God had granted us the power to become wolves, to protect people from hell hounds.
All of us loved it - Sam, Kirk, Daisy, Bobby and I.
We made a hell of a pack too. Kirk was Alpha, but hardly ever enforced himself. He didn't need to, we naturally followed and trusted his decisions.
Besides, our true loyalty was to God. He was the boss, and our Father. It was hard the first few fights with hell hounds, but we soon got used to it - then we REALLY loved God. It was just awesome, He had chosen us to do this task, and it strengthened the bond between us immensly.
Generally, we lived as humans and often hung out together as good friends, and some nights we would run through the woods as wolves.
Hell hounds turned up at anytime, intent on hurting humans and destroying us.
Whenever we sniffed them out, we would change into wolves and hunt those beasts down and slaughtered them! Well, their bodies anyway...their souls would be stuck in hell for a minimum of ten days while they got new bodies.
They and us were generally unseen by humans - we would get the hellhounds long before the humans realised they had been an inch away from death...
This was how it stayed for about 2 years, and life couldn't be better.
We adored each other and we adored God. We loved being Iwolves and we loved the triumph every time we killed a hell hound, saving a life.
I found it extra brilliant too, because unlike the rest of the pack, I had dogs! Lex and Lucy were like my babies, and I was as loving and protective as any mother would be. I saw them as my son and daughter, and they saw me as their mother.
When I was alone in the house, I would often change into wolf and play with them, and talk to them. It sure made training alot easier. I taught them how to hunt at nighttime too, just incase they every got lost. They were very talented.
Oh how I loved them so - Lex was 3 years old and Lucy was 13 weeks old. Truly, I would die for them, as I know they would die for me.
It was on such an occasion I was wolf, having a conversation with Lex about what food he really liked, while Lucy ran around us, killing a doll that had looked at her funny...when I heard the familour call of the pack.
Their howls alerted me that there was a hell hound just a few door down from where I lived.
Snarling, I bolted out the door, promising my babies I would be pack and telling Lex to look after Lucy.
I smelled him at once...he smelled like a burning furness, like rotten corpses, like death - like evil.
I saw him - he was stalking a child! I barked furiously and bounded into him.
He was taken by surprise, but quickly got back on his feet, taking a defensive stance.
Suddenly, he lunged, so I dodged him. I growled and lunged on him...but then the scared child ran in the way...she must have been terrified - wanted to run home with her mammy and daddy...instead, she took the full force of my teeth, which in a second tore through her skull and sliced though her brain...
I stood back, completely stunned.
As the realisation hit me, I let out a horrified howl...I had killed a human. Not just a human, but a little child!
The hell-hound let out a snarly laugh and vanished, leaving me with the severed remains of the poor babe. She only looked about 3 - what the hell was she doing alone anyway? Oh no!
A blood-freezing scream distracted me as a woman in her 20s raced towards me...towards her little girl...
As she realised there was nothing she could do for her, the mother screamed and screamed, unable to accept the truth. She turned to me with furious hatred, and swore she would kill me for this.
I looked down, shaking - what had I done? I had killed a child...I had killed a child...
I heard the pack running near us, and looked up.
They froze and gasped, assesing the information.
They understood and slowly looked at me with horror...I cringed, and when Kirk stepped towards me, I shook my head and bolted.
I ran and ran, not caring where I went. I would run forever if I could.
A few days passed and I kept walking in the direction I had been running.
Aching grief swept through me, as I replayed the scene in my head. I had killed a child...I had left my pack...I had left my babies...a whimper escaped me. Nothing could ever describe the horror I felt, and what made it worse was knowing the mother of that child would feel twice as much pain as me.
Ontop of all this - I had done this terrible thing in the sight of God, and I knew that I had broken his heart with my terrible mistake. I longed to talk with Him - plead with Him to make it all go away, or forgive me, or even punish me. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The shame burnd my soul deeply, and more tears escaped me with a whimper.
I was distracted by lights and the sound of cars and people. I had stumbled across a small little village.
Sighing, I turned into human and walked in.
I looked around and spotted a little cafe. I made my way towards it, my head hanging low.
I went in and ordered a drink and a burger.
As I ate and drank, I thought of God again and how he provided all food and drink. My heart stung, and it was hard to swallow. A lump formed in my throat. I had never been so desperate in my life.
Suddenly, the TV caught my attention.
The news was on.
'Shock is still racing though the small town of Blyth after 3 year old Carey Smith was killed by a wolf four days ago. The mother of the toddler, 22 year old Elise Smith has sworn she will have the wolf put down the second it is found. The wolf was soon accompanined by a pack of four others, but they quickly ran away after the incident. Elise has said she's all for protecting and preserving these mystery wolves, but is raising a campaign for them to be caught and kept in a sanctuary so this can never happen again. The wolf who killed Carey ran away, and a court has agreed it will be destroyed when found.'
I let out a small sob - now everyone was looking for the pack to keep them in a sanctuary - how would they lead human lives? How would they kill hell hounds?
I shook my head and placed my hand on my temple, wishing this just wasn't real.
"Are you ok?" a voice asked.
I jumped and looked up - it was a man around 30, with short brown hair and a five o clock shadow.
"I'm alright - just upset about that little girl who was killed and they want to round up the wolf pack." I answered, trying my best to compose myself.
He nodded with understanding.
"Yeah I love wolves too. It's shame, because they should be wild. All animals on Earth have a purpose." he said wisely.
"Yeah..." I said miserably, "And I'd bet those wolves have a real special reason to be here."
He nodded and asked if he could sit down.
I nodded, feeling a little insecure.
He watched me for a moment, thinking about what to say.
"So how do you feel about the fact the wolf who killed Carey is going to be killed when found?"
A shiver ran through me. I didn't fear death itself - i feared seeing God afterwards, and I feared for my babies. How were they doing now? Did they hate me?
I looked down and closed me eyes, trying to block that thought out.
"It's awful." I whispered.
He nodded, agreeing.
A felt a tear running down my cheek and quickly brushed it away, but the stranger saw first.
"Do you have anywhere to go?" he asked me.
Slowly, I shook my head, but somewhere to sleep was the least of my worries, though I was well aware of my exhaustian. I hadn't slept since the night before I killed Casey...
"I have a son. He has a good house where you can sleep, no charge. Much better than sleeping on the streets."
I nodded, feeling upset again. I just didn't know what to do...
As if reading my mind, the stranger said,
"You really should sleep. It will clear your head."
I snorted, unable to believe my head would ever be clear again.
Then I felt guilty.
"I'm sorry - I didn't mean to be rude...I've just got a lot to think about." I said genuinly.
He nodded with understanding and led the way to his son's house.
As we walked, I realise we didn't even know each other's names.
"What's your name?" I asked softly.
"My name is El." he answered.
"Oh - my name is Rachael." I sighed.
He smiled softly, revealing we had arrived.
It was a small house, but I wasn't complaining. A complete stranger had offered me free housing in my hour of great need, and indeed when I was most undeserving.
I looked down and followed El into the house.
We met his son in the living room.
He stood up when he saw his father - clearly he had great respect.
I smiled, looking down.
"Greetings stranger." he said, holding out his hand for me to shake.
"Hello - my name is Rachael." I said.
"Greetings - my name is Joshua." he replied with a smile.
I nodded, not sure what to say next - I hoped El would tell Joshua that he had invited me to stay.
"Based on the knowledge of my father, I'm going to guess he's offered you to stay here for a while?" Joshua asked me, grinning.
I allowed myself a grin, nodding.
Then I remembered everything and my smiled vanished. I felt exhausted. I needed sleep.
"How about we have something to eat and then you can go to bed?" Joshua asked me.
I nodded, just going with the flow.
"Father, will you be staying for food?" Joshua adressed El.
He nodded, his eyes shining slightly. He seemed very happy with his sons attitude - Joshua had simply accepted the fact he had invited me to stay and now he was offering everyone food.
"Ok, I'm going to cook some Fish." Joshua revealed.
I nodded, distracted by my thoughts. I didn't deserve this...their hospitality...their kindness...their food...I was a murderer and had hurt my pack, my babies and my God.
I felt overwhelmed and could feel tears coming, so I excused myself and asked where the bathroom was.
El pointed up the stairs and told me it was the first door on the left.
I rushed up and locked the door behind me, sinking onto the toilet seat.
I put my head in my hands again, bent down with the weight of my terrible actions.
I wanted to pray so badly - to fall onto my knees and beg God to take it all away. But I just couldn't. My shame burned painfully inside me, and tears suddenly flooded out of me. I sobbed my heart out, trying my best to keep quiet.
A couple of moments later, I was startled by a knock on the door.
"Rachael, are you alright?" El called in softly.
"I'm fine." I choked.
"Come on out, if you need to talk to someone I'm always here. Joshua is too."
"I know - er, I'll be out in a minute, ok?" I called back, drying my tears.
"Ok." I heard him quietly go down the stairs.
I let out a long sigh and regained my composure.
I slowly went down the stairs, feeling embarrest that El knew I had been crying.
He and Joshua looked at me when I walked in, making me feel very self conscious.
"The fish will be read in 10 minutes." Joshua said softly.
I nodded, sitting at the table and trying to become invisible.
I felt El watching me but tried to ignore him, without seeming rude.
"You look like you need to talk to someone." he said gently, sitting opposite me.
I gulped.
"Probably." I replied quietly, my eyes glued to the table.
"You know, if you can't talk to people, you could always talk to God." El said.
I froze before clearing my throat.
"You're religious?" I asked.
"Yes - you seemed surprised?" El answered.
"Yeah well...it's just that not many people are any more."
"Oh more are than you think. They are just too afraid to let other people know, or are simply too scared of God to talk to Him." El replied.
Wow, he'd hit that nail on the head...
I nodded.
"Why do you suppose people are afraid of God?" I asked, cringing when I said His name...His wonderful name that came out my disgusting mouth - the mouth that had ripped apart Carey's skull...
As I thought this I gripped the table, sickened with myself.
"Well, He is the creater and master of the universe, the father of all you see and hear, and He did set aside morals. Thats why when you do somthing wrong, He makes you fel guilt and shame - so you fully comprehend that you have done wrong and so you will ask Him to forgive you." El answered.
I gulped again, and closed my eyes.
"And what if that shame is just too much? So intense that it takes over your whole mind, and you'r just TOO ashamed ans guilty to ask God for His mercy?" I asked, feeling upset again at the mention of His name.
"Then I would say that that poor soul was so badly shaken up about whatever they did, then the only thing they CAN do is ask God for His mercy...it will get to a point where you break down and its just to much, and then all you can do is cry out to the creater and ask Him for help when you are your most vulnerable, pathetic and desperate." El replied seriously.
I felt shivery and didn't reply. I simply thought. Eventually, I would have to talk to God, so better sooner or later?
"Think about it..." El continued, "What would you rather when you die? To have repented in your own time, or repenting when you have no choice? Terrified and alone in His light?"
I looked down. He was right of course...
"Dinner is ready." Joshua announced quietly, making me jump.
I cleared my thoat again as he served us.
As Joshua sat down he cleared his throat and asked me if I would like to say Grace.
I felt cold again...I couldn't talk to God yet, it was too terrifying!
"Er - maybe you should? I'm sure you'd be - better." I muttered, looking down.
"Ok..." Joshua sighed, looking at El, who looked back.
I felt guilty, but I just couldn't do it.
"Ok - hold hands then - we should ALL connect with our Father and give Him thanks for this food." Joshua said, offering his hand.
Slowly I took it, and closed my eyes tight, wishing this was over. I was going to make a connection with God, and I was utterly paralised and terrified, unable to escape...my heart bet fast and I started to sweat, my breathing increasing...
"Father, we give thanks for this food and drink, and offer you our love and commitment. Please bless us all, and forgive us for our misdeeds, for you are the creator and our Father, and we humble ourselves before you. Amen."
I breathed out, not realising I had been holding my breath, and waiting for El and Joshua to start eating before I did.
The fish was delicious - the mos juicy and suculant I had ever eaten in my whole life!
When we had finished, Joshua started to clear up, but I offered to do it.
"It's the least I could do for everything...you're an amzing cook Joshua, you should be a chef." I smiled, getting the plates.
He smiled back, shaking his head.
I quickly cleaned the dishes, and sat at the table again with my new friends.
"Father - mother wanted to know if you er...got her message?" Joshua asked strangely, watching me out the corner of his eye.
I was confused, but tried to ignore it - after all, it was none of my business.
Meanwhile, El was grinning.
"I always get my messages son."
Joshua grinned back, and let out a sigh, quite bored.
I realised I was bored too - I longed to run through the woods as wolf, the feeling of the cool breeze in my fur...but I could never turn back into wolf - it was too dangerous! What if I hurt someone again?
"Well, maybe I should take the pup for a walk?" Joshua suggested.
My head shot up.
"You have a dog?" I asked excitedly.
He smiled.
"Yes - he's called Wolf."
"Wolf?" I asked, feeling a small bit uncomfortable.
"Yep - he's a Huskie pup." Joshua was saying.
"Wolf!" El called.
He came barging through the door, tail wagging with total happiness and excitement.
My heart melted - he was truly beautiful. He was young at only 10 months old, but already he was huge and had his adult face.
"Master...master...master!" he chanted excitedly.
I laughed softly, careful not to let on that I could understand his speech.
"Does Wolf wanna go for a walk?" Joshua was asking in a mushy voice.
I grinned.
"Yeah...yeah...that means outside...yeah...yeah!" Wolf was saying, making me laugh.
M smile soon left though. I was reminded of my babies, Lex and Lucy, and I wondered if they were alright...if someone was looking after them - wondering if they missed me like I missed them.
"Ohhh new person - new person!" Wolf was panting, noticing me.
"Hello." I greeted softly, gently stroking his head.
He leapt up for a hug, and I gave him one gladly, recalling the soft fur of Lex when I cuddled him, and Wolf's puppyish nature reminding me of little Lucy.
I felt sad, and felt like crying but held it back, simply enjoying Wolf's warm fur and his unconditional love of people, no matter who they were or what they've done.
"You smell like me!" Wolf said, giving me a good, long sniff. I smiled - he couldn't work ou why I smelled of both human and canine...
Joshua and El smiled.
"Seems Wolf likes you."
I smiled, my heart beating faster - my wolf instincts were telling me there was a potential of a new pack, though my human thoughts argued with myself because it was disloyal to my pack at home, and my babies...
I sighed by tried to ignore my aching heart and smiled at Joshua.
"Where you taking him?"
"Through the woods," he answered, "would you like to come?"
I smiled, loving the thought of walking through the woods again.
"Come on then." He invited, carefully placing the leash on Wolf.
I felt a little bad for Wolf, not being able to run free through the woods...but maybe Joshua and El would let him off the leash once were actually there.
We left the house and got to the woods in just five minutes. Joshua did indeed let Wolf of the leash and he bounded off, truly in his element.
"Yeah! Oh wow, squirells been here, I need to mark this as my territory! Oh yes! Aww theres been a little pup here!" he chattd away as he sniffed at everything.
I giggled softly.
"So Rachael, how about you tell us a little about yourself?" El asked me.
I frowned a little.
"Well, er, I'm from Blyth...at home I have 2 dogs and some really good friends, and also my mother and step-father." I rushed, not wanting to go into detail.
"Oh, you have dogs?" Joshua asked with interest, "What are their names?"
I gulped...it hurt to talk about my babies.
"Well, Lex is my big boy. He's a 3 year old Staffie x terrier, and Little Lucy is my new baby - she's a 13 week old Patterdale Terrier."
"Aww, how precious." El stated, love in his voice.
I smiled.
"Yeah, they are the most precious things in my life. I would do anything for them."
"But why did you leave if you have so much in Blyth?" El asked softly.
My heart almost stopped.
"I can't tell you." I replied quietly.
"Can't or won't?" Joshua pushed.
"Won't." I growled at the ground.
Silence fell as we observed Wolf bound around, quite oblivious to my awkward feelings.
After 20 minutes, Joshua called Wolf to him. Obedience was immediate.
Wolf rushed up to his masters and greeted them with much affection.
"My family!" he whimpered, tail never stopping.
I smiled, but my heart ached to hear Lex say that, and to gently stroke Lucy as she whispered how she loved me.
A tear escaped me without me noticing.
El held my shoulder and I started to shake, feeling overwheled again - what if I never saw my babies again? What if I did and they hated me? I missed the pack so much, but surely they wold despise me for disgracing their names? Another tear came, as I just stared ahead. What the hell had I done!?
I breathed out, trying to stay calm, but it wasn't working.
"Rachael, it's alright. Come on, come back to my house." Joshua was saying, also holding my shoulder.
Together, he and El managed to get me to the house, where I sat at the table and tried to block everything out by placing my head in my hands and rocking - I guess I was going into shock.
"Rachael, you need to tell us what has happened, or you'll have a nervous breakdown!" El said in a strong voice - it was a very commanding voice and I almost feared to disobey him.
"You wouldn't believe me, and even if you did, you would hate me so much." I whispered, shaking even more.
"Rachael, listen to me. I have heard the darkest secrests on Earth from the most vile people, who have willingly and knowingly sought out to rape, beat or even murder many others, and I have not hated them." El revealed, his voice going soft.
I looked up - it was true that people had done worse than me...but I felt more guilty because I had killed a child, using a gift God had given me. How could I ever escape this? Or...maybe I couldn't escape - maybe I had to face up to it? I had tospeak to God sooner or later, and if getting over my fear was to tell someone else first then...well, it was a step in the right direction...wasn't it?
I let out a long, doomed sigh and finally confessed.
"Ok - er...well, you two believe in God, right?"
"Oh yes!" El and Joshua agreed, listening intently.
"Well - back in Blyth...me and four others...got a really great gift from God - we could transform into wolves, to protect people from hell-hounds, these demons that looked and acted like vicious dogs. Anyway, we loved the gift, and there was nothing better than running as wolves through the woods. A couple of days ago I was at home, and I heard the pack howl that there was a hell hound near my house, so I turned into a wolf and ran to see what I could do.
It was stalking a little girl, so I went for it...but er, the little girl got in the way and I killed her...the mother came and swore she was going to kill me for this, and then I saw the pack - and I just ran away from it all. I couldn't face that woman, the pack, and I sure as hell couldn't face God."
I looked down, expecting to hear Joshua and El to scoff and the stupidity of my stroy...or perhaps they would think I was crazy and needed to be in some sort of mental hospital.
But no.
"Well, first thing is, I believe you, and I don't think you're crazy." El stated, surprising me. I looked up, now worried what he would think of me...a child murderer.
"Second, its plain to see why you are always so upset. You feel so much guilt, and you feel you have no-one to turn to - not even God!"
I looked down - I was scared, but I knew I would have to talk to God.
"We can help you, Rachael, if you allow us. We're not judging you - infact, we pity you greatly. You need help to connect to God again, to feel His love, and more importantly, His mercy. He will give it to you, you know, if you just ask Him for it. Humble yourself and show God how sorry you are."
I looked up and nodded, though I was still scared.
El held my shoulder.
"I know you're scared - but God knows that too, and He would unertand how much extra strenght it would take you to be humble and ask Him for forgiveness."
I nodded again, feeling a tiny bit better. I realised how much affection I felt for El and Joshua, despite the short amount of time I had spend with them, and gave them a true smile, which they returned.
"Well, it's very late and you're clearly exhausted. Come, I'll show you the spare bedroom. Got to be up early, for church. You will be coming won't you?" Joshua asked me.
I thought for a moment and smiled, giving him a nod.
He grinned, clearly delighted and showed me the bedroom.
I settled in bed and noticed around the walls were qoutes about forgiveness in the bible, and qoutes of needing God. I read some of them out.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Acts 3:19
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.
Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Romans 5:8
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
James 4:8
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
I sat, wide eyed and thought seriously.
I knew then that God would forgive me, I just had to humbly ask Him and show him that I truly was sorry and accept that I needed Him in my life.
I looked around and saw a prayer on forgiveness.
O loving and kind God, have mercy. Have pity upon me and take away the awful stain of my transgressions. Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again. For I admit my shameful deed-it haunts me day and night. It is against you and you alone I sinned and did this terrible thing. You saw it all, and your sentence against me is just. Create in me a new, clean heart, O God, filled with clean thoughts and right desires. Don't toss me aside, banished forever from your presence. Don't take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. (Psalm 51:1-12 TLB)
As I read it, I felt my eyes swim with tears again, and knew I had to say that prayer - it would strenghten me to repent properly at church the next day...
So, heart beating fast I clasped my hands together and shut my eyes tight. Shaking, I recited the prayer, my whole heart going into it.
When I had finished, I still felt very shaky and ashamed, and soon fell soundly asleep.
Joshua woke me up at 7.30.
"We're going to church in a hour. If you want to use it, the shower is just down the hall - second door on the right." He said kindly, his eyes very soft.
I nodded thanks and did indeed go in the shower.
When I came out, I notices some clean, white clothes out for me.
"Aaaww." I whispered - nothing could express how I grateful I was for this small ac of kindness.
I tried them on - pefect fit!
After a nice hot shower and putting on new clean clothes, I felt a millin times better.
Smiling, I made my way down the stairs.
"Morning!" El greeted me with a hug.
I hugged him back, nicely surprised by his show of affection.
He seemed very happy today, like something amazing had happened.
"You're happy this morning." I commented, sitting down.
"Indeed! It is a wonderful day, is it not?" he asked, helping himself to some orange juice and nodding at it for me to help myself.
I did and it was amazing. I felt so good today!
"Who got me the clothes?" I asked.
"I did." El answered, smiling.
I smiled back.
"Thank you." I replied sincerely.
He smiled back.
"Come on then guys, church will be starting soon." Joshua called.
We nodded and made out way to the church. It only took us a couple of minutes.
I found that in these moments before repention, I felt the most nervous and humble.
El placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Come on." he smiled with encouragment.
I smiled and nodded, entering the small church.
We sat down near the front, Joshua and El clearly in their element.
I would repent during the few quiet moments were given for prayer.
My heart started racing, but I had to do this. My humble apologies was the least God deserved from me. I should never have ran away to begin with. I should have faced God then, no matter how afraid I was - now it was worse, and I aknowledged that.
The service was actually about forgiveness. It talked about King David and how he slept with someone else's wife and got her pregnant, then basically has the womans husband killed in battle.
It went on to read out King David's prayer asking for forgiveness.
"Oh!" I whispered with surprise.
"What?" El whispered.
"That's the prayer hanging up in the bedroom!" I whispered back.
He grinned.
"Lord moves in mysterious ways." he laughed.
I grinned and nodded in agreement.
At the end of the service, the preacher said,
"We have all fallen short of the grace of God. All of us have sinned. Some have sinned a little, some have sinner alot. Either way, we must be humble in the sight of our God, and ask for His mercy. We will have 5 minutes of silence now, so we can ask the Lord to forgive us for our sins."
I looked down, feeling frightened, but I knew I had to do it.
I breathed out and my heart started beatin fast with fear - it was the start of a panic attack I knew, as my chest started hurting.
Tears rolled down my face - I was paralized with terror.
Suddenly, El gripped my hand tightly, and rubbed by back.
"Its alright, don't be afraid of God - He loves you so much you can never know. PLease, just ask Him to forgive you!" he begged.
I closed my eyes tight and bowed my head, clasping my hands together.
I prayed in my head. It was the clearest way to get through to God.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for not being careful. If I was, maybe Casey would still be alive. I'm so sorry I killed her! I didn't mean too! And then I just ran away from it all! Please forgive me, please! Take away this horrible guilt and burning shame, please! I'm sorry!"
I noticed then that I was in floods of silent tears - my face was soaked, but no-one else seemed to notice me apart from El and Joshua.
Both, sitting on either side of me, had their hands firmly on my shoulders, showing their love and support.
"Its alright, I promise." El comforted me like I was a chid, and truly at the moment, it was exactly what I needed.
I dried my tears and calmed myself, realizing I felt alot better. I didn't feel anxious or scared. I wanted God more than ever, and instead of being scared, I felt joy at the thought of being in His wonderful presence. I felt comfort.
The service ended and we were excused to go home.
El and Joshua were silent as we walked home, and I felt a little awkward at my little breakdown, but tried not to worry about it. I needed to think of God right now, and then I had to think of my family and pack back home.
I walked straight into the door, as I was so engrossed in my thoughts.
"Ow!" I said, rubbing my face.
I turned around to see Joshua trying not to laugh.
El gave him a stern look, which quickly wiped the smirk of his face.
He cleared his throat.
"Sorry - are you alright?" Joshua asked me.
I smiled and all at once was overcome with hysterical laughter.
I giggled for several long minutes, bending down with the pain but unable to stop. Everytime I looked up at El and Joshua, the look of bemusement on their faces sent me in another fit of giggles.
At last I was calm, tears rolling down my face. At least these were happy tears!
I cleared my throat and let out a long breathe.
"Wow - er, sorry? No idea where that came from." I snorted, nearly giggling again.
El and Joshua smiled and shook their heads, opening the door to have Wolf bound into them with high joy and excitement.
"They're back! They're back!" he barked ecstatically.
"Aaaww." I smiled softly, giving Wolf an affectionate pat on the head.
"Hello, son." Joshua greeted gently, also stroking wolf with much affection.
Wolf sighed and rested his head into Joshua's chest.
I smiled but frowned slighty, feeling my maternal instincts calling me back home to my babies.
"What are you thinking?" El asked me.
"Im thinking of my babies...and my pack." I replied, looking at him and sighing.
"Then go to them." Joshua said.
I looked down.
"They'll kill me." I said shakily.
"Are you scared of death?" El asked me.
I shook my head.
"Are you scared of God? When the bridge between you and Him has been built with you repenting?" Joshua continued.
I smiled and shook my head.
"But if I am killed, what will happen? To Lex? To Lucy? To my pack?"
El held my shoulder.
"The same thing as if you keep running away - except at least you will have reconciled with them and they can grieve for you."
I looked down and nodded.
I smiled.
"Besides, I don't have to be a wolf right away...I can see my family first...then I'll face up to what I've done."
El and Joshua smiled, nodding.
I smiled again and looked down, excited beyond measure at the thought of seeing my babies again, but nervous about seeing the pack.
"How about we all have something to eat and then well go?" Joshua suggested.
I nodded, as did El.
Around an hour later, we were sitting round the table again, ready to eat.
"Rachael, perhaps you would like to say grace this time?" El suggested as he held his hand out.
I grinned, my heart fluttering a little. I no longer feared God...I had been forgiven and my soul was clean again...
I nodded and took his hand in mine, offering my other hand to Joshua, who took it as he took his fathers.
I closed my eyes and breathed out.
"Lord, we give you much thanks for this food. I would like to say thanks also for you're mercy and love, and pray that all can find your forgiveness and peace. Amen."
I opened my eyes and caught Joshua grinning at El.
"What?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing." Joshua laughed, making me smiled and shake my head.
We ate the food, which again, was divinly delicous.
"Well, I say we walk back to Blyth - perhaps you would like to be a wolf for the first few days?" El smiled at me.
I nodded exciedly.
I also no longer feared I was a danger as a wolf - I realsied I had been careless and knew now to excercise greater caution.
"Are you sure you're up for the walk? It's 4 days." I asked.
"Meh, we're fit." El winked, going to fill up a bag with food and drinks, and to fetch Wolf.
I sighed out and realised just how much I had come to love El and Joshua.
"Hey guys - I just wanna say that I couldn't have made it through these last few days without you. You helped me when I was most undeserving. Thank you."
Joshua and El looked at each other and back at me.
"We will always be there for you. That is who we are. You cn do the worst thing in the world, but we will nto scorn and turn away. We work with love, not hate." El replied softly.
I breathed out, feeling overwhelmed.
I nodded, and we left. At last, I would see my babies, and reconcile with my pack.
When we got to the woods, I gave a last fleeting look at the town I had grown to love, despite the little time I had been there.
I smiled, and we were gone.
For the first few hours, we talked in depth about Lex and Lucy.
We sat down and ate some food and drink to strenghten us.(after Joshua had said grace of course)
After, I felt very energetic and it showed.
"Why don't you become a wolf for a while? I'm sure Wolf here would love to be able to talk to you." Joshua suggested.
"Oh yeah!" I laughed, leaping up, much to his and El's amusement.
I transformed and sighed with content as the wind blew into my fur and I stretched my canine legs.
Wolf was beyond excited.
"HI! WHO ARE YOU?" he whimpered, coming up to me and rolling around with ecstacy.
"I'm Rachael, the human who's been hanging around with your family." I answered, my tail wagging fast.
"WOW! How did you do that?" he yapped, jumping with excitement.
"God made it so I could be human and wolf."
"Ohhh that makes sense." he replied nodding.
I cocked my head to the side.
"Guess you've heard of God then?" I yapped.
"Yeah - He ususally lives in Heaven and watches all on Earth, but He came down a few days ago and and made me, and told me everything. His son is Jesus - don't you just love them? They're great aren't they?" Wolf aswered.
"Yeah sure...what do you mean He made you and told you everything?" I asked, heart racing.
"God, over there, created me and told me everything there is to know." Wolf said slowly, spelling it out for me.
I cocked my head and the realisation suddenly hit me.
Slowly, I turned to look at El and Joshua.
They were grinning and looked at each other.
"Come on." El said, leading the way.
Very slowly and uncertain, I followed.
Of course - El is one name for God, and Joshua was translated into Jesus...ooohhhh.
I breathed out, realising they had given up time just for the sake of saving me.
I smiled and ran after them, beyond joyous.
I walked humbly next to El, who tured to me and winked.