Victor's Revenge
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Due to overwhelming demands (myself and one reviewer) for a sequel to "Silly Boy, You're Meant To Be With Emily", I have written this short tale for your enjoyment (or offense, if you really must). You don't have to like it, but remember: This is parody. It's all in good fun.
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The place between asleep and awake is a pleasant place to be.
You were asleep enough that you could dream, but awake enough that you could control everything went on, and in fact had little choice in the matter. The visual wasn't as good as in a full dream, but when you were trying to orchestrate a fanfiction, it was the control that mattered.
Lucy Caruthers knew this for a fact, because she was experiencing this sort of state at the moment. She was composing a Corpse Bride fanfiction; one of such incredible beauty that she might have been moved to tears had she not been too sleepy to cry.
The setting was Victor and Victoria's reception. It was a fairly happy occasion, though many of the townspeople still seemed a trifle unsettled in light of what many referred to as "the Barkis incident". And Victor's overjoyed parents had just proposed a toast to the union of these two people.
What no one had counted on was the presence of Barkis, who had snuckered in from the Land of the Dead and disguised as a servant. Determined to kill Victor for reasons that the fangirl wasn't entirely sure, he had poisoned Victor's drink.
The scene played out beautifully in her mind. Victor sipped his wine, then made a funny sound. One hand flew to his throat as he began to gag fiercely. He fell to his knees, choking and coughing... then fell limp and lifeless to the floor.
Beautiful. Lucy would definitely be using that wordage in her story. Tim Burton's Vincent was a wonderful muse.
Of the seemingly-paralyzed crowd, Victoria was the first to make any real move. "Victor!" she exclaimed, kneeling down to examine her fallen husband. His skin had turned a shade of deathly blue, and it soon became apparent that no life remained in his body.
A smile crossed Lucy's mental face. Victor looked so nice in blue.
All at once, the scene sharpened and Victor's eyes fluttered open. Lucy, who simply and carelessly determined that she'd fallen fully asleep, smiled a bit as she waited for the aftermath of her excellent planning to kick in.
But Victor did not seem confused, befuddled or even a bit concerned. He clasped Victoria's hand in his own and pulled the two of them up quickly and smoothly -- then turned directly toward Lucy.
"Will you stop it!" he exclaimed.
The fangirl found herself at a loss for words as Victor stalked toward her, an unearthly bluish fire blazing in his eyes. "We are happy!" he exclaimed. "We are married! Emily has moved on! Yet at every turn I find myself dying at someone else's hand!"
Lucy blinked. "Eh?"
"Young men and women like you! Convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I simply cannot be permitted to live! Victoria is too plain, too boring, too live, she simply cannot be the woman for me! So I die! Again and again I die!"
His face was mere inches from hers now. She swallowed a classic throat-lump. Under normal circumstances she'd be salivating, but now was precisely the wrong time for such behavior.
"I've tried to be patient. The first time was minor. But then someone else demands it of me! Then another! And another! It seems I cannot go more than a year without being thoughtlessly murdered by someone!"
"B-but you're meant to be with Emily!" Lucy sputtered.
"Am I!"
"A-and the kind of quandary it puts you in is f-fun! You l-look good in blue! B-Barkis wants his revenge! Ahh... ahh..."
Victor's slender and very cold fingers wrapped around her kneck, and he began to throttle in a way that she wouldn't have thought humanly possible. "All I want is to be left alone! To live out my life with Victoria! But it is not enough for you people that I die in the end; I must die in the beginning!
"And did you ever consider how Victoria might feel? Heartbroken beyond relief! She loves me as much as I love her, and would positively die herself were we to be seperated!"
He stopped throttling and began strangling.
"There - are - plenty of opportunities for - continuation - of the story!" he ranted, tightening his grip with each pause. Lucy began to feel faint. "Let us remain married! Have a child! Children, even! Let us honor Emily's memory as we create our own! Or-or anything! But DO - NOT - KILL - ME - AGAIN!"
It was Lucy's turn to fall to the floor, breathless and barely conscious. Victor's long fingers were apparently good for other things besides drooling over. In an instant, Victoria was at her husband's side, staring concernedly up at him.
Victor glanced down at her, his rage clearly spent, and smiled a little. "It's all right, Victoria. I feel we shall not hear from her again."
And as he leaned in to kiss her, his face returned to its normal color in a way that seemed to defy all reason but was, in all likelyhood, simply the Universe's way of preserving canon.