I can still hear the waves crashing as tears streamed down Annie's face. Her shaky hand debating whether or not to reach out to me, her heart won out when her palm stroked my stubbly cheek.
"Don't go, Annie." My face distorted painfully as she shook her head.
"I can't do this... I have to go, Finny. I've gotta go." Her voice was quiet and mild mannered as always, though there was an underlying trace of regret.
"You don't want this, sweetie." I bit my lip looking at her beautifully sad face that tugged so violently at my heartstrings.
"I can't stay while you do... While you do what you do," she hiccuped at last before turning away. "I don't want to see you around," she whispered, somehow her voice overriding the onslaught of viscous high tide waves. "I don't want you coming by anymore. I don't want to be near you." She sniffled.
"Annie..." I reached for her arm but she drew away before I could even lay a finger on her. She walked away. I can't help but feel the emptiness that's consumed me since that moment at the memory. She decided it was all too much. She finally knew. She knew. And she thought I wanted this. She thought I wanted to do these meaningless things with these worthless people. I sure as hell don't, but she won't even listen. I tried to go to her house before I left for the day trip. She wouldn't answer the door. She didn't and doesn't want anything to do with me. My poor Annie won't pay me a bit of attention, and it's killing me.
Now I see her in Victor's Village occasionally. She wont look my way. It's truly maddening, being without the one you love. I wish there was something I could resort to, I genuinely wish sex were more sacred so I could fill this emptiness with that silly prospect, but I can't because the only way that would solve my problems is if it was with the one I love. Morphling is expensive, not in the traditional sense, but it takes and takes from the users, never giving. Sucks the life right out of you, and I want to live, be lucid. I'd rather face the pain sober, which is also why I refuse to turn to alcohol. The only thing to fill this void is love, and without Annie I may never have that again. So I return to my routine, after wallowing in self pity for all of a few hours before they ship me back to the Capitol.
Annie was begging me to take her, but I knew I couldn't, several days before she cut herself away from me, the tether that had thinned to a delicate thread as time went on is gone, as is she.
"Finnick Odair!" She shrieked as I packed my bag for what felt like the billionth time. "You've only just got back a day ago." She whispered, tears flowing steadily. All her emotions fought for dominance. Anger, dread, sadness, remorse, everything negative she could possibly feel all wishing to surface. She succumbed to the sadness like so many times before, it seems that's what Annie always resorts to. A dark laugh escaped her unwillingly, she looked to be in so much pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Slowly her hands crept up to her ears as I began to speak quite reassurances to her. She tried to shut out my voice, but my tone simply rose.
"Annie, I love you so much. Know that. I'll be back soon. I know it's hard. I know it's just so hard." I begged stepping towards her after zipping up the Capitol suitcase they so graciously gave me. Not that I really needed to bring clothes. I just liked to have mementos from home with me. "Please." I placed my hands over hers and she sunk against my chest, her forehead resting over my rapidly beating heart. "It's okay." I tugged her hands away, placing them firmly at her sides. "I'll be back, don't you worry your heart."
She sobbed, her tears quickly dampening my simple tee shirt. "We can go on a picnic. I'll make you anything you want, you name it." I always try to fill her mind with dreams that will come true soon enough, it seems to make her better, even for a moment when she is in one of her moods. When I tell her these things, and when I act on them, the light returns to her eyes more often then not. Those luminescent eyes that I was once so familiar with, as green as the seas themselves, return briefly, alight with rekindled fire. I wish she were like that more, willing to be the down to Earth girl she was all those months ago. But her mind is plagued with nightmares and terrible thoughts that she can't seem to shake, she lets them wash over her with unnatural brutality, believing the tricks and the words her minds screams. She doesn't usually tell me what she's thinking when her mind wanders so astray, allowing herself to face the torment alone. I wish she would tell me. But she won't talk to me, period, anymore. So it really doesn't matter what I want from her.
She was in the Games just a year and a half ago. Won only because she was the best swimmer when the dam broke and flooded the entire arena. She nearly died on the way back of hypothermia, but she's healthy now, however her mental stability is questionable at best. I've known her for just over a year and a half, before she was a shut in who couldn't seem to focus on anything but whatever was going on in that muddled head of her. It's frustrating, being with her. Well, it was, when we weren't separated. But she is so amazingly brilliant, I can't draw myself away from her. She's the lighthouse on the horizon of a stormy sea. The last thing I have to keep my sanity in tact, while she grasps her last ounce of clear mindedness.
After I returned from the trip, I immediately prepared our picnic. A red and white checker blanket in an old wicker basket, wine and cheese to snack on before eating the simple sandwiches I'd made.
I walked to the beach with her hand in mine. When we got there I set up for the meal. Soon after we sipped wine and consumed most of the cheese and bread, she brought up the rumors I thought she paid no mind to. The ones speaking of my sleeping around, my innumerable lovers. The women who showered me in gifts, the men who desired me with a secret lust. The ones only I truly knew the identities of, though word had spread of them. Not that I care.
"It's bullshit Annie." I tried to defend myself, to no avail. She knew the truth, or everyone else's version of it, anyway.
"You're a fucking jerk, Finnick Odair." She had said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I haven't-I don't..." There was no point. It wasn't as if I could tell her on what particular terms I was on with the Capitol's people when I myself had only a slight clue. Do as they say or they will destroy everything I love. Everything. Not letting that happen, I gave up with the argument. I wouldn't dare let them hurt Annie. My Annie.
"Don't go Annie." I chanted.
I shake my head, trying to forget what had passed between us. She was safe. What else matters. Nothing.
So I leave it alone. I try to let go, because I know Annie is smarter than to take trash like me back.
I let the self-loathing sooth my body into a familiar numbness as I come to terms with everything that's happened. Everything that's transpired But no amount of hate could keep out all the pain I'm feeling, all the regret. No amount is enough because this is something that demands to be felt, and it will surely pummel my very being until it breaks me. Unless I fix what I can. Try to rebuild what I had with Annie, this is no ordinary argument, no typical lover's debacle, and it will take a lot more than a simple bouquet of flowers to quell her anger. I will have to put everything I have into getting her back. And if Annie rejects me, then that's that.
I've been a very bad make believe writer lately, so I hope this story at least makes up for my near month long absence. Enjoy the story, I'm trying my best. Feel free to leave criticisms in the review section. I hope this story is to everyone's liking thus far. :)