Author's Note: If you know the musical Avenue Q, it makes this all the more amusing. If not, I highly recommend you check it out anyway, even though in theory you don't need it to get this fic. It's total insanity, crackfic at it's best! Enjoy! Oh, and while I've altered some of the lyrics, all songs in this are not mine, they're the composers and all that. Let's begin!

Scene One:
What do you do with a Bunch of Homeless Street Musicians?

The streets of LA were gleaming in the sun...as much as they could gleam under the circumstances, it being LA and all. The waves were crashing in the distance, tourists pointed gleefully at stars walking by, and people chatted happily with their grocers and friends on the....

Wait, this was the good part of LA. Our story takes place far, far from here, in the multi-ethnic yet somehow still primarily white slums of Avenue K.

Striding cheerfully down the streets towards the building where our story is set was young Sora Naegino, pulling her pink suitcase along behind her with one hand and swinging the other back and forth, smiling brightly. As she walked, a sudden oboe soloist on the street woke up and began playing a little melody.

"What do you do with a BA in English?" Sora sang along philosophically, despite not having graduated high school yet even. "What is my life going to be? Four years of...two years of high school," she amended hastily, "and plenty of knowledge have earned me this useless degree..."

It is important to note here that a bachelor's in English in Japan is literally in English and therefore much more useful than and English degree in LA, but Sora didn't bother thinking of that, being swept up in the song as she was.

"I can't pay the bills yet, 'cuz I have no skills yet-" Here Sora did stop, as, conveniently, did the various street musicians that had been playing along. "But I do have skills. I'm going to be a Kaleido Star! Watch!"

She started to execute a rather impressive series of flips, but the musicians started back up again and she had to go on with the song.

"The world is a big scary plaaaace!" she continued, once more agreeing with the song. "But somehow I can't shake the feeling I might make a difference to the human race!"

Meanwhile, about two blocks up ahead, acoustics were assisting in bringing the sounds of the random street musicians to a small apartment complex. Outside, Ken Robbins was taking out his garbage when a hand snatched away the lid of the can and dropped it onto the head of a girl a good head taller than he was. Anna Heart scowled comically at him. "Oscar the Grouch," she growled.

"Nice try," Ken replied, and took the lid back. "Hi, Anna."

Anna's face fell, and she sighed. "Hi, Ken."

"How's life?" Ken asked, dropping his garbage in the can.

"Disappointing."

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. What's wrong?"

Anna shot him a look. "You have no sense of humor, that's what's wrong!"

"Sorry."

"You should be." Anna coughed, and looked away. "Well. Besides that, look at me! I'm sixteen years old, I'm at exactly the right age to be a great acrobat, and...meh."

"No," Ken asked remorsefully, feeling bad for not laughing earlier, "tell me."

"No." Anna didn't look at him. "You don't have a sense of humor, you wouldn't care anyway."

"No, come on!"

Anna sighed, and realized the music swell meant she had better start singing. "When I was little," she began awkwardly, "I thought I would be..."

"Tune, please?" Ken whispered.

Anna continued, shifting into the right key. "A big comedian on late night TV..."

"Close enough, I guess," Ken shrugged.

"But now I'm almost seventeen and as you can see I'm not."

"Nope." Ken shook his head.

Anna sighed. "Oh well."

"Yeah..."

"It sucks to be me."

"No," Ken dismissed.

"It sucks to be me," Anna insisted musically.

"No!"

"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning seventeen...it sucks to be me."

"Oh, you shouldn't think that," Ken reassured. "It's all fine. You have plenty of time."

The musicians seemed to psychically sense that young stage manager was far too optimistic to join in the song, so they quickly skipped ahead in the music, and on cue the sounds of arguing could be heard; one voice a young male tone snapping angrily, the other a high girl's voice dryly fighting back.

"...stuck up and full of himself, no, not the great Yuri Killian, never, I wouldn't dream of saying that!"

"Oh come on, you're a thousand times worse than me! I'm the world champion, every pay attention to me, extend my contract-'"

"Cute, Yuri, cute. You're how old again?"

"Oh, quit acting so old, you're not that mature yourself, Rosetta."

"Compared to you, I'm decrepit."

Ken winced, and called out before things could go any longer. "Hi you guys!"

Rosetta looked away from her roommate and broke into a charming and adorable smile. "Ken! Hello!"

"Hey Rosetta," Ken started, but Anna cut in. "Hey, you two, what're you arguing about?"

"Thanks a lot, Anna," Ken muttered. The tall girl looked at him questioningly. Meanwhile, the music had suddenly swelled again. Rosetta blinked. "Where's the concert?"

"We live to together," Yuri sang suddenly. Rosetta shrugged, and chimed in with the musical explanation of their tribulations.

"We're close as people can get."

"We've been the best of buddies...by which we mean we've shared a mutual professional respect for-" Yuri explained.

"Don't editorialize," Rosetta snapped, then smiled sweetly again. "Ever since the day we met!"

Yuri shot the tiny French girl a look. "So she knows lots of ways to make me really upset!"

"Moi?"

"Oh, every day is an aggravation!"

Rosetta frowned. "Come on, that's an exaggeration!"

Yuri turned to face her head on and leaned over threateningly. Somewhere, thousands of evil!Yuri fan girls sighed with joy. "You leave your clothes out-"

"So?"

"You put your feet on my chair."

Rosetta crossed her arms and sang right back at him challengingly. "That's nothing. You spend two hours every morning ironing your hair!"

Fan girls across the nation gasped, scandalized, while Anna cracked up and Ken covered a smile with his hand. Yuri fumed, but managed to keep his cool. "You make that very small apartment we share a hell."

"So do you!" Rosetta looked heavenward. "That's why I'm in hell, too."

"It sucks to be me-"

"No! It sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me," Anna chimed in cheerfully, before they all chorused the same thing again in unison.

"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?" they chorused. "It sucks to be me."

Anna whipped a top hat out of nowhere and began to shuffle across the sidewalk. "Ba-da ba-da-baa...."

"Ba-da ba-da-baaa," Rosetta joined in, spinning into the dance.

The two young men looked at each other, then towards the homeless musicians that had somehow managed to migrate to their street without them noticing earlier, shrugged, and joined in. "Ba-da ba-da-baaa-ba!"

A percussionist hitting a rather expensive glock looked over at one of the woodwind players. "We'd better get hired after this!"

The flautist nodded, being incapable of speaking with an instrument glued to her lips, and winked as the four young performers continued their perfectly choreographed spontaneous dance number. A head peeked out of a window in the building across the street and a young man yelled down at them, "Get a job, you losers!"

Every instrumentalist with the proper fingering flicked their middle fingers upward and ignored him.

After another four bars, the door to the apartment complex opened and a young girl with strawberry blonde hair in two long pigtails stepped outside. She blinked, and turned towards Anna. "Why everyone dancing?" she asked in a halting, fake Asian accent.

"Because," Rosetta explained simply, "our lives suck!"

"Dancing about it doesn't make much sense," Yuri admitted, "but there was music and so..."

All four shrugged, and Mia wrinkled her nose. "You think that suck? I hear you correctly?"

"When did you get a Japanese accent, Mia?" Anna asked suddenly.

Mia ignored her and jumped right in on cue. "I coming to this country for opportunity. Try to work in quaint Dutch deli...but I speak Japanese!"

As everyone knows, despite the fact that the main minority population in LA is Hispanic and the United States is quite willfully stubborn about speaking any language other than English for the most part, and despite the fact that of all the Kaleido Stage members, only one Sora Naegino was from Japan, for some reason they all spoke perfect, unaccented Japanese. It made things quite difficult for Mia back in Holland sometimes.

"But with hard work I earn two masters degrees," Mia continued, "in choreography! And computer programming! But I have no clients, and I have an unemployed fiancé," she sang pointedly, "and we have lots of bills to pay!"

"Wait..." Yuri stared at Mia in confusion. "You're engaged? To who?"

Anna flung out her hands and sent him a, Hello? Right here? look. "Obviously!"

Rosetta smirked at her roommate smugly. "Really, Yuri, they're only the most obvious couple in the series."

The chief oboist, who had started the entire singing dancing nightmare, took advantage of the prolonged rest to throw her remaining shoe at the crowd. "Shh!"

Mia took a deep breath. "It suck to be me."

The musicians struck up the tune again.

"It suck to be me."

Windows all up and down the street slammed closed in frustration.

"I say it sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka suck! It suck to be me!" Mia finished with a flourish.

Ken looked around nervously. "Can we say that without being sued?"

"Technically." Mia's voice returned to normal. "As long as we sing it, it should be fine."

"We read that somewhere," Anna confirmed.

"Oh."

"Wow!"

All eyes turned to the other side of the street, where Sora had finally made it to their building, having managed to take four minutes to walk the remaining block and a half. Her eyes shone. "That is so cool! Are you part of a show?"

"Not really," Rosetta said, eyeing the new girl suspiciously.

"It's kind of a spontaneous thing," Ken explained as a red flush crept up into his face.

Sora frowned. "But...then how do you all know the words?"

"Convenient plot hole," Mia said, reverting to the bad Asian accent. "Why you all way down here?"

"Oh! Well..." Sora fumbled in her pockets for a piece of paper. "I was looking for the Kaleido Stage, but I think I got lost somewhere, and then I heard more people singing and decided to come see what was up." She glanced up at the building. "Oh, this looks nice! Is there anything for rent? I should find somewhere to sleep, I don't have a hotel."

Ken's face was now approximately the color of a large cherry. "You, ah, should ask the superintendent. She can help you out." He quickly turned towards the building and cleared his throat. "Sara! Are you in?"

"Haaaaiiii!" A head popped up from one of the balconies and a woman wearing a karate gi and headband waved at everyone on the street below. "What is it?"

Sora's mouth dropped open and her face lit up in awe. "Oh wow, it's Sara from the Kaleido Stage! She sings in every show! I saw her once with my parents!"

Sara looked at her in surprise and waved. "Yes, that's me! How are...oh!" She scanned the annoyed gazes of the army of street musicians that had assembled outside her building. "Was that my cue? Oops!"

She smiled as if nothing had happened and waited for the melody to come back around before beginning. "I'm Sara Muir, you've heard of me before. I used to sing on stage but never wanted any more!" She spread her hands to indicate Sora and the entire assembled group. "So now I'm broke and here you are, outside of my door...and I'm here, the superintendent, performing for yooooou..."

"It sucks to be you," the four inhabitants chorused.

"How dull," Yuri sniffed.

"It sucks to be you..."

"Odd solo," Rosetta observed.

"Well, actually, it's not that bad." Sara leaned over the railing and ran a hand over her hair self-consciously. "It pays well enough and I never really cared about being famous as long as I could sing, and I sometimes get jobs at parties and restaurants and things so I'm happy here!"

There was an awkward pause as everyone looked at the musicians. They shrugged, and went back to playing. With a shrug of their own, the singers looked back at Sara. "Whatever you say...on Avenue K!"

"Sucks to be you," the girls sang as Sora joined in the simple dance number.

"On Avenue K," the boys continued, somehow managing to sound like there were four or more of them instead of just two.

"Sucks to be me!"

"On Avenue K..."

"Sucks to be us," the girls finished as the boys joined in, "but not when we're together...we're together here on Avenue K! We live on Avenue K, and here we'll stay!"

Everyone found a partner and leaned against their back. "Till we move away...we live on Avenue K!"

"Obviously," Yuri commented.

"We live on Avenue K."

"You'll like it here," Rosetta said as she wrapped her arms around Sora's waist, "you'll see."

"We live on Avenue K."

"I'll be down with your keys in a minute!" Sara called, and karate-kicked her way back inside.

"Welcome," everyone chorused triumphantly, "to Avenue K!"

As the echoes of music faded into the air, Ken took Sora's arm shyly, not meeting her eyes. "I-I'll take you to your room," he stammered nervously. "I'm...ah, Ken. Ken Robbins."

Sora broke into a huge grin. "Thank you, Ken!" She grabbed her suitcase again and followed him inside. "Do you always start singing like that? I've never done it before, but I tried my best...."

Anna followed them inside with her gaze. "He's got a real love at first sight complex," she observed.

"Well, of course," Rosetta sighed, "she's so sweet and inspiring and cute and-"

Yuri rolled his eyes heavenward, and she glared at him before stalking back inside. Anna and Mia followed suit, Anna questioning Mia the whole way.

"So, seriously, when did you get the accent? You're not even Japanese, and you never had one before..."

There was silence on the now-empty streets. As time passed and it became apparent that no one was even going to throw a few coins at the shabby instrumentalists, much less hire them out for anything, the small contingent of homeless musicians simultaneously decided that the best course of action would be to march through the streets of LA and riot in protest. The riots lasted for a good two years, and deals were finally reached after the fiftieth death by flute bludgeoning, but no one ever made the connection. Tourists are oblivious like that.