June 22, 1976

Remus Lupin stood in his pajamas with a coat thrown around his shoulders at his door as he faced Sirius Black. Remus wrapped the coat tighter as he started to freeze in the night air.

Sirius had his new motorbike with him. He must have come from the Potters' where he usually hid it. At least Remus hoped he came from the Potters. Remus' home was less than an hour away from the Potters on that bike. Grimmauld Place was over three hours away.

"I told you I needed space, haven't I?"

Sirius looked guilty and desperate. He set his helmet down on the bike seat and walked onto the porch, towards Remus until they were face to face. His long hair was whipping frantically as the wind blew harder. He kept shifting from one foot to another, looking stiff. Now up close, the yellowing purple underneath his eye was more visible, but it was much better than when Remus last saw him.

"I know what I did was stupid, and careless, and… horrible… But I wasn't thinking. He was bothering me when I was on my way to you - "

"I've heard all this already, mate," Remus said, his face deadpan, but Sirius continued.

" - asking about where you were going. He wouldn't stop. He was having a go at me, threatening to tell everyone where you sneak off to every month and I snapped. For a second I thought it would be funny if… No, I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have but I did and it was mistake. A massive one. But you know I'd never do anything like that again, Remus. I care about you so much. After that… I would never put you - or anyone - at risk again."

Remus was quiet for a while.. It wasn't that he didn't believe Sirius. He knew that what Sirius was saying was true. He knew that, no matter how much he despised Snape, Sirius never had it in him to cause that much harm to anyone. He knew that Sirius would be more careful now. That he'd never come close to doing anything nearly as idiotic.

Still, after everything, and even with Sirius begging at his doorstep, the most vulnerable that Remus has seen and heard him, Remus couldn't bring himself to forgive him, much less be friends again. He considered just turning around and closing the front door behind him, but as he saw Sirius's hands shake from the nervousness, he sighed. "I told you I needed space," he repeated.

"I have given you space…" Sirius said meekly. It was obvious he was trying his hard not to sound defensive.

Remus scoffs, shaking his head. "It's hasn't even been two weeks, Sirius."

"Moony…"

"Surely you understood that I'd let you know when I was ready to talk about this. That you can't just come knocking at my door in the middle of the night just because you'd thought it'd be a grand idea to check whether I'm fine already or not because you felt like it. Well, I'm not."

Sirius looked down. " I'm sorry. It's just… It's been bloody killing me and… I just… Can't lose you, Moony."

Remus' face, for the first time that night, softened. "You won't."

Sirius' looked up at Remus again, doubtful and wary.

"But… I need time. I can't just go back to being friends with you when trying to trust you again… and even just looking at you…It's all become too exhausting. I can't do any of this right now. "

Sirius nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "Right… Right… I'll go then. I'm sorry." Sirius turned around walked back to his bike, twisting his hair into a ponytail before putting his helmet back on.

"Are you and James talking now? And Peter?" Remus found himself asking suddenly. He'd seen his other friends quite a bit the past week, but both had enough tact to not mention Sirius. Not yet, at least. Remus just wanted to know if there was someone Sirius could turn to. He knew summers at Grimmauld Place were the hardest for him.

"Not Peter, no," Sirius said, turning around. "But James and I started talking again yesterday. Even stopped by to get the bike. Used the Floo Network. It's not all good yet but… We're getting there. He hasn't given me another black eye or anything," he said, pointing at the fading bruise underneath his eye. "I'm staying there tonight so you don't have to worry about me travelling back to London. "

"That's good… You should get going…You take care."

Sirius smiled sadly. "Will do, Moony," he said, before turning around and mounting his motorbike.

July 20, 1976

Hope eyed her son, her face furrowed across the kitchen table.

Sensing his mother's stare, Remus looked up from his book. "Have I got something on my face?"

She rolled her eyes as she put her tea down. "Haven't seen you out with your friends lately. It's the first time you've just been at home for more than a week straight since before your first year."

Remus returned to his book.. "I'd just rather stay in for a while. Besides, I love spending time with you."

Hope laughed. "As much as I'd love to believe that, sweetheart, I'm afraid you're going to have and tell me the truth, yeah?"

Remus kept his eyes fixed on the pages. "I am, mum."

Hope shook her head. "What's going on? Anything happened? Everything's okay?"

"Everything's fine, mum," he said, getting tired of his mother's questions. Deciding it was better to leave before he got too impatient and snapped at her, he closed his book and got off from the stool. "I'm going to have a nap. I stayed up late last night."

Hope's face fell. "Oh, okay. I'm just here if you need me, sweetheart," she said as Remus walked over to her and kissed on the forehead.

"Don't worry," he said before turning around to leave her. He started climbing the stairs up to his room, catching a glimpse of his father in the living room, looking worriedly at Remus. Remus didn't look back, he just kept climbing.

He felt guilty lying to her and keeping everything from her when he knew that his mother, who only ever wants to know whether her son was safe and okay, deserved to know what happened. But he couldn't tell her. He was already wrestling with how he felt about being friends with Sirius again. Having to deal with whether his mum would even let him near Sirius if he told her would be another thing on his plate.

Dumbledore has only told his father about what happened, despite Remus' pleas to not tell either of his parents. Remus' dad was a good bloke, but it was always hard to know what he was thinking. Still, Lyall Lupin only ever wants to protect his son and his wife. And, sometimes, protect his wife from the fact that they can't always protect their son. Lyall was silent after seeing Dumbledore. He had just hugged Remus for a good minute and told him to take care. The next morning he didn't say anything about it other than "you're right, your mum doesn't need to know about this."

Remus also didn't want to admit that he was getting exhausted hanging out with James and Peter too. He tried spending time with them the first few couple weeks of his summer. Even had Wormtail and Prongs around the last full moon. Everything seemed normal, even though he knew it was artificial. They've returned to some semblance of their usual dynamics, joking around and telling stories. Still, despite Remus spacing out a bit more than usual, he was present enough to know things were different.

Peter had always been careful and attentive, but lately, he seemed like he was always holding his breath until Remus talked. The way he'd been walking on eggshells around Remus was too much. Remus knew where he was coming from, Peter was just being a good friend, reassuring Remus every other minute. Remus understood that. But he couldn't quite deal with that right now.

And James hadn't even been nearly as subtle. He'd stop himself in the middle of telling some of his stories abruptly, laughing nervously and saying it didn't matter. Remus knew this was code for 'I just realized Sirius is in this story so I don't want to continue it.'

Remus knew that James and Peter were on good terms with Sirius again. Remus didn't mind. He liked that he could stay away from Sirius without having to worry if he was okay. He wouldn't even have minded if they talked about him with Remus. What Remus did mind was the panic in their eyes when they realize they accidentally say his name or start a story that included him.

Remus just needed to be alone for now, and he knew they'd understand. Besides, he'd probably see them the next full moon. He knew they wouldn't take no for an answer; of course they'd be there again.

He plopped down on his bed, forgetting to put his book back on the shelf. He put it on the floor, tucking it under his bed so that he wouldn't accidentally step on it later. As he did, his fingers brushed against crumpled up fabric. He pulled it out and saw that it was one of Sirius' leather jackets, the one he had accidentally left here when he slept over during the Christmas holidays months ago. Remus sighed and, not knowing why because it had gone all dusty already, held it close to him as he drifted to sleep.

August 10, 1976

He was scared of how bad the full moon would be; he'd been so angry and hurt the past couple of the months. He had been feeling better the past week or so - more at peace, less resentful. Still, there was no knowing when it came to his transformations.

When he opened his eyes, however, James was there sitting next to his bed, grinning. "You did well, mate. Not gonna lie, was a tad bit worried too."

Remus gave him a small smile. He was feeling massively sore, but it was the usual ache. He had grown used to it. "Knew you were. You hid it better than you did last month, though."

James shrugged. "Yeah, well, things have been pretty rubbish lately, didn't want to admit I was fucking terrified I wouldn't be enough to keep you in check with Sirius still not here. But you did well."

Remus chuckled out of relief, even though it hurt his ribs to laugh. He didn't know if it was relief that he didn't cause any damage to himself or his friends or the fact that James was being candid with him again. Probably a mix of both.

Remus sat up carefully, wincing at every move. James propped his pillow up for him and guided his back. As much as he hated being vulnerable after his transformations, he still appreciated how his friends moved like clockwork whenever they helped him on days like these.

"Peter left already?"

James shook his head. "We just had lunch. He's helping your mum with the dishes. You know how happy he gets when he eats your mum's cooking."

Remus stiffened. "My mum knows you lot are here?"

No one knew that any of his friends were Animagi, so she couldn't know they've been here since last night. He didn't how his mum would react. She knew enough about the wizarding world to know it was illegal. Remus had assumed that James and Peter had just been putting on the invisibility cloak every time his mum went up to check on him.

James leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. "Don't worry. We got tired of hiding under the cloak because she was checking on you so much so we climbed out of your window and knocked on the door."

Remus relaxed, grinning. "'Course."

He thought this would be draining, but talking to James again actually felt good. He didn't know why he didn't expect to have missed his friends this much.

"You're okay that we're still here, right?" James asked, suddenly looking worried.

Remus nodded. "I am. I just needed space for a while but… I missed you lot."

James smiled, punching Remus lightly on the arm. "We missed you too..." he said. "All of us," he added pointedly.

Remus' smile faltered. "Don't."

"I'm not asking you to trust him again, mate. Not even asking you to forgive him."

Remus looked away.

"You know, it could've been any of us," James said carefully. "Peter and I are idiots too. I, for one, am just realizing now the stakes of half of the crap we all need to straighten out and deflate our heads a bit. We all need to be less reckless."

"That's true and I appreciate that, James. But that doesn't change the fact that it wasn't you or Peter, does it? It was Sirius."

"And I'm not letting that wanker off the hook," he said. "I'm just saying that… He's willing to change as much as - and even more than - us. He is changing. It's been two months. A lot of things can happen in two months when you're just a sixteen-year-old arsehole."

Remus managed to smile at that, but was still feeling apprehensive. "I don't know, James."

"Like I said, mate. Not asking you to forgive him right away. But I do think you miss him too, whether you've forgiven him or not… And maybe now that you've had some time and space without him, actually talking can help you forgive him now… If you're planning to."

Remus sighed. "'Course I am. But sometimes it still feels like too much. Even though I have been…considering talking to him… It's just hard to know if it's really the right time."

"Well, if there was a right time for that poor bloke to get any good news it would be now," James muttered before meeting Remus' eyes and looking away hastily. He stood up from his chair. "Anyway, told your mum, I'd tell her once you were up so-"

"What does that mean?" Remus asked, frowning.

"Oh, your mum-"

"James."

"Nothing, just that… I reckon now's as good a time as any to talk to him is all. I didn't -"

Remus furrowed his brow. "You're acting weird. Tell me."

James' shoulders sagged. "Fine...It's Sirius… He ran away from home. For good. He's living with me now. I think something really bad happened."

August 12, 1976

Remus stood nervously behind James outside one of the many guest bedrooms - that was now, technically, Sirius' bedroom, Remus realized - in the Potter mansion.

James knocked.

Remus could hear Sirius saying something from behind door. It was unintelligible but, even then, it was still weird to hear his voice for the first time in two months. Then he heard footsteps until the door opened slightly.

"I'm really sorry. He forced me to tell him," James blurted out before Sirius could even see Remus standing behind him. "I didn't even know he was coming. Practically threatened me at the front door so I'd let him talk to you."

Sirius looked and saw what James meant. He glared at James. "I'm going to murder you."

"I don't blame you," James said as he stepped aside and Remus had a clearer view of Sirius. He looked exhausted.

Sirius looked back at Remus, almost apologetically. "You don't have to do this."

"I know."

James looked back and forth between the two before clearing his throat. "Anyway, I'll leave you two to it," he mumbled as he turned around and walked away from them.

"Can I come in?"

"I.. Yeah, mate, of course." Sirius opened the door wider, leaving it like that as he walked back to sit on his bed.

Remus walked in, closing the door behind him, and took a seat by the desk. He looked around the room. James had told him Sirius had been here the past two weeks, but there was almost no trace of Sirius in the room other than his trunk that was overflowing with Sirius' clothes in the corner. The walls were bare of posters of motorbikes and Muggle bands. His stack of records were nowhere to be found. There were no Gryffindor banners hanging by his bed. Remus figured that Sirius probably didn't have much time between deciding to leave and actually leaving Grimmauld Place.

"You don't need to do this," Sirius repeated, snapping Remus out of it.

"Do you not want me here?"

Sirius sighed. "'Course I do, Moony. I just… I don't want you to think you need to. I feel bad enough as it is," he said, letting out a bitter laugh.

"Need to what?"

"Pretend that you forgive me just because you heard about…" Sirius trailed off, shaking his head. His hair was in a messy bun again and with every movement of his, more strands of hair fell loose and framed his face. "I didn't even want James to tell you."

"I'm glad he did," Remus said, looking down at the floor. The more he looked at Sirius the more tempted he was to go to him, hug him, and tell him that they should pretend nothing ever happened. But Remus knew that wouldn't help anyone.

He hears Sirius snort. "I just… Don't want you to feel pressured to do this just because you're worried about me. I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not."

Sirius smiled at him ruefully. " You're too much of a good person for me to believe that, mate. You worry about everyone."

Remus looked up at Sirius again. Sirius was eyeing Remus carefully. "I am worried. 'Course I am. And you don't have to talk about it yet if that's what you want. I meant I'm not feeling pressured to do anything. If I'm being honest with myself, I've been ready to forgive you for a couple of weeks now. I was just scared to admit it."

"Because you're scared that I'd fuck up again."

Remus sighed, nodding.

Sirius scratched the back of his head. "Understandable. But I really meant what I said. I'd never -"

"I know, Sirius. You don't have to tell me again. I know. And I believe you," Remus said, getting up and sitting next to him.

Sirius looked at him, surprised. "You do?"

"I'm not 'bout to pretend like I don't have my doubts… But for the most part, yes. At least, enough for me to start trusting you again."

Sirius nodded. "Fair play. That's more than I deserve, at least."

Remus shrugged. "Yeah, well, some things are bigger than who deserves what. I mean you three have done a lot things for me that were more than I deserved, and that's an understatement."

Sirius snorted, punching Remus lightly on the arm. "You deserved everything we ever did for you."

Remus shook his head. "You know what I mean. It was a lot to expect a bunch of twelve-year-olds to keep a gigantic, dark secret that none of you lot even fully understood, to overhaul their entire schedule because of when I needed notes copied down for me or when I needed company at the hospital wing, to spend hours laboring over the Animagi transformations just to keep me company… But you three continued doing exactly that for the next four years before fucking up once… I think those four years… They're too much for me to ignore even if you fucked up. Too much for me to not consider."

Sirius smirked "The Animagi transformations were quite impressive of us," he said.

Remus chuckled even though he could still see the uneasiness and wariness in Sirius' eyes as she joked. "You lot hid it from me so well because you wanted it to be a surprise until the part where you had to keep a mandrake leaf in your mouths for a whole month."

Sirius sighed. "The teachers loved it. Quietest James and I had ever been, wasn't it?"

Remus grinned, nodding. "Definitely. Besides we've got to make up eventually. It's Peter's birthday next week. He can't have separate parties for us, now can he?"

Sirius laughed. "That's true."

They were quiet for a while until Remus spoke again. "You know I mean it, right? That I'm willing to start working towards trusting you again… Without so much space this time."

Sirius grinned. "I do… But I know there's still a lot of things we need to talk about… About that night…I know that you can't just… Just do this that easily."

Remus shrugged. "We've got time."