Uuuhhhh, first fanfic [at least serious one] ever? And ohgod. I'm pretty nervous posting this here, but, oh well...
You don't know how you got here. You don't even know where "here" is. You're laying on the ground, your head resting in someone's lap, and you feel fingers through your hair, brushing it carefully, taking care around the curve of your horns. You relax, a happy sigh leaving your lips, earning a low giggle in response.
You don't really need to open your eyes to know who it is, it's impossible to confuse Aradia's presence -warm, cheerful, dreamy, something that makes you smile for no particular reason, it's something that gives you hope. Something that keeps you content though you have no idea of what this "something" is.
You attempt to open your eyes. At first, you don't see much thing, the sudden brightness of this place blinding you. You blink a couple of times, slowly adjusting to it, and then looking up at Aradia. The first thing you notice is that her hair is tied up -It isn't something you really like, her hair is too beautiful to stay tied up like so, but you dismiss this. You then notice her eyes on you, head cocking slightly, probably wondering why you were looking at her so intently, but you don't really care for giving her an explanation. And then, lastly, her smile.
You can't remember seeing Aradia smile like that in all your life. It was so wonderful -so beautiful. It was a genuine smile. Not just happy. As if she had everything she wanted all her life -no problems, friends, someone she loved, that returned the emotion, someone that would never leave her side, and would be there always when she'd need, when she would feel lonely, or anything similar.A smile belonging to someone that was truly content with their standings. Finally somehow you figure that this "someone" is you.
When you notice, you mirror the smile she's wearing. Because you really had everything you could ask for. More than that, you had her. And this was already enough to make you happy.
Slowly, you open your eyes, uncomfortable. Oh, you fell asleep whilst going about your coding again. When was even the last time you slept? It's hard to tell. You didn't want to sleep -you often had nightmares, and they were terrible. You sit up in the chair again, your back cracking from remaining in that uncomfortable position for too long.
You adjust your glasses, blinking, and slowly start to notice various details. First you note how you still had your glasses on. Second, just how cold it was. Usually Aradia would bring up a blanket for you, and set your glasses on the table. You wonder why this hadn't occurred this time.
Oh.
Oh.
You forgotten that she wasn't here, That the Aradia Megido you knew was no longer among the living. Suddenly, it's hard to breathe, with a lump tightening in your throat. You want to cry, hard. You want Aradia to hug you again, like she always had whenever you were sad, or in pain. Right now you were suffering a mixture of both. You want a hug. You want to feel her arms around you. You long to hear her voice again -you needed to hear Aradia saying that everything would be alright again, that you had nothing to worry over. Fuck, you miss her so much. And the fact that she's not there anymore because of you, only made things harder. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Gog knows how much you hated yourself. You were absolutely repulsed with yourself. If wasn't for you, Aradia would still be living. For the first time, you find yourself wishing you never way she would still be there. She would have found someone better, someone that would treat her in the way she deserved, someone that hadn't messed up as much as you had.
Your name is Sollux Captor and you regret a lot of things. Most of all you regret never telling her how much you truly loved her.
Tell me what you think, please?