Bad Avatar
by jalpari
The new Avatar has been a bad boy. Here's what happens next.
A/N:
This short one shot was sparked from a comment I made on an Instagram post that turned into a hilarious thread. The Instagram post was by aavataraangkorra on March 13. The same image (it's a screenshot of a Tumblr exchange) is available at the following link:
me dot me /i/thebendingtwins-avatarkorra1311-fuente-marauders4evr-avatar-grimes-astjelcit-you-know-ive-2592106
This turned out longer and more satisfying than I thought it would be (And that line sounded dirtier than I intended lmao).
"UNCLE IROH!"
Iroh jumped in his seat in alarm as a booming, terrified, and panicking voice screamed his name. The voice was soon followed by a flustered Aang rushing towards him, arms flailing about, eyes widening more and more with every second.
"Uncle Iroh! You must come…"
"Calm down, my boy. You're scaring everyone at the table."
Aang looked around quickly and saw several spirits staring at him, bewildered by the sudden intrusion in their weekly tea party.
"I'm...I'm sorry but you really need to come…"
"You need a soothing cup of Jasmine tea. Here", Iroh poured him a cup.
"No...we really don't have the time…"
"What happened...what has made you so...frantic?"
"It's…", Aang's eyes darted about and then he leaned in and whispered into Iroh's ear, "It's Kyoshi…"
"What did she do now?" Iroh sighed. "Did she taunt Yangchen into another duel? I swear to all the spirits, that Yangchen makes scrumptious fruit pies but all her other monk training goes out the window when Kyoshi…"
"Oh no", Aang interrupted, "...it's much….much worse than that", Aang bit his lips.
"Oh", Iroh was truly intrigued now. "Really?"
"You need to come with me", Aang nodded and began leading the way.
"So he's from the…"
"Earth kingdom...yep", Kuruk nodded hazily.
"And he's…."
"Bad...yep", Kuruk took another drag.
"Oh my...that's not going to be pleasant…", Roku frowned and shook his head.
"Perhaps", Kuruk shrugged and laid back, "...here…", he offered Roku the joint.
"No, thanks", Roku shook his head.
"I wasn't offering...I need you to light another one for me", Kuruk mumbled lazily as he counted the clouds.
"Oh…", Roku rolled his eyes, "...why do you always forget that we can't bend in the spirit world."
"How high are you!?" Kuruk chuckled and sat up again, "of course we can bend...watch…"
Roku watched as Kuruk swayed side to side, his arms floating around him, and made whooshing sounds.
"See…", Kuruk popped his eyebrows, "...I can bend."
"You're not bending, Kuruk." Roku pursed his lips and gave him a deadpan look.
"Well then, how is this water ring circling your head, huh?"
"There is no water ring around me, Kuruk."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Woah", Kuruk gasped and laid back once more. "This is some good shit", he looked at the unlit joint in his hand and smiled.
Just then, they heard two people approach them hastily.
"Roku! Kuruk!" Aang called out. "What are you still doing here!? I thought I told you to go stop her while I get Uncle?!"
"Uh...we were...I was going to but…."
"But what, Avatar Roku?" Iroh smirked.
"I was just", Roku cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, "I thought I should wait…"
"He was too scared to interrupt Kyoshi….", Kuruk began giggling and went on giggling even as the rest of them walked away.
"Sooo….", Aang began,"how are we going to...I mean...what are we going to do…"
"Don't fret my boy", Iroh smiled. "I'm sure we can reason with them."
Roku and Aang glanced at each nervously. Both had a knowing look on their face. Uncle Iroh hadn't spent as much time in their side of the spirit world as he did with the other tea loving spirits. They spoke to each other silently, with just their eyes.
Should we tell him?
Maybe he WILL be able to talk her out of it.
Really, Aang?
Why not?
Do you not KNOW Kyoshi?
But Uncle is the best. Haven't I told you how he helped Zuko? Maybe he can help now as well.
You truly are the eternal optimist.
Roku sighed, prompting Iroh to turn towards him with a questioning look on his face.
"Were you about to say something, Avatar Roku?"
"Oh…", he glanced at Aang quickly who just shrugged, "...no...nothing at all."
"There…", Aang pointed ahead, "I see Yangchen. Maybe we could talk to her first?"
"Good idea", Iroh nodded. "She certainly is the most...flexible...out of the three of them."
"She is an air nomad after all", Aang grinned. "I'm sure she will understand…"
Roku and Iroh looked at Aang simultaneously with sympathetic expressions.
"What?" Aang looked from Iroh to Roku to Iroh again.
"Aang", Iroh began softly, "what wisdom did Yangchen impart to you before you faced my brother?"
"Uh…she said that as an Avatar, I should sacrifice my own spiritual needs and do whatever it takes to fulfil my duty."
"Exactly", Roku stated with a sigh.
"No…", Aang shook his head with a nervous smile, "she wouldn't...she's a monk...she wouldn't support Kyoshi's…."
"Wouldn't she though", both Iroh and Roku tilted their heads and looked at him, "wouldn't she?"
"Yangchen!" Iroh bowed to the monk as she stood near the portal.
Yangchen turned around and was surprised to see all three of the men that stood before her.
"Hello Iroh...why are you all...oh…", a smirk spread across her face. "I should have known Aang would bring you here to stop…"
Just then, they heard screams emanating from the portal. Within seconds, three figures emerged through the shining light. As they stepped into the spirit world, it became clear that the screaming figure was being dragged along by the other two figures.
"LET ME GO!" the struggling figure yelled.
"Oh my spirits", Roku gasped.
"They really did it", Aang covered his mouth.
"Did what?" Iroh looked confused.
"They're really forcefully dragging the current…", Roku replied but was interrupted by another loud scream.
"I AM THE AVATAR AND YOU CAN'T…" the figure raged.
"...avatar into the spirit world", Aang finished Roku's sentence.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP", Korra growled as they finally deposited their victim on the ground a few feet from the three men.
"Oh no", Iroh gulped. "So this is what you wanted us to stop them from doing?"
"Yep", Roku and Aang replied together.
"And why exactly are they…"
"Well, Kyoshi heard that…", Roku began but was interrupted once more.
"HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP. I AM THE AVATAR!"
"YOU ARE A TYRANT. NOT AN AVATAR!" Kyoshi's voice boomed.
The self proclaimed avatar shuddered in fright and cowered under her angry glare.
"...that the current Avatar...went rogue", Roku finished.
"Rogue?" Iroh raised an eyebrow as they watched Kyoshi bend over the scared boy.
"HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR AVATAR POWERS FOR EVIL?" Kyoshi roared as she grabbed his collar and shook him like a wet rag cloth.
"I AM THE AVATAR AND I CAN DO WHATEVER…"
Before the boy could say anything else, a fist flew at his face and made contact with his stubborn jaw.
"He's been using his avatar powers to wage wars in the human world", Roku explained to Iroh and all three men gulped.
"So Kyoshi went all...you know...Kyoshi on it….", Aang muttered.
They watched helplessly as Kyoshi's famed large foot thundered towards the boy and sent him flying back several feet.
"KORRA!" Kyoshi commanded.
Without needing more words, Korra nodded and pinned the disoriented boy down.
"And what about Korra?" Iroh asked perplexed.
"You know Korra….", Aang sighed.
"SHOW HIM, KYOSHI!" Korra spurred the livid woman. "TEACH HIM A LESSON!"
"...she loves a good fight", Aang finished and dragged his hand down his face. "I really thought I had made progress with her in our meditation sessions!"
"It looks like she's been spending more time training with Kyoshi than meditating with you", Roku pointed in their direction.
Korra kept the boy pinned down as Kyoshi yelled curses and threats at him, sprinkled with punches and slaps.
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TAINT THE NAME OF THE AVATAR AND OF THE EARTH KINGDOM, YOU SPAWN OF CHIN'S FILTHY GROIN", Korra growled as she tightened her chokehold on the boy.
"The powers of the Avatar were WASTED on you fools!" The boy spat out. "I am going to change the worldsmkjdndcughfggd", before he could finish, Kyoshi had shoved her extra large shoe in his mouth.
"SUCK ON THAT DICKWAD."
"You kcjsnnckdfbsd can't onsoainaibx I willnhdhfifhdjska", the boy struggled to speak.
"What?" Korra smirked and leaned in closer, "Can't hear you!"
She lifted his hand and began slapping his face with it.
"Why are you hitting yourself? STOP HITTING YOURSELF! Why are you hitting yourself?" Korra giggled as she repeatedly smacked his face all over with his own hands.
"ENOUGH, Korra", Kyoshi stepped back and glared at the boy.
"Oh, sorry Kyoshi...I was just…"
"No, I mean stop so I can get in a few", she rolled up her sleeves. "YANGCHEN! Come here!"
Yangchen rolled her eyes and rushed down to the women. Iroh, Roku and Aang decided to take advantage of the break and followed her to Kyoshi.
"Hold my fans", she removed the ornate fans and placed them in Yangchen's hands.
"Alright, but I'm next", Yangchen huffed and eyed the boy.
"Ladies, I don't think this is the best way…", Roku began reasoning.
"Just BACK OFF, Roku!"
"I tried", Roku shrugged at Aang and Iroh. "Your turn", he gestured to Aang.
"Umm", Aang stepped forward hesitantly. "Kyoshi...maybe we should talk about this before…"
"Hey!" Korra barked. "Are we doing this or what? Step aside, guru-goody-goody."
"Who told you about that nickname? It was Zuko, wasn't it?" Aang groaned.
"Alright, alright", Iroh chuckled and stepped forward, "let's all calm down and think about this with a calm mind. I know the perfect thing for that...a nice hot cup of…"
"If you say TEA, I swear to Koh I will….", Kyoshi began but paused when Iroh backed away and didn't insist any more.
"Hold my ornamental headpiece", Kyoshi handed it to Roku and then pulled out her earrings, "Here hold these too."
"Alright, now….YOU", Kyoshi pointed at the young boy who was still in the clutches of Korra. "YOU LISTEN TO ME GOOD, YOU LITTLE BITCH."
She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him straight off the ground and dangled him several feet up in the air.
"IF I CATCH YOU BEHAVING LIKE A LITTLE FUCKBOY BACK IN THE HUMAN WORLD ONE MORE TIME", she growled as she shook him violently. "I WILL DRAG YOU ALL OVER THE EARTH KINGDOM LIKE A MUD SLUG YOU WORTHLESS DISCARDED PUBIC HAIR."
Kyoshi narrowed her eyes at the now sobbing boy and threw him up in the air. As he came back to the ground, Aang shrieked in terror. Kyoshi stamped hard Into the ground with her enormous feet and cracked a hole open. The boy fell in and the only part of him free to move was his head.
Aang squatted down to the ground and held his head in his hands. Iroh and Roku covered their eyes partially, cringing at the fresh onslaught of curses and threats. This time Yangchen got in on the fun. Their attention was drawn away from the torture session when a cheerful voice spoke behind them.
"Well, well...looks like there's a party going on here!"
They turned around together and saw a grinning Wan saunter towards them, followed by a bemused Kuruk.
"And I wasn't invited until Kuruk told me about it", he pouted teasingly.
"Wan!" Aang exclaimed and smiled in relief. "Thank the spirits you're here! Somebody needs to stop…."
"Don't worry...I'm here…", Wan took off his sling bag and handed it to Roku with a wink. "Imma handle this."
He took one long drag and handed the joint to Kuruk. Satisfied, he strutted towards the women who were still abusing the boy.
"Kyoshi! My warrior!" He waved as he neared them. "Korra, you beast you! And Yangchen...you badass nomad!"
Kyoshi popped her head in his direction to acknowledge him, "Hey."
"How about you step aside and take a break, huh? Let me have a little chat with him."
"Do you even know what he did?" Kyoshi crossed her arms across her chest. "He started a NEW FUCKING WAR ALL OVER AGAIN, Wan!"
"Yeah! The little fucktard thinks being the Avatar makes him some sort of God who deserves to rule the world!" Korra grunted.
"And you know the worst part", Kyoshi flared her nostrils, "because of his dick move, Raava is dying inside him. He is weakening her and the Vaatu inside her is beginning to grow."
Wan paused and gazed at the frightened boy. He scratched his chin and looked at Roku, Aang and Iroh and then back at Kyoshi, Korra and Yangchen.
"Let me try", Wan finally spoke and stretched his arms as if just waking up from a deep slumber.
"Fine", Kyoshi threw her arms up.
But before walking away, she yanked the boy's ear and whispered into it.
"This isn't over you saggy ball sack. I'll be back."
"Me too", Korra smacked the back of his head as she followed Kyoshi happily.
"Phew", Aang stood up again visibly relieved. "Wan will do this the right way."
Wan smiled at the spectators reassuringly and walked over to the trapped boy. He grabbed him and in one fell swoop pulled him out of the hole.
"Th...thank you", the boy stuttered.
"Now look here", Wan dusted his clothes and smiled at him. "That was a pretty dick move."
"Uhh I…", the boy straightened up and Wan could see mustering up the last shreds of his strength.
"I know you can bend here because you came through the portal", Wan smiled wider and held him by the shoulders. "But here's the deal…I'm the first Avatar. I received my powers from the lion turtles back when the human and spirit worlds were one."
He leaned in closer and patted the boy's cheeks and whispered, "the rules don't apply to me."
Without any warning, Wan caught him by the collar and jumped up in the air on an air fountain. As they lingered several feet above the others, he began slapping the boy silly.
"This is for thinking you're better than the others", he smacked his face.
"This is for starting a war", he dropped him and only caught him mere inches off the ground with another air ball.
"And this", he called out as he bounced him back up, "is for Raava."
With that, Wan kept spinning the boy inside a sphere of crazy wind. He descended back to the ground as the boy screamed for help. He dusted his hands and walked back to the group. Aang and Roku stood with open mouths in disbelief. Roku and Yangchen looked impressed. Korra and Kyoshi grinned in approval and high fived him as he stood by them.
"Woah", Kuruk gasped, "Does anyone else see a spinning human in the air. If not, this is some amazing shit."
"Bro", Wan smirked, "you're not imagining that."
"Woaaahhhh", Kuruk smacked his forehead and sat down.
"Alright", Wan bowed, "my work here is done."
"Wait, how are we going to get him down!" Aang exclaimed.
"Oh, you want him back down? I can do that!"
"Yes, please", Aang sighed.
With a flick of his wrist, Wan dissipated the spinning wind and Aang watched in horror as the boy landed on the ground with a thud.
"Let's see him conquer the world now."
"Can we...can we take back his avatar powers?" Korra asked.
"Oh, I don't think we need to bother", Wan smiled smugly.
They saw a shimmering glow all around the boy lifting up and rising higher. It slowly began taking a shape and soon, Raava emerged.
"Thank you, avatars", a soft voice echoed from the spirit. "Clearly, I misjudged this fucker."
With that, she tilted towards the body and lashed at it with her tail, zapping it with an electricity-like jolt.
"Wake up, dumbass", Raava turned him over.
The boy groaned and attempted to sit.
"Good, you're not dead", Raava spoke. "Now get your sorry ass back to the human world and if we ever see you trying to pull off a stunt like that ever again...Kyoshi won't hesitate to whip your airhole."
"Me too!" Korra chimed in.
"Yes, and Korra won't hesitate to chop off your tiny little…."
"Raava!" Aang shrieked. "I think he gets the point."
"Fine, now get!" Raava pushed the boy back towards the portal. "I better go too", Raava sighed, "Time to find a new Avatar!"
Everyone watched them leave and then joined Kuruk on the ground. They sat in silence as Kuruk lit another joint and passed it around. Kyoshi, Wan, Korra and Yangchen took drags and then passed it to Roku. Roku shrugged and took a small drag and passed it to Iroh.
"No, thanks. I'm good", Iroh smiled and shook his head. "One way or another, I guess that boy learnt his lesson", he chuckled.
Roku leaned over and offered the blunt to Aang who was staring gloomily at the portal. He looked at the glimmering embers hanging off the edge of the joint. He glanced at the satisfied faces of the rest of the group and sighed.
"Fuck it", he took the joint and leaned back taking in the soothing smoke.