The Future is There, Stretched out Before Us
Chapter 1:
They get separated in the chaos of the station.
It is the absolute worst moment of Thor's life.
He'd had Loki. Had his brother by the hand. Had been holding on with every piece of himself, Loki holding him back, his thin hand shaking and sweating and holding back as best he could. Weak. His brother's hold had felt weak, and Thor had held on all the tighter for it.
He had lost Loki anyway.
Had let Loki get swept away by the surging, frenzied mob around them.
It had been like a wire around his neck, the moment he realized it had happened. Had felt his grip on his brother's hand slip, had felt the loss of it.
He'd turned, Loki's name already on his lips, a scream caught in his throat.
He'd caught Loki's eyes, wide and white and absolutely terrified. Looking back at him, even as the crush of people around them had carried him farther and farther away. Thor had seen his mouth fall open, had seen his lips move, crying out to him, but in all the deafening noise, he hadn't been able to hear his brother's voice at all.
He'd screamed back for him, trying desperately, frantically, to push back against the onslaught of panicked bodies. Trying to reach him.
But there had been too many. Too many bodies, too many people, too much fear. Thor had been shoved back, towards the platform landing, away from Loki. Away from him.
And then he'd lost sight of his brother. Loki had disappeared from his view, swallowed up in the mass.
Gone, as more of the people around him became monsters.
/
Thor meets Loki at the bus station.
His brother looks tired and frail and too thin as he steps off the bus, carrying a duffel bag over his shoulder, dark sunglasses hiding his pale face. His hair is short, trimmed to just past his ears. Mom, Thor thinks. She'd been complaining to Loki lately that it had been getting too long, asking him if she could cut it.
He's wearing a long winter coat, reaching past his knees, despite the warm weather, and Thor can't help the coil of worry which blooms in his stomach, thinking of how easily his brother always gets sick.
Loki doesn't see him yet, looking around. Thor can see his knuckles standing out white where he grips the strap of his bag, anxious like he always gets around too many people.
"Loki!" He calls, and Loki's head snaps towards him.
It's obvious when he spots him, his brother's frame almost visibly sagging in relief.
Thor smiles back, waving, quickly making his way towards him.
Loki drops his bag as Thor comes closer, and within seconds they have their arms around each other.
His brother buries his face to his shoulder, his hands fisting into the material at the back of his shirt.
Thor bends down, pressing his lips to the crown of Loki's head, kissing him.
"I missed you." He hears Loki's muffled voice say against him, and Thor's eyes sting.
"I missed you too little man."
Loki's arms squeeze him tighter.
/
"How was the trip over?" Thor asks as he starts the car's ignition, glancing over at Loki, making sure he's strapped himself in okay.
He can't help lingering on his brother's appearance.
He'd been hoping... he'd been hoping Loki would look better, healthier, even though he'd been on the phone with Mom and Dad both, and they'd told him what to expect.
Thor had been able to hear Mom struggling not to cry.
"He's hardly eating." She'd said. "He's lost so much weight."
Dad had just sounded exhausted.
"You know how your brother is." He'd sighed. "He doesn't talk to anyone. Just stays up in his room all day and night."
They'd all agreed that Loki coming out to visit him was for the better.
Thor could only pray it would actually help.
He'd missed Loki so much while he'd been away at university. Had worried, of course.
Being separated from his brother had always been hard. For both of them, Thor knew. For Loki in particular.
Even when Thor was there with him, his brother tended towards these bouts of depression.
The day Thor had left had been difficult
He remembers how Loki hadn't come out of his room at first, even when Thor had been standing with his bags at the front door, ready to take off.
"Loki, come on!" He'd called up to him, feeling homesick already. "Come down and say goodbye to me, for Christ's sake!"
Eventually his brother had come moping down the stairs. He'd stood there in his oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, his eyes fixed on the ground, unable to look up at Thor, and Thor remembers thinking how young he'd looked, how small.
"Guess you're gonna have to be the man of the house now." Thor had joked.
"... Shut up." Loki had said, but Thor had caught the flicker of a smile as he'd turned his face away, his skinny hands fidgeting in the material of his pants.
"Hey," Thor had gone on, sobering. He'd reached out, wrapping a hand round the back of Loki's thin neck, coaxing him to look at him. "It's gonna be okay." He'd told him quietly.
Loki had looked up at him with so much hurt in his eyes, Thor remembers.
Remembers how they'd seemed too bright. Remembers thinking that he never wanted to cause his brother pain like that ever again, had wanted to just call the whole thing off then and there and stay, because Loki needed him.
Instead he'd just wrapped his arms around his brother, pulled him tight against his chest, Loki hugging him back desperately.
"You can visit." Thor had said.
"Yeah." Loki had said back, but he hadn't sounded like he believed it.
They'd stood together, locked like that, for seconds which seemed both to stretch on and end too abruptly.
When they'd finally let go of one another, Thor remembers feeling like he'd lost something vital, like suddenly he couldn't breathe right.
He'd ruffled Loki's hair, long past his shoulders.
"Be good." He'd said.
Loki hadn't looked at him again, just nodding.
"I love you." Thor told him.
"... I love you too Thor." Loki had said, and his voice had been quiet.
That had been fourteen months ago. Thor had been back to visit only a couple of times, for Christmas and then of course summer.
Both times, Loki had seemed unwell and unhappy, and Mom and Dad both had been concerned.
His brother had been short tempered then, even acting hostile at points.
He'd graduated high school himself in that time, early, of course. He'd only just turned sixteen over the spring, and Thor had asked him casually if he'd thought any about where he might want to go to college.
"Fuck you Thor." Had been Loki's answer, before he'd stalked out of the room.
Thor still doesn't know what he'd said or done to make Loki so suddenly angry at what he had thought was an innocent question. But that had always been the way between him and his brother. There had always been so much about Loki that he never understood.
There had been a lot of yelling and fighting too, mostly between Loki and Odin, and even then, Thor had noticed with increasing worry that Loki was thinner and often sluggish, tired. That had been frightening for a lot of reasons, not least of which because Loki had always been so undersized, had always been underweight for his height. Most of all because since he was little, his brother had been prone to sickness, had had a weak constitution. When he'd been four years old, he'd had to have an operation done on his heart, to replace a bad valve, and he'd never really recovered from that, it seemed. Never been robust, or strong physically.
Seeing Loki not taking care of himself then, worse, seeing Loki purposefully neglecting himself, had scared Thor in a way he couldn't ever put into words.
Things had only gotten worse in the months since Thor's last visit, and Mom had come to the conclusion that they all needed a break, that sending Loki down to Thor would be good for all of them.
Loki, Mom had said, had been almost too excited when she'd suggested the idea to him, had wanted to go as soon as possible.
Plans had needed to be arranged first. Dad had offered to drive Loki down, but Loki had refused, wanting to go by himself. Mom of course hadn't been too keen on that idea, but eventually she'd agreed, if only to make Loki happy.
She'd insisted that he take his phone, and Thor knows without even needing to ask that she'd probably been calling Loki every half hour to make sure he was alright. He knows too that Loki wouldn't have ignored her. He loved their mom so much, even when he was at his worst, he could never be unkind to her.
Loki kicks his feet up on the dash now, and Thor nearly tells him to get them off, deciding against it at the last moment. He doesn't want to start this off with a fight. Loki's going to be with him for the next two weeks, and he wants to do everything in his power to make sure his brother gets better in that time.
Loki shrugs, playing with the buttons on his coat.
"It was okay." He says in answer to his question about the trip. "Boring."
"No problems?" Thor goes on, wanting to make sure Loki was alright.
Loki shakes his head.
"No." He replies. "It was alright."
"Mom harass you?" Thor can't help but tease.
He sees Loki roll his eyes from his periphery.
"She worries too much." He says, and Thor wants to tell him it's only because she cares, that she loves him. He doesn't though. He has to be careful.
"So are you excited?" He changes the subject as he pulls out of the bus station, trying to stay positive.
Again Loki shrugs, acting indifferent.
"Sure, I guess. Depends on if your stupid friends are going to be hanging around too much."
Thor shoots Loki an annoyed glance, his brother pretending not to notice.
Loki and Thor's friends have never gotten along too well. He remembers how, when Loki had found out they'd all applied to go to the same school as him, and had all been accepted, he'd just stared at Thor for nearly a minute, a look of almost betrayal on his face, before he'd scoffed and turned away, saying nothing to Thor for the rest of the day.
Thor knew his friends could be less than kind towards Loki, had used to tease, even harass him when he'd been younger. Loki had been incredibly shy as a child, withdrawn and timid, and Thor's friends hadn't understood him, had thought him strange and awkward. He'd made any easy target for their own, childish cruelty. Thor himself had given in to peer pressure then, sometimes even joining in the teasing, though he'd never gone further than that, and had more than once stepped in when one of his friends had decided to get physically rough with Loki.
Things had only gotten more strained as Loki had grown, and had started fighting back, not with fists, but with words, with manipulation.
His friends had found out the hard way that Loki wasn't particularly someone who's bad side you wanted to get on. His brother was viciously smart, and as he'd gotten older, he'd begun using that brain to defend himself, since he never could physically. He always knew exactly what to say to someone to reduce them to a blubbering, crying mess, if he wanted. To make them doubt everything about themselves, to turn people against each other.
He'd gotten all of them fighting against one another more than once.
Loki could be mean.
Eventually, his friends had stopped engaging Loki at all, too afraid of him, afraid of what he'd say, what he'd make them feel.
They didn't understand Loki, though.
They didn't know about him, didn't see what Thor did.
Loki was always in so much pain.
"Don't worry." Thor tells Loki, navigating his way through the heavy, downtown traffic. "It's just gonna be you and me. I've got some ideas about some cool stuff we can do, if you're into it."
He doesn't tell Loki that he asked them all specifically to make themselves scarce while his brother was in town. That they'd all agreed readily.
Loki may have acted like he didn't care what other people thought of him, but Thor knew how easily his brother's feelings could actually be hurt.
The car falls silent for a few minutes then, Loki turned away, looking out the window at the passing buildings and people.
"So what's your place like?" He asks eventually, turning back to Thor and giving him a sly look. "I hope it isn't too much of a dump."
Thor laughs, shaking his head.
"It's okay." He answers. "A little small, but it should be good for the two of us. You'll get your own bed, if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm not worried about anything." Loki says quietly. "I'm good anywhere."
Thor glances at him, seeing he's looking out the window again.
He looks so fragile, Thor thinks. His shoulders so narrow, his hands bony. Even with all the extra layers covering him, he looks painfully thin.
"God," Loki breathes after another minute of silence, still staring out the window, and he sounds suddenly so sad. "people's lives are so horrible."
Thor doesn't say anything to that. Doesn't know what to say.
He only reaches out and takes his brother's hand in his, squeezing it tight.
He's relieved when Loki doesn't pull away. Relieved when Loki squeezes his hand back.
/
"Well, it's not a complete rat's hole." Loki says, grinning, after giving Thor's apartment a cursory glance.
"Gee, thanks." Thor returns deadpan, carrying Loki's bag for him.
Loki laughs, giving Thor's shoulder an ineffective shove, before he's taking off, disappearing through Thor's bedroom door.
"Dibs!" He hears his brother call out, and Thor can't help his own laughter now, grinning.
He'd been planning on letting Loki take his bed anyway while he just used the blow-up, but it was cute, he thought, that his brother was already making moves to secure it for himself.
Just hearing Loki's voice in a good mood was enough to lift Thor's spirits.
He hefts the bag back up over his shoulder and makes his way into his bedroom, finding Loki already laid out on the mattress, his knees crossed over each other, his hands folded behind his head.
"Where do you want your bag?" Thor asks.
Loki waves a hand, his eyes closed.
"Anywhere's good." He says lazily, and Thor huffs another laugh.
"I'm not unpacking for you, you little shit." He tells his brother.
Loki opens an eye, looking up at him and grinning.
"That's what you think." He says, and Thor narrows his own eyes.
"Don't forget little man, I know all your ticklish spots." He warns.
"Oh yeah?" Loki keeps smiling, sitting up. "Well, you're gonna have to catch me first!"
His brother has always been faster than he has any right to be, and in an instant, he's grabbed up the pillow on the bed and hurled it at Thor's face.
It happens too quickly for Thor to even have a hope of dodging, the soft fluff of it hitting him square in the nose.
He hears Loki explode into laughter, and then his brother is up off the bed and rocketing past him, out of the room.
Thor shakes his head, smiling, feeling suddenly lighter as he turns, chasing after his brother.
Maybe things would be alright, he thinks. And for the first time in a long time, he actually finds himself able to believe it.
/
"Hey!" Thor laughs as Loki lobs a french fry at him, hitting him square between the eyes.
Loki giggles madly, like some little kid, his eyes sparkling, and Thor can't even come close to finding it in himself to be angry.
Things between them are relaxed, in a way Thor can't recall them being since the both of them were so much younger.
Thor had decided on a nice, sort of hole in the wall restaurant for dinner, one that he'd been frequenting ever since coming to university. The sort of place with a huge menu and no pretension. Where the waiters didn't linger and bug you and ask every five seconds if everything was alright.
He'd hoped Loki would like it, and so far, his brother seemed truly to be enjoying himself.
The greatest relief was that Loki had actually ordered food, and that he was actually eating it. Not a lot. Loki had never had a big apatite. But that he was eating at all was huge, in Thor's mind.
He smiles at his brother, before lobbing a french fry of his own.
Loki dodges it, sticking his tongue out at Thor.
"Missed me." He teases.
"You're so immature." Thor tells him, and Loki shrugs.
"I am only sixteen." He answers.
Again Thor laughs.
"Well, that's true. I guess you have your excuse"
"Yup!" Loki grins, before digging into his turkey sandwich.
Thor watches him, and suddenly he feels such overpowering love for his brother, it's like a physical ache deep in his chest. His eyes sting, his throat feels tight.
He wants to reach over and grab Loki into a hug, hold him against him and never let go, never let anything or anyone hurt him ever again.
"Thor?" He's snapped from his reverie by the sound of Loki's voice, oddly timid.
He blinks, and finds his brother looking at him, his face lined in a kind of trepidation.
"Hmm?" Thor asks. "Sorry, I zoned out there for a second."
Loki looks concerned in a way that isn't usual for him, like he wants to say something but doesn't know how.
"... Would..." he starts quietly after a moment, then pauses, and his eyes flit away, fixing on the sandwich which he's now picking apart with his long, thin fingers. Nervous and shy, like he'd been as a boy.
"Loki, what is it?" Thor presses, suddenly worried.
He sees his brother swallow thickly.
"Would... would you still love me Thor if... if I wasn't your brother?" He asks, in a voice almost too soft to hear.
Thor stares, his mind slowing to a halt as he struggles to process the words.
He doesn't understand.
"Would I..." he starts, and then laughs disbelievingly. "Loki, what sort of a question is that?" He asks. "You're my brother. Who else would you be?"
"But," Loki says, his eyes snapping up to Thor, abruptly, painfully serious. "if I weren't. If I weren't your brother Thor, would you still love me?"
Thor shakes his head.
"Loki, I don't understand what you're asking me. I can't answer because it doesn't make any sense. You've always been my brother. You always will be."
Loki looks back at him for long seconds then, something in his eyes which Thor can't comprehend, can't know. He looks somehow at once furious and overwhelmingly sad, something awful and broken and lost.
And then he smiles, eyes over-bright, white, white teeth. He looks like he may cry, but as quickly as it comes, it's gone, and Loki laughs, a brittle, terrible sound.
"Of course." He says. "Stupid question."
"Loki..." Thor says, frightened.
But his brother doesn't answer.
Thor can't help but notice how he doesn't eat another bite for the rest of the meal.
/
Loki is quiet for the rest of the day, and Thor keeps trying to figure out what he did wrong.
He tries talking to his brother more than once, but Loki continually brushes him off, telling him nothing's wrong every time Thor asks.
The evening wears on, the sky growing dark as they finally make it back to Thor's apartment, and Loki tells him he's tired, that he's going to turn in early.
Thor can't help the disappointment he feels. He'd been ready to suggest a movie, thinking they could make a bowl of popcorn, stay up into the night talking.
"Are you sure?" He asks, holding foolishly on to the hope that Loki will change his mind.
His brother just nods.
"Yeah. I'm just beat from the bus ride. I'll see you in the morning Thor."
Thor lets him go after that, not knowing what else to say.
It's only later, when Thor is himself ready to turn in, as he's pulling the sheets over the blowup, he hears Loki through the closed door of the bedroom, crying softly.
His heart sinks into the pit of his stomach, and he struggles a long time then with whether he should knock on Loki's door, should go in and see what's wrong. But he knows his brother's pride. Knows it might only hurt Loki more, if he knew Thor had heard him.
He can't get to sleep that night. Not for a long time.
When he finally does, his dreams are filled with horrible things. Visions of Loki, alone and lost, with no one there to find him.
/
Things get a little bit better over the course of the next week.
Thor can tell Loki is making a real effort to stay positive, to be engaging and interested in their activities, to be social.
But he can see too, in the moments between his brother's smiles and cheerfulness, Loki often looks confused and lost. There's so much pain in his eyes that, sometimes, Thor has to look away, unable to bear the sight of it.
It breaks his heart.
He's thought endlessly in the intervening days if he should talk to Loki about it, if he should question again what was wrong. He wanted to understand, wanted to see what it is that had his brother in such an awful state, so he could help, so he could fix it.
But he found himself hesitating each time he thought to, frightened that he would ruin the rest of Loki's stay with him, that he would only plunge his brother into a deeper state of depression.
The last thing he wanted was to send Loki home in worse condition than what he'd arrived in.
He was scared. He was scared for his brother, for what might happen to him, what he might do.
So he doesn't say anything, doesn't bring it up.
He tries to distract himself and Loki both by stacking their days with activities.
He takes his brother to the movies, out to breakfast, lunch and dinner, takes him shopping.
Loki seems to forget himself sometimes, a delighted excitement replacing the melancholy as he looks through racks of clothing, or sections of CD's and DVD's. Thor takes him to one book store which keeps his brother occupied for hours. By the time they're ready to go, Loki's got a huge stack, running Thor a particularly hefty bill. But it's worth it, Thor thinks, for the genuine smile it puts on his brother's face.
Yesterday they'd gone to the zoo. Loki had always adored animals, and they'd been having a good time, his brother deeply transfixed by the different creatures in each exhibit.
While everyone around them took pictures on their smart phones, chattering loudly and making absurd comments, hordes of children shouting and banging on the glass separating them from the animals, their parents yelling at them to behave, Loki stood there silently and thoughtful, watching the animals with a kind of pained expression.
Thor remembers he'd been the same as a child, whenever Mom and Dad had taken them to the zoo. He'd never been like the other kids, trying to get the animals attention, harassing and screaming at them.
"They shouldn't even be in here." Loki had said quietly after a while. "With all these people. Being looked at. It isn't natural."
Loki had wanted to go shortly after that, claiming the heat was starting to make him dizzy. Thor wasn't about to chance that. Not with how easily he knew his brother often fell victim to heat stroke.
More than that, Thor suspected, it was probably the people. That many always made Loki nervous.
"I thought maybe we could go to the roller skate rink today." Thor says, pouring more hot sauce onto his eggs. "What do you think?"
Loki is pushing his French toast around on his plate, taking small bites every now and again. It's good enough for now, Thor tries to tell himself.
"That sounds fun." Loki answers after a moment, looking up and smiling softly at him.
He sounds like he means it, and Thor can't help but feel relieved.
It's one of the few physical activities Loki's always been better at than Thor. Roller skating, and dancing. His brother is actually pretty extraordinary at it, and Thor thinks, if he'd wanted to, and if not for his heart, he could have made a phenomenal ice skater.
He smiles now, swallowing a mouthful of food.
"Great!" He exclaims. "After breakfast?"
Loki nods, taking a bite out of a slice of his toast.
His eyes keep flicking to a television up in the far right corner of the dining area they're in, a worried frown pulling at the corners of his lips each time he does.
"What are you looking at?" Thor wonders aloud, turning in his seat to look at the screen.
"There's some sort of riot going on or something." Loki says, his eyes again fixed on the television. "I don't know."
Thor reads the headline splashed across the screen.
"Mass Panic in Haverhill, Soffolk" it reads. Underneath it says something about an epidemic.
There's a woman reporting, looking disheveled and wide eyed. Thor can't make out much of what's going on behind her, the camera too close in on her face.
"That's weird." He says absently, not thinking too much beyond that.
"... Something's wrong." He hears Loki say, his voice heavy with a kind of dread, and Thor turns back to him, seeing his brother's eyes still fixed to the screen. "Look at her. She looks terrified. And the camera keeps shaking. See?"
Thor looks back, and indeed the camera is all over the place, like whoever is operating it can't hold still.
"Jesus..." Loki breathes, just as the camera catches what looks like a head on collision in the background, a huge flame exploding a moment after the impact.
Suddenly the camera drops to the ground, and a moment later, the screen goes dark, before cutting back to the studio.
Okay, Thor thinks, that was definitely strange.
"What the hell was that?" He asks, turning back to his brother.
Loki looks pale and disconcerted.
He shakes his head.
"That's only a little over two hours from us. Less from London." He says, sounding worried.
Thor frowns, taking another bite of his eggs.
"Well, I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just some other protest or something." He says.
"No." Loki replies. "No, it said something about an epidemic. Like a... like a disease or something."
Thor feels his stomach churn unpleasantly. Not so much because of what it said on the tele, more because Loki seems actually... spooked.
His brother has always seemed to have almost a sixth sense about those sorts of things. Whenever he thought something was really wrong, it usually was.
"Call Mom and Dad." Loki says suddenly, sounding tense.
"Loki, I'm sure..." Thor begins to try and reassure. He didn't want Loki to stress himself out. Not anymore than he already was.
"Please Thor, just do it." He says again.
"... Alright." Thor agrees. "But don't worry. Okay? I'm sure everything's fine."
Loki's lips thin, saying nothing, and Thor pulls out his phone, dialing Mom.
She picks up on the second ring.
"Hi sweetheart!" She greets happily, and Thor smiles in relief at the sound of her voice.
"Hi Mom!" He says back, and he sees Loki's shoulders sag in his own relief.
"How's everything?" She asks. "How's your brother?"
She and Dad both had been calling every day since Loki arrived, just making quick check-in's. Thor knew they didn't want to impose and make Loki feel like they were breathing down his neck. But they were also worried, of course. Loki had never really traveled on his own before, and he knew the only reason their parent's had let Loki go was because they knew he'd be with Thor.
"He's good." Thor answers. "We both are. Just out eating breakfast right now."
"That's wonderful." Mom says. "Any other plans for today?"
Thor begins to tell her about the rollerskating rink, and he sees Loki mouth to him to ask if they're alright.
"Hey, listen, Mom," he starts after a minute.
"Mmm?"
"Loki's kind of worried about you guys." He says. "We just saw on the news something about a panic in Haverhill. Something about an epidemic or something. We just wanted to make sure you and Dad were alright."
"Oh," Mom sounds surprised. "that's strange. I haven't seen anything about it. But no, everything's fine here. We're alright."
"Okay, cool." Thor says, giving Loki the thumbs up and smiling. Loki still looks concerned, but he can see his brother is a lot more relaxed now.
"Please tell Loki not to worry." Mom goes on, seeming to read his mind. "You and him go have fun. Your father and I will give you both a call a little later."
"Cool, alright Mom. You wanna say hi to Loki before you go?"
Of course she says yes, and he hands the phone to his brother, who, for the first time since arriving, takes it eagerly.
"Hi Mom." He says. "Are you sure you're alright?"
Thor listens for only a moment before turning to glance back at the television.
The sound is off, but they're still talking about whatever it is that's going on in Haverhill. The script across the screen doesn't say much, not really explaining what's happening, and eventually, Thor loses interest, turning back to his brother.
"Alright Mom. Alright." Loki is saying. "I will... I love you too. Okay. Bye."
He hangs up, handing the phone back to Thor.
"See." Thor tells him. "They're alright."
"... Yeah." Loki says, looking down at his still half full plate. "I guess."
His brother brings his hand to his mouth, beginning to chew on his thumb nail, an old, nervous habit.
"I'm just worried is all." He says after a moment. "That was weird, on the news."
Thor reaches out, taking Loki's thin hand in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"They'll be okay Loki." He promises. "It's alright. Okay?"
Loki nods, squeezing his hand back.
"Okay."
/
The roller skate rink turns out to be a fantastic idea.
Thor hasn't seen Loki have this much fun in a long time.
His brother has lapped him at least four times already along the track, calling out teasing insults every time he passes him by, and Thor can only laugh as he skates clumsily along after him.
They stay there a good two plus hours, the crowds happily sparse, leaving the rink mostly open and airy. Perfect. Thor finally calls it quits after the first hour or so, content to simply sit on the sidelines and cheer Loki on, and to admire the easy grace and fluid lines of him.
By the time his brother is through, he's worked up a good sweat and is clearly exhausted, but he's smiling, a real smile, free and easy and happy, and that means everything in the world to Thor.
They spend the rest of the day just sort of putting around, going to different shops and outdoor stands, taking in the sights.
It's a beautiful day. Warm and sunny with a light breeze, not too hot.
Still, Thor makes Loki put on a baseball cap halfway through the afternoon, along with sunscreen for his face and arms. Loki doesn't protest for once, doing as he's told.
They don't make it back to the apartment until evening, where they watch a movie and after play a game of chess, Loki, as usual, crushing him.
Mom had called again, as promised, checking in and updating them. That seemed to have relaxed Loki further. He'd even talked to Dad a little, the conversation, for once, civil.
It's been a good day. A great day, really. The first, Thor thinks, where things really seemed alright. Seemed hopeful.
Thor's just lying down, feeling tired and ready to sleep when Loki comes out of the bathroom, clad in his PJ's, his hair still wet from the shower.
"Hey," Thor greets.
"Hey." Loki says. He looks tired too, and Thor glances at the clock, seeing it's just half past midnight.
"Ready for sleep?" He asks his brother.
Loki nods vaguely, lingering by the bathroom door.
He'd fidgeting with the sleeves of his top, his gaze fixed on the floor.
He'd got something on his mind, Thor thinks, and he sits up on his blowup, putting the book down which he'd been leafing through.
"What's up?" He asks, and Loki glances up at him a moment, before again looking away.
"Nothing, just..." he shrugs, seeming to hesitate.
"Loki?" Thor asks, feeling suddenly worried.
"Just, I... I wanted to thank you. For this. For letting me stay with you."
He says it like Thor's done him the world's biggest favor. Like he owes Thor everything, and Thor feels his heart ache at it.
"It's okay Loki." He tells him, trying to smile. "I wanted you to come little man. Remember?"
Loki nods, still not looking at him.
"... I missed you." He says quietly.
Thor feels his throat close up, his heart ache with suddenly overwhelming emotion.
He forces himself to smile, calling Loki over.
His brother comes, and the moment he's close, Thor reaches out, taking hold of Loki's hand and pulling him down onto the bed, throwing his arms around him in a hug.
"I missed you too Loki." He says, pressing his lips to his brother's temple. "I missed you too."
/
They both wake up a little late the next morning, not making it out the door until just after eleven.
They stop at a close by diner for breakfast, empty except for them, both of them still sleepy eyed and trying to wake up. They both need coffee.
Loki keeps yawning, his hair an unbrushed tangle of black curls, contrasting sharply against his pale white skin.
He looks like he's about ten years old, and Thor can't help reaching out and rubbing his palm against his head, mussing his hair up even more.
He laughs as Loki tries vainly to duck out of the way.
"Stop it." His brother mutters quietly. But it isn't angry or upset, and Thor only grins wider.
"Make me." He answers, and Loki throws a piece of bacon at him.
Thor laughs again, before finally sobering down and concentrating on his meal.
"So did you sleep okay last night?" He asks his brother after a few moments, glancing up to make sure Loki is eating.
He is, and Thor feels relieved.
"... Yeah." Loki answers, swallowing down a bite of English muffin. "Sort of. I had some weird dreams."
Thor watches him as he drinks down some water, and he suddenly notices the heavy bags under his brother's eyes, that he looks more exhausted than he has in the last, several days.
"Are you alright?" He asks, a niggling worry curling in the pit of his stomach.
Loki waves him off.
"I'm fine." He answers. "Yeah. Just some bad dreams about Mom and Dad..." his voice trails off, and he doesn't sound fine to Thor. He sounds almost scared.
"What kind of dreams?" He presses.
Loki has such a tendency to bottle everything up until it comes exploding out of him. Thor knows it isn't healthy. He doesn't want his brother to feel alone.
"Just... bad dreams." Loki mumbles, stabbing at his hash browns, moving them around his plate. "I don't really wanna talk about it."
Thor frowns, hesitating.
He doesn't want to put Loki in a bad mood by forcing him to talk about something he doesn't want to. But he also doesn't want Loki to get himself worked up over nothing either.
His brother has always been plagued by horrible nightmares.
Thor remembers, when they'd been children, Loki had often woken in the middle of the night, sobbing and shaking from some awful dream, and Thor would have to sit up with him for hours until he was calm enough to fall back asleep.
As they'd gotten older, Loki's dreams hadn't ceased, but he no longer told Thor about them, not as often, no longer sought his older brother's comfort.
Like with most things, Loki had withdrawn, and Thor hadn't really ever known how to reach him, wherever it was he'd gone.
"... You can talk to me, you know." He finally says, softly. "If you need to. I'm right here Loki."
His brother glances up at him finally, looking at him with that intent, too knowing gaze. The one that always makes Thor feel like Loki can see into every part of him, like he knows everything he's ever thought or felt or wished or feared.
It's hard, when Loki looks at him like that, not to look away.
"... I know." Loki says eventually, his voice almost a whisper. "I know Thor."
/
They sit in silence over the rest of breakfast, not necessarily uncomfortable, just quiet and thoughtful.
Thor tries occupying himself with the ideas he'd had for what they could do today, trying to decide which would likely appeal to his brother the most.
Loki tells him he has to use the bathroom as Thor is writing out the tip for their waitress, and Thor nods at him.
"Okay." He says. "See you in a minute."
He's sitting back in his chair, waiting, when suddenly he can hear through the thick pan of glass beside him what sounds like shouting and screaming.
He glances out the window, alarmed, and sees rushing past a crowd of people, looking wild eyed and panicked.
He blinks, not understanding at first what it is he's looking at.
His eyes follow the group until they disappear out of his line of vision.
He frowns, turning his head and looking down the street, in the direction they'd come from.
That was weird, he thinks, confused.
As he's looking, he begins to notice, bizarrely, more people, not in groups, really, but individuals, running and looking back over their shoulders, that same, horrified look on their faces.
Thor is beginning to feel an uncomfortable worry unfurling in the center of him. Something's wrong, he thinks, still not understanding.
He nearly falls back out of his chair then when, out of nowhere it seems, a car comes speeding down the road, tires screeching loud and ugly across the blacktop, and crashes head first, going what must be 50 plus, into a fire hydrant right in front of the diner.
The thing explodes in a geyser of water, the spray hitting the window with a hard, deafening impact.
Thor stands up from his seat, alarmed, his heart pounding suddenly fast against his ribs.
"What the hell..." he breathes, staring.
The driver of the car falls out of the vehicle, the door having busted in and fallen open on the impact.
Thor watches him, stunned, as he rolls up onto his hands and knees and then, with a jerky, staggering movement, pushes up onto his feet.
He looks... wrong, somehow.
Thor keeps staring, his brain refusing to makes sense of what he's seeing.
The man lurches forward, his face a bloody mask, Thor can only guess from the impact, the windshield having blown in, shards of glass flying everywhere.
Only, there's something else, something wrong with the way the man is moving. He's stumbling forward like he doesn't know how to properly operate his arms and legs, his movements stiff and almost painful looking, uncoordinated and... violent.
He keeps twitching and flinching, swiping out with his hands, fingers twisted into claws.
Thor sees then his jaw working, up and down, up and down, like he's trying to bite down on the very air around him, and he can hear, now, again through the thick glass of the window, a horrible, wheezing, snarling sound, coming from the man. He sounds like some sort of vicious animal, Thor thinks. Sounds like nothing he's ever heard come out of a human being.
And then the man turns, and looks at him. Looks right at him.
Thor feels his heart stutter in his chest, his mouth going at once dry.
"... Jesus..." he breathes, terror churning in his stomach.
The man's eyes... they aren't... they're...
There's nothing human there, Thor thinks dizzily for a moment. Milky white pits, the iris and pupils seemingly vanished, shining and malignant and without feeling, without reason.
The man's face twists in hateful, killer rage then, and Thor stumbles back as suddenly he throws himself against the window, snarling and spitting and banging against the glass with unchecked, desperate violence. White, foaming saliva sprays against the window, sick and diseased looking.
Thor hears a woman scream, and then shattering glass, and he looks back, seeing their waitress standing behind the counter, her own eyes fixed on the man outside, a look of pure fear etched into her features.
And it's like a switch flipping in his brain, as Thor thinks...
"Loki," he says, and he turns towards where the bathroom's are, just as his brother is emerging, starting towards him.
"Loki, wait!" He cries, sickening fear crushing his heart.
Loki freezes, staring at him with a confused expression.
"... What?" He starts.
Everything seems to happen too fast and too slow then.
Thor sees the man outside move from his periphery, throwing himself against the window one last time before suddenly he's running, that same, jerky, violent movement, towards the diner's entrance.
Loki jumps at the bang of the man's body against the window, turning and looking, eyes wide and stunned.
No, Thor thinks, his mind screaming at him to move, move!
But he feels suddenly paralyzed, frozen to the spot, watching as the man smashes against the diner's front door, and he knows that something is wrong, that the man... that's he's going to try and hurt them, try and hurt Loki, and he has to fucking move!
The man stands there for a moment, inside the diner, breathing hard and labored and that horrible, disgusting wheezing noise gurgling up from his throat, his milky eyes fixed directly on Loki.
Loki stands and stares back, seemingly unable to move, his mouth fallen open.
It seems to stretch on forever, this moment, and at last, Thor's voice comes back to him, and he screams.
"LOKI, RUN!"
The moment the words fall from his lips, the man lunges, right for his brother, howling bloody murder.
Loki gasps, loud and sharp, stumbling back, away, his back hitting the counter behind him, trapping him, and Thor moves.
He charges into the man, slamming him into the wall with every ounce of strength he has.
The man thrashes wildly, like some crazed beast, and he's strong. Stronger than his average sized frame should allow, Thor thinks, as he struggles to pin the bastard down.
His jaws keep working, gnashing and biting at the air, his neck straining forward, as if he's trying to take a bite right out of Thor, fighting without restraint against his hold.
"Thor!" He hears Loki cry behind him, and he doesn't think he's ever heard his brother sound more afraid.
Thor grits his teeth, doubling down on his hold. He reaches a hand for the man's head, grabbing up a fistful of his hair and smashing his skull against the wall. Once, twice, as hard as he can. The man doesn't stop.
He should have, Thor thinks. Strong as he is, that would have put anyone out. Anyone.
The man snarls, one of his own hands free now, and he latches on to the side of Thor's jaw with it, digging his fingernails into the skin, pushing and tearing.
Thor screams, his other hand letting go of the man's wrist and reaching for his throat, crushing down on it as he again pulls him by the hair, smashing his skull against the wall once more.
"Thor, oh God, Thor..." Loki sounds frantic and horrified behind him, closer.
"Stay BACK!" Thor barks at him, curling his fingers into the soft flesh of the man's throat with everything he has.
The man's white eyes bulge in his face, shining and sightless and wrong, a wet sounding rasp breaking past his gnashing, chomping teeth. His breath is absolutely repulsive. It smells like something dead, something rotting, and Thor turns his face away, disgusted, even as he pulls the man's head back for a fifth time and crushes it against the wall with everything he's got.
There's a wet sounding crunch, and Thor sees a splatter of red fly up against the yellowing paint of the wall.
The man falls limp in his hands, finally, his fingers around Thor's jaw loosening.
Thor lets him go, stepping back, his breath coming hard.
He watches, numb and detached and dazed, as the man slides down the blood splattered wall to fall to a tangled heap on the floor, still twitching grotesquely in what looks like the aftershocks of the death throws.
Dead, Thor thinks, horror beginning to bloom in his stomach as he realizes... Dead, he just... he's just... Oh God, God, he's just killed somebody. Killed a man. He's just...
"Thor..." He's brought back to the present when he feels Loki's hand on his arm, his brother calling his name.
Loki's hand is shaking and clammy, his voice trembling, and when Thor finally turns and looks down at him, he sees his brother staring back, eyes the size of dinner plates, the whites of them fully visible, pupils blown in terror.
He'd breathing hard too, almost hyperventilating.
"Thor, w-what... what happened? What's happening?" Loki asks, and he sounds like he's going to cry. Like a lost little boy.
"... I killed him." Thor says, and his voice sounds like it isn't coming from him. Like it's coming from somewhere else. Like he's under water. It's rough, hoarse like he's been screaming.
"... He was... h-he was trying to kill you. Thor, he was..." Loki stammers, and Thor sees his eyes shine wet, on the verge of tears.
Thor shakes his head, and he feels his own eyes sting, a sudden, overwhelming guilt choking his throat.
"I killed a man." He says. "Oh God, I..."
"Thor you..." Loki says, and suddenly he's reaching up, grabbing hold of Thor's face, looking hard at him. "Listen to me, we... w-we have to... have to get out of here. Something's wrong. Something's happening."
Thor sees his eyes shift to the window of the diner, huge with fear.
"Whatever that was on the news yesterday..." Loki breathes, and suddenly the memory comes flooding back to Thor. The headline about a mass panic, about some sort of epidemic. The news reporter looking so scared, and then the camera going dark.
His eyes snap to where the waitress had been, and he sees the woman is gone. She must have run, he thinks dizzily. She must have...
"Thor," again he hears Loki, snapping his eyes back to his brother.
His brother, he thinks. His little brother. He has to... he has to keep Loki safe. He has to... That's his job. That's his duty. He has to...
"There's people running outside." Loki says, voice still trembling. "They're running from something. Thor, they're... th-that man, there was something wrong with him. He was... w-was..."
He looks back up at Thor, eyes desperate and young.
"We have to get out of here." He repeats. "Please Thor, you... you were only defending us. We have to go. Please, now, now..."
Loki is right, Thor thinks, the present suddenly rushing back to him like a punch in the gut.
He reaches out, grabbing hold of Loki by the shoulders, turning and glancing out the window.
It's fucking chaos outside.
There are people running, like Loki said, only it's a mob now, hundreds and hundreds of them, stampeding and pushing and shoving, panicking. Cars are stopped in the middle of the street, doors left open and empty, engines still running, others going up on the sidewalks, trying to make it through.
What is happening, Thor thinks. What is happening?
Loki is unbearably tense underneath his hands, rigid, and Thor is suddenly too aware of how skinny his brother is, how bony his shoulders are, how fragile he feels.
He thinks of Loki out there, in that madness, in those blindly rushing, panicked crowds, those stampeding people, thinks of how scared Loki has always been of large groups, thinks of his brother's frail frame. Thinks of that man, struggling against his hold, nearly breaking free, how strong he'd been, how without restraint. Thinks of what would have happened if he'd gotten a hold of Loki, of his little brother. Remembers always teasing and challenging Loki to feats of strength, to try and pull him across an invisible line, laughing at how Loki could never do it, even when Thor wasn't really trying, bringing Loki to the gym with him and trying to help him get a little stronger, because he was so weak, he's always been so weak...
He's sweating and shaky, he realizes then, adrenaline and fear still coursing through his blood.
He's got to get Loki out of here. He's got to get him somewhere safe. Somewhere...
He grabs his brother's hand, glancing out the window one last time, before making a decision.
"We've got to get back to the apartment." He says, shoving whatever emotions about the man he's just murdered out of his mind. He'll deal with that later. Later. He can't think about it now. He's got to protect his brother. That's all that matters right now. "Come on."
He pulls Loki along after him as he heads towards the back of the diner.
Loki stumbles after him, his hand folding tight around Thor's.
"Where are we..." he starts to ask.
"It's too crazy out there." Thor says, not looking back. "We can't... we've got to take another way."
Loki doesn't resist as Thor leads them through the kitchen at the back of the diner. The place is small and abandoned, whoever had been back here obviously taking off along with the waitress, and it's easy enough to find the exit.
Thor hesitates only a moment before pushing the door open, sticking his head out carefully and looking up and down the alley it leads into.
He doesn't let go of Loki's hand.
"What do you see?" His brother's shaky voice asks behind him.
At the mouth of the alley, he can see more crowds of people, rushing and running, pushing and trampling over each other. His stomach feels tight and sick at the sight, fear refusing to recede.
At the other end, there's a brick wall, maybe eight feet high.
Thor thinks he can get over it easily enough. He'll help Loki.
"Come on." He says, holding tight to his brother and stepping out into the alley.
"Fuck..." he hears his brother say as he follows, and Thor knows he's seeing the same madness out there on the street.
"Don't look." Thor orders. "Don't stop."
He tugs Loki along, away from the mouth of the alley, towards the wall, his blood rushing loudly in his ears, making it hard to hear anything else.
"What is this?" Loki keeps talking. "Oh God, what's going on Thor?"
"I don't know." He says, half jogging. "Lets just focus on getting back to the apartment for now, we'll figure out the rest later."
There's some half-baked notion in the back of Thor's mind that once they get to his apartment, they'll be okay, they'll be safe from whatever this is, whatever is happening.
He tries to ignore to dread in the pit of his stomach, the awful voice telling him with cruel certainty that it isn't going to matter, that no where is safe now.
Loki seems to read his mind.
"I don't... I don't think it's going to be safe there Thor. People are in a panic. There's something... that... th-that man back there, it was like he was... was trying to bite you, like a..."
"Not now Loki!" Thor snaps, and he regrets it almost instantly as he hears his brother's voice die away. "Just... we'll figure it out. Come on."
They reach the wall and Thor turns to his brother, seeing Loki staring back at him with a lost, scared expression.
God damn it, Thor thinks, this isn't happening.
He grits his teeth.
"I'm going to boost you up onto the wall. Alright?"
Loki's brow creases, his eyes pained.
"How are you going to get up?" He asks.
"I'll pull myself. It's not a problem."
His brother looks like he wants to protest, but Thor doesn't give him a chance.
"Listen, once you get up there, I need you to wait until I'm up too before you jump down. Alright?"
Loki nods.
"Okay, you ready?"
Another nod, and Thor bends down, lacing his hands together.
"Use my shoulders." He tells Loki, and a moment later, his brother is stepping up onto his hand, his hands gripping hard to Thor's broad shoulders for balance.
Thor lifts him easily, pushing him up until Loki has a solid hold on the lip of the wall, and then he pushes him up higher, not taking his hands away until his brother has pulled himself up onto it completely.
Loki turns, looking down at him with worried eyes.
"Can you..." he starts, reaching his hand down.
Thor shakes his head. Loki would never be able to pull him up.
"It's okay." He says, stepping back and looking up at the wall. He takes a few more steps backwards, and then he runs, leaping up as he comes back up to the brick, launching himself off the ground and grabbing hold of the edge.
He begins to pull himself up, smooth and easy.
He throws his left leg up once he's high enough, getting it onto the edge of the wall, the rest easy from there.
He catches Loki's eyes, relieved, and he gives his brother a strained smile, trying to tell him everything is going to be alright.
It's as his does that he hears it.
A snarling, spitting roar, sick and rapid, coming rapidly closer, an inhuman sound.
He looks down, alarmed, and sees charging right for them a man, exactly like the one in the diner, violent and jerking and blind with some kind of diseased hunger.
Loki's leg is dangling over the other side of the wall, hanging down, easily within reach.
Thor's eyes go wide.
"NO!" He screams, just as the person reaches them, leaping up and grabbing hold of his brother's leg, pulling him down.
Loki gasps, and then he's over the edge of the wall, falling to the ground eight feet below.
He lands on his back, hard, a small cry of pain slipping past his lips, and the man falls instantly upon him, an ear piercing, hysterical growl ripping from his throat, like an animal gone insane.
Loki screams, throwing his hands up just as the man on top falls forward, trying madly to bite his throat. Loki's hand press against the man's chest, just barely keeping him off.
"THOR!" He cries, terrified, turning his face away.
Thor doesn't think.
He moves, leaping down off the wall, and in an instant, he has the man, thing, whatever he is, by the back of his neck, and he's tearing him off his brother with vicious strength.
He doesn't bother with him for long, turning with him and cracking his skull against the brick wall as hard as he can. Another spray of blood washes up it, and the man falls still, Thor staring at him only a second longer before turning back to Loki.
His brother is trying to get up, visibly shaking, looking dazed and dizzy.
Thor reaches out for him, grabbing hold of his hand.
"Are you alright?" He asks, and Loki nods, the motion weak.
He doesn't look alright. He looks pale and frightened and in pain.
Thor bites the inside of his cheek.
"Come on." He forces himself to say, fighting against his instinct to give Loki a moment at least to recover. "We've got to go."
He pulls his brother up, and Loki falls forward against him, Thor barely catching him in time to steady him.
"Are you okay?" He asks again, and again Loki nods, not looking at him, his hands fisting a moment in the material of Thor's shirt.
There's a dull roar somewhere in the distance, the same as the man he'd just torn from his brother. The same as the man in the diner. Only louder, layered, like there's countless numbers of them, one on top of the other.
Beyond where he and Loki stand, the panicked crowds continue in a blind rush down the streets, cars and trucks crashing into each other, screams and cries mingling with the roar.
It's complete hysteria, complete insanity.
They have to get out. Christ, they have to get out, Thor thinks.
"Come on." He tells Loki, again taking hold of his hand. "It's not far."
Indeed, his apartment is just across from them, maybe half a block down.
Thor just needs to get them there, get them inside, and then they can stop and think for a minute. Figure this out.
He runs, pulling Loki behind.
He can feel his brother struggling to keep up, stumbling and tripping, but thank God, he manages to stay on his feet.
The two of them just barely avoid getting trampled over by the onslaught of bodies charging at them, and as they make it out into the open, Thor can see, among the screaming, terrified people, more of them like the other two, jerking, violent motion, milky pale eyes and frothing saliva pouring out from gnashing, biting teeth. They're running too, fast, lunging with bad intent at everyone around them, attacking them, trying to kill them.
There's no time to look, no time to think. He just has to get them away, get them out of this.
Halfway down the block, and there's a blood curdling scream, and suddenly there's a woman in front of them, falling to the ground, one of those... things on top of her.
Thor freezes, Loki running into his back as he watches, transfixed and horrified as the man, the thing sinks its teeth into the woman's neck, tearing at the flesh violently. Her throat comes open, flaps of skin peeling and falling over, her scream dying away into wet, choked gurgling, blood spraying everywhere. She begins to convulse, and the man, the thing, it starts, it starts...
Oh Jesus Christ, Jesus God...
Loki's hands are around Thor's arms gripping him tight enough to bruise.
"Thor..." he says, his voice a strained, weak whisper.
That snaps him out of his daze, the world rushing back to him in a crazed whirl.
His hand around Loki's tightens, and he runs, pulling them away from the horror in front of them, zigzagging towards the apartment.
The air rips suddenly with the sound of an alarm, blarringly loud, filling the sky.
"This is not a test." A monotone, dead sounding voice informs over the siren. "This is not a test. All city occupants are strongly encouraged to proceed towards their nearest transport station for evacuation. Repeat. All city occupants are strongly encouraged to proceed towards their nearest transport station for evacuation."
Shit...
They're right there. He can see the front door of his apartment complex. It's just a few feet away. If they could just...
"Thor!" He hears his brother behind him, feels him hooking his arm around his elbow, trying to pull him back. "Thor, wait! Th... they're saying we need to evacuate!"
Thor hesitates.
He doesn't know what to do suddenly. They're at least three miles from the train station, four or five from the bus station. They can't go by foot. Not with what's going on around them.
They would need the car. That's in the fucking garage of the complex, and he can't remember suddenly if he brought his keys. He must have. He wouldn't leave the apartment without them.
He feels frantically in his pant pockets, relief flooding through him as his fingers brush against the metal ring and he pulls the keys out, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.
"Thor..." Loki is saying again, desperate and terrified sounding.
"The car." He answers. "We need to get to the car in the underground garage."
And again he begins pulling his brother along behind him, running now as he heads for the building once more.
They barely make it inside with the crush of people around them, running heedless and blindly in all directions.
Thor holds Loki's hand as they rush to the lift, the lobby inside the complex eerily quiet and empty compared to the madness outside.
He can hear his own, harsh breathes in his ears, can hear his brothers as he calls the lift, and they stand there, waiting, anxious and lost.
"Thor..." Loki says at his side, and he turns, looking down at his brother.
Loki has a hand lifted to his head, his thin fingers buried in the thick curls of his hair, tearing at them.
He's trembling, shaking uncontrollably now, his other hand cold and damp in Thor's own. He doesn't say anything.
"What is it?" Thor asks, afraid.
And finally Loki looks up at him, his eyes over-bright.
"... What about Mom and Dad?" He says, voice rough and hoarse.
Thor feels his heart lurch in his chest, a fresh, different kind of terror unfolding.
In all the chaos, he hadn't even had time to think of...
He swallows, trying desperately to banish the awful thoughts, shaking his head.
"They'll be fine." He tells his brother, but it sounds like a lie, even to him, the words sour and wrong on his tongue.
Loki doesn't look like he believes it at all.
He breathes out harshly through his nose, his face crumpling.
"Thor, I'm scared." He says weakly, helplessly.
Thor feels his own face break with pain, his own feeling of helplessness.
"I know." He says. "So am I. But listen Loki. Listen to me." He says, reaching out and cupping his brother's face between his hands, looking him in the eyes, trying to make him see, to make him understand. He isn't going to let anything happen to his brother. He isn't going to. "It's going to be okay. Alright? I promise you. It's going to be okay."
Loki only stares back at him, saying nothing, silent and full of fear.
/
They can't make it to the station by car.
Maybe half a mile out, the roads are too clogged up with abandoned vehicles and mobs of people to go any farther.
That they'd even made it that far was a miracle.
Thor takes Loki by the hand again, tells him again that it's going to be alright, that they're going to make it.
It's a lie.
It's all a lie.
He brings Loki into the crowd. Brings his little brother into the madness of that station, into that insanity, that sickness.
Loki screams at him, begs for them to turn around, to go. He's scared. Loki is scared, terrified, and Thor just keeps dragging him along, desperate for them to make it onto a train, to make it out of here, away, away from this hell.
The people around them surge and fight and push and pull. They begin to trample one another in their desperation and panic, begin to crush each other. Kill each other.
And then they're in the crowd. Those things. Those creatures. Those monsters.
They're in the crowd, and they're attacking people, biting them and tearing out their throats, and Thor sees with horror how those people then turn into those things, more and more and more of them, and they're trapped. He and Loki are trapped, and they can't get out. There's too many bodies, too much pushing and screaming and trampling.
And then he loses Loki's hand.
He loses his brother.
Loki, carried away from him, torn away, and there's nothing, nothing Thor can do.
He pushes back against the crowd, but there are too many, too many bodies.
He doesn't see Loki anymore then. Can't see his brother at all. Human's turned to monsters, tearing each other apart, teeth and nails and blood everywhere, a hurricane of screams and roars and animal snarling deafening around him.
The fear is overwhelming, his heart pounding too hard, too fast in his chest, his eyes wide and all he can think is "Loki, Loki, Loki..."
He has to find Loki, he has to save him, has to keep him safe, his baby brother safe.
And so he climbs.
He climbs the bodies around him, climbs their shoulders and on top of their heads, until he can reach the top of the unmoving and abandoned train, out of the crush.
And he looks down. Looks for his brother. Tries to find his face in all the madness, all the violence.
But he can't find him. Can't see him.
It's then Thor feels the world coming to an end.
Then, when he realizes he's lost his little brother.
Failed him.
Then it is Thor sees the end of everything.