Authors Note: I don't own Twilight, but I do own the plot! :D

Song: Samson; Regina Spektor

The grass in my yard was oddly cold and so was I. I'm just laying in the grass, looking at the stars, with my ipod in. My dad died, and I'm never going to get over it. He was the only person in this town I truly loved. He was my hope, my faith. Now it's all washed away. Gone. He had a heart attack and I remember waiting for the doctors to tell me news I already knew. I cried and cried. Now there is no more tears. I still live my life. Wake up every morning. Go to Mikes to work. Then come home. My dad owns the house, or did. All I have to pay is the water, gas, TV, internet. The stuff that's left over. I'm just a prop in the house. Something to stay there since my dad isn't here. On my nights alone I usual stay in the yard and let the rain fall around me. Just staring at the stars having conversations with my dad.

"I miss you Daddy." I whispered.

"Do you think I will be up there soon? I really hope so. Lately nothing new has been happening. I've been working. Paying the bills. I just gave up on collage. I know everyone else went, but I didn't."

I rolled over on my back and shoved my face in the overgrown grass. It made my face itch, but I didn't care. I miss my dad. I have no one. Of course mom, but I don't want to rain on her parade. That wouldn't be fair. I can't bring myself to leave this town anyways. If I leave, there will be nothing left of dad. I felt I should be crying right now, but I knew that is a waste of time. Crying doesn't get you anywhere. Just makes you cry more.

Finally, I got up and walked up to the house. My keys were some where in my pocket. I fumbled around for them and found them. I opened the door and I really wanted to cry then. I remember when I was in high school, and I'd walk in and he'd be watching TV. I've started watching sports now. Just to have a memory. Dad always said, expect the worse and you'll never be disappointed. My head dropped and I suddenly lost my appetite. The house was dark and quiet. I never turn the lights on. I walked up stairs and kicked my door open. Going into my dads room was something I never did. I have not gone in there since he past. I was saving it, for when I knew I was ready. Mom has offered counseling of course, but I denied. Mike's mom is always trying to cheer my up, but It never helps. Billy doesn't even talk to me anymore. Of course he tried when it happened. But it was two years ago. I'm twenty one now. He stopped. I really am lost on this world. Every once in a while Dr. Carlisle will call the house and ask me how things were going. Doc was there was I first found out. He helped me through my grief and what not. I've been told what's done is done, to let it go and carry on, but I can't. I'm afraid to forget my dad. I don't want to go a day without him in my mind.

I sat down on my bed and kicked my shoes off. My window was open, but I always left it open to cool the house. I turned on my fan and drifted off.

The next morning it was really dark outside. I guess it was raining rather hard. I got up and went to the bathroom.

When I was done with my shower I brushed my teeth and changed clothes. My outfit was the usual. Blue jeans and a white t-shirt. My stomach growled and I remembered skipping dinner. Down stairs it was the same as I left it. Dark and quiet. The clock read 6.45. I just ate a bowl of cereal then got my keys and hopped into my truck. My truck didn't go over eighty, but it was fine with me. I need gas. Damn. I try not to go to public places as much as possible. Being bombarded by cautious looks and people trying to make me feel better, wasn't the goal. I didn't like being talked to and hated sympathetic looks even more. I turned my car off and hopped out. The gas station was full this early in the morning and it pissed me off. I began pumping my gas and walked inside to pay.

"Hey Bella." Harry said.

"Hey." I said.

Harry was smiling and ringing up my bill.

"That'd be 27.45."

"Cheap."

I handed over the money and walked out.

"Wait Bella!"

"Yeah?" I poked my head in.

"How are ya'?"

"I'm good." I gave a halfhearted smile and walked out. I saw that James was here. He gave me a small wave and I returned one also. Then I saw Edward. He didn't even glance at me and kept pumping into his silver Volvo. I remember Edward in school. Always perfect grades, perfect student. His dad is Doc. I wonder why Edward wasn't in collage. I had a sudden impulse to know the answer. I changed the direction of my walk to over where he was standing. His eyes were now bulging out of his head. I guess it was weird for me to talk to someone.

"Hey Edward."

"Hi?"

"I haven't spoken to you in a while."

"We have never spoke." Well he was being quite rude.

"Oh um, yeah."

"I'm sorry for being rude."

"Your fine"

"Is there a reason you came over here?" He asked.

"No. Just wanted to say hello."

"Alright then. Have a nice day."

And with that, he was in his car and driving away. I sighed. Having a conversation was still impossible. I wanted to hit myself, but decided against it. But I was going to ask Edward this question. I felt I needed to. I need to start being normal again. My dad may have affected me a lot, but I need to except it and move on. So my mission; talk to Edward Cullen.

Work went by slow, we had no customers. Jacob did walk in though with Leah. At that point I wanted to place a bag over my head and go hide in the bathroom. But, I couldn't.

"Hey Bells."

"Hi." I said. Jake and I haven't spoke since him and Leah. Jake was my best friend in the whole world. After my dad, we stopped talking. He found someone so we both just broke it off. I've learned everyone leaves you in the long run. No one ever stays. No one.

"Hey Bella!" Said Leah. She smiled and I rolled my eyes and turned around to continue stocking the boots.

"She's still mad." Jake said.

"Yup." I said.

Jake has said sorry to me many times. He calls my house once a week, but I never answer.

"Look is there anything you need or not?"

"Yes I want a gun." He was being sarcastic, but I still answered his question.

"Keep going straight and then take a left they should be hanging up on a wall. If you actually want one, then ask the person behind the counter."

They walked ahead hand and hand. I think I threw up in my mouth. They were the last of the costumers today so I got out early.

Maybe this is my time to go ask Edward. I only wanted to ask for myself. It would be a big step if I did this. Maybe after this, I could be like old Bella again. Just maybe.