Shit.
That was the one word that continued to flow through his head as he frantically took in the sterile white around him. He could make out walls, arches, benches, and train tracks. It all almost looked like Kings Cross Station, but cleaner. There wasn't a speck of dirt anywhere, and it was just him. Looking behind him once more, with the result only being blinding white everywhere, he then stares straight in front of him and starts moving forward. He had to get out of here. He had to find Harry. Merlin, his darranged cousins laughter keeps ringing in his ears. The scene that took place at the ministry threatening to play over and over again in his head each time he blinks. "I have to find a way back!" He nearly shouts, glaring at the white prison that surrounds him.
"You might want to get some clothes on first, Black." The voice makes him spin around faster than a firebolt. He stumbles back a few steps, staring wide-eyed at the blonde woman standing only a few feet away. Her hands are on her hips, and her once soft brown eyes are steely and narrowed. Her words finally register in his head and he looks down, noticing for the first time that he is stark naked. Just as the thought runs through his head, a pile of muggle clothing appears on the bench closest to him.
"You always did prefer muggle clothes over our wizarding robes," she says, nodding towards the pile, "Put them on." He does as she says. He takes time in pulling the underwear on, then the jeans, the shirt, shoes, and leather jacket. Without another glance at the woman, he takes a seat on the bench and grasps his head in his hands. "You're supposed to be dead." His voice comes out in a croak, rough and tired sounding. She takes a seat next to him, keeping space between them, and then looks straight ahead. They're facing the train tracks, though his gaze keeps to the floor.
"I am dead." she says it as though it doesn't matter, so plainly that his jaw clenches. He closes his eyes, and instead of seeing his cousin shoot a spell at him, and Harry's anguished face, he sees her falling. Lifeless to the floor of her tattered home. Lying among her family with blank eyes. She was one of the things that tormented him while in Azkaban, she was what he remembered when he wasn't remembering James, Harry, Lily, Remus, or even Peter. Once he got out of Azkaban, he refused to talk about her even though Remus had tried more than once. Refused to even think about her. And now, with her so close, he didn't know what to do.
"Where am I?" he asks instead. She sighs, throwing a glance out of the corner of her eye at him before once again focussing up ahead. "What does it look like?" she motions with her hand to the area around them, "Kings Cross Station in the afterlife. James wanted to be the one to come and meet you, but I had Gideon and Fabian hold him down so I could be the one instead." She's absentmindedly twirling a piece of her hair around her finger. He remembers when he used to run his hand through her blonde mane. "Maybe that was a mistake, but the train should be here soon. Once it's here, we can each find a different compartment to sit in."
"What if I don't want to?" The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. He shakes his head and asks instead, before she can say anything, " So, I'm dead then?" He let's out a dry, painful laugh, "She actually did it. My crazy cousin finally got what she wanted. Fuck!" He hits his leg before standing up, kicking what he assumed was a garbage can.
To her credit, she doesn't even blink. She just keeps staring straight ahead. He moves his narrowed grey gaze onto her, frustrated that she's just sitting there, but then his gaze softens as he really takes her in. She's wearing her favorite skinny jeans, the ones with the small hole above her right knee. Lily had always taken it upon herself to comment about it whenever she saw them. She's wearing a light blue hoodie, its zipped up so he can't tell what shirt she's wearing. Her blonde hair still looks soft enough to touch as it cascades around her shoulders. She's biting her lower lip, a sure sign she's either worried or ready to explode. With the way her eyes are narrowed, he's willing to bet the latter.
"I'm surprised I'm here, I was sure I'd end up in hell." He watches as she rolls her eyes before saying "And just what makes you think that's not where you are right now?" He takes a deep breath, hoping she won't hit him for this, before saying "Because you're here." If possible, her eyes narrow further into dangerous slits and her muscles visibly tense. She slowly stands up and turns to face him. "How dare you!" He takes a step back in surprise. That was not what he was expecting at all.
She's walking (more like stomping) towards him until her finger is jamming into his shoulder. "You have absolutely no right to be flirting with me, if that's what you even call flirting! Not one word about me to Harry, or Remus, not to anyone! Only an "That's Marlene McKinnon" and that's it! Lily said that you probably had a good reason not saying anything, but I knew better. You just never fucking cared, did you?!"
He grabs the hand that's jamming his shoulder, wraps his arm around her waste and pulls her flat against him before crashing his mouth against hers. She doesn't hesitate in returning the kiss as he ravages her mouth. Its not sweet or kind, if anything the kiss is rough and needy. Then, she punches him in the cheek with her free hand and rips herself out of his hold. "What the fuck Sirius!" She yells at him. His right cheek is turning red, he's lucky she didn't get his eye, but he ignores it as he takes large, panting breaths.
His eyes are narrowed, mirroring her gaze with a slightly longing look in his eyes, before growling out "Don't you ever think I never cared about you! If I never cared about you Marls, do you really think I would go through all that bloody trouble to find a ring?" There. He said it. And as soon as the words were out of his mouth a train was rolling into the station.
"You.. you bought me a ring?" Her voice is disbelieving and barely above a whisper. She spoke so quietly it would've been easy to just pretend he hadn't heard her. Instead, he nods. He had bought her a ring, took him a whole two weeks and 27 different stores both muggle and magical to find the damned thing. He was going to give it to her if the death eaters, if Bellatrix, hadn't gotten to her first. "You died before I could ask you." he says. She takes a few steps back towards his slumped and defeated-looking body, her face set and determined. She places a hand on his reddening cheek and he quickly lifts his own hand to cover it.
"Then why did you never say anything, to anyone, about me?" Her voice is pained, her face so sombre that he knows that him not saying anything, that her thinking he never cared for her, never loved her, must have haunted her for as long as the image of her dead body must have haunted him.
He never liked showing his feelings much, his friends.. his family- James, Lily, Harry, and Remus- were the only exceptions and even then it took a lot to get him to spill his emotions. But with Marlene, it always came easy. Funny how that works. "Because it hurt too much." He can feel tears building up behind his eyes but ignores them, for her sake he continued, "It even hurt too fucking much to think of you. When I got to the McKinnon mansion, your childhood home before getting your own flat with Dorcas, and I saw you laying on the floor... Dead. I fell to pieces Marlene. I wasn't there to protect you. I was too late to save you, and I knew it. For years, the image of Bellatrix killing you... even if I wasn't there to see it, always showed up in my dreams. Even when I was awake, the idea of you being dead because I couldn't save you haunted me just as much as the knowledge of James and Lily being dead because I convinced them to use him as a secret keeper instead of me. I should be in hell right now, because I'm the reason you're all dead. Me."
He's crying full on now, and so is she. He cups her face with both of his hands and tries to wipe the tears away. "You're one idiot of an arse, but I love you," she smiles, and he's sure he never wants to see her smile disapear again, "Now let's get on that train before James drives Lily insane. He can't wait to see you, and no they do not hate or blame you." He nods, letting her take his hand as she pulls him onto the train as he let's the words he never thought he'd get to say to her again roll off of his tongue, "I love you, too."
When the train is moving, and she's tucked into his side in one of the compartments, she says to him "I never blamed you, Sirius. I was hurt that you never mentioned me, but I never blamed you." And he just held her tighter, promising himself that he'd never let her go. Never again.