From the Rizzoli, Isles & Todd universe Expanding on a scene from rizzles & kibbs, based on the NCIS Season 4 episode
Leroy Jethro Gibbs had decided to move on from NCIS, unable to face up to his feelings for Caitlin Todd.
Gibbs was long gone, but life went on, and there were cases to be investigated and the need for a Major Case Response Team to solve them.
Tony DiNozzo now led the Washington office's MCRT. Kate was his senior agent, and both were training Tim McGee to attain senior agent status. Officer Ziva David had integrated well into the team, at least by Director Shepard and Senior Agent in Charge DiNozzo's standards. Abby Sciuto ran the forensics lab as capably as anyone in the nation, and the NCIS morgue remained in the capable hands of Dr. Donald "Ducky" Mallard and his assistant, Jimmy Palmer. On occasion, Michelle Lee assisted on legal matters and in investigations.
All in all, life post-Leroy Jethro Gibbs in NCIS proceeded just fine.
There, of course, were the occasional curveballs thrown the team's way.
"Deep Six."
This particular curveball came out of nowhere, literally, and all but one of the team's members were as shocked by the situation as they found humor in it.
McGee, without the knowledge of anyone in the agency - even the director herself - wrote a best-selling novel, under a pseudonym.
"Why did you not come to me and get approval for this...venture of yours, Agent McGee?"
He certainly wasn't shocked - he wrote the thing - and he didn't find any humor in the situation (all of which came at his expense).
"Guys, I swear. None of the characters are based on any of you. The cases come from casefiles-" "Yeah they are McClancy! They're us! And Gibbs! And the cases? They come from OUR casefiles!"
He wasn't in a laughing mood anyway. The team was already investigating a case involving his sister Sarah, accused of the murder of a seaman, and Tony and Kate were pissed that McGee tried to investigate it himself without going to either of them.
The book was just icing - until McGee's teammates read it.
"I do NOT drool over everything with two boobs and two X chromosomes," DiNozzo protested. "And you made me second in charge!"
"I am NOT Agent DiNardo's lover," protested Ziva. "As far as your allegations that I am a ninja assassin who killed a band of terrorists with a pair of numchucks and a pocket knife - no comment."
"Why did you have Agent MacGregor make love to Amy in the coffin?" Abby asked, innocently.
"I. AM. NOT. A. NECROPHILIAC." scolded Palmer. "That is not what autopsy gremlin means!"
"I am certain you have good reasons for not including me in your novel, Timothy," said Ducky. "I must admit, what you have done sets a major precedent. This has never been accomplished by any federal agent in American history. Although, it does bring to mind the story of Ian Fleming..."
"The real issue, Agent McGee, is your covering for your sister," said Director Shepard. "We'll address the issue of the damn book. Eventually."
Oh.
There was one other person with a strong opinion on Deep Six.
"You named me MAE COD, McGee! You named me after a fish. A FISH!"
Kate was steaming mad, and McGee thought he might elbow him to an early demise - if Ziva and Tony didn't beat her to it.
"I didn't name you after a fish, Kate," McGee stammered. "Codd. C-o-d-d. That's her name. None of these characters are based on anyone here-"
"Do we have to review this again, McGee," Ziva said, impatiently. "Should I bring up Pimmy Jalmer? Amy Sutton? Even L.J. Tibbs, the mysterious leader singlehandedly fighting the Mexican Cartel?"
"Look, it's fiction. It's just a story," McGee protested, to no avail.
"And I'm a FISH!" Kate shouted. "A killer fish. Ex-CIA fish. Kill terrorists with her bare hands - no, FINS - fish-"
"You're not a fish and neither is she," McGee said. "She's a person. I only gave her that name to not confuse her with anyone else-"
"With me, McGee!"
"Actually, Kate, you should be impressed with your portrayal," Ziva offered.
"That I'm a cod?" Kate replied, giving McGee the evil eye.
"That you are a former CIA agent who single handedly protected the President of the United States from ninja assassins, then killed the Turkish terrorist cell one by one without a single scratch," Ziva continued. "And, best of all, you are not socially repugnant like Agent Tommy."
Tony gave Ziva the stink eye; Ziva chuckled in return.
"McGee was nicer to the women than to 'Tommy'," Kate admitted. "Ziva, he said you were 'sultry'."
"Yes," Ziva said, turning to McGee. "And emotionally distant. He said, Caitlin, that my eyes are like emeralds. Flawed only by the icicles in my heart."
"He also said I was exotic and every woman, an Italian/Serbian Plain Jane," Kate said, giving McGee the evil eye again. "Are you saying I'm a Plain Jane?"
"And are you saying I have icicles in my emotionally distant heart," Ziva.
McGee - very, very silent through Kate and Ziva's conversation - looked to Tony for help.
Tony raised his eyebrows and grinned, waving to his junior agent.
Ziva thumbed through the pages of Deep Six, finding what she was looking for on page three.
"Then there is Gibbs," Ziva said. "Who is no longer here, but very present in the pages of the novel. He 'drinks to relieve the burden of his Messianic complex' while he destroys the Mexican cartel singlehandedly, then brings democracy to the liberated peoples. Did Tony not discuss that seeing that in a movie?"
"We were talking about Gibbs and Mike living together in Baja," Tony interjected. "And I made up the part about the cartel for laughs."
"Just like when we talked about Kill Bill that one night, Tony," Kate said. "You joked about me being Uma Thurman in my previous job...Tony, McGee said his book was based on our cases."
Kate turned to face Tony while Ziva continued to stare McGee down. "When did Gibbs destroy a cartel by himself? Or I kill a Turkish cell?"
"I must've been out that day," Tony cracked.
"Oh Ziva, there is someone we are forgetting about. And I don't mean Jake and Maury, the gay couple from Boston, Tibbs saved from the Irish terrorist Ira," Kate said, now pointing to McGee. "Agent McGregor himself."
"Swashbuckling, in his own cerebral manner," Ziva.
"Heroic." Kate.
"Caring, thoughtful and courageous."
"Loyal to his country and to his lady."
"Agent McGregor, bound to Rules 1 and 2 because of his own high moral standards."
"Even when Tibbs stayed behind in Mexico to lead the Mexican people liberated from the cartel back to democracy-"
Finally, McGee had enough. He shot up out of his chair and grabbed the book from Ziva.
"It's. Just. A. Book. That's all it is. Those are not real characters, the cases are not real cases, it's all made up," he said, then sat back down.
"The cartel and Turkish cell crap isn't real but these characters are clearly based on us," Kate shot back, putting her finger in McGee's face. "Admit it."
"Any similarities between the characters in my book and real people are coincidential-" McGee recited, with a few drops of sweat pouring down his cheek.
Kate threw up her hands and went back to her desk. "OOOOOOOOOOHH!"
Later, after Jenny's interrogation led McGee to offer up his badge and gun - and Tony and Kate admonished him for letting the director manipulate him - McGee found himself benched.
"You wanna do something?" Tony said. "Here. Read a book."
As Tony's copy of Deep Six landed on his desk, McGee thought that now probably wasn't the best time to bring up the sequel.