Only read if you have read The True Story of Jacobs Mom's death.
THE TRUE TREATY!!!
They say the treaty was made so the vampires wouldn't kill humans on the Quileute's land. But this is the TRUE story.
It all started on the second day of Hanukah. The day after the THING was born. The vampires were taking a lovely stroll down the street. When they saw a LUMP in the road twitching and saying, "nyeaaaaaaaa." Catherine, the Cullen's sister, saw it and screamed! It was soooo ugly, she slowly melted then shattered. Twice. The Cullen's were so devastated at the great loss they had just suffered. They decided something needed to be done to keep this beast away from the town of Sporks. (Forks and spoons child, The Cullen's lived there first.)
Billy was taking care of Jacob when the phone rang. It was Charlie calling to say there was a football game on. He ran to the couch and heard a squeak when he sat down. He stood up and his BEAST was moaning AGAIN. He called the hospital to see what he should do.
"My BEAST is moaning. What should I do?" asked Billy.
"Oh just poke it with something. Preferably something sharp and long. VERY SHARP." the nurse said.
"Good idea." said Billy as he went to the kitchen to get his butcher knife.
When he got back, the BEAST was gone.
"Oh yea." thought Billy "I threw him out the window. Oh well." he shrugged and went to watch the football game.
Jacob was bouncing down the street gurgling. He probably got some brain damage. Well… if he had a brain. When all of the sudden he saw 8 vampires walking down the street. "Friends!!" he thought. If only he could have a friend that he wouldn't kill with his hideousness. Then he thought of how jealous that rock in his room would be. Then he remembered when he looked at it, it crumpled into tiny pebbles. Anyways…. He was so excited to see some "friends" he started to make his mating call noise. "nyeaaaaaaaa!!!" he screeched.
"What is it?????" asked Edward.
They heard the same mating call, a constipated goat sound, coming from Catherine. She was melting.
"How odd. I've never seen that before." thought Carlisle.
Then Catherine shattered. In a few seconds she was whole again. Then she shattered again. And that did the job.
"Can I kill it?" asked Emmett.
"No. Lets experiment on it first." Said Carlisle. Always thinking of the medical world.
They took him to the scientific research facility. When they arrived, all the scientist ran out screaming, "Not that THING again!!!!!!" They ignored it and went to the dissection room.
3 hours later
"Think its alive." asked Alice.
"Let's put it back together." said Jasper.
"No. I like it like this. It's prettier." said Emmett.
They started to put the THING back together.
"I think were done." said Esme.
When they looked at it, it was perfect. Except for a few minor complications. Like its eye being way down there and the lump on his behind. Which was his nose of course. Well at least part of it. The other half, no one knows. They started to walk back to Billy's house.
"Try to drop it on the way." said Rosalie.
"Rosalie. Be nice. I know its ugly but still. it's a living well… it's a THING." said Esme.
"Thanks you." said the BEAST as it laughed evilly with its weird voice.
Rosalie screamed and dropped it. The Beast made its mating call while bouncing. Rosalie started to melt and shatter half way. But since she dissected the BEAST, she was immune to it.
When they got to Billy's house, the decided to make a treaty with the leaders of the town. Rosalie dropped it and its head fell off.
"Knock on the door and run." Said Emmett.
They knocked on the door and ran away giggling. When Billy answered he saw the THING'S head sitting on the door step.
"Where's its body?" he thought. He saw something twitching on the sidewalk and realized it was his son's body. "Not again. I have to go through sewing for four more years to stitch this repulsive THING back together? Speaking of which, I have to renew my BEAST license." He picked up Jacob and started to head back to the house. When the BEAST looked at him and gurgled, "Dada," while twitching. Billy screamed and threw its head at the window. And it bounced for ten minutes. There was a knock at the door. Billy went to answer it. Carlisle was standing there and he said, "Is this yours?" Holding up the BEAST'S foot.
"Sigh" said Billy, "Unfortunately."
Billy and Carlisle decided to go make the treaty with the chief.
"Chief Chief Chief." the town chanted.
"Thank you" said Almighty Chief Click Clack Knocka Knocka.
"What should we do about our problem?" asked Billy.
"I have an idea. We will stay off your land forever so another member of our family doesn't DIE!!! If you agree to not come on our land we will not eat people there. They might get the ugliness in there blood. We wouldn't want that now would we?" said Carlisle flashing his teeth.
"That's a good idea. Now we need a back-up treaty that we will tell everyone about so our BEAST doesn't feel worthless. Even though he is." said Chief Click Clack Knocka Knocka.
"That's a great idea. I will never have to look at him again." said some old lady.
"You've never even met him." said Billy confused.
"Yea he's bounced over to my house a few times. I use him to stir my soup and push my TV buttons." said the old lady
"Yea he's great for that. How do you use him to push the buttons?" said Billy.
"Oh I just throw him at it." she said.
"Oh me to. Wait… who are you?" said Billy confused.
Then the lady ran off to the meadow of happiness. Where Jacob wasn't.
"Anyways…." said the Chief, "We will say you, the vampires, are forced to stay away from our land so you don't kill us. We will not harm you unless you bite another human or come to our land. Deal?"
"Yes." said Carlisle.
They went to shake hands when Jacob started to twitch again. They looked at him and he was growing fur in random places. Like under his arm, on top of his head, the inside of his lump, etc… When he was finished, he was a half werewolf looking THING.
"Our first half werewolf half THING baby." said the chief as he grabbed and hugged it lovingly. They were also bounded for eternity.
The Cullen's skipped happily off to the Cullen mansion. Everything was happy again. Well as happy as it could be with the BEAST around. Billy went to sewing AGAIN! The Cullen's moved around and lived there lives. And the BEAST was as ugly as ever.
THE END!!!!!!!!!
Or is it…….
Written by: Cari and Hannah (and the aliens who give us inspiration by writing us messages in the sky.) and our co writer Shayla.