A/N: I have a problem... while I should be doing other things, stories pop up in my head and I wind up writing fanfiction.

If you've read my other stories, you will see I love the SS/HG pairing. This is something I've never done. This story popped into my head and I had to write it down. It's very dark and a bit disturbing, not sure where it all came from. This is my first dark story so it's likely not that well written. I readily welcome comments and critiques but please be kind - this is definitely not my forte.

It should be obvious that I do not own any of theses characters but as I reminder - I only borrow them for stories, and make no money from them.

Hermione flipped through the pages, her heart racing. She went too far and turned the pages slower, made difficult by her trembling hands.

I owe Harry and Ron my life. Today I went into the girl's bathroom, crying over something silly. Somehow, a troll got into Hogwarts and Harry and Ron were able to save me by knocking it out. We nearly almost had points taken from our house as well.

When the professors came in and saw us, apparently Harry noticed a gash on Professor Snape's leg. He must be attempting to steal whatever Fluffy is guarding.

What kind of name is Fluffy for a three-headed dog? Hagrid…

Hermione let out a soft sob at the words her younger self had written. In hindsight, what did it matter? They would face much worse things in the future.

Harry was released from the hospital wing today. It was wonderful seeing him up and doing well again.

Earlier this morning, I had dropped one of the books I was carrying and note paper flew everywhere. I gathered them up, humiliated, when the Headmaster approached and with a simple spell put them all back in my book. I don't know the spell as he didn't speak it. I cannot wait until I am able to cast spells like that.

Anyways, as he was bidding me 'good day', Professor Snape passed by. The Headmaster stopped suddenly and turned, asking him if he knew that I had solved his potions riddle. Professor Snape turned and looked me up and down before simply responding with an "Mmm". But there was something there in his eyes – dare I say, it could have been respect?

Reading the last line, she let out a somewhat deranged sounding snort. She remembered feeling that each new challenge they faced as children seemed worse than the last but looking back it all seemed so trivial.

She dropped the journal unceremoniously and grabbed out the next, rocking back and forth as she flipped through to find the correct page near the end.

Thank goodness for Professor Snape. Without him…. Well, I was in the library, looking for a table when I suddenly saw him rise and stride quickly out. I hurried to his table before anyone else could claim it and saw what he had been reading, 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them'. I had read it before, of course, but something made me take a second look. In it, I found the page on Basilisks. It saved my life, as did the potion that Professor Snape brewed to restore me after being petrified all that time.

When I entered the Great Hall, after greeting Harry and Ron, I looked up at the Head Table and saw him. I smiled up at him in thanks, and got the smallest of smirks back. Perhaps he isn't so bad.

Shaking even more violently now, choking down bile and blinking back hot tears, Hermione threw that one across the room and yanked the next out of the box.

I've been sleeping all day but now I finally have the time to write down the events of last night. After watching Buckbeak's death, a huge black dog dragged Ron under the Whomping Willow. There was a tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack under there! Once Harry and I caught up, we found Ron had been taken by Sirius Black! But it turns out, he had not killed Harry's parents – their friend Peter Pettigrew had and Sirius had been blamed. Professor Lupin showed up and helped explain before Professor Snape barged in. I did the unthinkable and sent a spell at him, knocking him into the wall. I felt terrible, of course, but we needed to know the truth and he wasn't going to allow that.

Later, as we were all making our way back to the castle to turn Peter in, Professor Lupin changed. I noticed the signs right away thanks to Professor Snape's lesson on it. I thought we were going to be killed for sure – or at least, bitten. But Professor Snape regained consciousness just in time and threw himself in front of us. I remember grabbing his arm after we were knocked down – something that embarrasses me now – but at the time, I just remember feeling his muscles under his robes and feeling safe… like he would protect us.

Then once Sirius changed back into a –

Hermione cast that one aside with gusto and pulled out the next. As she flipped forward, she discovered only one small entry that was relevant.

Harry says Professor Snape has been seen with Karkaroff a lot lately. I hope that doesn't mean what we all think it means. I've come to like him a bit. He also threatened Harry the other day because the supplies for Polyjuice Potion have been disappearing from his storeroom. I feel a bit responsible for that one.

There is so much going on with the tournament, I don't know how much more I'll be able to write…

The rest was simply filled with short updates about the tournament, and a long, tear stained entry after Cedric had died, and Harry had told them Voldemort was back. She let out another small sob as she let that one fall from her hands onto the floor beneath her. She sank to her knees and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She couldn't believe this was happening.

She wasn't sure how much time she had though, so after a few deep breaths to keep the tears at bay, she pulled herself back up onto the bed and dug out her fifth journal.

Umbridge is VILE. I felt for Professor Snape today as she questioned him. The look on his face, I think, mirrors how we all feel about her.

~8~

Poor Professor Snape. Harry told us a bit more about his Legilimency classes and that he accidently saw Snape's memories. In them, he had been teased rather mercilessly by Harry's father and friends. I, too, know what it's like to be bullied. No wonder he comes across as such an unpleasant sort.

~8~

Thank goodness for Professor Snape – again. Once Umbridge had caught us, Harry was smart enough to clue him in on what was happening to Sirius. He looked confused, but the Order showed up at the Ministry, so he must just have been acting.

There were injuries sustained – I have a large unsightly scar across my chest, and worst of all, Sirius died. Harry and Lupin were devastated. Thankfully, Dumbledore came to the rescue and the rest of us made it out of there alive. I don't know what we would have done without Snape and Dumbledore and the rest of the Order.

Cast aside, pull out the next book. It was becoming quite routine.

This one was filled with a number of entries about Snape. How he was so much better at Defense classes, how good his robes looked this particular day, how she wished she could speak with him… it made her stomach turn. Only the very last entry was relevant.

Dumbledore is dead. Harry says Snape did it but I just can't quite wrap my head around it. He says Snape told him to hide, then went and killed him. When Harry chased after them, Snape spared him. Why would he do that? There has to be more to this story. My heart is broken over Dumbledore's passing, and it feels as though we've grown up in a matter of moments. There is no great wizard left to protect us. We're going off on our own now. I wish I could have said goodbye.

Hermione jumped at a noise downstairs. She froze, not even daring to breathe as she listened. After what seemed like an eternity, she deemed it as some noise from outside and sat on the floor, placing the book carefully beside her.

She thought about the last several hours as she tried to breathe.

They ran as fast as they could when the snatchers found them, but they weren't fast enough. She had tried to mask Harry's face, but knew it wouldn't fool everyone.

The snatchers took them to Malfoy Manor. Hermione felt a bit of relief when she saw Draco, knowing that though he was a vile boy, he wouldn't give Harry away. She had been right. She thought they might be let go at that point, but she had been so wrong. They took Ron and Harry away and left Hermione with Bellatrix. She raised her chin at the older witch, though she'd never been so scared in all her life.

The hour with her had been the longest, worst hour of her life. Bellatrix had carved into her flesh with her wand. Once her arm went numb the pain wasn't as bad, but it didn't stop. Finally Bellatrix climbed off of her, stood, and turned to talk with someone. She couldn't hear – it sounded as though they were underwater.

Soon, the person she was talking to moved into clear view and Hermione felt a rush of relief when she saw his face. Snape would once again save them. She took in his look of concern and noticed his wand hand flinch. He would surely take Bellatrix down any moment now. She almost managed a smile before an overwhelming amount of pain engulfed her entire body. It felt as though her flesh was burning. She heard an ear-piercing screech and realized it was coming from her own mouth.

It subsided finally and she lifted her eyes, panting, expecting to see Snape cursing Bellatrix but instead caught him lowering his wand just a bit from her own body. Confusion, betrayal, sadness and anger coursed through her in seconds. How could he do this to her? She swallowed hard, trying to control the trembling of her limbs and opened her mouth to speak. A hard kick connected with her ribs on her left where Bellatrix was. She curled into a ball and looked up at Snape, pleading with him. The response she received was his wand lifting to point straight at her and the agony spreading through her once again. This time it felt as though she was being stabbed repeatedly all over.

At some point, she blacked out; when she came-to, Bellatrix and Snape were talking quietly in the corner. She still couldn't make out what they were saying, but after just a moment, Bellatrix walked out. Snape turned his head slowly and his eyes connected with her own. She immediately flinched, curling up in fear.

He walked slowly towards her, some unreadable expression on his face.

"Stand." He said quietly. She looked up at him, shaking violently. "Stand, witch." He hissed.

It took her a few tries but she stood, her legs wobbling dangerously.

"Now run. Unless you want more."

"B..b…b…bu.." She stammered, unable to make her lips stop quivering. He reached out and caught her arm in a vice-like grip.

"I said run." He snarled.

The moment he released her she had fled… as fast as her legs could take her which wasn't very. But somehow, she made it back to her parent's home and had numbly made her way upstairs to her room.

After several minutes of running the day's events through her head disbelievingly, she caught sight of her box of journals and suddenly, the need to re-instill her faith in Snape became the most important thing. She had to believe he had to do what he did – that he would get Harry and Ron out of there. That everything would be okay….somehow.

But now, here she was, unsure of all of it. Looking back through her journals, there seemed to be so many points when he had rescued them, or put himself in harm's way to do the right thing. He had to have tortured her for appearances, right?

She stayed hidden in her childhood home, curled into a ball on the floor of her room, not daring to close her eyes or use any sort of light. By the time the sun rose, casting cold light through her window, her body was aching and stiff but her mind was sharp once again. She needed to move. She knew she couldn't go to Grimmauld Place. She didn't want to risk any of the Order members' safety… but perhaps she would be able to make it to Hogwarts. True, it was risky, but perhaps she could make it to Snape or McGonagall and they would be able to help her.

As she pulled herself to her feet she realized a few things in quick succession: her legs almost instantly began shaking from exertion, she couldn't fully straighten up due to a sharp pain in her side (most likely a broken rib courtesy of Bellatrix), and lastly based on the smell alone she must have wet herself at the Manor yesterday. Fighting the memories of the curses she had felt and trying not to let emotion take over again, she limped over to her closet and fished through her belongings until she found something suitable.

It took much longer than she expected, but she finally had a fresh pair of jeans, managed to find thick socks and boots, and put on a burgundy turtleneck under a dark gray zippered hoodie. She let her hair down and combed through it with her fingers, thankful that it had grown more manageable over the years. Pulling the hood up, she gazed in the mirror and decided this was the best she would be able to do without a wand to mask her appearance further.

Standing at her front door, she hesitated for several minutes before she could will herself to step outside. Being wandless in a time when wizards and witches wanted her dead was terrifying. But nevertheless, she needed to move. She still needed to help Harry if that was at all possible.

She set out along the sidewalk, keeping close to the buildings, hands jammed in her pockets, head down and eyes scanning her surroundings constantly. She had slipped a letter opener into her sock if it came down to it, but she'd have to see the threat first to be able to react in time.

Thankfully, she made it unharmed to a bus station and purchased a ticket as close as she could get to Hogwarts. She chose a seat halfway back and curled up into a ball in her seat, hand cradling her side where her ribs were aching. She pulled her hood down farther as other passengers made their way on board. A kindly looking old woman sat beside her, giving Hermione a warm smile before turning to read a well-worn book she'd brought with her. She was still on edge, heart still beating hard in her chest, but she didn't think this woman would give her any trouble.

"Dufftown!" Hermione woke abruptly to the driver announcing their destination. She looked quickly out the window to see they were pulling into the bus station. There weren't any people milling about that looked suspicious, but it had been a long drive and the light was already beginning to fade. She needed to hurry.

"Excuse me, please." Hermione said quietly to the old woman still reading beside her. The woman looked up, fixing her with alert eyes.

"Oh, you need to get off the bus, dear?" She asked in a gravelly voice. A shiver ran up Hermione's spine. She nodded and waited for the woman to move. There was a beat of silence before the woman nodded back and rose from her seat, letting Hermione move past her. Hermione paused a moment herself, shifting her ankle to reassure herself that the letter opener was there and felt the still metal object meet her skin with relief. She offered the smallest of smiles and rushed off the bus, turning back as the bus began to leave once more. There in the window was the old woman, still staring intently at her. As Hermione watched with wide eyes, the woman's brow seemed to shift a bit before she quickly raised a flask to her mouth. Alarm bells went off in Hermione's head and she took off at a run.

She wasn't sure exactly where to go, but knew she'd feel the presence of magic when she got close so she abandoned the roads and ran into the woods, hoping for a miracle to lead her in the correct direction. She didn't look back, but ignored the pain in her side and pushed herself as hard as she could.

Night was falling; she was dripping with sweat and gasping for breath when she felt it. It seemed like she had been running for hours and certainly her side felt that way, but when she felt the ebb and flow of massive amounts of magic, her adrenaline kicked back in. She pushed harder and harder, knowing it wouldn't be long until she would catch sight of it. Thick overhang from the trees obscured the view in front of her, but she pushed through it…and nearly fell head first into the lake. She was there! A part of her wanted to just collapse with relief, but she knew she had to keep going.

She moved a bit slower now, scanning the area as fast as her eyes would allow. She managed to make it around the lake….but now what? She didn't think she could just walk in the front door. But there – to her left she saw the greenhouse door open. If she could make it in there, she could go through the door to the inside. It would be a long sprint, but that was her best hope. She took a deep breath and took off so fast that she fell not far from where she began. Sharp pain coursed through her body from her side and made her writhe in agony, crying out through gritted teeth. She tried to get up, but fell a second time; the pain this time took her breath away. She curled into a ball, clutching at her side as things went blurry. She felt a shiver of fear run through her body as she noticed a figure step out from the greenhouse. She couldn't tell who it was and she knew she should run, but instead she closed her hand around the letter opener in her sock as everything went black.

As she struggled to open her eyes the first thing she was aware of was the smell of medicinal potions and herbs. Then she could feel the tight bandages around her chest, the silkiness of bedding beneath her and the heat of a fire. She forced her eyes open and found herself in a small, dark room. The walls were a dark stone brick, shelves covering one entire wall crammed with books. The fireplace was burning away with a pot of water hanging over it. She herself was lying on a large four poster bed with black sheets, a simple cream colored shift covering her body with ties on either side.

Her mind began racing. She needed to get up and move. Was she still at Hogwarts? Who had she seen before she passed out? And where were her clothes? She looked frantically around the room realizing she no longer had her measly weapon of a letter opener and began looking for something to use in its place.

"You're awake. Good." A deep voice sounded from her left. She turned her head slowly, heart racing to see Snape standing in the doorway.

"P…Professor Snape?" It came out as an incredulous whisper.

"Last I checked, yes. Though I believe I am no longer your professor as you, Potter, and Weasley chose not to return this school year."

"Where are we?"

"In the dungeons… in my chambers here at Hogwarts. I saw you collapse on the lawn and thought it best to take you somewhere they would never think to look. Nor would they dare." He uncrossed his arms and made his way to the fire, taking the water down carefully and set about making some tea.

"Do you know where Harry is? How long have I been out?" She struggled to sit up, but found her arms too weak to be of use.

"You collapsed a few days ago. Last I heard, Potter had broken into Gringotts bank, but he and Mr. Weasley escaped. It appears that Miss Weasley has joined them. She left a few weeks ago to stay with her brother I believe." He crossed to her, setting down a cup of tea and helping to prop her up in a sitting position. His hands were strong and warm on her back and leg as he shifted her. Having him so close gave her goosebumps. His fingers trailed along her thigh a bit as he straightened and then handed her the cup and saucer.

"I…I…" She cleared her throat, noticing the shaky, husky voice that came from her. "I was hoping I'd find you. I knew if I could make it here, you or McGonagall would keep me safe." He stared at her a moment, his eyes scanning her face.

"Good thing I found you. Minerva… she has switched sides."

Hermione's stomach dropped.

"What?" She breathed. It was unbelievable.

"Yes, it seems that once the Death Eaters came to Hogwarts, her beliefs began to change. She held out a while but now follows the Dark Lord's orders."

Something in his tone made a red flag go up in her mind. It was unbelievable. McGonagall would never. She couldn't believe it. And if she couldn't believe it, she also couldn't trust him.

"Am I alright to get up yet?" She said, trying to feign acceptance of what was said.

"No, I'm afraid you must remain in bed a few more days. Drink up, it will help. I must go – Headmaster duties call I'm afraid. I shall return this afternoon. Stay in bed and rest." He looked at her a moment longer before turning and striding out of the room, robes billowing behind him.

The moment she heard the door to his chambers close and could feel the wards settle in place, she spat out the tea she had held in her mouth and put down the tea cup. She worried that she may not be able to get out of his chambers with the wards in place, but she could look for her clothes and some sort of weapon.

She swung her legs carefully off the side of the bed and pushed herself off to stand, wincing at the dull pain coursing through her side. It had definitely gotten better but she wasn't healed yet. Keeping one hand on her side, she used the other to lean on things as she made her way around his chambers. Through the doorway of his bedroom, she found another small room set up as a study of sorts. There was another fireplace – this one devoid of a fire, a few threadbare armchairs, and stacks of books everywhere. On the far side of the room she found a wardrobe that contained exact replicas of his usual clothing, an extra set of boots and a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey beside a solitary glass that looked as though it needed a good washing.

Searching the room thoroughly, she found nothing suspicious but eyed a small trunk beside the door. Upon opening it, her heart sank. There was her clothing, folded and clean but no letter opener. Gazing around helplessly, her eyes landed upon one other piece of furniture she hadn't noticed until now. There was a small drawer set into the stone of the wall, masked on all sides by books. She opened it slowly, unsure of what she would find.

Upon opening it, however, her breath caught in her throat. It was a pensieve – with memories floating around in it. Her heart began beating hard against her chest, and she looked around guiltily though she knew she was alone. Perhaps these memories would show her that Snape was telling the truth about McGonagall. Perhaps they would confirm her fears. There was only one way to find out. She took a shaky breath and lowered her face, diving into his memories.

Instead of one long memory, she found that this was indeed a collection of small moments that flashed by before her eyes.

-Snape feeling Fluffy's claw make contact with his leg and crying out in agony, limping away making a mental note to speak to Quirrell and alert him that he would need music to sedate the dog before continuing on to the stone. Threatening Quirrell when he said he wanted to back out. "You need to decide where your loyalties lie."*

-Carrying Ginny's body to the Chamber of Secrets at Voldemort's request. He and Lucius had worked together to make sure the diary made its way to someone whom Harry cared about – to lure him.

-Wanting Sirius and Remus dead at the Shrieking Shack so they were no longer around to protect Harry – and saving the trio from the werewolf because Voldemort wanted them alive.

-Snape working with Karkaroff & Barty Crouch Jr. to get Harry to the graveyard – supplying the Polyjuice potion for Barty and blaming it on Harry – a perfect excuse for why he needed to be ordering the ingredients with the school's money.

-Snape actually meaning to hit George with a curse, but missing and only taking off his ear. He would later play it out that he was trying to hit a Death Eater. He showed up at all the meetings giving bits of information, but taking much more to his true master.

-Legitimately hating Umbridge, but putting up with her for the greater good. Begrudgingly giving Harry Legilimency classes but really only threatening him instead of teaching. When Harry saw his memories of James… the only thing that stopped him from killing him right there was the knowledge of what Voldemort would do to him if he did it himself. It really only took him a moment to understand Harry's warning about Sirius, but he took it to the Death Eaters before the Order.

-Snape playing his role in Dumbledore being cursed by the ring, and later suggesting he make the unbreakable vow to him. To be his murderer would make him a favorite of Voldemort's. The night of the murder, he spared Harry's life, once again, for Voldemort to take later. He took great pleasure in watching the life leave Dumbledore's eyes as he fell backwards to the ground. He took off with the rest of the Death Eaters to celebrate, later returning as Headmaster per Voldemort's request.

-Finally, entering Malfoy Manor and hearing the screams. They brought a smirk momentarily to his face. He saw Hermione lying there and after a brief debate about whether or not he should, he listened to Bellatrix's advice and cursed her over and over, leaving her just healthy enough to run away, gain her trust and wait for her to return.

Hermione forced herself back, out of the pensieve choking back tears. Trembling like a leaf she began trying to process what she had just seen. She didn't want to believe any of it, but how could she not?

A noise sounded at the door and she spun quickly, pushing the drawer in just as Snape reentered. He stopped short and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Back so soon?" She asked in a trembling voice.

"I had to come back." He said quietly, his velvet voice sending shivers through her spine. He crossed slowly towards her, like a predator to its prey. He stepped into her personal space and she inhaled sharply, caught between fear and some insane sort of pleasure.

His hand traced a soft pattern up her arm and neck, coming to rest softly on her jaw. His eyes shifted back and forth between her own before settling on her lips. He leaned forward causing Hermione's skin to tingle. His lanky hair fell against her and the strange enjoyment she had experienced at his proximity gave way to disgust. The grease seemed to leech off his hair onto her face, his terrible breath hot on her neck. His lips brushed her ear as he whispered "Do you not think the drawer was warded?"

She pulled away abruptly, now unable to stop the tears from falling. She had never seen his eyes so unguarded and full of danger.

"Oh, you need to get off the bus, dear?" He mimicked. Her head whirled, remembering the old woman on the bus and how she had thought something on the woman's face had shifted - polyjuice potion.

"Why?" She gasped. He paused.

"Would you like to see more?" He sneered at her. She shook her head vehemently from side to side, but he pressed the tip of his wand firmly to her temple.

Suddenly she saw two cloaked figures apparate before a gate leading up to a quaint house. They slowly made their way up the walk, lightning strikes making everything feel more ominous. The figure on the right, whom she now could see was Snape, charmed the door open and they entered.

Shortly afterward, a young man appeared at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes widened, as did Hermione's. The man was a spitting image of Harry. Oh no, Hermione's heart sank. Snape lifted his wand hand and a blast of green hit the man squarely in the chest. She felt his emotions, could hear his thoughts of justice and righteousness. She could stand no more. Everything went black.

She was still groggy when she awoke, though she was aware that she was certainly not in the same place. They were in the midst of ruins of some sort. The air was cloudy, and there were heaps of rubbish scattered about…wait, no… she shuddered as she realized they were actually bodies, lying in heaps all over the ground. She looked around full of dread and her worst fears were confirmed. These ruins were once Hogwarts.

Looking forward once more she caught sight of two figures in the distance. Squinting, she found them to be none other than Harry and Voldemort battling. Harry looked as if he was holding his own until – she gasped and tried to scream at him but a large hand clamped down firmly on her mouth. She was helpless as she watched Nagini strike again and again.

A few moments after Harry had fallen, Voldemort turned towards her and smiled. A loud cheer rose up to her left and she turned to see Death Eaters moving towards him, smiling and cheering. Snape kept his hand on her mouth but forced her to her feet, leading her forward towards the crowd. As they walked, she recognized friends lying dead all around her. By the time they reached Voldemort, her legs gave out and she dropped to the ground sobbing.

"Weak little mudblood." Voldemort sneered. "Well done, Severus. I had my doubts but you were a loyal servant."

"My Lord." Snape bowed respectfully at him.

"As a reward, I shall restore the Prince Estate and let you take this one to do with her as you wish. Once we begin exterminating the muggles, you may have a position of power at my side." He extended his hand which Severus took, sinking down to his knees and kissing a black ring shaped as a snake with reverence.

Snape took her to Malfoy Manor that night, setting her upon a chaise lounge in their room and taking the large canopied bed for himself. Just as well, since after she had cried herself out, she had simply sat numbly. There was nothing left to do. Her friends were dead, her family also most likely. She had no wand, no weapons, no means to escape. So she sat all night long, eyes unseeing, mind quiet. A shell of a person.

And this was how she remained even after Snape took her to the Prince Estate, depositing her into a cell in the cold, bleak dungeon below, running his hand across her stomach as he left. His words "I'll be back for you" replaying over and over in her mind.

*- changed the line slightly so it wasn't verbatim.