He's not sure what happened, or even when it happened. He doesn't like it though.
It was bad enough when Cassie fucked off and started being up close and personal with those guys whilst webcaming with him, but that was just the first of many. It was the lies that put a permanent thorn in his side.
Sid knows he's not the smartest bloke in the world, but he's not the most ignorant either. He kept fighting for Cassie long after he thought he should just give in and let her go.
xxxxx
Sid clicks into his emails, even though he didn't want to. He was still too bitter and hurt to want to see if Cassie had tried to contact him. He hadn't been online and when she had called his mobile, he had blocked it. She hadn't left a voicemail, and he was glad that he wouldn't have to hear her voice.
He contemplates alone for a long time, well, for a few hours at least, and that's not including the fact that he does so every single day. It's just so horrible for him. He hates feeling this way. All he ever did was love Cassie. Hell, he even stopped loving Michelle, had the chance to shag her and turned it down. Sometimes Sid wishes that he would have just gone with what his body wanted to do, however that wouldn't have nullified his feelings for Cassie.
He would do anything for her.
Even if it hurt him to do so, like if she had said she wanted to break it off, that he wasn't making her happy, he would have painfully let her go. She hadn't said that though. In fact, Cassie had been perfectly fine with flirting and getting felt up in front of him. She was his girlfriend for fucks sakes; does that not mean anything anymore? It does to him. It always has.
His father barrels into his room, eyes wide, and he's glad that he hadn't been doing anything like shagging some bird or wanking to internet porn. "What?" Sid asked his father, still annoyed at his entrance.
"Got a visitor," he said with a huge smile on his face.
It's that smile that unnerved Sid. There are only a few reasons why his dad would smile, and not any of them were ever good for him. "Tell them to fuck off," he ended up saying angrily. Whomever it was probably tried to call him, and he realized that it wasn't only Cassie's calls that he hadn't been answering. Even when Tony or Michelle had tried, they'd been sent to voicemail as well. Hell, even Maxxie had tried twice, and Jal and Anwar once apiece.
So what if he had shut himself out from the world? He just didn't want to have to deal with anything, least of all his friends who would just be interested in knowing the drama behind his sudden disappearance.
It'd only been two weeks. With Roundview completely over with, he had the opportunity to sort his shit out. The brain can be a wonderful thing, and sometimes a worst enemy. For the first few days he had just laid out in his bed, staring at the ceiling. When he'd doze off he'd awake with a jerk and think that Cassie was there with him straddling his hips like she used to like to do, and her face looking down at him. She was never there though, only in his mind.
"Sid, you useless fucker, I said you have a visitor," his dad pressed on with that smile still affixed firmly to his face.
"Sod off, Dad!" he said, but the visitor pushed beyond his dad and into his room.
His mouth dropped open and he blinked a few times, even managing to remove and clean his glasses to be sure. Sid had taken some magic mushrooms the night before, but there was no way he should still be tripping from them. All he'd done today, as far as drugs were concerned, was a couple pills of MDMA, and a spliff, and neither of those had ever caused him to hallucinate. Sid supposed that there was a first time for everything.
"Hey Sid."
Her voice felt like velvet and that's all it took for him to concede. He didn't move though, couldn't seem to be able to push off the bed to at least sit on the edge instead of being... shit... he was naked under the duvet.
"Bye Sid," his father called out and closed the door, leaving Cassie inside his room with him.
Sid couldn't help it when his eyes roamed freely over her thin frame. She looked healthier now though, like she had had some food that actually stayed down. It wasn't just that she didn't look so skeletal, even her skin looked good. It had this... glow... that was bright and it illuminated her beautiful features. She wore a simple white dress with flowery patterns all along it, complete with her favourite necklace, the one with colourful toy lizards and beads tied though it. She had some bangles around her wrists as well, and her hair was wavy. Sid thought she was beautiful, he'd always thought that... well, ever since he gave in to his feelings for her.
She sat down on the edge of his bed, her eyes sparkling. Sid tried to keep his gaze elsewhere, looking around his room to do anything but look at her. He nearly jumped out of his bed when a ghostly brush of fingers moved down his chest and continued on lower.
"How are you and Mr. Happy, Sid?" she said in a voice that was just too cheery to be sexual.
Sid watched as her hand continued to move lower until it eventually disappeared under the duvet. He didn't stop her. He wanted to, he really did, but his nerve endings were beating to a different drum. "Fine," he lamely responded. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell flat on his back when her hand surrounded him. She moved under and cupped him, massaging lightly, fondling, she knew this would get him up quickly.
He was at attention in no time at all.
Sid was in his own world of pleasure as she moved her hand against him, teasing, then tight and hard, then back to light. He could do little but lie there and accept it. At least that was what he had done, until she tried to slip under the duvet with him. "Cass, stop," he said regretfully as he pulled her hand away leaving the duvet in the shape of a tent. He quickly adjusted himself into a seated position.
"I've missed you, Sid," Cassie said softly, almost inaudibly.
"Yeah well, it didn't seem like it while you were shagging those blokes in Scotland, did it?" he spat bitterly, as he pulled himself up to lean against the headboard.
So much for that.
"Shagging in Scotland?" Cassie questioned with an obviously confused look across her delicate features.
Sid looked at her incredulously and frowned. He couldn't help but wonder if she had already forgotten about her little display on the webcam. Obviously she had. "Just whatever," he said in a tired voice, rolling his eyes slightly as he leaned against the headboard.
Cassie looked completely confused at what he was saying, but she didn't voice it. Sid wasn't even looking at her to see the look move across her face. He had been working on pushing everything down in regards to Cassie and everything surrounding her. Sid had thought that he was doing well with it as well. It was a bit more difficult, though, with her actually sat in his room, on his bed, with him.
"What do you want, Cass?"
She looked at him, her eyes conflicted. Cassie did everything she could think of to gain his attention, but nothing she did seemed to matter. She... didn't matter. She could see the look in his eyes. Those eyes had always been so open and expressive to her, but they were all but blank. There was a flicker in his eyes, but it wasn't a good thing. Cassie tried to discern the meaning behind it, but she had no idea what had happened.
"Do I need a reason to come visit you?" she stated lightly, her voice shaking.
Sid couldn't help but flick his eyes over to Cassie, who was looking expectedly at him. He wished he hadn't. She was naked to his penetrating gaze, so open and vulnerable. It hit him right in the chest. He had to be strong, he had to be. There was really no other option. "Yeah, you do," he said rather unconvincingly.
"Why?"
Sid nearly cringed at the broken sound in her voice. It cut through him like no other pain that he had ever felt. It was one thing he never wanted to ever do, or hear, for that matter. He never thought he'd be the reason for the completely shattered way Cassie spoke. After a moment, Sid answered firmly, "Because we're not together anymore, Cassie."
There was an uncomfortable silence that descended upon the pair, like an avalanche with no one to hear its growling rumble down the mountain.
"But why?"
If this conversation would have happened a week ago, or even in the last week of Roundview, he would have been angry, but he'd done everything possible to just let it all go. "Why do you think?"
Cassie flinched at the harsh tone in his voice. "I don't know, Sid. I love you, and you love me..."
"You don't love me," Sid interrupted. "If you loved me you wouldn't lie to me." His voice had started out strong, forceful, but by the time he spoke the last word, his voice had cracked. The feelings and emotions that he'd buried were trying to resurface, climbing from the abyss in his mind. He felt the prickling sensation behind his eyes and itching in his nose. "I'm not going to cry," he whispered to himself, realizing all too late that he had said it aloud and not in his head.
Cassie whipped around to look at Sid, eyeing him curiously. "Lie to you? Sid, what have I lied to you about?"
"Just go, Cass," Sid says, his voice dejected. He doesn't make eye contact and the heaviness in the room reaches an all-time high. "Go," he requests again.
He doesn't look when he feels her get off the bed. He doesn't watch her form as she slowly walks through the door, though he does feel her eyes looking back at him before she closes the door completely. Sid lets loose a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. His body slumps down in bed and he curls into a ball.
Sid's not sure how long he's laid like that. Time doesn't seem to hold any meaning to him any longer. A knock at the door caused him to groan angrily and shout, "Fuck off, Dad." He doesn't bother to turn around when the door opens, instead he moves his eyes to the small clock beside his bed. Apparently he had been in a daze for the past two hours and didn't even realize it.
Another knock rattles against the door. "I said fuck off, fucks sakes, can't you listen to what I'm telling you?"
The door opens and Sid cranes his neck, about to give his father a few more choice words, but they all die in his throat. What is it with him receiving unexpected guests as of late?
"Hey Sid," Michelle says in a soft, melodic voice.
"Hi..." Sid says quickly but turns back around, hoping that the girl would take a hint and leave him alone.
"We're going out tonight, you're coming," she gets more authoritative.
"No, I'm alright," he responds.
"It's not an option."
Sid is just about to throw another retort when his duvet is pulled from his still naked body and he quickly moves his hands to cover his family jewels. "What the fuck, Michelle?" he yells at her as he stands up awkwardly.
"I brought you some clothes, figured you haven't done laundry in months, now off you pop to the shower," she says holding up a bag of shopping in one hand and grasping Sid's elbow in the other.
Sid doesn't have much of a choice when she led him into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Michelle stood there, waiting expectantly, for Sid to enter into the streaming water. He grumbled to himself and stepped into the stream. It felt fantastic, he had to admit. He heard the click of the door and peered out to see that Michelle was gone and she'd left the bag of clothes near the door.
He showered quickly and wrapped a towel around his waist. Sid walked cautiously to the bag and looked into it. It wasn't anything grand, just a pair of baggy jeans and a black t-shirt along with a pair of boxers that had writing on the arse. He couldn't hold back laughter when he read the wording, then slipped them on, followed by the jeans. He'd need to put on his belt, but they were comfortable enough, and surprisingly not stiff like when he usually was forced into getting new ones. He lifted the t-shirt out and spread it open, big and baggy, as he liked it. He noticed that the shirt had the same phrase that the boxers did and laughed again.
"Michelle," he called through the door after putting the shirt on. She walked in without even a knock and he held the front of the shirt out toward her with a look on his face, "What's this about?" He wasn't angry, just wondering where the fuck she had found a shirt like this.
"I thought you'd like it," she said with a frown.
He read it aloud, "Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian?"
"I thought it was fitting. You like tits and fanny, which makes you a lesbian. I though it quite clever," Michelle answered with a smile before both broke into laughter.
Nothing more needed to be said and soon the two were walking out of the house toward whatever it was Michelle had had in mind. Sid still didn't want to go, but Michelle was rather persuasive, and she did bring him a new set of clothes, which he had finished off with a black belt and Vans.
He smoked a spliff on their way which Michelle took maybe one or two hits off of. Sid looked up, unimpressed at the cafe/club they were stood outside of. During the day it was a cafe, but at night they opened up the doors to the back part of the building which is a single floor of hard beats and electronic, mostly. Tonight there was a special theme, well, maybe not a theme exactly, but all the girls were clad in their lingerie, and even some of the blokes were in just their boxers... and some of the brave ones were in briefs, and even a couple in male thongs (which he didn't enjoy seeing to say the least).
"They're having an amateur dance-off tonight for the ladies, thought you might enjoy it," Michelle said in explanation as she walked him to the front of the queue. She smiled flirtingly at the bouncer and flashed him some cleavage and in no time he let them in with plenty of groans and shouts from the line waiting in the chilly Bristol evening.
"What makes you think that?" Sid asked suspiciously.
Michelle smirked and reached between her breasts to pull out two small bags, one contained powder, one contained two pills. "What do you want to start with?"
Sid furrowed his eyebrows as they looked from Michelle's cleavage, up to the two bags between her fingers. This didn't feel right. He relented though, and took one of the pills, swallowing it with some lager. Michelle walked him in to the room that would normally be a dance floor, but tonight had rows of chairs and three different stages. One was obviously the main stage, and the other two were smaller and had less chairs around them.
Michelle brought Sid up to the very front in the centre of the main stage to give him the best seat. Sid looked curiously over to Michelle, but said nothing as people started to filter in around him. An idea comes to his head and he leans over to his mate, "I thought you said I was coming out with everyone, are they just not here yet?"
Michelle smiled sheepishly, "Not exactly, but kind of."
"What do you mean by that?" Sid said, looking more than a bit worried.
"You'll see..." Michelle stated with a smirk.
Four lagers and four shots later coupled with a snort of coke, Sid was flying high in the front row as scantily clad women danced their way across the stages. There was one per stage and the current one looked to be about his age with blonde hair in the tiniest set of knickers Sid had ever seen, a thong, actually, but it barely covered her in the front. His eyes ascended up her lithe form, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra at all. Her top half was completely naked except for two well placed circular stickers over her nipples. His inebriated mind couldn't see the reason for her putting them on in the first place with how much was actually being covered, not that he was complaining.
He moved his eyes along her form, over the curve of her small, yet pert breasts, and down to her petite waist. Her hips were easily visible as it seemed her skin was stretched tightly over the bones. Sid was nearly drooling as he moves his eyes up and down her body, never really looking up beyond her neck to see if her face was as attractive as the rest of her.
The girl's body was undulating to the slow beat in such a way that turned many heads, both men and women. She seemed so fluid and carefree on the stage. Sid kind of envied the way she didn't look to have any kind of cares, no problems at all.
"Catching flies?" Michelle said with a chuckle as she glanced over to her friend.
Sid quickly closed his gob and glanced over to the girl after forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the striking dancer. "W...what?" he stuttered out.
"I told you our friends would be here," Michelle said rather cryptically.
Sid looked at her, a look of confusion written clearly across his features. He watched as she pointed back up to the stage, and it was then that he realized that the girl he had been ogling at was none other this his Cassie. He stammered out a few unintelligible words in response to Michelle, but honestly they made no sense at all. The only thing Michelle could understand was when he whispered out his ex-girlfriend's name.
"Sid?" Michelle enquired, putting her hand on his forearm to try to shake him from the daze he seemed to have gotten stuck in. "Sid," she stated a bit more insistently.
He was already looking back to the stage, and it was as if he was looking at her with new eyes. Maybe it was the cocktail of drugs and alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that his heart was actually in control since his mind was muddled with intoxicants, but either way, he realized he still loved her. Cassie, not Michelle.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a bloke walking up toward the stage and he started to feel himself becoming aggressive and rage-fuelled. The unknown guy was probably as tall as Tony, but much more filled out, probably a footballer, or some kind of athlete. He didn't care though. He had a predatory look in his eyes that was easily discernible and the bulge in his pants confirmed it. Sid saw red. He was out of his seat and striding purposefully toward the guy and rugby tackled him to the ground. His fists kept plunging forward into the guy's face and head even though he was trying to protect himself with his arms.
"Sid!"
He was in a zone, he could only do as his body was telling him to, and finally he felt thin arms wrap around his neck and chest. It was like water on a flame, and his wrathful desires were instantly extinguished.
Sid looked over his shoulder to see the terrified gaze of his former lover. He stood up, glancing only briefly at the mess of a man he left on the ground before going back to Cassie.
Cassie pulled him on the stage, and then behind a curtain. She didn't stop there, though, she continued through the back room and out the back door into the alley behind the building. "There... you're... blood... you're covered..." Cassie stammered as she slowed them to a standstill, using the light of a street lampnearby to assess his injuries.
Sid couldn't take his eyes off of Cassie and furthermore he couldn't help himself when he lunged forward and pushed his lips against hers.
She deepened the kiss, but only for a moment before she pushed him away, "Like, wow, Sid." She could feel the adrenaline racing through her veins from having to pull Sid off that poor sod that they had left beaten and bloodied on the floor. She grabbed onto Sid's hand and smiled softly at him.
"I'm sorry, Cass, I couldn't stand the thought of him touching you, or even looking at you," Sid explained, avoiding the blonde's gaze.
Cassie set her fingers against Sid's lips, "I only ever wanted you to look at me, Sid."
His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he looked into her eyes, "What about..."
"Scotland?" she finished for him when he paused. He nodded and she started to laugh. "Sid, those two guys were a couple."
"Of course there were a couple of guys, Cass," he said exasperatedly. "They had their hands all over you!"
Again, Cassie laughed, "That's not what I mean. I mean they're a couple, you know, they do each other? Back door and all that."
Realization hit Sid over the head like a mallet and his lips formed an 'O' shape. "Cass, I'm so sorry, I assumed..."
"It doesn't matter now," she said soothingly. "Let's go home."
"Home?" Sid asked.
"Home is where the heart is, right?" Cassie asked and once he nodded she spoke again, "Well, my heart is with you, so where you are, that's where home is."
Sid was elated, even beyond that actually. He leaned into her again to softly kiss her lips before mumbling into them, "Okay Cass, let's go home."