Foreword: God save me from all of the twisted, dark ideas running rampant through my mind. This story is inspired by Domon Kasshu's "Anime Celebrity Jeopardy", which you can find at .

Disclaimer: Blood is red, Bruises are blue, I no own, So you no sue.

Crossover Celebrity Jeopardy By Night Hunter MGS

First Episode: Launch, Ranma, and Argo Gulski

Jaken: From the filthy human city of Tokyo-3, it's Crossover Celebrity Jeopardy! And now, your game show host, the magnificent, the one, the only…

(Heero Yuy steps out from behind the stage and points a P-120 at Jaken's wrinkled forehead.)

Jaken: (sweatdrops nervously) Eh, heh, heh… anyway, here's Shessomaru-sama!!! (runs away from Heero shrieking like a little girl.)

Heero: (smirking) Mission… accomplished. (steps back behind the stage)

(Shessomaru steps out onto the sound stage)

Shessomaru: (arrogantly) Let's bring out the contestants, although I really don't care. Our first competitor is the pathetically docile yet at times delightfully psychotic victim of a severe split personality, you have my permission to give a big hand for Launch from the anime series Dragonball.

(Dark-haired Launch is standing behind her podium peacefully with an obliviously happy grin on her face.)

Launch: Oh, my. This will be ever so much fun! (Shessomaru rolls his eyes, then tosses a bag full of pepper at her. Pepper sprays everywhere and Launch sneezes, turning into blond Launch.) WHO THE HELL SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS STUPID THING?! IF IT WAS THAT DIRTY OLD MAN ROSHI, I SWEAR THAT I'LL RIP OFF HIS HEAD AND SHOVE IT DOWN THE BLOODY STUMP OF HIS FOOL NECK!!!!!

Shessomaru: (smirking) Oh yes that's MUCH better. Launch will be playing for both Homemaker's Weekly AND the National Rifle Association. Now for our second player, although even I, the great Shessomaru, can not figure out what the directors were smoking when they invited this player to be on the show. That's right, it's everybody's, or at least everybody without any intelligence or class which includes the entire human race, favorite cross-dressing martial artist, Ranma Saotome.

(Ranma stands there frantically trying to hide a bra inside his shirt.)

Ranma: W-who are you calling a cross-dresser?! NOT ME!!!!

Shessomaru: Whatever, as if I really give a damn about the odd habits of you foolish mortals. Anyway, he'll be playing for the Victims of Home cooked Biological Hazards fund, a noble cause for you humans with your weak constitutions.

Ranma: Have you TRIED Akane's cooking?

Shessomaru: … Good point. And for our last contestant, hailing from Neo-Russia and the G Gundam series, the imposing but sadly sentimental Argo Gulski.

(Argo just stands there doing nothing and saying nothing.)

Shessomaru: I must admit Mr. Gulski, I'm surprised that a human of your relative intellect accepted our invitation.

Argo: (emotionlessly) I pissed off Natasha. It was either be humiliated here or sleep on the couch for a month. You'd be amazed at what she can do with that riding crop.

Ranma: Gyahhh!!! Much, MUCH more information then I needed to know!!!

Launch: Buwahhahahaha!!!! I like you, big guy! Meet me in the back lot later.

Shessomaru: (rolling eyes) How wonderful. Now, if we can get on to business so that we can finish this and I can slaughter the producers for talking me into this job… Anyway, Argo will be playing for the Playboy Mansion.

(Chibodee Crockett shakes his head in the audience.)

Chibodee: It's ALWAYS the quiet ones.

Shessomaru: (sighs) I'll have to remember to maim Jaken later to relieve some stress. Anyway, let's meet their personal cheering sections. Goku, Krillan, and Bulma all showed up to cheer for Launch, but ran like hell when she sneezed. I don't know what their problem is. Personally, I LIKE it when she's an ultra-violent psychotic. Now, in Mr. Saotome's section, are Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun Tendo as well as Genma and Nodoka Saotome. The rest of the Nerima Wrecking Crew showed up, but our insurance company refused to pay for the damages, so they were turned away at the door.

Ranma: Thank you Kami-sama! No violent tomboy, stupid lost pig, blind duck, or old ghoul! Peace at last!

Shessomaru: Indeed, however there was one member of your cheery little group that I just COULDN'T help but let in.

Ranma: Please no. Not…

(Ranma's suddenly drenched in water and a shriveled little bundle is suddenly attached to the red head's chest.)

Happousai: SWEETO!!!!!!

Ranma-chan: Whatever god, goddess, or other deity I offended somehow or another, I am so sorry. SO WOULD YA' GET THIS LITTLE FREAK OFFA ME ALREADY?!?!!!

Shessomaru: I'm so glad to see that I was correct in assuming that the perverted old gnome would provide some entertainment value. Anyway, while MISS Saotome is busy inventing new ways to castrate someone with your bare hands, let's meet Argo's cheering section. Mr. Crockett of Neo-America has already made his presence known, and accompanying him is his personal harem…

(Shirley and the girls are suddenly standing behind Shessomaru with a variety of sharp, pointy objects. Looking at the sudden group of angry women, Ranma-chan thinks twice before shrugging and pouring hot water over her head.)

Shirley: Hey, dog boy. Do you need to get neutered? Keep it up and we'll be MORE than happy to oblige you.

Shessomaru: (sweatdrops) Er, as I was saying, with Chibodee in Argo's cheering section are his beautiful, brave, and intelligent Gundam crew. Also here is renowned hard-ass Russian warden, Natasha.

Natasha: ARGO! If you don't win, then I swear I'll detonate the bomb!

Chibodee: But you took Argo's bomb off ages ago, and I don't see him wearing it.

Natasha: It's a smaller version of the bomb Argo was forced to wear during the Gundam fight, which is concealed underneath his clothing.

Chibodee: Really? Where?

(Natasha grins evilly and glances at Chibodee's crotch with a significant glare.)

Chibodee: (pales and voice starts shaking) Oh.

Ranma: (whispering to Argo) What did you do to make that chick THAT mad at you?

Argo: As the Americans are fond of saying, I plead the Fifth Amendment.

Shessomaru: We are starting this game RIGHT NOW. I have places to be, villages to terrorize, and worthless little brothers to kill. Now, the categories are: Swear Words, Will This Hurt?, Cooking…. Who put that one in there? Alright, moving right along… Weapons, Countries That Sound Like Uruguay….

Ranma: (offended) I am NOT gay! Those fan fictions about Ryouga and me are slander, pure and simple!

Shessomaru: I'm sure you're right Mr. Saotome, although it would be hard for something written to be considered slander because… Never mind, I forgot who I'm talking to.

Ranma: What's THAT supposed to mean?!

Shessomaru: Nothing at all. And the final two categories are Green-Haired Women and Name That Laugh. After several hours, Argo Gulski finally picked the short straw, so the board is his. Mr. Gulski?

(Argo just stands there saying nothing.)

Shessomaru: Mr. Gulski, you need to pick a question.

Natasha: ARGO!!! Green Haired Women for three hundred!!!

Shessomaru: Miss, may I remind you that the audience is not permitted to…

Argo: For God's sake, don't argue with her, just do as she says.

Shessomaru: Sigh… Very well. For three hundred dollars, this green haired Gundam crew chief is sometimes referred to as the queen bitch of G Gundam.

Ranma: Why are you not reading from the cue cards?

Shessomaru: I'm making the questions up, it's more fun this way. Now shut up, foolish mortal. Mr. Gulski, please answer the question.

Argo: …..

Natasha:(brushes her green hair out of her eyes) Argo! Why don't you answer already?!

Argo: Because if I do, you won't let me into the bedroom for at least a couple of years.

Chibodee: Man and they accuse ME of thinking about nothing but sex.

Buzz

Shessomaru: Time's up. For my own safety however, we will not be revealing the answer. Mr. Gulski, the board is still…

(Argo levels a glare at Shessomaru so venomous that he actually becomes nervous.)

Shessomaru: Err.. As I was saying, Mr. Saotome, it's your turn. How about Swear Words for a hundred… oh, and by the way, your father promised that you'd marry the girl that's always following me around for a jug of good sake.

Ranma: He did WHAT?!?!! PANDA NO BAKA!!!! (Begins putting Genma into incredible amounts of pain) You dirty, cheating, fat, $U&$J&TTHRT!!!!

Shessomaru: Well, I think that should do it for swear words. Congratulations Mr. Saotome, you've won a hundred dollars.

Ranma: (continuing to beat Genma) $#Y&Y$ stupid, greedy, $#$YBJ FH&I!!!

Shessomaru: That's enough, Mr. Saotome.

Ranma: $&$#Y$&&( )Y$ &RHW T$&$!!!!

Shessomaru: That's it. Ms. Launch, the board is yours now.

Launch: Gee, thanks EVER so much. Weapons for five hundred, right now!!!

Shessomaru: Very well, what is the weapon used by Gourry Gaberiev in Slayers?

Launch: H&K .450 semi-automatic!

Shessomaru: No, it's...

Launch: .50 cal Desert Eagle!

Shessomaru: Not at all, it's...

Launch: Browning .25 carbine!

Shessomaru: NO! The answer is the Sword of Light!

Launch:(glares evilly at Shessomaru) How 'bout an M-6 incinerary?

(Launch holds up a grenade menacingly. Shessomaru sweatdrops.)

Shessomaru: Errr, Mr. Saotome, the board is yours again I think.

(Ranma finishes tying Genma upside down from the rafters and comes back to the stage.)

Ranma: I guess I'll take Name That Laugh for two hundred.

Shessomaru: Very well. For two hundred dollars, name this laugh.

(Insane, female mad-bitch laughing comes from the speakers. Ranma dives behind his podium.)

Ranma: WHO THE HELL LET KODACHI IN HERE?!!

Shessomaru: I'm afraid that while that was a good guess, your answer is incorrect. The answer is Naga the White Serpent from the Slayers series.

Ranma: You mean there's TWO of them?!!???!!!!

Shessomaru: Yes.

Ranma: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ranma falls to his knees weeping, asking the heavens why they hate him so much. Shessomaru looks at him with an amused grin on his lips.)

Shessomaru: Hmmm, I didn't know that I'd get to torture mortals so much in this job. Perhaps I'll have to let the producers live. Now, since Mr. Saotome is apparently catatonic, Mr. Gulski, the board is yours, and I don't care what you say about it.

Argo:Sigh... alright... how about Cooking for five hundred?

Shessomaru: And the question is, is beef curry toxic?

Argo: (puzzled look) No.

Shessomaru: Are you sure about that?

Argo: Yes.

(Shessomaru snaps his fingers, Rin and Jaken come in dressed in environmental hazard suits carrying a metal container with biological hazard, toxic, poison, and nuclear warning labels on it. Shessomaru takes the container from them and places it in front of Argo, opening it to reveal a relatively normal looking bowl of curry.)

Shessomaru: Now, Mr. Gulski, in order to prove your claim, please sample this curry cooked by one of Mr. Saotome's various fiancées.

(Argo brings a spoonful of curry to his lips and swallows it as Ranma, the Tendos, and the rest of the Saotomes look on in horror. Several seconds pass while Argo just remains standing silently. He pulls out a pad of paper and a pen from his jacket and starts writing.)

Shessomaru: What are you writing, Mr. Gulski?

Argo: My will. Chibodee, please call Rain and tell her to prepare for a food poisoning victim.

Shessomaru: Well, despite the amusement I've derived from your pathetic suffering, I've had as much of you inferior mortals as I can stand, so we're going to Final Jeopardy. And the question is, who is the biggest fool in anime? You have thirty seconds.

(Ranma and Launch write furiously while Argo thinks for a bit before carefully writing down his answer, finishing just seconds before the buzzer goes off.)

Shessomaru: Well, let's see your answers. Ms. Launch, you wrote "That fat worthless pig Oolong", and you wagered... is that legal?

Launch: Only in Nevada, cutie.

(Launch winks at Shessomaru, who looks disturbed and nauseated.)

Shessomaru: Anyway... moving right along... Mr. Saotome, you wrote "That baka father of mine", and you wagered... Shampoo, Ukyou, and Akane?

Ranma:(nods happily) Yep! Gonna get rid of my fiancées! No more drugs! No more spatulas to the head! No more cooking capable of killing a blue whale! Freedom!

Shessomaru: True, but you do realize that if you win, then in order to pay off your wager we'd have to clone those three and engage them to you as well, right?

(Ranma goes pale as Shessomaru smiles, causing everyone to shudder in fear.)

Ranma: Y-y-you-you're k-ki-kidding, right? You... can't really do that, right?

(Shessomaru smirks as Washuu comes out from behind the stage.)

Shessomaru: Let me introduce our technical supervisor, Washuu from Tenchi Muyo.

Washuu: Muh-wha-hahahahahaa! I'm the greatest genius in the universe!

(Washuu goes backstage and Shessomaru smiles widely as Ranma gets a noose ready to hang himself from the ceiling in case he wins.)

Shessomaru: Now, while Ms. Launch shoots me lecherous glances and Mr. Saotome prepares to do himself in finally, let's see what our last contestant wrote before he passes out from food poisoning. And Mr. Gulski, you wrote, "Myself for ever agreeing to appear on this damned show", and you wagered two months on the couch... You really are single minded, aren't you? And the answer is, the fools who've wasted my valuable time amongst you mortals since now I, Shessomaru, must hunt them down and put them all to death painfully and slowly for the outrage of having to treat you humans as equals. That's all for Crossover Celebrity Jeopardy, pray that there's not a next time.

Next show: Kuwabara, Vegeta, and Clover???

Author's Notes: This was just a little something that I had sitting on a floppy disk, unsure if I'd ever use it. This will just be a fic where I put stuff down when inspiration to write my other fics is lacking. I might not even update this or add more chapter unless people want me to. As always, please review, and constructive criticism is always appreciated. Expect updates to my other fics in the enar future. Ja ne minna!