Down Days
The front door opened and the sound of shoes hitting the wall as they were kicked off could be heard. Immediately, Haru knew that tonight would not go as planned. He continued to stir the pot of stew, keeping his ears open to Rin walking in. He was already two hours late.
Sighing, he turned down the heat leaving the pot to simmer. Haru looked to Makoto who was reading at the table keeping him quiet company.
Makoto felt the pair of eyes on him and looked up. They listened to the sound of a plastic bag drop onto the wooden floor.
"He was fine yesterday," Makoto dog -eared his book, "did you see him this morning?"
Haru shook his head. He had left before Rin even woke up. But he remembered the night before. Rin had been exceptionally clingy. Which was a big change from the previous nights where he repainted the living room a vibrant blue because he couldn't sleep. To which Haru ended up staying up with him until it was time to leave for work in the morning. Haru helped Rin paint the room all while listening to Rin's weird taste in music.
The color was a nice change, both Haru and Makoto had to admit that. And it seemed to calm Rin down. But Haru knew that Rin wasn't feeling well. He was too restless even though he claimed he felt fine. Haru had checked Rin's bank statements and gone through his card purchases. He had spent way too much on home decor. Haru grimaced having to think about the amount of work they'd have to put in to organize the junk that was soon to be delivered.
Rin walked through the kitchen in silence. Removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirts, he slipped out of his clothes. Keeping the slow pace towards their bedroom.
"Rin," Haru called out to him.
Looking to Haru, Rin smiled. It seemed so forced that Haru had to turn back around. Distracting himself by pulling out bowls to set the table. Haru always had problems dealing with Rin when he was feeling down. It never ended pretty. Somebody would wind up with a bloody nose or tears falling down their face.
Makoto sensed the awkward tension. He smiled at Rin, "How was your day?" He asked. Just as he asked every day.
Rin paused at his pant button, "I brought the vegetables you asked for." He looked confused. Turning back around trying to remember where he placed the bag.
Haru walked to the front door, kissing Rin's cheek as he passed. He picked up the bag and dug through the ingredients.
"I told you I found them," He reminded Rin. Because he did call. Haru had already started dinner with the vegetables that were found at the bottom of the fridge.
Rin just hummed in response as he continued his walk to the bedroom. They both let him.
Makoto helped pick up Rin's scattered clothes. He gave Haru a look of distress as he turned to the bedroom door.
"Let him be," Haru went back to the stew. "He didn't even bring the right stuff," He pouted as he put them the groceries into their respective places in the kitchen.
Makoto walked up behind Haru as he shut the fridge. He held Haru by the waist. Haru could feel Makoto's heart beat against his back. His grip tightened, body shaking.
Haru turned around to face Makoto. He wrapped his arms around him. Makoto was trying not to cry. Standing on his toes to place a kiss on Makoto's forehead, Haru shushed him.
"He's fine. Just give him space," Haru kissed Makoto's teary eyelashes.
They both looked at the bedroom door. After a shared moment of concern Makoto, Haru gave him a quick kiss.
Makoto hesitantly sat back down and opened his book. Haru knew that he wasn't actually reading. They were both distracted by their third partner. But by now they knew the pattern for days like this.
Haru sat down to watch TV to pass time. After half an hour he got up and looked into the bedroom. Rin was under a pile of blankets. It was too quiet in the room, and Rin didn't like quiet. Turning on the small radio, he left.
Walking up to Makoto, he placed a hand on his cheek. Makoto turned up from the book he was pretending to read. Smiling up at Haru before taking another glance at their bedroom.
"Go lay down with him. I'll be there in a bit."
Makoto nodded to Haru's suggestion. Folding the same page he had earlier, he rushed over to Rin's side. Haru knew Makoto had trouble distancing himself from Rin. Especially when he was feeling down.
Haru didn't even like being away from him during his episodes. He wanted Rin to smile. But he knew sometimes that was hard.
He poured the stew into each bowl. Setting them on a tray to let it cool. Haru went to the medicine cabinet, checking over the organization of pills. He wanted to safe proof the house before Rin found anything that could hurt him. Although, situations like that usually occurred in his upper moods. Days when he wasn't spending time painting their walls hideous colors. Instead, there were days that were spent in hospital rooms because Rin accidentally took too much, or drank something, or purposely caused harm.
Haru went back to the food. He carried the tray to their bedroom.
Makoto was already under the covers with Rin. Rin was draped over his body, crying and telling him about his day. It was apparently shit.
"Dinner," Haru announced. Pushing the tray towards them for emphasis.
Makoto held it as Haru went to the other side of Rin.
Rin placed a sloppy kiss on Haru, sniffling. "I'm sorry," He cried into Haru's chest.
"Have you eaten today?" Haru ran his fingers through Rin's hair. It was greasy as if he hadn't showered in a few days.
Rin shook his head.
Makoto rubbed the small of Rin's back, "Let's eat dinner." He had set the tray on the nightstand. Now he lifted up a bowl and tasted the stew. "It's delicious!"
Rin looked up at him and then to Haru. "I'm not hungry," He mumbled before going back under the covers.
Haru and Makoto shared a look. They didn't have dinner together the night before. So the last meal they know he had was yesterday's breakfast.
"Just one bite and I'll leave you alone," Makoto cooled off the spoonful of stew.
Rin peeked out from beneath the covers. He eyed the spoon suspiciously, "Just one?"
Makoto and Haru both nodded. To which Rin was comfortable with. He ate the spoonful of soup and went back under the covers.
"I'm sorry," He let out after a long pause.
Haru lifted the covers so he could see Rin, "For what?"
Rin broke down into tears again. Makoto handed his bowl over to Haru so that he could hug Rin.
"For this," Rin sobbed out.
Haru looked down at the bowl in his hands. "For dinner in bed?"
"We should be eating at the table," Rin scrunched his face up, "I just ruin everything. I wasted all my money. I ditched work at lunch. Oh, what if they fire me. Oh, I just messed everything up!" Rin went on his long list of "mess-ups."
Makoto quickly hushed him with a quick kiss to the forehead. "We will always," He emphasized the 'always' as he took a pause, "love you."
"I don't feel good," Rin cried harder.
As long as Rin was still talking that was good. It meant he could still be talked up. When checking the pills, he counted to make sure Rin was taking the ones he needed. And he was. But Haru assumed the newest prescription wasn't good for Rin. His swings were taking a greater toll. So Haru had a sense of relief that Rin was still talking to him and hadn't completely checked out as he did in the past.
"It's fine," Haru spoke. He blew at the spoonful of soup in his hand.
Rin accepted as he fed him. "It's good," Rin pulled the blanket over his head again.
Haru smiled at that. He handed the bowl back to Makoto to put on the nightstand.
Makoto and Haru went under the covers with Rin.
"You had a bad day, huh?" Makoto turned to Rin. It was impossible to see with the room only lit by the hallway light and being under the covers.
Rin only sniffed in response.
Haru felt his own heart ache. He wanted to make Rin smile. But he knew it was hard. He loved Rin no matter what, but some days it hurt to see him in pain. Knowing Rin felt terrible wasn't easy.
And the way Makoto just knew how to start casual conversation was amazing. He had a natural gift for making people feel better. Even when knowing Rin couldn't just be talked out of his moods, manic or depressed, Makoto still talked to him. He loved Rin just as much as Haru did.
"I love you," Makoto said full of confidence.
Rin curled his legs up, brushing them against Haru's. "I'm sorry," He repeated.
Makoto and Haru finished their meals before getting ready for bed. That night they fell asleep with Rin in the middle. Both telling him how loved he was, reminding him that he was great.
He gave Makoto and Rin a kiss on the forehead before drifting off to sleep.
He heard Makoto's voice. "I love you," He said as he placed a kiss on each of their foreheads.
Haru wrapped his arms around Rin, feeling Makoto's arms already around Rin. He smiled at the touch.
"I love you," Haru whispered to them both.
He fell asleep, arms around Rin. And a warm feeling in his chest as he could feel Makoto's skin brush against his. The night didn't go as planned. But Haru was just as happy to be there for Rin when he needed support.