Summary: Lunchtime with the Flock...lemons...Fang's lunchbox...Fang making weird food...Fang being psycho...Max beating up Fang for being psycho...oh, you know, the usual. OOC and completely random fan fic.
A/N: hey people. Here's another funny (well...I think it's funny) MR story. It's kinda OOC, but has that ever stopped me before? No. no it hasn't.
Disclaimer: don't own MR. never have, never will. Boo hoo for me.
"I'm hungry. Can we have lunch, Maxy?"
"Not if you call me that, we can't, Fnick."
"Do I look like a 'Fnick' to you?!"
The Flock leader shook her fair-haired head. "No. Too many wrinkles to look like a young'un."
"That's it! I QUIT." Fang stormed off, in search of food.
"Good. Saves me from having to fire you," Max called after him, grinning mischievously as she set her pen aside and quickly ignored the undone homework in front of her.
A minute later, the five other members of the Flock joined Fang in the small but clean kitchen.
"Oh no," Gazzy groaned. "You're not--"
Fang turned around, grinning like...like only Fang can grin. Like a complete lunatic, only...more so. "I am. For my five dearest friends, I shall prepare a meal unlike anything tasted even in Heaven!"
"Exactly, 'cause it'll be closer to what's on the menu in Hell," Max muttered, as she stood leaning against a wall, arms folded across her chest.
"What'd you say, Max?" Fang asked, completely unaware that he'd just been insulted. He was already busily poking around in the cupboards pulling out seemingly entirely random items and ingredients.
"I said--"
Iggy cut Max off with a shove. "Ehm, she was just asking what it was you were planning on making, Fang."
"Ah. But if I told you, it would ruin the anticipation! The flair! The brilliance! The exquisi--"
"Can you make me a sandwich, Fang?"
Five very confused Flock members turned to stare at Nudge.
"Well, it takes a lot of work to make a sandwich! A good one, that is."
"Riiiiiight..."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"Oh." The most talkative of the flock's face fell...Nudge was sad. "But I really want a sandwich..."
"Well, no-one's stopping you from making one yourself," Iggy pointed out.
Nudge's face brightened. "All right then. I'm making a sandwich!"
As Fang and Nudge busied themselves throwing ingredients about and generally making a grand mess of things, Max shook her head sadly. "Iggs...why are you encouraging them?"
"It's actually quite simple, Max," he began in an instructive tone…about to teach Max everything he happened to know about just why he was encouraging them.
Max instantly regretted the question. Oh no...It's the Iggy-voice!! He's going to go on for hours if I don't find some way to distract him--!
"...reflects upon a hardwired psychological impulse...
"...when the cerebral cortex responds to hypodermical stimuli in...
"...really goes all the way back to...
"...the theories on this particular phenomenon are actually a subject of fierce debate since..."
Just as Max was about to resort to simply screaming that her head was about to explode (as she felt the case to be at that precise moment), a distraction came. And Iggy stopped.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Nudge screamed as she backed rapidly away from the open refrigerator door.
"What? What is it, Nudge?" Fang asked in concern, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder as he peered around her to look confusedly at the apparently offensive refrigerator.
"That...that..." she began, shakily pointing a finger at...something in the fridge.
"That what? The mayonnaise?"
Nudge shook her head.
"The ketchup?"
Nudge shook her head again.
"The lemons?"
Nudge shook her head, and Max shrieked. "WHAT?! FANG, you got more lemons?! What is WRONG with you??"
"Well, for starters..." Iggy began, in the Iggy-voice..
"Shut up, Iggy," Max snapped uncharacteristically. "FA-NG! You...just...ARGH!!"
Fang blinked innocently. "How do you 'argh'..?"
"FA-NG!!" Max yelled, starting towards the now cowering Fang, bloody battle seething in her eyes.
Fang screamed in an unthinkably high range, and ran out of the room, the Flock leader hot on his (high) heels.
Iggy glanced at his watch.
Momentarily, the other four remaining flock members could hear pleas for mercy tumbling out of Fang's mouth, faster than they'd ever heard him say something.
Angel looked at Iggy's watch. "Seven-point-oh-three-two seconds. Not bad. Not a new record, but not bad."
Max sauntered back into the kitchen, brushing her hands off on her jeans. "So, what was it you were so frightened of, Nudge?"
"Yeah," Fang croaked, slowly hobbling into the kitchen behind Max, groaning as he held his stomach, bent over double and looking as if...well...he'd gotten beaten up by someone much stronger than himself. (Which of course had been the case, so this made sense.) "What was it, Nudge?"
Nudge laughed seeing Fang. Then remembered what it was she'd seen in the fridge, and the twinkle fell from her eye. "Something terrible... this!"
The other five gasped as Nudge gingerly picked something up out of the fridge, and set it on the counter next to them.
Then they were silent.
And looked at the item oddly.
"Uh, Nudge?" Fang asked.
"What? Isn't it terrible??"
"Ehm... it... looks like a block of cheese, Nudge."
"Exactly."
"This is what scared you?"
"Yes."
"O-kay... now, Nudge, I know you have trouble remembering to swallow it sometimes, but--"
"No, Max. This isn't about that..." Nudge interrupted huffily. "Look at it!"
"I did. It's a block of cheese."
"Look at it closely."
Iggy bent down to study the offending cheese and sniffed it quietly. "Hrm..."
"Well, what do you think, Iggy?" Max asked tiredly. "--the short version," she quickly amended, sensing the Iggy-voice.
"Well..." Iggy began as he stood back up. "It is, as Fang so brilliantly pointed out, cheese."
Fang beamed.
"However," the blind bird kid continued, "it is not, as he stupidly failed to notice, sliced."
Fang frowned and sniffled.
"It's okay, Fang, we're all a little slow sometimes," Angel comforted, slapping a hand onto Fang's shoulder.
"Ow!! Oh...man..." Fang moaned as he collapsed onto the floor.
Angel looked at her hand, confused.
"It wasn't your hand, Angel," Max clarified. "I beat him up, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Didn't think I was that strong. I like to watch other people exercise. Not do it myself."
Iggy cleared his throat.
"Oh yeah. Sorry Iggs. Continue," Max apologized.
"The cheese is, as I believe I mentioned, not sliced. And it is cheddar, is it not Nudge?"
"It is," Nudge confirmed with a nod.
"Then there's our problem right there."
"Ohhhh..." Fang said, attempting to pull himself up off the floor again. "That's right. Nudge always hated cheddar cheese that wasn't in the little plastic slices."
"So, the question remains..." Edge concluded, looking slowly around at his flock mates. "Who bought the non-sliced cheddar cheese?"
Silence pervaded the room…
…Until Fang scuffled a foot on the floor. "Ehmmm..."
Max rolled her eyes. "Well, if you were smart enough to bring more lemons home..."
"Look, I'm sorry! So I forgot about the lemons!"
"How could you FORGET about LEMONS?! You started the bloody problem anyway!" Max took a step towards Fang, fist again forming at her side.
Fang shrieked, and tried to move away, but fell back to the floor. He scuttled backwards, fear in his dark and now readable eyes.
"Max," Iggy said firmly, putting a hand on the fuming Flock leader's shoulder.
"What?" Max replied tensely, muscles continuing to ready themselves for another Fang-pummeling.
"You've already beaten him up once today."
"Yes, and?".
"And didn't we make a deal?"
"No, what-- Oh yeah." Max sighed, and backed away from the still-cowering Fang. "'Once a day, or else Max has to pay.' And I'm not payin' for Fang's hospital bill again."
Fang sighed in relief.
Nudge looked disappointed. (She'd hoped Max would beat up Fang for buying the non-sliced cheddar...yeah...remember that?)