kaaaayyyy so this is my first Harry Potter fan fic, this idea poped into my head while i was browsing through and listening to music, btw sound track to this fanfic is Look after you by The Fray i highly recommend it as backround music while you read it! it will make it soooo much better!
Disclaimer: yeah, if i was J.K Rowling, would i be on this website?... didnt think so.
ENJOY! READ AND REVIEW PLZZZ, SPREAD THE BUZZ
James and I were doing our rounds for Head Boy and Girl, silently walking besides each other because I was a bit annoyed with him because he had fireworks erupt "will you go out with me Evans?" in the great hall… during dinner!
"Oh, come on Evans, why are you so mad, that was brilliant! Surely you appreciate my creativity" Potter said with his signature smirk
"No I do not Potter, honestly, we are in 7th year and you are Head Boy for Merlin's sake! You're not a kid anymore, you need to grow up"
"Well maybe I would if you would just go out with me"
"And there you go again! Be serious for once in your life James Potter!" I said exasperated
"Lily Evans, will you go out with me?" he asked in a more serious tone, stopping to look at me just as we reached the Astronomy Tower
"No! no I will not go out with you Potter put it out of your mind, save your breath, 7th year is halfway done, you'd do better to give up asking me out, 7 years and you still don't realize it's the same answer over and over again?, no Potter" I know it was a mean of me to be so blunt but I was just so irritated.
I looked at his face after I said this, and it seemed to have fallen, I have been noticing this happening the last handful of times I rejected him, all part of the act I'm sure… though this time I couldn't be so sure. He seemed to have made his mind up about something, then looked up at me, an expression on his face that just didn't seem right.
"Lily, I am going to ask you this one last time, and then I promise you I will never ask you again, and I never break my promises" he said lowly as he looked at me so intently it sent shivers down my spine.
"Lily Evans, will you go out with me?" he said in whisper
"No" It was such a conditioned response, I didn't even think before the words left my mouth.
"Ok" he said, and then he turned his back on me and walked a few steps before he stopped
He suddenly whirled around to face me, his hazel eyes conveying a million emotions, words escaped me as I stood there frozen, the beat of my heart picking up speed as I fell into the depths of his gorgeous eyes. He slowly stalked towards me, neither of us talking, but speaking volumes with our eyes. I leaned into the wall for some support; the part of my brain that was still working knew what was coming next. With a ferocious look in his eyes that was a mixture of both agony and fierce determination, he grasped both of my wrist in one of his and pinned them up against my head and without any warning, tangled his hand in my hair and crushed his lips to mine in a desperate way. I did not respond, I was struggling against his grasp to get away, but he just kissed me harder and held me tighter, every inch of his body now covering mine. As his kisses grew stronger and more lingering, my resolve began to crumble, and I began to kiss him back, something within me had been woken and my blood boiled the more I kissed this man. He finally let my arms free. I immediately wrapped them around his neck while his hands roamed the expanse of my back and sides. When it all became too much for my senses I broke apart. We stayed staring at each other as we had just moments before when suddenly, with such a soul grasping intensity, he gave me one final, lingering kiss, and uttered words so simple, that convey so many different meanings, but broke a piece of my heart for unknown reasons.
"Good bye Lily." And then he turned around and walked out.
2 weeks have gone by since that day, 2 weeks of no notes, cheeky smiles, conversations or being asked out by James Potter. Things have changed so much in just 14 days, Potter doesn't talk as often as he used to, and every day I find it's less than the day before, and that makes me uneasy. If this has something to do with the kiss, he should be able to talk to me about it right? I mean he was the one that initiated the kiss.
That kiss. No one had ever kissed me like that before in my life, with so much raw passion, and with a sort of desperate intensity that made me scared, it felt like goodbye. Well, I won't let it be.
We had rounds in ten minutes; I would talk to him then.
"Remus, what are you doing here, where's Potter?"
"Sorry Lilly, he asked me to cover for him tonight if that's alright"
"Is something wrong, he's not sick is he?" James hadn't been looking good lately, even though he still wore that permanent smug smile of his, it seemed less natural, more forced, and the spark in his eyes seemed to have gone out.
"No, nothing of the sort, he hasn't finished his transfiguration paper for McGonagall he's having a pretty difficult time, mind you, and its due tomorrow" he answered giving me a sheepish smile
So James was having trouble in transfiguration, his best subject… Merlin, what was going on with him?
After doing my rounds with Remus, I headed back to the common room, Remus had gone off to the kitchens for some sweets, I walked in through the portrait to see James hunched over a table staring onto his parchment, I was planning on just silently going up to my room, but as luck would have it, the portrait slammed shut noisily.
"Oh, hi Lily" James said after he turned around and saw me standing there
"Evening, Potter, why are you up so late?" After weeks of hardly any contact, I was desperate to even be allowed to look at his face for more than a second
"I'm working on my transfiguration paper"
"Oh, do you need help with anything?" I asked timidly
"No thank you I can manage on my own, good night Lily" he said then turned away.
I lay in my bed, thinking, in all of our 7 years at Hogwarts, not once has he ever called me "Lily", I've always been Evans, and the fact that he was now calling me by my name meant only one thing, but I was afraid that if I looked inside myself, all pretenses aside, I would find that I already knew the answer, and the truth of this realization hit me so hard that I was overcome with tears and a pain in my chest that could only be described as heartache; he had given up, James Potter has given up on me.
I bit my pillow as hard as I could to try and prevent my sobs from escaping me, it was as if someone had cut out the last strings of hope I had, hopes that somehow James and I could fix whatever was broken, as if someone was causing my emotional pain to manifest physically and it was overwhelming me.
How could I fix things? 7 years of constant rejection cannot be mended in one night, every no I ever replied I could see his determination deteriorating, the spark in his eyes going out a bit, his smile falter for just a second, but I never thought it would end like this, I never thought that he could possibly feel so much for me that mere words could affect him so completely, he's James bloody Potter for Merlin's sake! And now, now when he calls me "Lily" and won't even look at me for more than 4 seconds I realize that without him I am utterly useless, that without his smiles, our fights and even him showing up at every corner asking me to go out with him, I am a sobbing mess on my knees.
He had always been around, every corner, every Hogsmeade weekend, I never dreamed what life would be like without him here, and I wanted him here.
2 more weeks had passed since my epiphany of the century, although I had tried to talk to James, make things less tense, nothing seemed to work, he always made excuses to get away or come up with short, tight answer, the more I tried to talk to him, the more he pulled away, and with only 4 and a half more months of school I didn't know what I was going to do, but I had to do something, and fast.
James and I made our way up to the 5th floor, our patrolling has never been this awkward, the air around him is strange, unfamiliar, I had gotten used to the warmth that radiated off of him, that would warm me up like a blanket, but now it's all wrong, its cold, stale and it took everything I had not to lose
"So how have you been lately, anything new" I asked
"Nah, same old, same old, I've been great, really great, you?" his smile is fake, it doesn't reach his eyes, and his eyes too seem dull. And it hurts to see, knowing that I'm most likely the reason behind it.
That was the final straw.
I walked in front of him so we could face each other, and I saw a flicker of something behind his eyes.
"Potter, I want to say that I'm sorry" I breathed out
"What on Earth are you sorry for Lily?" he asked me incredulously
"For everything, for the past 7 years, for never giving you a chance" I whisper back, biting back tears
"Don't worry about it Lily, honestly, it's not your fault" he replies in an emotionless voice then steps around me to continue walking down the corridor, albeit at a faster pace that I had trouble keeping up with
"Yes it is, I always turned you down, without even giving you a chance, Merlin, this is my entire fault" I choke out, willing the knot in my throat to go away
His eyes soften a bit and he looks down at my lips, and I sigh, transported to a month ago when we kissed, when everything changed.
"What exactly would be your fault Lily?"
"You and me hardly speaking anymore, you not looking at me, the reason why your smiles are fake, why your eyes have lost their spark, the reason why you're so different, Merlin the reason why I've been going to sleep these past few weeks crying until I've cried my eyes dry I'm sorry!" I don't know where I got the courage to say all of this or even why I'm saying it now, I guess it's because I know I owe him this much, part of me knows that this could be the last time to try and get him back.
"Lily-
"DON'T CALL ME LILLY" I scream in anguish, the pain in my chest returning "I AM EVANS, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EVANS TO YOU AND YOU ARE POTTER!" I cry out, smacking him in the chest, my emotional distress causing me to lash out at him.
"EVANS!" he yells back at me, and grasps my wrists in his hands, I look into his eyes so many emotions there but the most prevalent is agony, the agony that I caused him, I have to make it right and fix everything, for the both of us, if I take away his pain, I take away mine, it's as simple as that.
"Ask me" I demand in fierce combination of grief and hope
"Ask you what?"
"Ask me to go out with you" My voice is barely above a whisper, my entire being rattling with fear
"No" he replies, but does not look me in the eye
"Why not?" I ask, my voice cracking but I push through it, I will not accept defeat.
He looked me dead in the eyes, finally every emotion spilling out as his eyes stared into my very soul. Anguish, hopelessness, anger, fear, stubbornness, and love, all mixed up in hazel eyes that were welled up with tears.
"Because I asked you out for 7 years, I have loved you for 7 years, and I've been rejected for 7 years, my heart can't take another no" he replied in such an anguished voice that I let out a tiny sob.
With all my strength, I shove him against the wall, rip my hands out his, and crushed my lips to his, a few tears slipping as I felt relief wash over me the moment I touched his lips. I clutched every single part of his body I could get my hands on, desperate to be close to him.
He didn't respond, so I pressed him harder, willing his walls to crumble and let me in, "James" I whispered, kissing him deeper as more tears fell and he still hadn't responded.
I was about to pull away in defeat when suddenly, he wove his arms tightly around me, spun me around against the wall and kissed me with more passion than I thought possible. I felt tears mingled in our kiss but whether they were his or mine, I could not tell, all that mattered was that, little by little, my heart was healing, the pains in my chest lessened, and I felt whole. But all was not fixed yet.
"James Potter, I am so agonizingly and desperately in love with you" I whispered, looking into his eyes.
"I have been in love with you since I was 11 years old, Lily Evans, if nothing has stopped me from loving you in the past 7 years, nothing will"
He then leaned down to kiss my forehead, and I his heart, and brought me into his chest and held me in his arms.
A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, DID IT SUCK? WAS IT GOOD? I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE! 3