Saiyuki/1999
I've been writing too much angst and it's making me angsty. And so this fanfiction was born.
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or X/1999 if I did, this wouldn't be a fanfiction. It would be a series of fillers that you would be watching on your T.V…..See, told ya' I didn't own them…
Summary: Crack, crack, some more crack …and some muffins. Add in some psychedelic mushrooms, glass eye mix-up, a little cross-dressing, and a lack of the Space Time Continuum and there you have it: a full proof recipe for muffins—Oops... ahem, I mean… a full proof recipe for quite a few barrels full of…well, crack.
Oh yeah, this fic will end up being Yaoi, Yuri, and Het. So if you have any qualms with any of the three situations or think you might be appalled by some of the many crack parings I come up with, kindly hit that lovely little BACK arrow…see it?...In the corner….yeah. Hit it now.
Another thing, I did not pair anyone up based on their name...Despite what you may think. You'll see what I mean in later chapters…
So without any further ado….
Chapter 1: In Which Goku and Lirin Make Magic Muffins From Magic Mushrooms.
"More flour!"
"More sugar!"
"Oh my god."
Sanzo had no idea how it had happened, but somehow he had found himself babysitting two very hyperactive little demons while the rest of the gang went shopping.
Lirin and Goku. He had wound up babysitting Lirin and Goku, and if any more flour was thrown in his face someone was going to end up with a bullet in their head, and soon.
Finally Sanzo could take it no more. He stood up from the chair that had been placed much too close to the two demons for comfort.
"Goku, I'm going for a walk." He said as he rose.
"OK, Sanzo. Where ya' goen"
"I said 'for a walk' mind your own business you stupid monkey!!"
"Fine, be that way!"
"Fine, maybe I will!" And with that Sanzo stood up, walked out the door, down the hall, out two more doors, and into the street. From there he proceeded to buy himself an extremely missed pack of cigarettes.
Goku and Lirin were now left alone, unattended, and unsupervised as they attempted to cook god knows what.
Earlier that day the kougaji and Sanso parties had met up...or, rather, accidentally bashed heads. But since Lirin and Goku both refused to fight on an empty stomach and wanted something other than meatbuns (Gasp) we arrive at the current situation.
Hakkai, Gojo, Kougaji, Yaone and Dokugakuji had all gone shopping, leaving Sanzo to take care of …"The kids".
"But you work so well with them." Hakkai had said.
"Yup. The real zoo keeper." That had been Gojo. Needless to say, his head almost wound up with a little more ventilation then it normally had but…anyway.
Goku and Lirin wanted to go explore the nearby river, to see what kind of food might grow there. They poked and prodded at Sanzo until he said:
"FINE! But remember that snakes are poisonous, and therefore you should eat them….It would help decrease the ever growing idiot population…"
Goku and Lirin had only looked at him not knowing at all what he was talking about, and ran down to the river. When they got to the river they started pushing aside tall grass and branches, twigs and flowers trying to find something tasty to eat.
"Goku! Come quick! Lookie at what I found!" Lirin pointed at the base of a moss covered tree.
The monkey demon stared. At The bottom of this tree were the weirdest, coolest, and without a doubt the most colorful mushrooms he had ever seen. He and Lirin immediately decided that anything so pretty had to taste good, so they picked as many of the psychedelic mushrooms as they could carry and ran back to the inn.
When they got back to the inn they quickly set to work on the only recipe they knew: Muffins. Those were simple enough. Some flour, some sugar, some eggs, some water, and, of course, the mushrooms, and there you have it. A full proof plan for muffins. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Goku and Lirin were now in the process of creating the perfect blend of flour and sugar. For you see while Lirin liked her food very, VERY sweet, Goku preferred a more mild taste. So they added flour and sugar until they ran out of room in the bowl and had the two cooking ingredients piling up in tall piles around them. Goku and Lirin both tasted the mixture and, when both declared it was of the right sweetness, threw in the mushrooms, eggs, water, and various other ingredients necessary to make muffins…or something of the like.
They now stuck two full muffin trays in the oven and sat around waiting for them to cook. Sanzo eventually came back and they were all left waiting on the others …and the muffins, of course. Sanzo puffed on his cigarette, while Goku and Lirin played hide-and-seek to amuse themselves.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
The oven timer went off. Lirin and Goku rushed to the oven to extract their new creation of deliciousness.
"Wow."
"Cool."
"Holy shit!"
The muffins looked fine; in fact they smelled even better, but that wasn't the amazing part. The muffins practically glowed with color. All the colors of the rainbow, and more actually. The three of them just stood there with their jaws hanging open. A pesky demon could have easily swiped the Maten Surtra off the monk's shoulders and given him a pat on the head to boot and Sanzo wouldn't have even noticed. That is if the thief hadn't been too mesmerized by the psychedelic muffins to do anything…which probably would have been the case.
"Can we serve them at dinner?!" Goku asked.
"I…Don't…See…why…not…." Sanzo said, more out of curiosity in everyone else's reaction than anything else.
"YAY!!...Oh look, there's Hakkai and Gojo right now."
Goku ran to get the door.
Once everyone was seated comfortably or not so comfortably at the table, Goku and Lirin brought out the muffins. These were greeted with mixed cries of:
"Oh my freaking god!"
"Oh…My…"
"Eeiw"
"Holey shit!"
"Is this supposed to be edible?"
And, "…"
They all decided that Goku and Lirin should be the first to try their new creation, since…well…They created it. Whatever "it" was, because as far as most of the people at the table were concerned, these were NOT muffins. They weren't exactly sure what they were; they just knew it didn't fall under the "muffin" category.
"OK, Lirin! Are you ready!?" Goku asked, exited to be tying their new creation.
"You bet, monkey boy!" She said equally exited.
"Bon appetite!"
They popped the muffins in their mouths at the exact same moment. And in that moment…..
The Space Time Continuum shattered…..
…No, really.