and all those bridges turn to dust
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Pretty much gen. Do I expect feedback for this? Not really. Does it matter? No XD. I just wanted to write something that didn't focus on romance or heavy angst for once (and this was written for the cgkinkmemeii too for a prompt that I found very nice).
...
"You're too reckless when you attack," Tohdoh tells his student, watching the boy fall onto the ground again. His face is flushed, and beads of sweat are pearling down his forehead.
Soon enough, he's standing up again, as usual fast to rise on his feet, and Tohdoh, for an instant, is reminded just what the name 'Suzaku' stands for, but only for a second, too immersed in the present to waste time on unnecessary reflections. "Come and try attacking me again."
Suzaku frowns, a pout forming on his face. "But I'm strong! I came charging at you with full speed." And he crosses his arms, in that petulant way only children can manage effectively. "I don't see why I ...," he bites his under lip, "I thought I'd done it right this time."
Tohdoh sighs, his tone softening. "It's not just about strength. Or speed. But deliberation and calculation." He pauses for a second, realising that a boy of such a young age won't understand him if doesn't explain further. "Suzaku-kun, in a battle between two swordsmen, who do you think has the better cards: the one who rushes forward immediately, without thinking, or the one who waits for the right moment to attack?"
"Hmm. Isn't it better to go first?" Suzaku asks, but he doesn't sound certain, and Tohdoh smiles. They're getting somewhere.
"When your opponent is very weak, yes, but ... usually, it's better to wait and see what kind of fighter your opponent is. Very often things aren't what they seem to be on the surface," Tohdoh says, reminded of old legends and samurai who defended their country to the bitter end. His smile is a little wistful when he adds, "But then again, one of the few times people are truly honest is when on the battlefield."
"Honest ... in what way?" Suzaku asks, and he tilts his head to the side. "Isn't ... hmm, I thought people liked to cheat when trying to win." He grins. "Kaguya always tries to cheat when we're running or playing hiding and seek."
Tohdoh laughs and shakes his head. What a child (and he wonders if Genbu Kururugi isn't too hard on the boy, making him already take such intense training lessons when his head is still full of games -). "When it's a battle of wits, yes, but when it comes to actual fighting, sword facing sword, you don't have time for schemes or elaborate tricks. You can only analyse your opponent as he will you. Because, when it comes down to it, when it comes to life or death, all masks will fall and ...the only thing you can do is just defend what you want to defend."
"Things like family?" Suzaku piques in again, and his face has a dreamy expression on it, and Tohdoh shakes his head again. Probably thinking of heroes.
"Maybe, but also a country, one's values or ... just one's own life. There are many things one can fight for ... what counts is that you continue fighting for them till the end."
Suzaku looks at him, the question lingering in his eyes.
"Only a coward and man with no pride abandons what he's started in the very middle. Fighting, real fighting is about taking responsibility for what one's set in motion and pursuing that way till the end. No matter what," Tohdoh says, his tone serious because he means it. Every single word.
And Suzaku is looking at him with reverence, nodding in earnest approval, and Tohdoh decides it's time to stop the lesson.
The sun is high in the sky, and it's getting suffocatingly hot, not even a light breeze there to rustle through leaves.
Suzaku looks a bit tired, standing on his feet a little shakily, and ... as he looks at him like this, with that smile lighting up his green eyes now, expression both so boyish and innocent, Tohdoh thinks how nice it is that Suzaku Kururugi doesn't know the taste of war or real battle.
Because as nice as pride sounds in theory, Tohdoh is wise enough to realise that it's a different matter in reality.
...
Japan has fallen, and there's nothing he can do about it: no amount of blood spilling or honourable death can undo the fact that the country Tohdoh loves and has vowed to defend till the very end has become Area 11.
The stripping and demolishing of age-old shrines, of important monuments, and the disappearance of Kanji from the daily scene fills Tohdoh with a grief that he's never known before. He, who has grown up with the firm belief that Japan is a proud nation, has to see before his own eyes how men he respects bow before the Britannian flag.
And he can't do anything. He tried. He fought, but he lost. Valiantly, but to no avail (they all fought, all of Japan fought, only dropping the sword when their symbol of hope died).
... And Tohdoh, even if the way of the sword dictates to be loyal to the one person one has pledged loyalty to, and he could never doubt Genbu Kururugi's actions, does, in those few moments of self-reflection, wonder what drove such a proud man to such a rash decision. Because, in those last few days, Genbu never once showed a tint of despair, instead fire and the will to fight burning in his eyes ... Tohdoh doesn't know what made that will fade away, and it's unsettling.
He worries too what became of the boy he once used to teach.
Perhaps, it's the memory of Suzaku's never-failing willpower that finally gives Tohdoh the impulse to continue fighting. Or it's those words he whispered a long time ago...
(Only a coward and man with no pride abandons what he's started -).
...
Nearly a decade later, when he's waiting for death – accepting it, because he's dying for the right cause and unafraid because a true warrior is always prepared to die – Tohdoh comes across the name Suzaku Kururugi again.
In paper format. His execution warrant, and it doesn't even make his eyes widen: he's heard about Suzaku-kun joining the army, becoming a Honorary Britannian, and isn't surprised to find out that he's the one piloting the Lancelot either.
The speed, the way the Lancelot charged in on him was all too reminiscent of hot days spent teaching an impulsive boy to cool down. But Suzaku is a better fighter now, more in tune with his own movements, actually paying attention to what the opponent is doing. And Tohdoh can't help but smile, just a little bit.
...
When Chiba later asks him what he feels on the subject of Suzaku Kururugi, Tohdoh just replies, his face not betraying any emotion, "It's not uncommon for a student and teacher to face each other as enemies. Rather than that, it's only the excepted course." In old days, martial arts schools could only be established because a student broke away from his master, challenging his ways and carving a new path for himself. "Suzaku Kururugi's destiny is simply different from mine."
Chiba looks a bit taken aback and tentatively asks. "But aren't you angry that he betrayed Japan?" She looks angry, her eyes blazing with barely suppressed passion. "He killed his own father, he's just a tra –"
"He had his reasons for it. Has reasons for the things he's doing," Tohdoh says, cutting her off. "It's not my position to judge him as a person, though I'm facing him as an enemy ... respect also means not making any assumptions."
Chiba doesn't understand, and Tohdoh doesn't expect her to.
...
When Zero falls, and he hears that Suzaku Kururugi is the one who killed him, Tohdoh accepts it as a simple fact (he'll try to continue fighting as long as he can; that's the vow he made to – not to Zero, not to the Black Knights – but to Japan).
When he gets captured and is facing death again, staring right into the guns which will fire at him, Tohdoh accepts it as well (that's something he's been prepared to do ever since he picked up his sword).
When he finds out that Zero is not the man he believed him to be, but someone who'd kill for no reason and manipulate others for his own ends, Tohdoh shakes his head and accepts that it's time for him to break ties (if a master proves himself to be unworthy and without honour, then it's only wrong to continue following his path).
When he hears of Suzaku Kururugi's death, he doesn't rejoice, but - once in the sanctity of his room, lights an incense stick for him and doesn't sleep all night.
...
"No, it's Zero," Kallen says, tears streaming down her face and her voice trembling, ... and Tohdoh, even if he knows it's a lie, doesn't ask anymore.
He doesn't get the full picture, nor do all the puzzles fall into place, but he knows that the man up there, standing there stiff and not at all proud, isn't the Zero he followed at first.
(It's a boy who used to smile when he spoke of warlords and who cried tears of frustration when he couldn't make any progress.)
...
It's on Obon night, a hot night with no wind blowing that Tohdoh, years after he's laid down his sword, speaks to Suzaku Kururugi again. And it's while Zerois lighting the stone lantern in front of Genbu Kururugi's grave. "Long time no see, Suzaku-kun."
Zero freezes, a loud gasp escaping his throat, but it dies down quickly enough, and he falls silent.
Tohdoh just says. "I won't ask you to take your mask off." Zero turns to him, still leaning over the grave. "It's neither my position nor my right to ask for anything. Nor do I need justification for why you chose the path you did."
Silence stretches between them like a blanket, comforting and lulling – it's the calm of two men who have a lot to say to each other, but don't need words.
When Zero gets up, he just stands in front of Tohdoh. Waiting.
Tohdoh smiles. "You know, there's one thing I never told you, and it seems right to tell you now – I'm proud of you, proud that my student has grown up so well." He doesn't explain why, doesn't say it's because Suzaku, despite all the hardships tossed at him, despite no one really understanding, chose to stick to his path.
When Zero just nods, Tohdoh bows and turns around to leave, and he's already walking as hears a silent, barely audible, "Thank you, Tohdoh-sensei ... I'm honoured that you were my teacher."
(And this is how the cycle ends.)
...