the helmet and was balancing it on his head. He planned to catch the roadrunner with the fishing net.

"Talk about Rube Goldberg, Hey coyote, whatever your name is. Do you think that will really work?" asked Pheebs holding her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh at him.

The coyote looked at Phoebe, scratched his head and then nodded yes smiling with a certain air of satisfaction his face.

"Well, you better keep your head level and always look straight ahead," suggested Phoebe.

The coyote nodded in agreement, then realized he better not do that again.

"Meep, meep," could be heard coming through the still desert air. The coyote switched on his jet engine that sounded like a dozen planes were taxiing nearby. A flash of dust came by indicating the roadrunner and the coyote was off. Phoebe watch as he headed down the highway. Every time he tried to catch the roadrunner, it would weave right or left and be missed.

"Meep, meep," he cried out and accelerated and then turned back. The coyote made a long slow turn to return. He was gaining on the roadrunner as it passed Phoebe.

"What, no!" cried out Phoebe as she spun around looking like a tornado, The spinning stopped and she tried to regain her footing watching the road runnier disappear in the distance. "Uff!" cried out Phoebe as the coyote not only hit her, but also picked her up and they both continued down the highway. The coyote looked up at her and the jet engine sent them flying into the sky.

"Ah, nooooo!" screamed Phoebe as they looked down from an impossible distance. "Get me down!" she screamed as the coyote looked down. The force of the engine sent them plummeting toward the ground. "No, up, up!" pleaded Phoebe. They continued going down, passing the roadrunner that was standing next to a cliff and plummeted over the cliff. Phoebe let go of the coyote and two figures flying spread eagle disappeared heading for the canyon floor below.

"This isn't happening!" cried Phoebe as she hit the ground making a large hole. She crawled out of the hole and said "Thanks!" to the coyote as they both stood up and walked away flattened to twelve inches tall.

"You're one dangerous dude," said Pheebs in a munchkin voice.

The coyote agreed and shrugged as they bounced along like accordions across the desert floor. Then picture disappeared again.

"And now were back to "Mental Health Today," with Dr. Prudence Halliwell, brought to you by the Tahoe Valley Recreation Community. Luxury and fun rolled into one. Now here's Dr. Prue," said the announcer.

Prue sat in one over-comfortable chair as Phoebe and another man and women sat to Phoebe's right.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Prue, if you can believe that, and we're here with..um..whom are you sir?" asked Prue.

"Gene Wentworth, physic to the stars," the gentleman said.

"Yea, right," said Pheebs under her breath.

"Deanna Statler, food critic for the San Francisco Express-Journal," said the woman next to Phoebe.

"Phoebe Halliwell, noted television kangaroo and critic," said Phoebe smiling. "Hi, Prue!"

"OK, today's topic is how to stop ceaseless cycling through television programs and the best route home," said Prue sighing.

"Well, I.." said Gene.

"Phoebe, please ANY SOLUTIONS?" asked Dr. Prue.

"First you have to identify the demonic neurosis that stared the whole thing. Then maybe ridding ourselves of him will stop this unending cycle. I may have a spell that I have will do just that," said Pheebs smiling.

"Well, with that thought, let's break for a commercial. Phoebe, join me in the back!" said Prue.

Leaving two very confused guests, they conferenced behind the set.

"You only have sixty seconds," said one very nervous assistant director.

"Buzz off," said Prue as she flung him away. "OK Pheebs, let's have it!" said Prue very tense and peeved.

"This celestial program hopper has all of us dancing from one channel to another. We've never really left the Bay Area, so it's all local TV programs. With out the blessed Book of Shadows I'm not sure, but I hope if we vanquish him we'll end up home and don't cancelled like some low rated skizo sitcom," explained Phoebe.

"You look hurt," said Prue noticing Phoebe holding her side.

"Ah yep. Just a shrapnel hit form the Korea War," said Phoebe. "I think our time is limited in this crazy world, too."

"I hope you're OK. I was just being chased by a lion on the Africa plain during a safari documentary and before that I was in a wrestling match with Bruce Willis in some macho movie," said Prue exasperated.

"Really? Who won?" asked Phoebe perking up a bit.

"Let's just say that he won't be bothering anyone for a while form where he's hanging from," said Prue.

"You can handle yourself better than me. I haven't had a premonition in any of my leaps," said Phoebe. "It may only work with real people."

"Look let's say our incantation and get out of …." Prue dissolved into static and they found themselves tumbling toward another rendezvous with the wasteland of TV.

"Driving comfort.." said the announcer as a car flashed by on the screen.

"..good road handling.." he continued as the same car raced around a curve barely staying on the road.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Phoebe in the back seat being thrown all about. "Pull over. This is my stop! Let me off here!"

"...stylish contours…" he continued as the car drove down a desert road with Phoebe still complaining in the background.

"…low price..and the 2001 Jeep Cherokee will take you anywhere!" he continued.

The car stopped suddenly and Phoebe was thrown against the back of the front seat.

"Ouch! You had to do as I asked so quickly? Whoa. I'm out of here," said Phoebe opening the car door and stepping out.

"Well, almost anywhere." the announcer finished as the camera pulled back to show the Cherokee on top a very tall rock pillar in central Arizona. "The 2001 Jeep Cherokee. See it at your local Chrysler Jeep dealer today."

Now Phoebe was hanging onto the edge of the rock ledge. "Hey, stunt driver. Give me a hand. This isn't exactly my line..:" said Phoebe as she slipped and started to fall.

The picture dissolved into major static.

"Uff!" cried Phoebe as she landed in a clump of bushes. "Now what?" she asked herself.

"Penny, really. If we are going to finish our rehearsal of my interpretation of Hamlet, we must not have any lying down on the job. Now, up, up, up!" ordered the older man with who looked like he enjoyed sucking on a lemon.

Phoebe stood up and looked around. She had long hair and couldn't have been more than twelve. This place was somewhere in the desert, but the rocks and plants looked very strange.

"Are you alright, Penny?" asked a young boy with reddish hair.

"Ah, yea, I guess," she said staring at her companions.

"OK, Dr. Smith. Let's finish up. I still have my chores to do. Dad will be mad if I take too long," the boy told the older man.

"Very well. Ophelia. Here is where you enter. Come in you bubble headed excuse for an actor," he huffed.

"Lost in Space?" thought Phoebe. "I must be Penny Robinson? Why can't I end up on Beverly Hills 90210 or Melrose Place in the arms of a big handsome guy?"

In rolled the robot dressed up as a medieval maiden. "Dr. Smith. I was not programmed to be a damsel in distress," complained the robot.

"And it is very obvious that you were not programmed to act either. You must so more emotion in your lines." said Dr. Smith gesturing broadly. "Speak your feelings using the words on the page."

"That is affirmative," replied the robot in a monotone voice.

"It's only for this one time, robot. Besides we're all doing it for Mom and Dad," said Will Robinson.

"So we're all putting on some skit for three other people?" asked Pheebs giggling.

"Skit? This is a great work of theatrical literature that should be seen by millions. So if you don't mind, Penny. Say your line," said the good doctor pointing to her script.

"And where good Hamlet is your lady fair?" asked Pheebs wriggling up her nose.

"Ah, yes the fair Ophelia approaches," said Dr. Smith again gesturing broadly.

"Where is my Hamlet? There he is..WARNING! WARNING!" called out the robot waving his arms about. "My sensors indicate a vortex is opening!"

"Where robot?" asked Will Robinson looking all around himself.

"That is not the line, you blundering.." said Dr. Smith as he screamed when a explosion occurred behind Phoebe and a large ape-like creature with one horn appeared.

"Aurghhh!" cried Dr. Smith as he fainted.

Phoebe tried to kick him, but the creature grabbed her and they both disappeared through the vortex which had formed behind him.

"Let me go," screamed Phoebe as she disappeared.

"Penny," cried out Will as he ran through the vortex.

"Come back here Will Robinson," called out the robot. "WARNING! WARNING!"

More static.

Phoebe found herself standing behind a curtain in a beautiful designer gown standing next to Piper who was similarly dressed.

"Piper, am I glad to see you! Some space monster just carried me off and…" she exclaimed.

"You don't look any worse for the wear. In fact you look gorgeous. I on the other hand was just wrestling an octopus with Captain Nemo!" said Piper in her best-exasperated tone.

"Yea. I see your point," said Phoebe reaching up to her shoulder picking something out of her hair.

"Whoa! What is it?" said Piper very startled.

"Seaweed," giggled Phoebe.

"OK. Sorry, but I'm a little paranoid lately. Especially after Pinocchio and I were swallowed by that whale!" said Piper. "Have you seen Prue lately? She and I were showing off evening ware on some shopping network a few scenes, shows, or whatever ago."

"Nope, haven't been there yet though there was this one Victoria Secret's ad that gave me he creeps," said Pheebs.

"Anything nice?" asked Piper raising her eyebrows.

"Not when it all you're wearing. Too drafty." said Pheebs smiling.

"Brittany, Christina. You're on next!" said some assistant director wearing a mike and headset.

"Brittany?" asked Piper.

"And now to present the Best New Artist Award, here are two of the latest new sensations, Brittany Spears and Christina Aguilera," said the announcer from off stage.

Piper and Phoebe came out on stage very closely holding onto each other.

"Look at all those people," said Piper.

"Just smile, Piper. Smile," said Phoebe as the reached the podium. They both just stood there as the audience chuckled at them. Another assistant director waved at them and pointed to the teleprompter.

Phoebe started, "The world of music changes constantly with new trends and performers."

Piper stood there as Phoebe elbowed her. "Oh and even though I have been in the business a very short time, many new performers have come and gone."

Phoebe continued, "And it is you the people that determine the likes and dislikes of the recording industry. So for 2001 we are here to honor the person who you the people have chosen as the person who best represents the new and latest trends."

Piper gets elbowed again. "Whoa! And the nominees for the Best New Artist are Jeffery Emerson, Kool MacKay, Jennifer Quail and Cindy J."

"Boy, I always wanted to do this. And the winner is Jennifer Quail for Best New Artist of 2001." announced Phoebe as she cheered. Piper looked at her strangely as someone handed her a statue of a CD mounting on a pedestal.

The singer whom the ladies had never heard of came up and hugged them like a long lost sister and took the statue from Piper who stood back form her.

"Oh, I don't know what to say," said Jennifer Quail as she pulled out a huge piece of paper. "First let me thank the academy and…"

"Now what Pheebs? Can we use the spell or not?" whispered Piper.

"Not here, but I have an idea. Hang onto me; we should be leaping out of here in a moment. Then we can say it together. Hold my hand tight!" said Pheebs.

"I'm holding!" said Piper as things broke up into billions of pieces.

Shaking her head, Phoebe could still feel Piper's hand. Opening her eyes she saw Piper next to her. Then they both realized for the first time they had some control of the situation.

Piper tried to say something to Phoebe, but it came out in a strange language. Phoebe replied in the same language that she couldn't understand her. Several other Orientals were sitting around in a room talking at a dinner party.

"Great," thought Phoebe. "We've landed on some Asian foreign language network!"

Phoebe threw up her hands and then cupped her ears indicating that she couldn't understand Piper. Piper threw up her hands and started stamping around the room. The other people tried to console her, but there was still the language barrier. Piper pushed them off and stared at Phoebe. Phoebe thought for a moment and tried reciting the spell in whatever language she was speaking, but nothing happened. She shrugged Piper who was sitting in the corner in a huff. Phoebe tried to play charades with Piper, but before they got too far, the scene shifted again.

"Piper, Piper," screamed Phoebe as she ran through the darkness. She was dressed in a long white gown and wore a hood and cape. The forest was dark and forbidding. "Piper!" she screamed again. "I guess we lost each other. It's so dark out here and I could use one of those torches. Torches?" asked Pheebs as two lines of torches came up a hill in the distance.

"I don't think they are the Welcome Wagon," said Pheebs as she took off running. The side of her back was better, but it still ached, as did the scraps from hanging on the side of the cliff. She took off down the path she seemed to be on. Jumping over downed branches and ducking under low limbs the torches were still getting closer and closer.

"Where have I seen this before?" asked Phoebe as she headed down the hill and through a creek to make better time. The water was cold and wet and Phoebe got soaked as the stream got deeper and deeper. Suddenly, she lost her footing and plunged over a waterfall being thrown clear of the rocks below and landing in a deep pool.

"Ah, ugh," cried Phoebe as made it to the shore. Sopping wet she climbed up the embankment and shook dry for only a second for the torches were only a hundred yards away. "How do you guys make better time than me?" Phoebe called out as she could now hear the angry mob.

"Get her! Kill the demon! Death to darkness!" called out the townsfolk.

"Don't they know I'm a good witch? But I better keep that a secret here" thought Pheebs.

Now wet and covered in mud Pheebs stumbled alone as they got closer and closer. Falling into a small ravine, Pheebs hit her head and couldn't get up. The darkness got brighter as people congregated around her and the shadows danced in the flames of the burning torches. Phoebe lay there petrified.

"Burn her!" cried one townsfolk.

"Hang the wretched woman," said one of the women.

A person of authority replied, "No, we will have none of that!"

Phoebe sighed for a moment. "A little reason in this mob. Thank the lord," she said.

He continued, "She is a bride of Dracula. We must run a stake through her heart!"

"Ah, no. Wrong evil dud! I don't have that franchise!" said Pheebs as he jumped into the hole and Pheebs kicked him and rolled away from him.

"She is the devil," screamed one woman.

Another man grabbed Phoebe as a stake was raised above her head. "This isn't right, no!" screamed Phoebe as the stake came down on her chest.

Once again static filled her world.

Phoebe reached up and turned on the water of the shower. She could feel the warmth all lover her body. After all her close calls it felt good to get fresh and clean. Soaping up she first looked at the wall and then at the shower curtain. She could see someone approaching raising a hand over their head.

"AHHH," Phoebe screamed as she crawled into the back corner and the false security of the shower. The shower curtain was pulled back and an old woman with a knife raised it above Phoebe's head and plunged down. Phoebe rolled out of the way and body blocked the arm with the knife. Pushing her aside she grabbed a towel and ran from room number one of the Bates Motel.

"Bates? Oh god, I hated this movie. Prue, where are you?" cried Pheebs as she ran down the road to the highway. The Bates' house loomed over the countryside.

Running down the road in the darkness Phoebe tried to stop a vehicle. No one in this Hitchcock picture seemed to one to help a frantic woman in a towel. Exhausted Phoebe stood panting for a moment when the Bates' mother came from out of the woods swinging the knife at Phoebe.

"Go away! Get way from me," Pheebs yelled as she tired to kick him away again. This time he grabbed Pheebs' foot slashing her leg. A huge truck stopped and the driver got out and grabbed the knife knocking it to the ground. The Bates' mother ran off.

"Miss, are you all right?" asked the middle-aged driver as he put his coat over her.

"Yes, now thank you," said Phoebe smiling at her rescuer. She appreciated the chivalry that she doesn't usually see with her dates. Too bad he wasn't Cary Grant.

"Can I take you anywhere?" he asked helping her into his truck.

"Anywhere away from here!" said Pheebs. "Maybe the police or the sheriff's office!"

"Yes, Miss," He said tipping his hat as Pheebs smiled and snuggled into the big front seat.

Static. Static. Static.

"Hey, Rock. Watch me pull a rabbit out a hat!" said Bullwinkle.

"Again? But that trick never works!" said Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

"This time for sure. Presto!" he said reaching in and pulling out Phoebe in a tight corset and rabbit ears.

"That's a Playboy bunny!" said Rocky.

"OH, well I'm getting closer!" said Bullwinkle.

"And now here's something I hope you'll really like." replied Rocky as Phoebe looked on in utter amusement.

Colored bits of light and energy filled her vision.

"So Lucy, why did you do?" someone asked Pheebs as she shook the cobwebs out of her head.

"Uh, why did I do what?" asked Pheebs as she looked into the eyes of a very pretty blonde while sitting in a typical suburban living room.

"Jeff, why DID YOU sleep with him?" she asked again.

"Jeff, I don't know any Jeff!" said Pheebs raising her hands in non-recognition.

"Jeff, Jeff Halliday. Your sister's former boyfriend? How could you when you know I'm in love with him? And HE loves ME." she replied. "I did have his baby, you know. And nurse him back to health after that accident with the ice cream truck."

"Tell you what. You can have him. I REALLY don't need that kind of trouble now!" said Pheebs getting up to leave.

"Wait! What's wrong with him? Why don't you want him? Is he sick? Is he dying? How could you leave him like that, you little tramp!" she yelled at Phoebe.

"Hey, I don't need all the troubles from some soap opera! I have enough of my own. Demons popping out from everywhere and leaping around the television world like a kangaroo on SPEED. So cut me some slack!" yelled back Phoebe.

"Ha! Then you admit you've been leaping from one bed to another with every guy in Franklin Heights," said the other woman.

"What? That is not what I said. I am having way more problems than that, sister!" said Phoebe turning to leave.

"No, you aren't going to go," she said as she pulled a gun on Phoebe.

"Wait, no. I'm not who you think I am. Put it away. PUT IT AWAY!" yelled Phoebe backing off.

"You've caused enough pain to everyone. You're not going to hurt anyone Lucy Gingham." she screamed at Phoebe.

"No-o-o!" screamed Phoebe.

"Bang" and then nothing but static.

And Phoebe found herself running down a track with half a dozen women beside her. The shot was the sound of the starting gun, but Phoebe couldn't take it and fell in the middle of the track as the other women continued. Feeling her whole body she was relieved that she hadn't been hit anywhere.

"And Halliwell is down. She appears hurt, but doesn't seem to be in pain. Phoebe finished second in the Pacific States Regional representing UC at Berkley after setting a new record at Berkley for the Women's 100 meter hurdles," said an unseen announcer.

"Hey, Pheebs. You all right? That wasn't a very good start you had," said a teammate in a similar uniform.

"Uh,huh, " said the very tired Phoebe. "I thought I'd been shot at!"

"What, where? Pheebs let's get security. I didn't hear anything!" she said helping Phoebe up.

"No! I was wrong. Sorry. Just get ..whew..back to the bench. I haven't run in so long. Whew!" said Pheebs limping toward the bench.

The sports doctor came over to see Pheebs. "I don't feel any broken bones or sprains, but how did you get this wound in your side? Have you been near any explosions?" he asked very puzzled.

"Sort of. Thanks for looking at it. I've been too busy to see a doctor lately. Ouch. That hurts!" exclaimed Pheebs.

"There. That should hold you till you can she your family physician," said the good doctor.

"Thanks, but I probably won't see him for a long," explained Phoebe as the world broke up again into multi-colored pixels.

Huffing and puffing Phoebe was walking along a treadmill swinging her arms in some sort of sling as a guy in a skimpy gym outfit was talking in front of her.

"Nice rear," thought Pheebs as she huffed and puffed on.

"..and Fitness 2000 not only adds muscle to you legs and arms, but it will tighten up your stomach and reverse the effects of age on your posterior. Look how easily Sharon is moving in the Fitness 2000. Pumping 1200 calories an hour will shape you up and slim you down in no time. Why Sharon herself uses the Fitness 2000. In just twenty minutes a day she lost over 45 pounds in just six weeks. And so can you!" said Mr. Muscles.

Phoebe pulled herself out of the sling arguing with it for a minute.

"Get off of me! Off! Off! Now listen here Mr. Muscles. I never weighed 150 pounds in my life," said Phoebe looking up at an embarrassed pitchman as she poked him in the chest. " What you see is from years of personal physical exercise and sweat on my own. I don't need any overpriced, underutilized, dust collector in my house to help keep me in shape. Three or four hours in the gym three times of week is what I used to look this way and the occasional demon busting session. So take your medieval torture device and peddle it elsewhere. Get off my air time and out of my sight!" said Pheebs as some applause could be heard coming from the filming crew.

Mr. Muscles was entirely at a loss for words since he no longer had cue cards to follow.

Pheebs poked him one more time in the chest and walked off the set.

Static Grande.

In a typical American living room, Phoebe found herself standing in the doorway with a family group looking her over.

An older red haired woman had answered the door. "Tony your date is here," she said looking Phoebe up and down.

Checking herself out, Phoebe thought she looked good all dressed up for a date though she was a little out of style.

"Phoebe! Oh, thanks for meeting me here. I just got the back from the auto body shop with the van a few minutes ago. You should see how GREAT it looks now. My. it's good to see you. You sure look great," said Tony taking her hands.

"Yea. Same here, I guess," said Pheebs being escorted into the house.

"This is Mona, Angela and Jonathan." introduced Tony. "Guys, this is Phoebe Halliwell."

"Hi," waved Phoebe as Angela gave her the once over. Phoebe looked down a little uncomfortably.

"And this is my twelve year old daughter Samantha," said Tony very proudly. "Sam, this is Phoebe."

Samantha raised her forehead and gave Phoebe the most infectious grin. "Hi, Phoebe. It's a pleasure to meet you. My dad is really stuck on you!"

"Samantha, don't talk to people like that," said Tony as he turned away grinning about his daughter dropping a good word in for him.

Phoebe kneeled down and shook Sam's hand, raising her eyebrows and said, "It's a great pleasure to meet you, too. You're really very pretty. We'll just keep how your Dad feels between us!" whispered Phoebe.

"If Mom knows, it'll be on CNN by morning!" said Angela looking at Mona.

Looking down at Samantha and Phoebe, Mona stared for a moment and asked, "Am I missing something here?" as both Samantha and Phoebe looked up and smiled at her. "Do you remind me of someone, Phoebe?"

"Nope, I'm new in this town. Believe me!" said Phoebe standing up.

"Hey, come on Phoebe. "Short Circuit," starts in half an hour. Is that movie O.K. with you Phoebe?" asked Tony.

"Fine, fine. I won't get to see it anyway," exclaimed Phoebe.

"Sam, I won't be back till late. Night, Sam," Tony said hugging and kissing her.

"Night, dad. Have a good time. Nice meeting you Phoebe. Ever consider raising an older girl?" she called out.

"Sam!" called out Tony.

"Just kidding, night!" replied in a cute little girl voice and waving to her Dad,

"Kids," he gushed to Phoebe.

"I think it's cute," replied Phoebe. "I was kind of like that at that age."

"Don't be back too late," said Angela. "We have an early DAY TOMORROW," she said a little coldly.

"OH, Angela," said Tony.

"Remember who's the boss!" she replied.

"Yea, yea, yea. Night all!" said Tony closing the door behind them.

Rainbows of color filled the screen.

In front of a cheap set, Phoebe appeared wearing a jockey outfit standing there in black and white. Behind her was a horse grazing on some straw.

"So can YOU tell me where we are?" asked Pheebs throwing he hands up realizing she was carrying a riding crop. Two men in light suits, ties and hats approached her.

"So you see Abbot, first I talk to the jockeys and then I find out which ones are sick," said Lou.

"And what does that prove, Costello?" said Bud looking down at him.

"Will you see I figure the sick jockeys don't want to bump along on their horse too fast. See?" said Lou.

"Yea?" Bud looking over the racing form.

"And they don't race real fast and they'll come in last. So we bet on the jockeys that feel good and they're the ones that will win," said Lou.

"And you think this system will work?" asked Bud.

"Naturally. In fact I heard a fellow over there that has the same system," said Lou pointing to a racetrack tout looking at his racing form.

"Oh yea?" asked Bud.

"Yea!" said Lou.

"Oh yea?" said Bud.

"Yea. Now CUT THAT OUT!" screamed Lou losing his hat momentarily.

"How do YOU know it worked for him, Costello?" asked Bud.

"Will you see I saw him bet on Come Let Us. He bet two dollars on Come Let Us and he won! How do you like that, Abbot?" asked Lou.

"But he only bet two dollars. I don't have much confidence for someone who only bets two dollars. How did the horse finish?" asked Bud.

"How did Come Let Us finish," asked Lou.

"Yes, how did Come Let Us finish?" asked Bud now getting mad.

"He won by a head." said Lou looking pleased with himself. Phoebe couldn't help chuckling too.

"All right, cut it out. Now what makes you think that this system works?" asked Bud for the second time.

"You see, Abbot. After he picked up his winnings I heard him talking to another guy and he told them that the horse ran well. So I figure he must not have bet on the sick one," said Lou.

"The horse ran well so you want to bet on the sick ones. That the dumbest system I ever heard of. I'll shoe you how to pick a winner. Look here at this horse, number six in the fourth race. Falcon's Nest. The track is wet today and he's a mudder. He should run very well in the mud," said Bud.

"Yea, he ain't sick," said Lou.

"Cut that out, Costello!" said Bud. "I like him because he's a mudder. And he'll be strong and fast as soon as he's done eating his fodder."

"Yea, he'll be a good runner caused he's a mother. He's a mother? Ah. Abbot. How can HE be a MOTHER?" asked Lou.

"It's says so right here," said Bud pointing to the racing form.

"Well if it says so, and you say he's eating his father?" asked Lou.

"Now even you can see that. Just look at him! Now don't bother me I want to look a the next race." said Bud turning to his paper.

"So you think a he who thinks he's a mother who eats his father is a good bet?" asked Lou.

"Yes, do you have anything wrong with that?" asked Bud.

"I may not, but I'm sure his father has some objections! Let me ask this guy!" said Bud turning to Phoebe. "What do you say to all this? How can a horse who thinks he's a mother who eats his father is a good bet?" Bud asked.

"It's very easy. The fodder is the hay that he's eating and the mudder is track that's full of mud. Get it?" asked Phoebe smiling at him.

"So his mother's made out of mud and his father's made out of straw?" asked Lou even more confused.

"No the straw he's eating is called fodder and because he runs well in the mud, he's called a mudder. Simple?" asked Phoebe.

"That's EASY for YOU to say. You're pretty smart for a jockey," said Lou pointing at Phoebe.

"Actually I'm a student and a witch," said Phoebe.

"A what?" asked Bud.

"A witch." said Phoebe.

"Hey, Abbot. This is a witch," said Lou pointing at Phoebe.

"A witch, where?" asked Bud.

"Witch where, there." said Lou.

"That's not what a witch wears," said Bud putting his paper down.

"What's a witch wear?" asked Phoebe.

"Which witch where?" asked Bud looking at the jockey.

"There!" said Lou.

"That's not what a witch wears," said Bud.

"What's a which wear?" asked Phoebe.

"Which witch where?" asked Bud.

"There!" said Lou.

"That's not what a witch wears," said Bud.

"What's a witch wear?" asked Phoebe.

"Which witch where?" asked Bud.

"There!" said Lou.

"That's not what a witch wears," said Bud.

"Oh forget it. I thought I sees a witch but it don't look like any witch anyway?" sputtered Lou.

"Witch way?" asked Phoebe.

"AHHH!" Lou called out running out of the scene as the terminal static returned.

Phoebe opened her eyes as the sun shone in them under a partly cloudy sky. Immediately the shadow of a very tall man blocked out the sun and he reached down to help her up. Not only what else to do, Phoebe accepted his offer and found herself standing beside John Wayne wearing some old Army uniform. She herself was wearing a calico dress and bonnet and was standing among the remains of a wagon train. Turned over and burned wagons were thrown about the prairie.

"Are you all right, Miss?" asked the Duke.

"Yes, thank you," said Phoebe looking way up at him smiling a bit.

"Them Comanche will be back soon and we better get you back to the fort. Men, put the women and children in the wagon and the men can ride their own horses or double with us. We move out in five minutes and we're riding hard and fast," he called out.

"Yes, Sergeant!" said one soldier.

Phoebe was helped into a buckboard and soon they were underway bouncing along a dirt road on a hard seat in a cart with no springs.

"This wagon is hard on the toosh," Phoebe said to the boy next to her as she bounced along.

"Ah, sis. What are we going to do with Pa dead? We'll end up in an orphanage for sure," the eleven or so year old said crying in her lap.

Trying to comfort him Phoebe told him that everything would work out. She wondered how old she was supposed to be though she was dressed like any of the other adult women in the wagon. Wherever she is, they must be the survivors of an Indian attack and John Wayne's troops had chased them off.

"We'll be at Fort Cheyenne by nightfall. Don't worry your pretty little head," said John Wayne smiling at her. He tipped his hat and rode away.

The afternoon wore on to evening as the troops and settlers made their way through a canyon. The soldiers didn't look any more comfortable that the settlers as the caravan picked up speed. Phoebe looked up above her and saw the walls of the canyon that were made of some kind of yellowish rock and had with jagged out crops on the top.

A shot was fired and the lead soldier fell to the ground.

"Forward men, we have to get out of this canyon," yelled John Wayne. Phoebe felt a pull as the wagon took off and her "brother" woke up.

"What is it, Phoebe?" he asked yawning.

"Shh! Stay down, uh bro," said Pheebs pushing him into her lap.

As they reached the exit to the canyon Indians riding horses entered in front of them.

"Men turn around. Bugler sound retreat!" yelled the Duke.

Some of the men rode out in front, while others remained in the back since the wagon took longer to turn around, Phoebe and the rest of the women and children were near the back. The Indians sounded closer and closer as Phoebe looked for the entrance of the canyon they had entered a short time before. One of the women screamed as the Indians on faster horses caught up with he wagon. One Indian jumped from his horse and landed next to the woman that screamed. Phoebe tried to push him away, but she only got shoved to the floor of the wagon. Phoebe again tried to push him out and the Indiana turned on her.

"Oh God. I'm screwed," mumbled Phoebe covering her head.

The Indian raised his tomahawk over his head as his face distorted into a red faced ugly demon. A bullet whizzed by Phoebe's head as the demon fell backwards out of the wagon. Turning around, Phoebe could she John Wayne had just saved her life. A few of the soldiers were wounded, but they got the settlers safely out of the canyon. Nearby they made camp for the night.

Phoebe tried to warm herself around the fire in the chilly prairie night air. Chewing on a bite of hardtack she wondered when she would be on her way. Since some demon was definitely after her and her sisters she had to be extra careful.

"Evening, Miss," said Sergeant John Wayne tipping his hat. "Sorry about the grub, but our rations are fairly scarce. We weren't planning on any company."

"No problem. And I want to thank you for saving my life back there. That Indian would have gotten me for sure," said Phoebe looking up at him graciously.

John Wayne replied, "Just doing my duty, Miss. Good night," he said chuckling a bit.

Pheebs just smiled to herself as she gnawed on the hard biscuit. Staring at the fire the colors changed to black and white and she was on her way again.

The black and white bits of light changed to multiple colors and Phoebe was standing in an alley beside the largest nest she had ever seen. Dressed fairly up to date; she looked up to see a very tall feathery bird.

"Now I have THREE little bird toys. Do you know what I have if I picked up another one?" Big Bird asked to the children sitting around him.

"Four," said the little black child.

"Yea, four," said a little girl in blue.

"That's right!" Big Bird agreed as he picked up another toy. "Now we have five!"

"And if I pick up another one, how many will I have?"

"Five, five. You'll have five!" said the little girl in blue.

"That's right. Now if I get another one, how many will I have?" Big Bird asked again.

The red headed little boy said. "Six. It will be six!"

"Oh darn, I don't have any more. Do YOU have any more little bird toys, Miss Phoebe?" asked Big Bird.

Phoebe shrugged, looked around then saw some old ones over by the wall of the store. "I'll get them," Phoebe said walking over there.

A head popped out of the trashcan next to the toys. "Hey, those are mine! Leave them alone!" yelled Oscar the Grouch.

"We just wanted to count them. I'll bring them back when we're done," said Phoebe smiling at the Grouch as he frowned back.

"N. O. spells no. I'm not sharing! Why can't you count good things that are yucky and disgusting? I've got some old tin cans and a single used sneaker and a broken toy telephone and busted violin bow and this old submarine sandwich," said Oscar throwing the things out of his can and hitting Phoebe with them.

"Forget it! I'd count Prue's accomplishments before I'd ever use that stuff. Yuck!" yelled Phoebe.

"Why, thank you, " replied the Grouch.

"Sorry, guys. Six is high as your going to get! Unless you can think of something else….whoa!" said Pheebs as she slid into another scene.

Phoebe was walking through a strange swamp surrounded by others wearing similar uniforms.

"Wait, I know this one. Star Trek? Right?" said Pheebs joyous upon her discovery.

"Our journey through this swamp is an arduous one, but I would not classify it as a star trek, counselor," said Data the gold eyed android analyzing her comment.

"I am detecting some form of humanoids in the vicinity," said Worf reading his tri-recorder, "But the gamma ray flux destiny is disrupting my sensor readings."

"Tighten up our ranks" ordered Commander Riker. "Riker to Enterprise. We still haven't located any of the intruders near the colony, sir,"

"Say in touch, number one. Sensors indicate humanoid life signs directly ahead of you. Be careful. Picard out," replied the Enterprise.

As the Enterprise officers got closer together Phoebe heard, "Phoebe, over here!" Dressed in a red security uniform was Prue with a funny ridge on her nose and a pageboy haircut.

"Prue. Thank God you're here. What happened do your face? There's something across the bridge of your nose," said Pheebs putting her hand up to her mouth trying not to laugh at her.

"I'm a Bajorian," said Prue rubbing the ridge finding that it was real. "One of those other species on Star Trek."

"Uh, none of us were real sci-fi fans. Not until we all joined date ranks of the magical and fantastic ourselves, but where did you learn about it?" asked Pheebs scratching her head while climbing over a big tree root.

Thinking a moment Prue said, "Oh, back in high school my old boyfriend Steve was into it and we had to watch it on Thursday nights. Not too bad a show. Don't you think Commander Ricker is hot?" Prue said with a gleam in her eye.

"Cute, maybe, but don't plan on settling down with him on Corpus Delta Epsilon Nine whatever," said Pheebs.

"Maybe your right," said Prue changing her mind.

"Quiet in the ranks," called out Commander Riker.

"Commander, I am not sure but we may be surrounded. Sensors indicate…" said Worf as a phaser shot hit him at this feet evaporating the swamp water and frying some green plant.

"Circle up," called out Commander Ricker searching the perimeter for intruders.

Phoebe wondered if the Indians were attacking again. A Romulan came out of the trees and fired at Phoebe missing her. Prue fired back and hit him knocking him dead.

"And where did that move come form?" asked a very immersed Phoebe.

"Laser tag!" replied her sister.

After several more exchanges the Romulans retreated.

Commander Ricker asked, "Are all right Deanna?"

"Yes, thank you." Pheebs replied wondering about the special attention.

"You're the ships' psychologist?" asked Prue. "No wonder he worried about you over me. He's been stuck on Deanna for years, but don't expect him to give up his ship for you. He is definitely a Starfleet officer first."

"Great, so I don't get the big handsome spaceman from TV land. Change of topic. Has any demon looking types been after you lately?" inquired Pheebs.

"Definitely. The Taco Bell dog turned into the hound from hell and tried to have me on a burrito and some lighting technician tired to kill me with one of those big studio lights while I reported the local news over in Sacramento. I shoved them off with my power. I'd say I've had my share of close calls," said Prue holding up her finger making a point.

"Seen Piper lately?" asked Phoebe worried about her other sister.

"Yes, and she was fit to be tied. We were in some cow judging contest and I had her entered in it with the rest of the Guernsey's or what ever they brand they were. She had horns on her head and a rope around her neck," said Prue snickering a bit. "Cute, but very, very peeved."

"Sure it wasn't a demon?" inquired Pheebs.

"Demons don't usually threaten cows with ending go on an orderve plate," said Prue and she giggled a bit with Phoebe.

"Commander, if the Romulans are involved, I recommend returning to the ship. A cloaked Romulan vessel could be in the vicinity," suggested Worf.

"Agreed. Let's get out of here," said Commander Ricker. "Eight to beam up," he called up to the Enterprise.

"This is going to be very weird," said Prue as they got into transporter formation.

"And the rest of today hasn't been?" asked Pheebs.

Pheebs could feel herself breaking into a billion pieces as her world again turned into multicolored pixels.

Zing. Phoebe found herself walking down some stairs as she lost her balance and ended up in the arms of a handsome older man with black hair and just a touch of gray in the front. Phoebe immediately smiled and sighed at him.

"Miss Fine are you alright? You took quite a tumble there," said her handsome catcher with a worried look on his face.

"Oh, I'm definitely fine now," replied Phoebe as she looked strangely at how nasal she sounded. "Do I always sound like this?" she asked reacting to the grating sound of her voice and holding her throat.

"Ever since you whined your way in our front door, Miss Fine. Don't you remember? asked Mr. Handsome helping her back to her feet.

"Maybe her stuffed up nose is clogging up her brain!" noted another older man entering the room and quickly leaving.

"Niles, really. Miss Fine just had fright and is suffering just a bit right now," replied Mr. Handsome a bit fatherly.

"Aren't we all?" replied the other gentlemen covering his ears.

Phoebe wondered how she fit in this little scenario when three children came thumping down the stairs arguing at full throttle.

"Quiet, please. I have had enough of that," said Mr. Handsome.

"But Dad, my little league team needs a new catcher's uniform and I thought.." said the middle boy.

"My spring formal is in two weeks away and I still don't have a.." said the older girl.

"And there's a Chinese panda on exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. I so want to.." said the youngest.

"Please, please! I have to go downtown and meet with my backers. I'm sorry it will have to wait. Or Miss Fine can take care of you. Whichever, I have to be off right now. Till later," he said looking back hopefully at Phoebe.

All three of the children were now staring at Phoebe greatly intent on her next remark.

"Now you must feel how Daniel felt when he read the menu for the Lion's Den," said the other older gentlemen barely dusting the banister as he walked up the stairs listening carefully.

The stares continued as Phoebe replied throwing up her hands in a "Why not?" expression, "Shopping anyone?" This was something Phoebe was very good at.

"All right!" said the boy.

"Thank you, Fran," said the older girl kissing her.

"Ditto," said the youngest agreeing.

"Oy vey!" replied Phoebe grabbing throat again at the sound of her twang. They all grabbed their coats as Phoebe wondered if all her problems would be this easy. Outside she hailed a taxi as the disorganized picture static returned again.

Walking down a bright street that had no details, Phoebe realized she had entered the cartoon world again. She still looked like Phoebe Halliwell, but her figure was simplified and exaggerated and she appeared to be waiting for the bus. A big guy ran up to her at supersonic speed.

"Hey there pretty, Momma. How about you and me boarding the bus and riding to the ends of the earth?" said a tall big guy in a black shirt and blonde hair piled up to the sky..

"Are you kidding me? Howe long have you been trying to pickup girls with that line?" asked Phoebe putting her hand on her very thin waste.

"Since I was about four. Always tried to have fun in recess. YOU want a play with me, baby doll?" he asked posing for her. "Ha, he, ha, ho!"

"Noooo. And how often did this line work?" Pheebs asked with an impish grin.

The guy looked straight out with blank expression. "Never, now that I think of it. So where can we go to be alone?" he asked as the bus pulled up.

"OK, you get on the bus and I'll meet you on the back seat. There we can get cozy," said Pheebs coyly.

The big guy smiled and "whooshed" on the bus as the bus pulled off.

"That guy couldn't be that dumb!" thought Phoebe as the bus pulled away and his face was pressed to the glass.

Static. Static. Static.

The scene started at the counter of a typical McDonald's with Prue Halliwell standing behind the counter looking very uncomfortable and out of place. Phoebe dressed in a high school outfit came up to the counter,

"Hey, Prue. Looking for a career change?" she giggled just a bit.

"Ah, no. This is more of a career starter. How about you, Miss Sophomore?" she said with a bit of irony. "You're in a retro mode yourself I see."

"Yea. Well, I just go with the flow around here lately," said Pheebs. "Oohh!" she gasped as Ronald McDonald quickly came up behind her. "How do you breath through that big red thing?" she said in her little girl voice.

"Do you know about our new dollar menu?" Ronald said in his best sales pitch voice.

"No," said Phoebes crossing her arms, "But I bet you'll tell me all about it, won't you?"

"You can get a double cheeseburger for a dollar. Or a Junior McRib for a dollar. Or fries or a coke…" said Ronald.

"For 79 cents?" asked Pheebs fed up with whole thing.

"No. For a dollar. That's MacDonald's new dollar menu for a person on a budget for just a quick snack," continued Ronald.

"Well, I'll probably stay here until I order something. Give me a double cheeseburger, but hold the onions," said Phoebe. "And hold my hand, Prue dear."

"What?" asked Prue as they disappeared from the McDonald's and were on their way again.

Phoebe woke up next to Prue on a grass-covered slope. Explosions can be heard in the distance.

"Phoebe, we leaped together! That's great! Maybe we can make some progress here," said Prue who stood up in a tight skirt, striped shirt and wearing a beret.

Phoebe stood up in a similar outfit. "Well that's one thing I did learn. Piper and I did hop together once. We have to stay together and when you feel the leap coming, HOLD ON!" she giggled. "Boy am I glad that we are back together. Maybe we can handle the problems easier now." Another explosion occurred. Phoebe finally noticed it and responded, " What was that?" She turned around and saw a beach below and hundreds of naval ships coming straight for them.

"From our costumes, setting and special effects, I'd say that was the invasion of Normandy there. We're in the middle of one of the biggest battles of World War II," exclaimed Prue as another shell hit close by.

"Run?" asked Phoebe.

"You have to ask?" said Prue as they headed up the hill away from the beach.

Shells were still coming all around then as they passed a farmhouse and headed down the road. Passing an overturned cart and dead horse they came up to a German patrol that was also heading away from the beach.

"French wenches! Care to comfort a soldier going into battle?" asked the big sergeant in charge.

"Nope. Heading that way," pointed Phoebe.

"Come on, madam-mo-zell. Let's try out that haystack," said one of the privates leering at Prue.

'Not on your life," said Prue as she flung them all backwards. "Run, Pheebs!"

"Now I know why I'm really glad were together again. Head for that barn," cried Pheebs. "No wait. Take my hand!"

Prue grabbed it as another change took place and the French countryside dissolved around them.

The whining of an engine played in Phoebe's ears as she woke up next her sister both dressed in their 1960's Sunday best. They were on a plane heading someone.

"Great. I never know where we're heading, but at least were making great time!" said Pheebs to Prue.

"I don't have a good feeling about this Pheebs," said Prue.

Pheebs retorted, "Hey, I'm the psychic. Oh, don't tell me that was Dean Martin in the handsome pilot's duds, Prue?"

"Yes. And that means this is the movie "Airport" and this plane is doomed," surmised Prue.

"Ah, doomed like everyone dies or doomed like the situation deteriorates and there is still a happy ending?" asked Pheebs.

"She the guy sitting next to Helen Hayes in the funny little hat?" asked Prue.

Pheebs stood up a moment. "Yep. Cute little old lady. Why couldn't I have been her?"

"Be glad you not. The guy next to her has a bomb," said Prue whispering.

"Oh come on Prue. The metal detector would have caught it. Unless this is some old disaster movie," laughed Phoebe.

Prue looking very serious nodded her head in agreement.

"You mean? Oh God. BOMB! BOMB!" screamed out Phoebe.

"Sit down Phoebes. You'll make it worse." said Prue pulling at her sister.

"That guy over there has a bomb. Get his briefcase!" yelled Pheebs running down the aisle.

The man stood up running past Phoebe who stumbled in her haste to get to him. He ran to the back of the plane.

Dean Martin came running in. "It's no use. They know about the insurance policy, it's no good. Give me the briefcase. Please."

The bomber looked worried and then distraught and went into the rear bathroom with the stewardess following him. Dean Martin came rushing past Phoebe as an explosion was heard and the plane plummeted downward with everything not tied down flying out the back hole in the plane.

With all the passengers screaming Phoebe made her way back to her seat.

"Everything is under control, I think," said Prue. "At least it was at this point in the movie. Grab my hand Pheebs," said Prue.

"I could have used some help back there," said Pheebs looking at her determined sister.

"Making bombs fly around a plane isn't very safe. And neither is yelling fire in a crowded movie theater!" said Prue commenting about Phoebe's last action.

Pheebs look at her sister. "I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there."

"I know Pheebs. We have all learned that lately." said Prue as the plane continued falling and two Halliwell changed scenes once again.

The two sisters found themselves standing in a furniture store with a fast talking announcer in front of them. Each of them was dressed in very skimpy bikini with their hands showing off the furniture behind the announcer.

"Come on down to Harold's Furniture Barn, partner. We have what you need at prices you can afford. We got living room sets, dining room sets, beds, dressers, couches, sleep-a-ways, lamps, lights, ceiling fixtures, chairs, tables, you name it. And at prices that are absolutely crazy. Cash, charge or 90 days same as cash. Bring us our ideas and our staff of highly trained decorators will help you create the house of your dreams…" he droned on.

"Pheebs? It's freezing in here!" stage whispered Prue.

Pheebs trying to hold her smile, "Not the first time I've been like this. Get behind that couch with me and we'll talk. I'm not just going to be eye candy here. We need to find this demon!"

The pitchman looked around and grew horns for a moment, sneered at them and then went back to his pitch, "And we're easy to find. My two darlings Barn girls must have headed that way now themselves. So you too come on down to Harold's Furniture Barn in San Jose. Take the…"

Back behind the couch Pheebs said quietly to Prue, "OK, you got it?"

"Check, Warlock and demons and the like and same…." recited Pheebs as the world shifted once again.

Phoebe and Prue still holding hands were standing on a surrealistic stage while the man next to the camera was signaling to them.

"Well, here we are. Welcome back to..ah.." stammered Pheebs who saw a logo on the camera. "…back to MTV Retro-video. Our next selection is..Prue?" smiled Pheebs.

"Thanks. Um… Blondie doing the Mars Song? Whatever! Here it is!" said Prue as they blitzed out of this studio.

"Moth-er. Marcia going out with Matt Denver. She knows I like him and want him to ask me out!" yelled out Jan running down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Hold it, hold it! You're not old enough to have a train to catch yet, Jan," said Alice. "What's wrong?"

"Marcia, is stealing my boyfriend!" yelled Jan.

In walks Piper in a blonde wig wearing a tailored suit drinking a cup of coffee.

"OK, kitchen, stairs, hysterical child. Sitcom. OK. What's up?" asked Piper.

"Well, Mrs. Brady, Jan here seems to feel that a little boyfriend hanky panky is going on here in the Brady household," said Alice.

"Whoa. The whole bunch of them. I'll get to the bottom of this. Marcia, get down here!" Piper called up the stairs.

Down came, Peter, Phoebe with long blonde hair, and Prue in a cute pinafore and blonde curls.

Piper burst out laughing at the sight of Prue. Prue looked miserable, but played along.

"Mom!" called out Jan.

"OK, " said Piper sounding very official. "What's this about Jan's boyfriend?"

Prue and Phoebe just stood there looking confused shaking their heads.

"Marcia, you know how much I like Matt Denver. How come you are going after him?" asked Jan shouting at her

"What is the story, Marcia?" asked Piper sipping her coffee and enjoying every moment.

"I ..ah.. don't know," said Pheebs. "Never saw this episode."

Peter jumped in. "Marcia was just talking to him. He hasn't even look at Jan. Who would look at her? Old ugly britches! Couldn't even attach flies!"

"Tattle tale. Big dope. BOY!" called out Jan.

"Now, now that's enough. Both of you go run off and ..ah.. do something! Scoot! NOW!" said Piper.

"Aren't you a little hard on Jan?" asked Prue.

"I wanted us alone, me, Marcia and the youngest one in curls!" giggled both Piper and Phoebe.

"I do feel ridiculous, but God we are all back together!" said Prue.

"Love you all!" squealed Phoebe "And we stay together from now on."

"I sure hope soooooooo…………." yelled Piper as they all slid down that pixel covered tube together.

"Uff," screamed Phoebe as she hit a hard surface. "Noo!" yelled as Prue landed on top of her and Piper followed.

"Whoa. What a ride! Hiya Pheebs!" chuckled Piper. "Sorry about that!"

"Thanks, Max. Next time the little sister gets to be the caboose," quipped Phoebe as she stood up.

"I doubt we have much control over that!" replied Prue.

"But her are together at last! Blessed be." Said Piper who was all smiles and looking around some empty high school hallway.

"I know this place," said Prue as a bell went off and the halls filled with students wearing early nineties clothes.

"I don't know if we're students or not, but lets get out of this crowd. We can't afford to be separated again." Said Piper as they went out of the nearest exit.

"Whew, that's better. Since we can't vanquish our tormentor without knowing who he is, let's try this spell again," said Phoebe.

Piper added, " And know w e have the power of three, too."

"Here it is, I wrote it down a couple of whatever ago. Recite with me:"

Halliwell sister's traveling
Through ice and flame
Who is the tormentor?
Reveal his name."

"Brenda, Kelly, Donna. What are you three doing out here? You never hang together!" said a blonde haired girl.

"Oh, hi. I know you from somewhere," said Prue. "We're just having a ..poetry reading." Explained Prue too quickly.

"Yea, right. Actually we're all WITCHES and if you don't leave, I'll turn you into a toad!" yelled Phoebe as the girl screamed and ran.

"Toad? And you're the one that doesn't want to embrace cliques! Woo!" said Piper.

Mist appeared around hem and letters formed in form of them.

"A…Q.." read Pheebs.

"U…I..N.." continued Piper.

"E…X" finished Prue. "Aquinex? Sounds like a pain remedy."

"Now we need to summon him and vanquish him!" said Piper. "And then back home!"

"But if we rid this world of him, how do we get back?" asked Prue. "We don't want to do this forever."

"Agreed. Let's summon him and then we.." said Phoebe.

"Uh hum. What are you doing out here? Class has started already," said the tall man in the brown suit.

"Yes, we were just leaving. Come along Brenda," giggled Phoebe.

"Miss Walsh hurry on," he said to Piper.

Piper oozed at them, "I'm going. Got tot get to Home Ec," she said sarcastically.

"Don't us that tone with me," he said as his face turned red and he developed horns."

"Looking for me witches?" he hissed.

"Oh my God. Es, but later," said Pheebs "Run!" she screamed.

Whoosh. Piper froze him as the took off down the hall.

"This is a good time for a spell, Pheebs," yelled Piper as they ran down the hall.

Rounding the corner they met Aquinex again as he growled at them. Prue waved at him and he flew down the hallway.

"Hang on," cried Pheebs as they shifted again.

Phoebe shook her head again as the view in front of her cleared. Two or three dozen women in dark blue pants and blue denim shirts stood around a detention area in a prison or jail. Nearby her were Prue and Piper dressed similarly.

"A women's prison movie? How clique can you get?" cried out Piper throwing up her hands.

"Nope, this is probably an old TV movie. I see at least two of Charlie's Angels here and isn't that Stockard Channing in the corner?" asked Prue motioning to her right.

"Well, at least I haven't been a lady of the night!" quipped Phoebe.

"Um!" said Piper holding up her hand. "Yep. Crossed that old clique role. Froze

them very quickly and found my way off the streets."

"Thought you new gals were working girls!" said one large blonde inmate listening to them.

Piper looked around shocked, "Ah, no-no-no-no. We are not supposed to even be here. Just visiting, thank you."

"Sure, we're all just here for our health. Right, girls?" she called out to the whole cell.

"Yea, right!" said one prisoner.

"Who's the princess?" asked another.

"Thank you for your kind reception, but we have to talk alone," said Phoebe looking sweet and then pushing her sisters into a corner.

"Don't push!" said Piper. "Now can you work on the spell!" Piper said bulging her eyes out. "All these hardened criminals don't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Let's get out of here!"

"I concur," replied Prue. "Movies always need action to keep the audience interested and this is one plot I don't want to see how it develops."

Phoebe looking peeved whispered, "I working on the spell!"

"Hey, ladies." cried out on large woman, "Let's get out of here. These screws can't hold us. Come on!" And the women pushed up against the bars trying to break them down.

"Phoebe. This is turning into a riot!" hissed Piper.

"I'm trying, but I need a little quiet," whined Phoebe looking up through her flyaway hair.

"Maybe next time. I wish we could get out of here," yelled Piper throwing her hands down to her sides. Sparks flew from her right hand and a glistening portal opening up in the floor.

"I think I see the exit," quipped Phoebe.

"Oh, did I do that?" said Piper coyly.

"You get all the neat powers," complained Phoebe.

"Who cares? I'm breaking out of this join," said Prue as she jumped through the hole

followed by Phoebe and Piper. Two of the jailbirds tried to follow, but the hole sealed up.

"This is Steve Austin and Mills Lane on Celebrity Death Match. Tonight we are bringing you the match up of the century. The twenty-first I think," said Steve.

"No Steve, technically the new century doesn't start until January 1st, 2001. And if it was New Year's Day, any match up would be the match of the century since NOTHING happened before that. SO who cares?" said Mills.

"Thank you for that clarification. Our next match up takes us to the fringes of the dark and mystical, the very bowels of hell. Even thought it's not Halloween we have a tag team match of witches vs. witches. On my left are the witches Sabrina, Hilda and Zelda Spellman. They are noted for being good witches we always seem to get into trouble," said Steve.

Mills continued, "And on my right Piper, Phoebe and Prue Halliwell, three demon busting girls from San Francisco. My money is on the Halliwell's who have a solid record fighting magical things. They should take the Spellman's in one round."

"No, no, no. The Spellman's are much better at their craft. Even though Sabrina has not been a witch for long, Hilda and Zelda have been practicing magic for over 600 years. I

think the experience has it in this match up. And here comes the referee." explained Steve.

Prue was facing Zelda in the center of the ring while the referee stood between them. "I want a good and bloody match. To send in one of your team members your have to walk, crawl, slither or be thrown close enough to touch their hand. The last team that still has one living or critical tag team member wins. Now go to your corners and come out slaughtering when the bell sounds. KILL 'EM!" he growled.

In the Spellman's corner Sabrina was talking to her Aunt Hilda, "All I said was I thought I'd gotten pretty good at my magic. I don't think I'd have to prove anything!"

"The Other realm doesn't take kindly to vanity. You're going to have to fight your demon's to show them who the better witch is. If you survive! Ha-ha," said Hilda.

"Ah, I don't think I can't do this," squealed Sabrina. "Hoe about a nice game of Twister?"

"In the seventeen century I got a little two envious and I ended up fighting the Marquis de Sade in a knife duel. Boy did he enjoy that!" said Hilda.

On the other side Piper was talking to Phoebe. "You look different Piper. Am I made out of clay?" asked Phoebe as she took her hand off and put it back on again.

"Pheebs! That's gross. But wait until this match gets started. It's to the death!" said Piper.

"Hey, there's dead and there's dead in our business," said Phoebe.

Ring went the buzzer.

Prue and Zelda entered the ring with hands reaching out in front of them circling each other.

"I must first tell you that I abhor violence," said Zelda.

Prue replied, "Then let's call a truce. We don't have to do this!"

"I'm sorry but family honor is at stake here," explained Zelda. She pointed her finger at the floor, a hole appeared and Prue fell through it.

"Piper, freeze her!" said Phoebe.

"Freeze what? Those good witches. Not on my menu. Remember? You premonition them!" quipped Piper.

Mills explained, "It doesn't look good for the Halliwell's. Prue has already left the ring, but the crowd is demanding more blood. Oops, here comes Prue back to the mat covered in dust bunnies."

Several of the dust bunnies hop away. Prue takes one look at Zelda and sends her flying back into the pole that gets lodged in her clay back.

"Oh, that must hurt. Well, she could always try out for the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz now. I wouldn't mind being the Wicked Witch of the West! Cackling I'll get you my pretty little dog too!"

"Hilda, don't sell the coffee shop! Opps, she's up. But how do we get the pole out of her back!" asked an anxious Sabrina.

"Oh ah. No helping till you're tagged. Other realm rules! Go get her Zelly!" said Hilda.

Zelda walked over to within an arms length of Prue, pulled the pole from her back and swung at Prue who jumped aside. Then she turned the pole into a chain saw coming straight at Prue.

"Ah, Piper. Let's really get out of here. Now! Over here Prue!" screamed Piper.

Prue made the chain saw fly from her hands and hit Hilda across the neck severing her head. Her head fell to Sabrina's feet where she seemed to be enjoying the experience.

Sabrina just made a face, "Yeech!"

"Maybe I should try out for the headless horseman. Zelda always felt I should try and get a head. My body lies over the-ere…." said what was left of Hilda.

"Give it a rest," said Sabrina. "At least I work out my vanity problem. I don't want to end up like Hilda now!"

"I'm heading for the last round up. Head 'em and move' em out. Heads I win! Oh say can you see? No my eyes are over there…." continued the whacked out Hilda.

Piper waved her right hand and another portal opened up and the three Claymation imitations of the Halliwell's headed for another rendezvous.

Static. Static. Static.

The sound of an airplane engine could be heard right behind Phoebe. She was dressed all in black and was wearing a helmet and a parachute sitting on a bench in a small airplane.

"Prue, we're in black and white again," whispered Phoebe

Prue sighed, "World War II, about to jump into occupied Europe, I surmise. I'd say we're spies here."

"Jump? Whoa. I get dizzy looking out the second story window, Pheebs," said Piper shaking her head.

"Hey, it's completely dark out. Just jump. It'll be fun!" smiled Pheebs, crossing her fingers out of sight of her sister.

"Jump, into the black nothingness out there. I don't feel so well," said poor Piper as a made approached her. "Kirk Douglas?"

"Time to go men. God, King and country. Remember to run as soon as you hit the ground. No telling if the Germans are out there or not!" he reminded his commandoes. He attached Piper's hook onto the release wire.

"Ahh, there's a mistake here. I'm just a nightclub owner here, not James Bond!" said Piper as she was pushed toward the door.

"We all have our aspirations after the war, Franklin. Now go!" said Kirk as he pushed Piper from the plane screaming.

"We better follow her if we're to stay together," said Phoebe. "Geronimo!"

"Wish I could fly," sighed Prue as she followed them.

Phoebe could hear Piper screaming below. A quick jerk from the line pulled open her parachute as the wind whipped across her face. It didn't feel much different than when she was flying all by herself. Just peacefully drifting down through the dark sky. The chute came out and a sudden jerk or jolt slowed her down as a large white flower opened above her.

"This isn't so bad, falling though the sky is easy," thought Pheebs. Then looking at the ground. "I just remember those landings really sucked! Where is the ground?"

Phoebe hit the top branches of one tree, broke another large branch and then plummeted to the ground. She prayed for a moment until she realized that the chute had been caught in the tree and she was hanging four feet from the ground.

"Could have been a lot worse," thought Phoebe as she unbuckled herself. She really enjoyed the experience until a rifle barrel was pushed into her face.

"Raush, englischer scholdar," said a German private.

"Oh, hi. I'm really just visiting. How's Paris these days? Always wanted to see it, by the light of ack-ack fire! Hello, hello?" asked Pheebs as the soldier just stared at her.

"Piper?"

"Saving your butt one more time! Let's go find Prue, Mata Hari," she said smiling.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" asked Pheebs taking off her last buckle, jumping to the ground and pulling out her pistol.

"Hey, put that thing anyway!" said Piper. "I got down here with my eyes closed. Now opened 'em up and lets get going. OOO! No guns please!"

Pheebs looked worried, "Well, the statue over there is carrying one. You OK?"

"That haystack was harder tan it looked. My ankle is a little twisted, but I'm still determined to get out of here. PRUE!" called out Piper.

"Shhh! I'm here. Troops are all around! Make an exit please!" said Prue.

"No problem. What about Kirk?" asked Piper.

"Oh, he's the hero. He'll be OK. I'm worried more about us," said Phoebe as Piper opened another portal.

Phoebes took the lead yelling, "Geronimo!"

And the world broke up into bright colored speckles again.

Phoebe shook the effects of hopping around the TV worlds for the umpteenth time.

Prue and Piper were on her right and they were sitting in a courtroom in the traditional defendants' position to the right of the prosecutor. Prue gave her a "Now what?" look as their lawyer spoke.

"Your Honor, there is no physical evidence in which you can hold my clients," he pleaded to the judge.

"But Your Honor, murder is a capitol crime in Wisconsin. These women used their powers of witchcraft to eliminate a business rival and ended the life of a solid citizen, a loving family man and successful local entrepreneur. The use of physic methods of murder date back to the Egyptians and if we allow these women to be released the public will be in danger," objected the prosecutor.

Prue looked at her sisters. "This can't be real."

"Technically, none of it is real at least not from our own prospective. But whatever goes on here can affect us. I have the scratches and wounds from other jumps to prove it. I remember this show, Picket Fences. Lots of weird and creepy things happened in it," said Phoebe with a kind of weird expression on her face.

Piper quipped, "Sounds like we'll really fit in here."

"Your Honor, my clients should not be prosecuted for their religious convictions," retorted their attorney.

The prosecutor jumped up, "This is not a case of the violation of constitutional rights. It is a murder indictment. If any rights have been violated, it was the right of the deceased to live freely and his wife's right to associate with the person she loved and chose to marry. We have several verified incidents of public threats against the deceased and public witnesses to the practice of witchcraft by these three sisters."

"Hearsay evidence and third party testimony. The coroner's report lists the cause of death as a heart attack. And as to the public practice or religion, we have filed with the State of Wisconsin an application for tax exemption for a Wicca Church to be established right here in the town of Rome," said the defense attorney raising his voice to the judge.

"Oh brother," thought Prue rolling her eyes at the tactics of their defense attorney.

"My Marty was murdered. He was scared to death when his office equipment attacked him. Those WITCHES did it. MURDERS! MURDERS! YOU KIL MY MARTY!" yelled out the distraught widow.

"Can we do that?" asked Prue screwing up her nose.

"Evidently her in Rome!" said Phoebe who was fascinated by the whole trial. She had become interested in the law and prosecution lately.

Bang, bang, bang went the judge's gavel. "That is enough! Not another outbreak in my courtroom. SILENCE! Now Mr. Drew, why do you always bring these strange cases into MY court? I never fancied myself as the Judge Hawthorne type. This is not SALEM or the SEVENTEENTH CENTURY! Now do you have any physical evidence to connect these women with the crime?"

"Yes, your Honor. These women openly threatened the decreased and openly threatened him with bodily harm using the dark powers of SATAN!" he said building to a climax.

"Powers? Satan? Mr. Wambaugh, are your clients witches?" asked the judge.

"Your Honor, they do practice the ancient rituals associated with that religion as guaranteed by the constitution. But they do not harm others. These are just rituals praising nature and goodwill. They had no designs against the deceased, no matter what their business relationships were," pleaded the defense attorney.

"Those witches KILL my husband," cried out the widow.

"We're GOOD WITCHES!" cried out Phoebe standing up quickly.

"Still down, GLINDA! Bailiff, if Mrs. Granite calls out one more accusation, remove her from my courtroom! MR. Wambaugh, advise your clients to be quiet. I am this far from issuing contempt citations for the entire lot of you. Now, Mr. Wambaugh with all these religious ceremonies, do your clients profess to have quote unquote supernatural powers?" asked the judge sounding like he didn't even believe what the asked.

"Truthfully Your Honor, I have not witnessed any such displays and my clients have professed no knowledge concerning the circumstances of the deceased's demise," said the Mr. Wambaugh.

"Your Honor, may I speak?" asked Prue standing up.

"Go right ahead. Nothing ever surprises me in this courtroom," said the judge throwing his hands up.

"Prue, I suggest you sit down," said their lawyer.

Piper reached up with her eyes bulging, "Sit down Prue. Now! We're already in enough trouble."

"Your Honor, from what I have heard in this court and what little I know about the deceased's death let me assure you that we do not have powers to move things from a great distances as alleged here and that our entire existence is to help people and not injured them. And I would be willing to swear to this. Thank you, Your Honor," said Prue who smiled and sat down.

"Good one, big sister," said Phoebes proud of Prue.

"Your Honor, that is not sworn testimony," said the prosecutor.

"And let me remind you that this is not a trial, it is an arraignment hearing. And this is not a séance either. The question seems to rest upon the opinion of one set of people versus another. The question is whether such powers even exist. What I need is a independent assessment and.." said the judge.

"Your Honor," came a different voice from the visitor's gallery.

"Now what?" cried out the judge.

The sisters looked around to see a teenager with long dark hair slowly approaching the bench.

"Does she look familiar?" asked Prue.

"That's the sheriff's daughter. Doesn't she look a little like you Piper?" asked Phoebe smiling.

"No she does not! I don't have any double gangers waiting for me out there. But if she can help us out, she can be my unofficial sister. GO for it," quipped Piper.

"Pumpkin, sit down!" said the sheriff trying to get his daughter back in her chair.

She turned to her father, "No daddy, this is something I have to do. Your Honor, I am willing to be an impartial observer. Let me observe them for a few days and I will provide an accurate report of their activities," Kimberly explained to the court.

"Your honor, you must base your decision on the lack of physical evidence and release them immediately," said Mr. Wambaugh. "I insist!"

"The prosecution would be very interested in hearing the results of such an independent observation," retorted the prosecution.

"First, unless Satan himself appears in this courtroom and starts to performs miracles and the Halliwell sisters fall down before him, I will NOT start believing in magic. But in light of the many strange things that have been paraded before me in this court and the questionable nature of the deceased's death, I want to clear this up once and for all. Kimberly, you are hereby appointed as an officer of the court and you are to stick with these women for seven days. That is sufficient time to determine the facts of the situation. Mr. Wambaugh, your clients are released, but must return here at that time or otherwise I will hold them in contempt. Kimberly, you will take detailed notes of their activities and report back to me at 2 PM on the fourteenth. Is that clear?" he asked her.

"Yes, your Honor," replied Kimberly quietly.

"Good. Then maybe we can finish this business. Court is adjoined!" the judge ordered as he banged his gavel to finish the session.

Mr. Wambaugh turned to the Halliwell's. "You're out for now. If you take my advice, don't even go near a broom for the next week."

"Thank you for your effort's Mr. Wambaugh," said Prue shaking his hand.

"Just pay my bill and that is thanks enough," he replied as he picked up his briefcase and left.

Kimberly Brock came over the Halliwell's. "Hi there. I've seen you around town and I have always been curious about you three."

"Now you get to see us a close range. So why the interest?" asked Piper.

"My family has always questioned our religious beliefs. My brother even got interested in Judaism. I just want to stretch the bounds of my own religious experiences," explained Kimberly.

"And you want to be a witch?" asked Pheebs.

"Not necessarily, but I have been exploring the whole concept of nature worship. And you three seem so fascinating. Who knows what it might believe in another few years?" she said perking up.

Piper retorted, "Believe me, our lives our more complicated than you really want to get involved with. Stay away from witchcraft and you'll be MUCH happier!"

"Then you are real witches?" she asked excitedly.

"Just watch and see. Besides, Piper, shouldn't we be going form this place?" asked Phoebe.

"Yea, I think so. Kimberly, good luck with whatever you end up doing and believe in. I really and truly hope you find yourself," said Piper.

"You're leaving? But the court ordered.." stammered Kimberly.

"Nope, we have a higher court to respond to. Good bye," quipped Piper as she waved her hand and another static portal opened.

"Stop those women," cried out the court bailiff.

"You want to see powers?" asked Prue as she threw the people that were charging them backwards.

"Cool," said Kimberly as the three witches disappeared into the portal. "Maybe there is more to life beyond this little town," Kimberly thought as the portal disappeared.

Kerplunk! The three sisters found themselves in cartoon form again dressed in Halloween costumes and standing in front of a house trick-or-treating. Phoebe was dressed as a mermaid, Piper as a ghost and Prue was dressed as a ballerina.

"Cute costume, Prue!" giggled Phoebe as a large white rabbit appeared and talked to the screen.

"Dressed as a matador, I'll finally be able to get some Trix," he said putting on the costume and joining the Halliwell's.

"Trick-or-treat!" they all called out as a little old woman answered the door.

"My what cute costumes. Here my dears, have some Trix," she said handing out the single serving size.

Piper and Phoebe thanked her as Prue rolled her eyes. The rabbit took his and started crying out, "Trix, I finally have those luscious flavors, raspberry red, lemon yellow and orange orange! Yippee!" he said as he walked down the steps tripping over his matador cape. Falling down the steps his hat flew off and his ears popped up.

"May I?" asked Phoebe to her sisters.

"Be my guest!" motioned Prue.

"Knock yourself out," replied Piper.

Grabbing his bag, Phoebe said joyfully, "Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids."

The hat landed back on his head and the rabbit replied, "Ole!"

"Now we're off!" said Phoebe.

The rabbit turned to them and said menacingly, "Not yet witches!"

"Oh, keep your old Trix," sad Pheebs throwing them at him.

The rabbit turned toward the witches and morphed into their demon friend. "You will not get away from.." he spat and then froze.

"Thanks, Piper. Now your other new trick," said Phoebe as they jumped through a hole in the scene to their next stop.

"All right you dames. Wake up, we're moving out," said a familiar voice.

Phoebe found the three Halliwell's standing in the middle of an empty circa 1920 speakeasy dressed in flapper outfits and looking straight into the eyes of Jimmy Cagney.

"Move it. The cops are on their way!" he yelled at them again as the whole gang headed out the front door.

The henchman in front poked his head out the door. "Boss, the cops are out there now!"

"Jeez. Needles, check out the back," he called out.

"Sure thing, Boss," said the guy in the back.

"You aren't taking us, you dirty screws!" he called out the front as he broke the window and fired out at them. The police returned fire.

Lying on the floor Phoebe yelled to Piper, "Let's get out of here. Now would be good."

"I'm trying!" called out Piper as she kept waving her arm. "I don't know how to do it yet!"

"We're surrounded, Boss. Cops everywhere!" said Needles.

"All right, man the windows. We fight it out here! Everyone grab a heater," he ordered throwing Phoebe a revolver. "You too, Flossie!"

"Flossie? Flossie? I prefer shopping at malls, not being one," quipped Phoebe as Piper kept trying her new trick. Suddenly bullets began flying in the window and Pheebs was back on the floor.

"You won't take us alive, coppers. Not alive!" he called out laughing at the police.

Bullets landed at her feet as Phoebe rolled away from them. "Prue do something!"

"Even if I stop them, I don't think the police are taking prisoners, at least not in this picture" replied Prue looking terrified herself.

Whoosh and the portal opened up. "Got it!" yelled Piper as they joined hands and roiled in to it. In the speakeasy, the police opened up with machine guns at the gangsters at the windows began to fall.

An old off-tuned piano played in the background as Piper, Phoebe and Prue found themselves selves in black and white, wearing white linen dresses and with mounds of curls in their hair.

Phoebe's opened her mouth and nothing came out. She looked shocked until a card appeared in front of her. "Let's try and as the spell..Oh my goodness, I can't speak!"

Piper rolled her eyes and replied in pantomime, and then the dialog appeared. "We're in an old silent movie. Would someone stop with the creepy melodramas piano accompaniment?"

In walked a man wearing a tall hat, bad make-up and gesturing broadly. "Aha, if your sister does not marry me, I will foreclose on your house!"

Scratching her head and overacting Prue responded with," We take care of each other, mister." And waving her arm he flew backwards. Looking shocked, almost deadpanning it, he took off. "Piper, next story, PLEASE!" said Prue's dialog card.

Whoosh, she opened the sliding window and off they were again.

The warm sun shone on Phoebe's back and the sand squelched up through her toes as Phoebe looked out on the ocean.

"Beautiful view," said Prue.

They all stood there in matching tight yellow swimsuits.

"Oh my gosh," yipped Piper looking at her greatly enhance figured. "I'm a..I'm a.."

"On Baywatch Hawaii, my dear," finished Phoebe. Everyone looks like this on that show. "Now about the spell."

"Help, my little brother got caught in the rip tide, He's heading away from the shore," cried a young girl.

"That's our cue," said Prue. "Wherever the innocents are. Come on, let's stick together!" and they grabbed their life saving buoys and headed for the surf in slow motion.

"That doesn't look so hard," said Prue as she saw the young boy struggling off shore.

With one wave he flew up and onto the sand.

"Uff!" he first cried and then, "Neato! "

"How did you do that?" asked his sister.

"Special effects," replied Phoebe. "OH GOD!" she exclaimed as their demon friend came at them again. "Piper!"

"The express is leaving. JUMP!" cried out piper. And they were off again.

Standing on a downtown street dressed in fifty-year-old clothes, Piper, Prue and Phoebe were in the middle of a crowd of well-dressed pedestrians.

"Nothing like being in a crowd in where, New York City?" asked Piper.

"Maybe. Looks more like the back lot of some old movie studio. Excuse me, excuse me!" asked Prue trying to get someone's attention.

A man and a woman run out of the office building next to them looking very happy.

"We did it!" he cried.

"Oh gosh, I always had faith in you, Darrel." gushed the woman.

"And that's what's got me this far, Becky. We're heading to Broadway! It's such a great day.

Singing.
Oh that sky's so grand,

Come hold my hand,

I've got the world on a string.

How can this be?

With you and me?

I've got the world on a string.

Together we can't miss,

It's like wedded bliss,

I've got the world on a sting.

The woman continued taking his hand as they walked toward the sisters.

And marred we'll be,

Not two but three,

We've got the world on a string.

Together we'll grow old,

Through the warm and cold,

We've got the world on as string.

I never really knew,

Our dream would come true,

We've got the world on a string.

Both of them started dancing down the street right pass the girls as the entire street broke into song and started dancing around the Halliwell's.

"What is this?" asked Piper as a man tried to grab her to join in.

"This is not life, this is a Hollywood musical. "Broadway Bound," I believe was the title," said Prue.

The whole chorus opened up in the reprise as the girls found themselves dragged into the dance and prancing around the street in a waltz type step.

"Oh take sky's so grand,

Come hold my hand,

We've got the world on a string.

How can this be?

With you and me?

We've got the world on a string

Together we can't miss,

It's like wedded bliss,

We've got the world on a sting!"

"Piper opened up a hole, please," called out Prue as she headed to the back row of dancers. Phoebe was mixed up in the dancers having a wonderful time.

"It's over here!" called out to Piper. "Ouch! Watch my foot."

The dancing got wilder as the man and woman went to the front the line. The music reached a peak and the holding hands and they finished together. "I got the world on a string!" The music ended and they ran down the street together while the chorus went back to walking down the sidewalk.

"Whew! Glad I'm not a chorus girl. But it was fun. Come on ladies, " said Phoebe as she jumped in to the hole and the static filled the air again.

Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Piper's head was pounding.

"This jumping around is making me sick!' said Piper holding her throbbing head. Prue and Phoebe were sitting next to her in a domestic setting sitting around the kitchen table having coffee.

"Piper sweetie, are you all right?" asked Phoebe.

"Um, that smells good," said Prue closing her eyes and taking into the aroma of the cup in front of her. She signed again as it tasted even better.

"I'll find you same aspirin," said Phoebe as she started going through the kitchen cabinets.

Their world went slightly out of focus as an announcer dressed in a laboratory coat stood in from of the sisters.

"Tension headaches are among the most common minor health problems. It is estimated that more than 45 million Americans suffer from recurrent headaches each year. Tension headaches account for 90 of all headaches and, although they can occur in people of all ages, they usually begin in early adulthood or later."

Phoebe piped in, "As sir, can we borrow that bottle please?"

"There are several underlying factors that contribute to tension headaches. The most common factors fit into three categories: physical, psychological, and environmental. Recognizing what triggers your headache is the first step in reducing or preventing pain. Lack of sleep, hunger, poor posture, and eyestrain can be tension headache triggers. Get adequate rest, don't skip meals, and be aware of the following guidelines to help avoid poor posture and eye strain."

"You sir, the man with the bottle. We have a sick person back. " continued Phoebe.

Allergy or sensitivity to substances in our environment can cause muscle contraction or vascular headaches. Known allergens and sensitizers run the gamut from nicotine in tobacco to everyday foods and food additives. Preventive measures are key in avoiding headaches. But if you do end up with a tension headache, most doctors recommend use of an over-the-counter pain reliever such as Advil®, which contains ibuprofen. In fact, in a study of people with tension headaches, one Advil tablet was as effective in relieving headache pain as two regular-strength aspirin tablets. As with any medication, it's important to read the label before using it.

"Hey, get over here, now! DO I have to call you collect to do it?" screamed Phoebe.

"While the minor tension headache is the most common type of headache, there are other, more serious types, including migraine, cluster, and sinus headaches, as well as headaches resulting from illness or injuries. Most headaches do not require medical attention, but there are situations when a physician should be consulted."

"Oh stop it," yelled a very pissed Piper. Whoosh! The annoying announcer was frozen in mid-pitch. Prue waved her hand and the bottle flew over to Piper. "Thank God for life's little miracles as Piper proceeded to take her medicine. "Let get out of here!" said Piper as they fell through another hole in the wasteland dimension.

"We're now going for $32,000 and you have two lifelines left, Prue. In the play 'Pygmalion' Professor Henry Higgins is a Professor of, a. Mathematics, B. Phonetics, C. Astro-physics, D. English Literature." said Regis Philbin.

"Prue, get over her quick before we leap!" called Phoebe.

"Move it, sis," yelled out Piper still with her headache.

"Ah, I'll have to say B," replied Prue.

"You've got quite a cheering section over there with your sisters. All right. Prue. Is that your final answers?" he asked.

"Definitely," replied Prue.

"YOU ARE RIGHT for $32,000!" shouted Regis.

Prue got up and walked over to her sisters.

"Wait, aren't you going to try for $64,000?" asked Regis.

'First, I can never take it with me. Second, the love and caring my sisters give me are priceless and I'd rather have them. Third, we gotta go," said Prue as the disappeared under Piper's seat.

Phoebe found herself lying on a table in an examination room. Prue and Piper right next to her. In walked a doctor with short-cropped balding sandy hair.

"Oh, hi. Dr. Greene. I KNOW you," Phoebe smiled.

"Hi. Now haw far are the contractions apart?" he asked a he checked her pupils.

"What are you talking about?" asked Pheebs in her little girl voice.

"Pheebs, you're pregnant!" said Prue holding her hand tightly.

"Like I've had a change for that! Ahhhhhhhhh-ooooo-ahhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Pheebs
as a contraction hit her.

"I'd say that was one. Breathe easy Pheebs. Take it easy," said Piper.

"Easy Miss Halliwell. Now how far did she far down those stairs?" Dr. Greene as he held her down.

"It's hard to say," said a confused Prue.

Trying to sit up Pheebs said exasperated, "Why do I have a broken leg, too?"

"Just a mild sprang, but that did cause you to go into premature labor. We can try to stop the contractions or deliver the baby her," said the doctor.

"I have another one. Piper, get us out of here!" screamed Phoebe.

"Done," said Piper as she waved her arm and they escaped another TV scene.

Thunder sounded as Piper found herself in a small bedroom on her knees praying. Shaking her head a bit, she felt someone sneaking behind her. It was a teenaged girl that was soaked to the skin.

"Um, can I help you, Lisel?" asked Piper turning to look at the oldest of the von Trapp children.

Lies looked up sheepishly and replied, "I was out taking a walk and somebody locked the doors earlier than usual and I didn't want to wake everyone up. So when I saw your window open…you're not going to tell father, are you?"

Piper went over and looked down from the second story window. "How'd you get all the way up here?"

"How we always got into this room to play tricks on the governesses. Louisa can make it with a whole jar of spiders in her hand," said Lies proudly.

"OK. And you were out there all alone?" replied Piper giving her an "I know what you were doing" look.

Lies shook her head yes and then changed it to no agreeing with Piper.

"Hey, pull on this gown and come back and we'll talk or sing or something." smiled Piper.

Lies took the gown and admitted, "I told you earlier that I didn't need a governess. Well, maybe I do."

"Go, go. Scoot." said Piper shooing her into the bathroom to change and soak her dress.

The thunder sounded again and little Gretl came running in standing against the wall.

"Gretl, are you scared?" asked Piper.

Another clap of thunder sounded and Gretl grabbed Piper tightly. Piper returned the hug and loved every moment of it. "Poor dear. And the others?"

"They're asleep. They're not scared!" said Gretl.

In ran Prue and Phoebe dressed in nightgowns, Prue with blond hair. Piper snickered a bit, but tried to stay in character so not to scare Gretl.

"OK, kids. Up on the bed. Let's wait for everyone," smiled Piper.

"Thank you, Fraulein Maria," giggled Phoebe.

The thunder sounded again, everyone dug their heads into the comforter and the two von Trapp boys ran into the room.

"Scared?" asked Piper cocking her head to one side.

"Oh no. We wanted to be sure you weren't," replied Freidrich.

"I'll bet," piped in Phoebe. "Seen it too many times. Jeez."

"Shh!" reacted Prue.

Gretl asked Piper, "Why's it do that?"

"Well, the lightning asks a question and the thunder gives an answer," suggested Piper.

"Lightning must be nasty. Why else does the thunder get so angry? It makes me want to cry." sniffled Gretl.

"Poor baby," responded Piper hugging her tightly.

"Cue the song," chipped up Phoebe.

Prue said, "I'd rather here a spell to get out of here!"

"OK, when I'm scared I think of nice and cute things, like my mom's perfume, cooking cake batter, a hug from my sisters," said Piper. "Um let's see."

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are few of my favorite things.
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel,
doorbells and sleigh bells and snitzel with noodles,
wild geese that fly with the moon on their wing,
these are a few of my favorite things.
When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad.
I simply remember my favorite things
and then I don't feel so bad.

"So what do you guys like?" asked Piper.

"Pussy willows."

"Christmas."

"Bunny rabbits."

"No school."

"No demons!"

"Telegrams."

"Birthday presents."

"Any presents."

"A good sneeze."

"Achoo."

"Gesundteit."

Piper continued,
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
Silver white winters that melt into spring,
These are a few of my favorite things,
When the dog bites…Whoa!"

Piper found herself looking straight into the face of Captain von Trapp.

"Fraulein, did I not tell you that bedtime was to be strictly observed in this house?" he said sternly.

"Um, yes?" replied Piper trying to not stare in his eyes.

"And do you or do you not have trouble remembering simple instructions?" he asked even more sternly.

"Um, let's see. Oh yeah. Only during thunderstorms!" Piper said proudly finally remembering her line.

The Captain looked even more peeved and then angrier and angrier as he turned into the demon that was tormenting them. "You haven't forgotten me, have you witch?"

"Freeze!" cried Piper who opened another portal. "Sorry, kids. Sing-along is over. Come on, ladies!" Cried out Piper as she slid out and Phoebe and Prue followed her closely.

On a tropical South Seas' island, Prue, Piper and Phoebe were standing amount a set of grass huts next to a set of chairs made from large sections of bamboo. Phoebe was dressed in shorts and a short top, Piper had on a long beaded evening dress and Prue had on slacks, gloves and a hat.

"Ah, I have a bad feeling about this," said Prue.

Phoebe straightened out her outfit smiling broadly, "Come on. What can happen to seven stranded castaways?"

"Oh, typhoon, volcano, head hunters, crazed big game hunters, sea monster? Who knows with this crew," said Piper.

In came running at break neck speed was Gilligan carrying something. "Professor. Professor. Look what I found. Hi Ginger, Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell. PROFESSOR!"

"Gilligan, what is it?" asked the Professor running from his hut as the Skipper came from his.

"Look at the neat thing I found in the lagoon. It floated all the way from the Bahamas," said Gilligan very excited.

"Gilligan, that is the silliest thing I ever heard you say. We're in the Pacific and the Bahamas are in the Atlantic. What makes you say that?" asked the Skipper.

"That's what you think. See right on the side it says Nassau. And I KNOW that that's in the Bahamas, Skipper," said Gilligan.

Taking the object Skipper said disgusted "Let me see that. Gilligan, it doesn't say Nassau, it says NASA. That's the space agency."

"Let me see that, Skipper. It looks like on of the film cartridges from one of the government's spy satellites. Turn on the radio, Skipper and spin the station selector a bit," said the Professor.

"Okay, Professor, but if it's from a spy satellites, I don't think they'll be talking about it on the radio," said the Skipper as he fooled with the dial.

"Stop there. I was looking for a news report. Listen," said the Professor.

And the castaways heard a faint beep-beep-beep.

Delighted with himself, the Professor announced, "This cartridge is giving off a radio signal so the U.S. Government can find it. IF we can boost the signal, they WILL find and also FIND US. We could be rescued!"

"That's great. Girls, aren't you excited. We could be home in a matter of days," The Skipper said to Prue, Piper and Phoebe.

"Uh, first you never did get off of this island and second, I don't think we'll ever get rescue from this blankety-blank jumping from one TV thingy to another." said Piper.

"Ginger? Didn't you here what the Professor said? Some spy is going to come and pick up the film. Maybe it will be James Bond or Napoleon Solo or Maxwell Smart or.." said an excited Gilligan.

"Gilligan. Those are not real spies. They are just pretend on from television and the movies," explained the Skipper.

"Believe me, they have seemed a lot more real lately. Piper? Let's go. And Professor, good luck with your do hickie," said Phoebe

Whoosh! Piper opened their next gateway and put they flew.

In a dark and gloomy mansion the Halliwell's picked their way through the cobwebs and the pieces of broken furniture.

"Looks like a good set for a horror picture. My last time in one I was being chased by a whole angry mob of town's folks! Piper, gets put of here.." said Piper as someone flipped by them taking a defensive posture in front of them. "Cool moves," said an impressed Phoebe.

"All right you vamps. I can take on all three you," said a short young girl with long flowing blonde hair.

"Vampires, you're mistaken Buffy," said Prue standing in front of her sisters.

Phoebe pipes in smiling, "Yea, were the good guys."

Standing with a stake in her hand walking around them Buffy replied, "You are the dreaded Valosky sisters. You have taken your last victims."

"What can she do to us, we're no vampires?" gaffed Phoebe.

"Ah, Pheebs. I don't want a stake through my heart vampire or no. Prue," said Piper.

"Good point, " said Prue as the stake flew from a surprised Buffy. "We need to talk."

"No way will you get the best of me!" she yelled flipping to the far corner and grabbing another stake.

Whoosh. Piper froze her as the stake went straight for Prue.

"Ah, thanks!" said Prue touching the end of the stake. "Ouch!" she cried as they slide from the vampirina nightmare.

On a beach the sisters found themselves in front of a pay telephone dressed in beachwear.

"Um, a call is not going to get us out of here," said Piper.

"Maybe this girl can help," said Prue to the woman in the leather outfit that approached them.

"Cute threads, but isn't that a little warm for the beach?" asked Phoebe.

She pulled out a driver's license. "Suzy Savalot. I can save you on that phone call."

"We weren't going to make a phone call, " replied Prue.

"Twenty per cent in state and even more across the country. You'll save a buck or two." said Suzy Savalot.

"We weren't going to make a phone call, " replied Prue again.

"Your husband's will like that, too. Dial 1-800-COLLECT as in collect call. Dial a little, save a lot. Remember that. Cute suit," she said to Phoebe.

"No ever mentions using a phone card. This girl is no help. We'll get where we're going without Ms. Pitch-a-lot. Coming ladies," said Piper as she slid out.

"Can I borrow that suit? Are we the same size?" asked Pheebs.

"Phoebe, she left!" called out Prue.

"Right. Sorry, bye!" said Phoebe going through the vortex. "Talk to you later!"

"And don't forget to call collect!" cried out Suzy Savalot as the picture again broke into thousands of small colorful pixels.

Uff! They landed on a soft couch in a very nice thirty plus year old living room in the middle of a dinner party.

"And with our direct marketing strategy we can meet at least 85 of your targeted audience fro the 18 to 44 year olds."

"Stevens' concept is the best I've seen in my thirty years in the advertising industry,"said the white haired gentleman.

Whoosh! All but the Halliwell's were frozen.

"Um, is this the Bewitched set?" asked Prue.

"Looks like were witches again. At least Piper is. I must be this guy's wife or date and Prue must be Louise Tate. We're probably not in any more trouble unless another witch shows up. These witches really kick-ass compared to our powers," explained Phoebe.

"Let's just get out of here before I go loony!" said Piper shaking her arm toward the floor. Instead of a new portal, the wind picks up and all the dining room furniture goes flying against the kitchen door.

"Wow, no way. That was interesting," said Piper as she started moving other furniture around.

"Ah, try blinking to over there," suggested Pheebs to which Piper did looking very pleased with herself.

"Looks like your Samantha down to her powers, Piper. Try blinking back home." said Phoebe.

"I'll try anything now," said Piper. She snapped her fingers and nothing happened. "To popped to pop."

Prue walked over to her thinking. "Maybe you should bring that demon here."

Piper twitched her nose. Tinka-tinka-tee. Poof. Through all the smoke and fire the demon appeared in the living room.

"You cursed witches have lived here too long, now you well die!' he spat at them and then froze from the neck down.

"Now Mr. Universal channel shifter. You will send us home or I will blast you into intercosmic dust. Understand?" barked Piper.

"You will never escape and I will never help you. The Triad would have a worst fate for me. Never will I help thee." he hissed.

"Fine! Your funeral," said Piper as she waved her arm and turned him into a Slim Whitman action figure. Then she blasted the figure to nothing. Tiny little plastic parts littered their living room floor.

"Piper!" yelled Phoebe and Prue.

"Now we are trapped here!" said Phoebe.

Prue gave her an evil eye and said, "Just what do you think you were doing?"

"Relax. Poetry time.

Bouncing around TV has made me quite tired,

This kind of trip I don't admire.

My sister and I no longer wish to room,

Spirit please kindly send us home."

Poof, poof, poof and they disappeared from the Steven's house reappearing back in Halliwell Manor watching the same old movie they had when their journey had started.

Phoebe quickly picked up the remote and switched it off.

"Good move," said Piper.

She turned around and grinned at Piper. "Not bad yourself. I could never execute an exit like you just did. Wow."

"Yes, thank you for getting us home." said Prue. "How did you know?"

"Well, we always had to somewhat play the part we had leaped into. And MR. DEMON had not bet upon us lasting that long or ending up as witches again with even more powers. So I figures or at least hoped I could out magic him on Samantha's home turf. And we did," said Piper happily.

"And you never had a doubt?" asked Pheebs.

"Maybe a little. But it also took all three of together to do him on. That's the Power of Three. And I have had my share of TV now for a long time," said Piper as she got up and turned the set around.

"Amen!" said Prue.

"Hey. I'm still psyched up. Let's run down to OUR club and spend some time in the REAL world. OK?" asked Pheebs.

"Sounds good. No demons and real people," said Piper as she grabbed her car keys and the Charmed Ones headed for the door.

But unknown to them, the television remote turned, pointed at the TV and their demon appeared on the screen laughing. Í will be back in another form. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-HA."

THE END