I laid in my bed, staring at the people surrounding me. It was in moments like this, I wished I'd have just ended my pathetic life before the effects of the bite began. I wished I would have just ended it all. I would have preferred a quick death over the one I was experiencing now. Rose had it all too easy. I knew Stefan wouldn't kill me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to convince any of them to stake me, so I was stuck with this suffering. The first few days were bad. Delusions, and uncontrollable rage fits. I destroyed half of the house, during most of those. I knew my time was coming. I was now into the stage where I couldn't move much, and when I did, my entire body ached so bad, I'd scream. Elena sat next to me on the bed, my hand held tightly in hers. She was the only thing that kept me holding on at this point. You best believe if I was able to reach a stake or anything sharp, I would drive it through my own heart.
"Do you need anything, Damon?" Stefan asked.
"I need you to all stop staring at me like I'm dying…" I answered, smug smile on my face. Elena shook her head at me, but didn't smile. I was hoping, and praying to get one of those beautiful smiles out of her before I died, but she hadn't smiled much since the craziness of the bite began. Especially since I tried to attack her two or three times because I'd mistaken her for Katherine.
"How are you making jokes right now?" Jenna demanded. She hadn't even known me that well, but here she was, balling her pathetic human eyes out because I was withering away to nothing.
"Have you met Damon?" Jeremy asked, walking in the door with Bonnie following. I smiled up at him a little. "How you feeling man?" He asked me. Idiot human.
"I'm dying." I answered. Elena turned her head away from me. She still didn't want to accept it. I could feel it drawing closer. I guess being a part of the undead made it easier to sense when your own death was coming. I looked up at Stefan, and met his gaze.
"Little brother?" I said. He nodded once, not wanting to speak, probably because he was scared he'd start blubbering like a baby, like everyone else seemed to be. "I'm sorry for all the hell I've caused you over the past one hundred and sixty five years." The words felt like turpentine coming from my mouth. The only person I'd ever apologized to for anything was Elena. So, doing this felt weird. Stefan shook his head.
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I forced you to turn. That should have been your choice, and I forced it on you." He said. I shook my head.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Stefan. That was a hundred and sixty five years ago. Plus, I'd have missed out on so much, meeting so many people otherwise." I said, my gaze flickering to Elena first, but then everyone else around the room.
"Bonnie?" I said. She moved to the side of my bed, and sat down, placing her hand over mine.
"I'm so sorry I tried to kill you. If I remember correctly I tried to kill you a few times. I apologize for that, and for being so willing to let you die for Elena. You keep getting stronger, and working. You're an amazing little witch, and I know you can keep all of them safe. I'm counting on your for that. " I told her. A tear ran down her cheek, but I wiped it away. I didn't have long, so I figured now was the time I righted everything with everyone. I looked up at Jeremy.
"I'm sorry for snapping your neck, Gilbert. Believe it or not, I actually grew to like you. I'm glad my attempt at killing you didn't work." He cracked a grin. "You take care of her. I know what it's like to lose someone you love, and I know you've had to endure that a few times. Don't let it happen again." I told him. He nodded, and wrapped an arm around her waist as she walked back to him. I looked up at Alaric and Jenna.
"Teacher?" I said. Alaric smiled a little, but his eyes were still watering as he was fighting back tears. He avoided complete eye contact with me. I tried to comprehend the pain they all felt, but I couldn't. I then thought of what I'd be feeling if it were Elena or Stefan lying here. Then, I understood. I looked at him with complete sincerity as I spoke the next words. "I'm sorry I turned Isobel. I shouldn't have done it. I don't recall why I did it, but I'm sorry." He nodded.
"She wasn't worth my time." He said, squeezing Jenna's hand.
"I know, but I'm sorry. Also, I'd like to say thank you. So many of the crazy expeditions I've been on, and things I've had to deal with, you were by my side. I appreciate all the help, and appreciate you trusting me after what I did to your wife." I finished. He nodded and cracked a bit of a smile.
"You're welcome." He said. I looked around and knew that was everyone. I'd done my best at righting all the wrongs. I then turned to Elena whose hand was still tightly squeezing mine. She was staring down at the floor, tears falling from her eyes.
"Do you guy's mind if I talk to Elena alone?" I asked. I was mostly looking at Stefan. He hesitated, as everyone else exited the room. He looked at Elena.
"Are you okay?" He asked. She nodded at him.
"I'll be fine, Stefan." She answered quietly, sniffling. He nodded and kissed the top of her head before leaving, closing the door behind him.
"Elena?" I said. She wouldn't look at me. "Elena, look at me, please." I begged.
"I can't." She said, the words barely audible. I wasn't expecting that answer.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to remember you this way, all pale, and dying. I want to remember the real Damon. I can't stand seeing you like this." She said, the words pouring out of her.
"Elena, I'm dying. There's nothing any of us can do." She turned and looked at me then, eyes blood-shot, and tears pouring down her face.
"I don't want you to die, Damon." She whispered. I turned on my side, wincing at the pain of moving.
"I know." I whispered. I squeezed her hand in mine. She lay down beside me, our faces only inches apart, I could practically taste her she was so close.
"I can't lose you, Damon."
"Funny. I remember telling you the same thing about three days ago." I said. She shook her head.
"That's not funny, Damon." She said.
"Elena?" I whispered.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. I turned your birth mother, I tried to kill your brother, I tried to kill your best friend, I hurt people you cared about. I'm sorry I forced you to drink my blood. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you." I said, the words rushing out of me.
"You forgot to apologize for the worst one of all." She whispered, her voice cracking at the end.
"What?" I asked.
"Leaving me." She said, a sob escaping her chest. Her entire body quaked. I pulled her close, and buried my head in her collar bone. I felt tears spring to my eyes. That definitely wasn't the answer I'd been expecting.
"Elena?" I whispered, trying to fight back the tears.
"Yes?" She asked, pulling away to meet my gaze.
"I love you. I love you so much. I've always loved you. That's why I've done everything in my power to protect you. You mean everything to me. I don't want to leave you, but I know you'll be safe here now." I said.
"I don't want to be safe if it means I lose you."
"You mean, you'd rather be hunted down and sacrificed than lose me?" I said, cracking a smirk at her. "That's ridiculous." She cracked a small smile. I swear in that moment, my silent heart skipped a beat. It'd been three days since I've seen that beautiful smile. She'd just made the whole dying thing bearable.
"Damon?" I met her gaze. "I love you too." I smiled.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that from you. You don't know how desperate I've been to hear you say that." I admitted.
"Are you scared?" She asked me. I met her eyes.
"The only thing I'm scared of is losing you. Dying? It happens. I died once. I got over it."
"Damon, it's not funny." She said. She thought I was joking. How cute.
"I'm serious Elena. I should have died one hundred and sixty five years ago. It was only a matter of time before it caught up to me."
"If I could trade places with you right now, I would." She whispered. I shook my head.
"If you died Elena, I wouldn't be far behind you. I've already told you. I can't lose you." She shook her head. I watched as she stared at me. I felt myself get lost in her endless chocolate brown eyes filled with tears. I then noticed when she started leaning closer to me. I'd wanted to kiss her since I'd known I loved her. I'd forced myself on her a few times, but I knew that wasn't anything compared to a kiss we would share. The moment her lips touched mine, my entire body flooded with heat. The passion, the love exchanged in this kiss set my entire body on fire. I reached up and placed a hand on her cheek, and let my fingers run through her silky brown hair. When she pulled away, I smiled.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." I whispered. She laid her forehead against mine.
"I don't want to lose you. I need you."
"You'll live."
"But you won't." She whispered. I nodded.
"I know that." My body then got tense. I closed my mouth tight to keep from screaming. The pain was almost unbearable.
"Damon!" Elena exclaimed. The pain was horrible. I felt tears start running down my face as I fought back the scream that threatened to escape.
"I'm fine. Just stay with me… please." I forced out. She nodded. My entire body felt like it was contorting and twisting in ways it shouldn't but I wasn't even moving. She took my hands and squeezed them in hers.
"I'm right here. Just ride it out. You'll be okay." She said. It seemed to go on forever, even though it'd only been a few minutes. The pain got worse and worse as time went on. I wasn't in a hurry to die, but in this moment, I wanted to. My eyes got heavy but I knew there was no way I could pass out from this pain.
"Damon, stay with me. Don't close your eyes." She begged. She took my face in her hands, and met my gaze. "You look right here. Stay with me, damn it." She said. I nodded, and forced my eyes open. The pain continued to gradually get worse until I couldn't fight back the moans and groans. I felt like someone was ripping me limb from limb. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked at Elena, and took a deep breath.
"Kill me." I whispered.
"What?" She asked.
"Elena, please. Kill me. I can't take it anymore." She shook her head.
"Damon, I can't. Please... don't." She said.
"I'm going to die anyway. Please, don't make me endure this any longer." I said. Tears continued to leak from my eyes.
"I can't just kill you. I'm not a vampire." She said, sobbing.
"There's a stake over there on that desk. Please, Elena." She stared into my eyes long and hard. She stood up, and reluctantly released my hand, and took the stake. She walked back over to the bed, and sat down next to me. She pulled my head into her lap, and stroked my hair.
"I don't think I can do this." She whispered. My body convulsed as she sobbed.
"Please, Elena." I begged. She leaned down, and pressed another kiss to my lips. When she pulled away I smiled up at her, the best I could.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you too. I'll never forget you, Damon." She then brought the stake down into my chest, shoving it as far as her weak little human hands could get it. The last thing I heard was her sob, and the feel of her lips on my forehead.
I sat there with Damon's head in my lap. He was still smiling, but his eyes had closed, and he's become gray and shriveled in my lap. The tears that steadily leaked down my face were now falling onto his. I grabbed a hold of the stake and pulled it out of his chest. I heard the door open, and looked to see Stefan standing in the door way, eyes on me.
"Elena." He whispered. I shook my head.
"He was in so much pain. He asked me to. I couldn't tell him no. I couldn't watch him suffer anymore." I cried, trying to explain myself. Stefan nodded, as if he understood. I looked down into Damon's dead face. The face of the boy I'd been in love with for some time but was just too afraid to admit it. I laid my forehead against his, sobbing hard.
"Elena, it's going to be okay." Stefan whispered.
"I didn't want him to die."
"I know. None of us did." He said, as he approached me slowly. I threw the stake hard against the wall, and screamed.
"I don't understand why this had to happen. I didn't want to lose him." I said. I pushed him off my lap, and stood up. The pain I'd felt turned into rage. "Why does all this horrible stuff have to happen to me? I don't understand it. I don't know what I did to deserve this." I seethed. I slammed my fist hard against the wall, feeling the bones in my hand shatter. Alaric must have heard it because he was standing in the doorway, staring at Damon.
"What happened?" He asked.
"I killed him." I whispered, tears streaming down my face. "It's my fault he's dead. It's my fault he went to save Tyler, and Tyler bit him. It's my fault he got sick. It's my fault he's dead." I screamed. I hit my knee's on the floor then, not being able to hold myself up. Stefan pulled me into his arms. We sat there for awhile, before everyone came upstairs to find Damon staked, in bed. When everyone left, and I was calm enough to stand, Stefan walked over to his brother, and leant down. He kissed Damon's forehead gently.
"Good-bye brother." He whispered. "I love you." Before he took my hand, and walked me downstairs to his room. He pulled me in bed, and curled up against me.
"It'll be okay." He murmured. Only, he was wrong. It wouldn't be. Damon was dead. I'd killed him. I didn't know what I'd do without him. Damon understood me on a level no one else did, not even Stefan, and now he was gone forever. I'd miss him as long as I lived. Just outside Stefan's room, the sound of a crow's caw pierced the night. I shivered, before closing my eyes and slowly crying myself to sleep.