I mentioned that I might write something like this on twitter... So here it is... Should I continue? Let me know :)
It's been five years.
Five years since it happened.
Five years until someone she thought she could trust, betrayed her in the worst way possible and it changed her life for good.
Five years is quite the milestone.
However this isn't the kind of anniversary she'd expect or even want to get cards and flowers for.
It's not an anniversary for something she'd ever want to remember but unfortunately the memory of it is going to be a part of her forever.
She still wonders how long it's supposed to take before you get over something like that… or if you ever truly get over it.
She doesn't quite know how it happens… How something so simple as the mere change of the date can suddenly make her feel like nothing has changed.
How the fact that it's now the nineteenth of September instead of the eighteenth means that she has been taken all the way back to the year two thousand and eleven.
The moment her eyes shot open in the early hours of this morning it all came flooding back.
The shame she felt when people found out about what had happened.
The fear she was consumed by whenever a door was slammed or whenever she heard a raised voice.
The way she would violently flinch if anyone tried to touch her.
It's been five years but somehow it feels as if it was just yesterday.
She had a nightmare about it…well… about him last night… She knew that she would, She normally does this time of year
She tired to stay up as late as she could but it wasn't even eleven pm when her eyelids started to droop.
It was a blurry dream… one that didn't make a whole lot of sense but it was one that petrified her all the same.
They say you never know how a dream actually begins and this one was just like that.
The first thing about it that Carla really remembers about her dream is that she was casually walking up the beach with Bailey... just like they did every morning at around ten.
They walked past the stripy beach huts like they always did, Carla with a cup of coffee in her hand from the café that wasn't a patch on Roy's Rolls but it'll do, Bailey running and enjoying the fresh sea air like he always did and then suddenly there he was… Frank Foster.
The image of him was a distorted one, one that didn't look real at all but it was enough to stop the dream Carla to stop in her tracks.
The next thing that happens to her is that suddenly she is back in her old flat… the flat where he pinned her up against my door and the one where he attacked her… where he took away everything.
She can't see him but she can feel him, touching her... violating her.
Carla then wakes up in a cold sweat at three thirty am and she swears that for a moment she can still feel him touching her.
It's like she can feel his entire body weight forcing its way on to her and even though she can't actually see him… even though she's awake and he's not actually there, she still finds it incredibly hard to breathe.
Just for those first few moments after waking up it feels as if all the air in the room has been sucked right out of it but then something inside Carla snaps.
Something inside says "No!"
Something inside her says, "You're not going to do this Carla, you're not going to let that horrible experience define how the rest of your day goes."
"You're not going to sit at home on your own all day and be tortured by a man who no longer lives."
"You are stronger than that... stronger than him."
Carla sits up straight… She takes this moment and looks at how far she's come, she thinks about the past five years and as tragic and downright miserable as some moments have been, she knows that deep down, really deep down, below all the horrible stuff that has happened to her this year… she's okay.
She may not be married anymore… she may not have the child she never knew she wanted until it was too late but Carla Connor knows that she is okay.
She's alive, she's healthy, she has a thriving new business and she lives in one of the most beautiful places she's ever seen in her life… Carla Connor starts to feel as if she is more than okay.
So she gets up, she grabs a blanket and goes down stairs. She decides if she can't sleep she'll watch her favourite comedy shows to try and keep herself in this new and positive mood.
It's hard at first… really hard because her mind keeps trying to remind her what day it is today but soon enough, she relaxes… Her body doesn't feel so tense anymore and she's soon able to laugh at the familiar characters on screen.
She doesn't remember falling asleep but she does because her eyes open hours later... just as the sun beams through her living room window.
As she stretches and yawns she still feels as if today shall be a struggle… she's not that naïve to believe that she won't have a few difficult moments but Carla also feels as if maybe… just maybe today might not be as bad as she had first thought it would be.
However… she can't help but wonder just how many of the people who knew her at the time, remember the significance of this date... She thinks that probably no one does, she thinks they would have forgotten and Carla really doesn't blame any of them for doing so because she knows that life moves on but actually… there is one person who hasn't forgotten.
There is one person who isn't as far away as she thinks, there is one person who remembers exactly what day it was because five years ago today his life was also changed too.
Five years ago he was just popping round to her flat to see if she was okay and then he heard it.
He heard the sound of police sirens as he sped round the corner and when he saw them... he felt his stomach drop... he felt as if he had all the breath knocked right out of him.
Five years ago today he had been, for the most part denying his feelings for her and it was only when he had found out about the horrific ordeal she had been put through that he realised that he was totally and completely… madly in love with her.
He didn't tell anyone of course. He kept it to himself as best he could and spent the next few months of his life making sure he was there for her as much as he could.
He remembers how much it changed her. He remembers how strong and confident she was before the attack compared to how weak and afraid she was afterwards.
He remembers being the one who held her, consoled her, cared for and unconditionally loved her and he also remembers being the one who saved her… literally.
That's why he remembers the date just as much as she does.
He remembers it because it has had an everlasting impact on his life and still to this day… he still can't get her and it out of his head.
He wakes up early too, he has so many more things he should be doing today other than thinking about her but he can't help it.
He tries to finish packing his boxes and get everything sorted for his move but something won't let him.
He tries to go for that jog he always says that he will go on but of course Peter's feet don't let him leave his flat.
He knows that if he can't get today being today out of his mind then she must be having an even harder time of it.
He wonders if she is alone… or if she's found someone new.
He thinks about it all the way through breakfast, he thinks that at least if she has someone with her then she'll have someone to lean on but he worries about if she doesn't… he worries that she might be alone.
After another fifteen minutes of concern he decides to do something about it… for his own sanity just as well as hers.
He just wants to make sure that she's all right that's all… he doesn't want to intrude or anything like that.
First he thought about sending a simple text message.
One that lets her know he's been thinking of her recently and that he hopes that she is okay, he doesn't quite know how to go about it.
His curiosity only continues throughout the morning and it's only made worse because he knows that he's only a few hours away from her.
He knows this because he actually has her address.
He was given it a few months back not by her of course but someone else... someone else who she'd also be surprised to hear still cares about her.
"So… what's a few hours? That's like watching a movie... It would be nothing…" He thinks to himself whilst still sat at his breakfast table.
"No…" he says to himself. "I can't go… She'll think I'm stalking her or something…"
He tries to shake the idea of getting in his car and driving the one hundred and thirty miles to see how she's coping but eventually Peter gives in.
At his age he knows himself pretty well by now and he knows that he'll only be stuck thinking about her all day if he doesn't go and see…
"I can easily be back by tonight…" He says to himself as he starts the ignition.
"I don't even have to talk to her… I just have to see her... as long as I know she's okay… as long as I know she's happy." He thinks as he puts her address into his Sat-nav system.
It's now one o'clock in the afternoon…
Carla's walking towards town, she hasn't taken Bailey with her because he decided to have an early afternoon nap just before she decided to leave so this means that she's all alone as she strolls along the quiet country roads that she has become quite a custom to.
She doesn't have to go to work until much later on in the evening after about six or seven and that's how it is most days for Carla so she has a lot more free time on her hands these days.
Too much free time… free time that she's never had before and it definitely took her a while to get used to not having a factory to oversee.
She walks most places these days mainly because the town she lives in now is rather small but also because getting a car would be a waste of the rather beautiful scenery.
Carla's house is about a ten minute walk from some of the shops and a five minute walk from the stunning beach that she spends a lot of her time on.
There's a shortcut that she can take to town on this very beach so she always makes sure that she uses it because she knows that it would be terrible to not take advantage of the fact that she lives so close to the sea.
As she walks, Carla tries to plan the rest of her day, she knows she's going to call her best friend Michelle at some point and maybe her Dad too, she hasn't spoken to them in a few days and she wants to find out what they've been up to recently.
"Michelle probably will forget what day it is today... after all she is pregnant and Johnny... well He'll ave no idea…" Carla starts to think but then she stops and smiles as she walks past some very large and very intricate Sandcastles that appear on the beach in the same spot every day.
She spotted them on her very first day in Devon and after asking around a bit, Carla found out that no one actually seems to know who builds the divine and ever so mysterious Sandcastles each day, all anyone knows is that they appear every morning and by the end of the day the waves of the sea have washed them away.
As she walks up the stone stairs that take her back to the road, In the distance Carla spots a black car parked awkwardly half on the road half on the pavement… she smiles as she sees the driver get out and stare down at his phone in anguish.
She's only been living in Devon for a few months or so but even Carla can spot an outsider a mile off.
It's totally obvious this man is lost as he turns around and cranes his neck to read the sign that he's stood below and looks back down at his phone.
He's still quite a while away but as she has to pass this man and his car to get to the shops, Carla decides she'll offer to help him out because he really doesn't look like the type of man who lives in Devon.
Then she gets closer… and then she realises... and stops.
She stops because this man definitely doesn't live in Devon… in fact the last she heard this man lived in Portsmouth.
She knows this man… The man stood by his car with brown hair, brown eyes, a very full beard and a leather jacket.
She definitely knows the man with the beard who is stood frowning down at the phone in his hand looking as if he has absolutely no idea how to even use it or even where he is.
At first she thinks about turning around and pretending as if she hasn't seem him and that this cannot be happening.
She thinks that this must be a coincidence but it soon becomes very obvious that this man isn't here by coincidence because when he looks up from his phone and sees her stood before him… the look on his face says it all.
He's relieved.
Relieved to see the woman stood only a few feet away from him… the woman with her lightened brown hair longer than he's ever seen it and he then smiles at her softly because he knows that he definitely is in the right place after all.
He smiles also because he so nearly turned back earlier on and if he had done then he wouldn't have seen her.
There's a long and deafening silence between them as he slips his phone into his pocket and shuts his car door gently.
She turns around clumsily… She takes a quick glance just to make sure that he's not here for someone else even though she knows that he couldn't be and when she looks back he's still smiling at her, his hands now in his pocket, acting as if he's been waiting there all along.
"What... what are you doing here?"