Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I own nothing, save for four OCs. All other characters here belong to multiple universes, all of which I shall give later. This story will be done like a musical (a musical? By moi?! Inconceivable!), with songs taken from various versions of A Christmas Carol, the original story of which belongs to Charles Dickens. In this chapter, our songs are taken from Mickey's Christmas Carol and Muppet Christmas Carol. I own-eth them not; Disney does. If there are any problems with this disclaimer/story, please tell me. The opening lines (after the song) here come from my personal favorite version of A Christmas Carol, made in 1971; it belongs to Richard Williams and Chuck Jones, not I. (Also, I am using ONE OC that belongs to another author; I have permission, and, should this author wish me to stop using this character, I will.)
Summary: The title makes it obvious, don't you agree?
Notes: The site won't let me put spaces between verses in songs; I apologize for this in advance.
Chapter I: Setting the Stage
Oh, What a Merry Christmas Day!
Hear the joyous music play!
Bells are ringing, choirs singing,
"Oh, What a Merry Christmas Day!"
Sharing the season of good cheer
With the ones we hold so dear!
Friendly faces, warm embraces!
Oh, What a Merry Christmas Day!
Snowflake-covered country lanes;
Jack Frost-painted window panes;
Twinkling stars on Christmas Trees...
Oh, what happy memories!
Gathered 'round the fireplace:
Families, filled with love and grace;
From the peaceful embers' glow,
Blessed Yuletide spirits grow!
Grow and grow!
Grow and grow...
Joy to the children, far and near!
What a wonderous time of year!
Isn't it just grand to say
"Merry, Merry Christmas...
(Merry, Merry Christmas...)
"Merry Merry Christmas...
(Merry, Merry Christmas...)
"Oh, What a Merry Christmas Day!"
The place? London. The time? 1843. The season? That of "jollity," of festivity and charity! Holly, and berries, and good will toward men...with perhaps one exception.
And it is with this exception we are concerned in our story.
But, before we can see him, we must find someone else...
Ah, there he is now! See him? He's over on market street, a small, white-faced figure by his side, selling something from a cart...
"Greetings! Hello!" says the man; he wears a tall, green hat, with a yellow band covered in red polka-dots, and a great tag reading "In this style, 10/6" on one side. Other than this, he wears a Santa Claus suit, with black gloves and boots, but is a bit too skinny to make the cut, and has no beard. "Come and buy your Christmas teas! We have peppermint..."
"And chocolate!" adds the small white figure near him, dressed in a red jacket, earmuffs, and mittens, with maroon breeches. A tiny scabbard, holding a pin-sword, is at her side, and her long, pink tail whisks about idly.
"Don't like tea? Then we have hot cocoa! Everyone likes cocoa, yes? Come on up, folks! What's that? Mint tea? Oh, yes, here...thank you for stopping by! Hurry, folks! Only so much here, you know!"
"Tuppence a bag, while they last!" adds the dormouse, sipping from a teacup.
The man sighs, and looks at her scathingly as a potential customer glances at them and passes on by.
"They won't last long, you know, at the rate you're drinking it."
"Tarrant's run out; I'm taking a taste-test!"
"Gah! Look, Mally..."
"Ahem! They're here."
"Hm? What? Oh, hello! Madness, where does the time go? Greetings, and welcome, my dearest readers! I'm feeling much better, thank you, and I am here to tell the story!"
"And I am here to help him out," adds the dormouse.
"My name," says the young man, tipping his hat, "Is J.J. Hatter."
"And my name," says the dormouse, "Is Mallymkun...hold on! Wait a second!"
"What, what?"
"You're not J.J. Hatter!"
"I am, too!" huffs the man, crossing his arms indignantly.
"No, no, no...J.J. Hatter is a guy obsessed with my world, collects all sorts of things related to evil clowns that fight giant bats, and watches The Nightmare Before Christmas on Thanksgiving! In short: HE IS INSANE."
The man smirks and points at the hat on his head.
"Do I look like a sane person to you?"
Mallymkun raises an eyebrow.
"Why should I believe you?"
"Three good reasons: one, you're here. Two, my name is at the top of this page: I'm the author. And three: I have seen/heard/read over thirty different versions of A Christmas Carol, not counting fanfictions, and most certainly not counting mine. I know this tale like the back of my right hand."
Mally smirked, putting her hands on her hips.
"Very well. Prove it."
"As you wish," shrugs the man, and extends his right hand, closing his eyes. "Ahm...there's a tiny little birthmark, about an inch away from my thumb...my pinky is crooked, after not healing right, when I broke it in a game of basket-"
"No, no, I don't mean your hand! I mean, tell 'em the story!"
"Oh! Sorry! Well, in that case..."
Maurice was dead, to begin with.
"Whoa...what? Pardon me?"
The man sighs.
"That's how this version begins, dear Mally: 'Maurice was dead to begin with.'"
"Oh."
Ahem...as I was saying, Maurice was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that: the register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner: Scrooge signed it, and Scrooge's name was good upon anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Maurice was dead as a doornail...
"I've never understood that phrase..."
"Hm? What do you mean?"
"Well, what's so dead about a doornail?"
Well, I don't mean to say, of my own knowledge, that there is anything particularly dead about a doornail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of iron in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the website's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Maurice was as dead as a doornail.
"Very, well."
"You know, Mally, we could get through this much quicker if you didn't interrupt me so often."
"Sorry."
"Thank you."
Scrooge knew he was dead? Why, of course he did! How could it be otherwise?! Scrooge WAS the chief mourner, as well as his only friend! He and Maurice had been partners in business for I-don't-know-how-many-years. As for our dear Mr. Scrooge, you shall meet him as he comes around the corner.
"Where?"
There.
"When?"
Now.
A tall figure moves from another street into view. His face is shrouded by the black top hat on his head, the dark cloak about his shoulders whipping in the winter wind. A red and gold cane is held in one of his hands, and clacks against the street as he walks. The only thing visible of him are his eyes: burning, red, hate-filled eyes.
"Brr...say, J, is it getting colder out here...?"
Scrooge liked the cold: he was hard, and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster...
When a cold wind blows, it chills you!
Chills you to the bone!
But there's nothing in nature that freezes a heart
Like years of being alone!
It paints you with indifference,
Like a lady paints with rouge!
And the worst of the worst,
The most hated and cursed,
Is the one that we call Scrooge!
Unkind as any!
And the wrath of many!
This is evil Mr. Scrooge...
Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug!
There goes Mr. Grim!
If they gave a prize for being mean,
The winner would be him!
Old Scroogey loves his money, 'cause
He thinks it gives him power!
If he became a flavor,
You can bet he would be "sour!" Blech!
(Even the vegetables don't like him.)
There goes Mr. Skinflint!
There goes Mr. Greed!
The undisputed master of
The underhanded deed!
He charges folks a fortune for
His dark and drafty houses!
Us poor folk live
In misery!
It's even worse for mouses...
(Please, sir, I want some cheese!)
"I really dislike you right now, J."
I know.
He must be so lonely,
He must be so sad,
He goes to extremes
To convince us he's bad!
He's really a victim
Of fear and of pride!
Look close, and there must be
A sweet man inside...
The figure stops in front of the tea booth, and glares at the two.
Both bow their heads, busying themselves with their goods.
He moves on, and both sigh with relief.
"Do you REALLY think so?" asks Mally.
Her companion chuckles.
"Heh, heh...nope."
There goes Mr. Outrage!
There goes Mr. Sneer!
He has no time for friends or fun!
His anger makes that clear!
Don't ask him for a favor,
Because his nastiness increases!
No crust of bread for those in need,
No cheeses for the "meeses!"
But what did Scrooge care? It was the very thing he liked: to edge his way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance...
There goes Mr. Heartless!
There goes Mr. Cruel!
He never gives, he only takes!
He lets his hunger rule!
If being mean's
A way of life,
He's practiced and rehearsed!
And all that work is paying off,
'Cause Scrooge is getting worse!
Every day,
In every way,
Scrooge is getting worse!
The figure turns sharply as he reaches his office door, raising the cane above his head...
No one is there.
He snarls; the cool winter light reveals him to be a great, black cat, wearing an expensive-looking red suit beneath his cloak. The cane he carries is topped with a gold ornament in the shape of a dragon's head.
"Humbug," he sneers, and, turning on his heel, enters the building, slamming the door behind him.
"Yeesh," hisses Mally, through her teeth, as she and the Hatter peek from around the corner. "Yet another sign that you are sick..."
"Thank you," he smiles.
Ladies and gentlemen...boys and girls...humans and animals...and Mally...
"Hey!"
Allow me to present my little Ghost Story for Christmas: The Multiverse Christmas Carol!
Starring characters from...
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland
Epic Mickey
The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Hook
Batman: The Animated Series
And a few OCs, used for the universes of...
Kung Fu Panda
Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (again)
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (OC used with permission from Shen's General)
And one just for this story!
With songs from...
Mickey's Christmas Carol
Muppet Christmas Carol
The Stingiest Man in Town
Scrooge (1970)
A Christmas Carol (1997)
An All Dogs Christmas Carol
And Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol
With J.J. Hatter as...myself!