"Gone"
Show: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst/Drabble/Missing Scene
Pairing: Slight Shep/Teyla
Summary: Missing scene/drabble from "Letters From Pegasus". What Teyla is thinking when Sheppard leaves her behind in the puddle-jumper.
Disclaimer: Nope, Atlantis isn't mine. Don't get to mad at me for borrowing the characters.
Author's Note: Hi guys! Long time, no post. Okay, the reason I haven't updated my other story is because my profile isn't letting me view my list of stories, meaning I can't edit them, meaning I can't update them. It's really, really, really frustrating. Chapters are written, but I haven't been able to post them yet. I'm not sure what to do if this keeps happening, but hang in there – I'll figure something out. I haven't forgotten about you, I promise!
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He is gone.
I can hear the screaming of the people in Orin's village, the high-pitched whine of the darts, the crackling sound of burning houses. One of the darts just passed over the puddle-jumper – it was close, within a few feet of the roof – on its way to join the culling.
And Major Sheppard is gone. Not only is he gone, but he went out into this, into the death and destruction and terror. I have seen cullings, none as bad as this one, but nearly so, and I know that it is rare for survivors to be heard from again. And Major Sheppard is in the middle of it. If John is caught or killed, it would be because of me. I asked him to stay here, knowing that he would not refuse the opportunity to save some of the villagers from the Wraith. But that is not completely true. I knew that he would stay because I believed it to be the right thing to do. Because I asked him to.
It is almost impossible to walk away from a culling such as this, and if John does not, it will not be because of a lack of skill or bravery on his part but too much hope and stubbornness on mine. He told me to stay here, to wait for him to return. A part of me is terrified that he will never come back, that he will die along with the villagers because of the Wraith. Because of my request to wait. Because of me.
What if he does not return? How long will I be able to wait before I am forced to take the jumper back to Atlantis myself and tell the others that Major Sheppard is lost? That is being selfish again – being afraid of the responsibility of bringing news of his death.
Is that the only reason that I am dreading the coming of the morning?
Major Sheppard…John is important to Atlantis, but he is important to me as well. We are alike in so many ways that I feel as though I know him more than is possible. I admire him, enjoy his company, and understand him. In some ways…I need him. If he is not to return because of me, I do not believe that self-forgiveness will be possible or even warranted.
Another dart flies overhead, clipping one of the trees. In the darkened forest, some of the trees and bushes rustle. Though it is difficult to see, I look out, straining to see if it is John. It is only one of the animals from the village, dashing out from the forest with wide, frightened eyes, and running off again into the blackness. My eyes suddenly burn with tears, and I wipe at them angrily. I do not deserve the release of crying – not yet, not when he's still out there. But even though I will myself to stop, I cannot keep the tears from falling.
He is gone…and it is all my fault.
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