A/N: We've had drunk!Emily and swearing!Emily, so I decided what the world really needs is drunk!swearing!Emily. Enjoy.

Passages in italics are the next morning, other passages are the night before.

"So how much can you remember?" Paige asked.

"My memory is fine," Emily replied.

It was morning, and Emily was sitting up in bed now, having at some point in the night woken up and taken off all but her underwear, presumably for comfort.

"You were pretty out of it," Paige responded. "I thought you might be a bit patchy."

"We saw a movie, we went to a bar, we played pool, we had a good time," Emily recounted. "It was a good night."

"That's the short version, I suppose," Paige agreed.

"This looks OK," Emily said as they sat down.

"It's a bar," Paige replied, noncommittally.

"It's clean, the drinks aren't too expensive and the people here look fairly well-behaved," Emily elaborated.

Paige just nodded. All these things were true. It was one of the newer bars in Rosewood, and while it was trying to be a bit upmarket, the prices were down to attract customers, a tactic which was only partially successful judging by the number of patrons.

"Hey, you were the one who suggested we go for a drink," Emily reminded her.

"You're right," Paige agreed. "It just… feels more like a date this way."

While Emily was drinking a vodka and orange, Paige had a lemon squash, having volunteered to be the driver for the night.

"So…" Emily prompted.

Paige tried to work out what she was supposed to say, while Emily just sat there smiling expectantly. Paige started to panic. It was well over halfway through the night and Paige was obviously supposed to have noticed something, but what? Emily's hair looked the same… the top wasn't new… the earrings, no Paige had got those for her in Philly…

Just then Emily put her hand to her glasses and shifted them a little.

"You've got new glasses!" Paige said, as excited at having finally worked it out as the glasses themselves, though Emily always looked hot in glasses.

"Do you like them?" Emily asked.

"You look gorgeous," Paige replied.

"I know, but do you like the glasses?" Emily asked again, teasingly.

"They're great," Paige answered.

Paige couldn't help but smile. Being with Emily still made her so happy.

"I didn't even drink that much," Emily protested. "I was just feeling… exuberant."

"That's one word for it," Paige responded, but she wasn't annoyed. In fact, as embarrassing as it had been at times, particularly given that Paige was sober, she had enjoyed herself.

When they had finished their second drinks, the waitress brought them two cocktails.

"From the two gentlemen over there," she said, with a quick nod over her shoulder.

Paige and Emily both looked. Two men, probably in their mid twenties, smiled and waved.

Before Paige could react Emily got up and walked over to them.

"Hey guys, thanks a lot for the drinks," Paige could hear her say. "I just thought I should let you know my girlfriend and I are both very much taken. I just don't want you thinking you're wasting your money."

"Don't worry, it's just a drink," one of them said. "Enjoy your night."

Emily came back to the table with a fairly serious look on her face, but she didn't look worried.

"They seem OK," she said. "Looks like we've got another drink each."

"Except I'm driving," Paige pointed out.

"Shit," Emily said. "Oh well, looks like I've got another couple of drinks."

"What happened to those guys?" Paige asked.

"No idea," Emily replied. "I didn't see them again."

"The cocktails looked pretty strong," Paige said.

"They were," Emily replied. "They put me in a party mood."

"Fuck I love this song," Emily announced, rather more loudly than Paige was comfortable with. "Do you want to get up and dance?"

"Em, there isn't actually a dance floor," Paige pointed out.

"Oh…" Emily said, with a disappointed look on her face, but a quick look around the room confirmed it. So instead of getting up she just sat in her chair, dancing away to her hearts content.

Paige looked around. They were starting to get attention, but Emily was oblivious, her eyes closed as she threw her arms and her hair around in time to the music.

"Em, you were drunk," Paige said.

"I was a little bit tipsy," Emily insisted.

"You were smashed," Paige countered. "I shouldn't have got you that last drink."

"You are so fucking hot," Emily was saying, loud enough to cut through the music playing, and definitely loud enough that Paige felt the need to scan the people nearby to see if anyone reacted. Fortunately none did. "God-fucking-dammit, you're sexy."

"Thanks Em," Paige replied, smiling politely.

"The only problem is your clothes," Emily added.

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Paige asked.

"You shouldn't be wearing any," Emily replied. "You should be at home, naked and straddling my face."

Ah, it was going to be one of those nights.

"Did Hanna and Caleb end up showing?" Emily asked.

"I thought you said your memory was fine," Paige pointed out.

"It is," Emily responded defensively.

"Then why do you need to ask me?" Paige countered. "Shouldn't you remember?"

Emily's phone beeped and she looked at it. Before Paige could ask what the message was Emily was dialing.

"Party poopers!" Emily yelled into the phone.

After a moment her mouth fell open.

"What?" she asked, her voice no quieter. "Seriously? You go girl! You get some of that!"

Paige could guess what was going on and was pretty sure Emily should be hanging up now.

"Em…" she began, to no avail.

"Hey, listen to this," Emily said excitedly, putting the phone on speaker. The room was fairly noisy, but Paige could still hear a mix of giggling, moans and heavy breathing.

Paige quickly reached out and hit "End Call".

"Awww," Emily whimpered pathetically. "Spoil sport."

Paige didn't even want to ask why Hanna had messaged her at that moment, let alone answered Emily's call.

Emily was just sitting there pouting now.

"That's right!" Emily exclaimed, clearly amused by the memory. "I should give Hanna a call."

"Maybe this time check first," Paige suggested.

"She didn't mind," Emily assured Paige.

"You two certainly like to share everything," Paige observed. It had taken a while to get used to that with Emily and Hanna, but Paige had always appreciated what good friends they were.

"Of course," Emily replied. "Don't you and Caitlin?"

"Not quite that much," Paige answered.

"Your loss," Emily said. "So was it after that we played pool?"

"I am shit hot at this!" Emily declared.

"I doubt you'll even hit the ball," Paige predicted.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh," Emily said, swaying slightly as she stood there, and using the pool cue to keep herself up. "You think I'm too drunk."

"Um, yes," Paige replied.

"You'll see," Emily responded. "I'm better at this when I'm drunk."

"You break," Paige suggested.

"OK," Emily replied. "I'll show you."

Emily leaned down and lined up the cue ball. She hit cleanly through it, but it bounced off the triangle, which was still surrounding the other balls.

Emily just looked confused for a moment.

"Who the fuck put that there?" she asked.

"You did," Paige replied, trying not to smirk.

"Well why the fuck didn't I take it away?" Emily asked.

"Because you're drunk," Paige replied.

"Uh yeah, that's right," Emily agreed.

Paige moved the triangle and the other balls back to the correct position, then took the triangle away.

Emily lined up her shot again, and again hit it cleanly, the cue ball colliding with the others at high speed, scattering them all over the table. As they settled, two balls, both solids, went into the far corner pockets.

Emily flashed Paige a grin.

"I told you I'm better at this when I'm drunk," she said.

"So who were those other people we played with?" Emily asked.

"That was your idea," Paige replied.

As the eight ball fell in the pocket, Emily raised her cue victoriously.

"I am fucking awesome!" she declared.

"Well done, Em," Paige said, and it had been an impressive display. She stepped forward for a hug, but before she knew what was happening she was in Emily's arms and being kissed full on the lips.

Paige stepped back and looked around nervously. A couple of people seemed to have noticed, but no one appeared to care. Meanwhile, Emily was just smiling at her

"Hey, let's have a doubles match," Emily suggested.

"Against who?" Paige asked.

Emily turned around to face the rest of the room.

"Who wants to play against us?" she announced, loudly.

"What were their names again?" Emily asked.

"Kate and Andrew," Paige replied.

"They seemed nice," Emily said.

"They were," Paige agreed.

After handshakes and introductions, the game got underway. Andrew broke, but nothing went in. Emily went next.

"Are you two locals?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," Paige replied. "We've both lived here all out lives. We went to Rosewood High together."

"My sympathies to the both of you," Kate said. "We got out after we left school. We're just visiting to catch up with our families."

Emily pocketed a striped ball.

"Fuck yeah!" she exclaimed and did a little dance, before stopping to line up the next shot.

"So what are you doing here?" Paige asked.

"Unfortunately sometimes spending time with family…" Kate began.

"…means spending time with family," Andrew continued.

Paige nodded.

"We're actually leaving town ourselves at the end of summer," Paige explained.

"Off to college?" Kate asked.

"Yeah," Paige replied.

Emily hit the next shot. The ball bounced off the side of the table, but went straight into the side pocket opposite.

"Got you, motherfucker!" Emily said.

"Where are you going?" Andrew asked.

"I'm going to Stanford," Paige replied. "Em's going to a smaller college nearby, but she maybe able to transfer later."

"Stanford," Andrew said. "That's pretty impressive."

"I got a swimming scholarship," Paige explained. "Emily and I are both swimmers, that's how we met. Unfortunately she got injured last year so she missed out. But at least we'll still be nearby."

Emily lined up her next shot.

"OK, you little shit…" she whispered.

She hit the cue ball, it hit the ball she was aiming for, but that ball hit the side just next to the pocket, came back out and knocked in one of the balls from the other suit.

"Ohhhh!" Emily exclaimed in despair. "You scrawny-assed pig-fucker!"

"Your girl's a bit of a firecracker," Kate observed.

"She's not usually like this," Paige replied.

"Looks like a lady, swears like a sailor," Kate said.

"Sorry," Paige said.

"Some guys pay good money for that sort of thing," Andrew responded.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"What was the story with Andrew?" Emily asked. "Sometimes he'd laugh at weird things."

"I don't know," Paige replied. "I think he was just easily amused."

Emily had chosen the shot, but when she lined it up the cue ball was too far away from the edge of the table.

"Piss, shit, crap," Emily said. "It's not long enough. I need one of those things to make it longer."

Andrew started chuckling.

Emily looked through the cues for the one with the bridge, but when she tried it out she looked unhappy.

"It's got a fucking bend in the middle," she complained. "How am I supposed to use this piece of crap if it's got a fucking bend in the middle?"

Andrew was laughing louder now, and Kate was glaring at him.

Emily had noticed now.

"What's so funny?" she asked. "I just need a longer stick and one that's not bent."

He leaned back against the wall to steady himself as he kept laughing.

"Wait, are you making a dick joke out of this?" Emily asked.

"I'm not saying anything," he replied.

"OK, because this is not a dick," Emily pointed out, brandishing her cue. "I know a fake cock when I see one, and this isn't one. I mean they're not usually wooden for starters."

Emily was looking more puzzled now.

"Anyway," she continued. "I may be a lesbian but I know you're not supposed to try to get the balls in the hole."

Paige covered her face with her hands.

"I am so sorry," she said.

"Me too," Kate said.

"I think they thought you were funny," Paige responded.

"I was," Emily claimed.

"It's a good thing I'm used to you," Paige said.

Paige was trying to line up her shot.

"Isn't she just so fucking cute?" Emily was saying. "I mean look at her. The way her eyes narrow like that when she's concentrating. It's just adorable."

"Em, I'm trying to take my shot," Paige protested.

"Sorry babe," Emily replied.

Paige pulled back the cue…

"Go Paige!" Emily called out, just as Paige struck.

Paige completely miscued the shot, sending the ball heading off down the other end of the table.

Paige was ready to be angry, but one look at Emily's face and she just couldn't.

"Oops," said Emily, with a sheepish grin on her face.

"So had we finished the game when they saw that pervert?" Emily asked.

"No, we were still going," Paige replied.

Kate was choosing her shot when there was a commotion on the other side of the room.

"Put it back in your pants!" they heard a female voice yelling.

They all instinctively looked over. A man was sitting at a corner table, slouched over his chair and obviously drunk, with his trousers around his ankles.

A woman was yelling at him from behind the bar, and two male staff members were walking over towards him.

Paige noticed Emily was no longer standing beside her. She looked around and saw Emily had gone back to grab her pool cue. She was now striding forward, a determined look on her face.

Paige quickly stepped in front of her.

"No, Em, stop," she told her. "They're dealing with it."

"I'm going to smash his fucking ballsack so fucking hard he'll sound like Alvin the fucking chipmunk for the rest of his life," Emily declared.

Paige held her back, despite Emily's attempts to get around her.

"Em, calm down," Paige insisted.

"What a fucking douchenozzle," Emily said.

"Em, please," Paige pleaded.

Emily started to relent.

"Douchenozzle!" she called out, as they staff dragged him out of the room.

"Well, he was," Emily pointed out.

"Yeah, but they had it under control," Paige countered.

"True," Emily conceded. "We left soon after that, didn't we?"

"Well it has been lovely meeting you," Emily said to Kate and Andrew. "I hope you enjoy your stay back in this shithole, and are able to escape as soon as possible."

"It's been nice meeting you, too," Kate said.

As they all shook hands, Paige leaned forwards.

"Sorry about everything," she whispered.

Emily heard though, and hugged Paige from behind, her chin on Paige's shoulder.

"She's always apologising," Emily said, then turned towards Paige and quickly kissed her on the cheek. "I don't know why you put up with me."

"Em, can we just go?" Paige asked.

Kate and Andrew were looking bemused, and as Paige turned to leave Emily just grinned.

"I think I'm in trouble," she said to them.

"What must they be thinking about us?" Paige asked.

"That I was drunk," Emily suggested.

"They probably think we're weird," Paige responded.

"Don't worry about it," Emily said. "I'm sure they've seen a drunk person before."

"I just want to find them again say sorry," Paige said.

"You did that all night," Emily reminded her. "Anyway, we'll never see them again in our lives, so what does it matter?"

"I worry about what people think of me," Paige explained. "You used to once as well."

"Paige, I'm sure they thought you were a perfectly nice person, who just happened to have a loud, drunk, foul-mouthed girlfriend," Emily assured her.

"You're probably right," Paige conceded.

"They probably went home, had sex, and didn't think about us again," Emily added.

"Well at least someone got some action," Paige said.

"Hey!" Emily exclaimed.

Paige wasn't sure how Emily seemed to be more drunk now when it had been well over an hour since her last drink. But somehow, the ride home had made her less coherent, and now Paige was having to virtually carry her upstairs. Maybe she was just tired.

Eventually Paige got Emily up to bed.

"Come on, sexy," Emily mumbled, but her eyes were struggling to stay open.

Paige had seen this before, and soon Emily had fallen asleep, still fully clothed. Paige took Emily's shoes off, then pulled the bedclothes over her.

"Don't worry," Paige said. "I'm used to it."

"I don't do it that often," Emily protested.

"Just whenever you get drunk," Paige countered.

Emily's mouth fell open.

"No, it's fine," Paige said, as she tried to keep a straight face. "You promise big but never deliver, I'll just have to accept that."

"OK, now you're asking for it," Emily said.

"Well, you were telling me I was going to get it last night but…" Paige began.

"That's it," Emily said, and pounced on Paige with far more agility than Paige had expected from her.

Emily pulled Paige onto the bed and after a few moments wrestling Emily was on top of Paige, holding her down.

"Now, Miss McCullers, what were you saying?" Emily teased her.

"I was saying you're all talk," Paige replied, goading Emily further.

In an instant Emily was kissing Paige aggressively, their lips pushed hard together, Emily's tongue reaching into Paige's mouth. Soon Paige felt Emily's hand reaching up underneath her pajama top.

It was worth it. It was all worth it.