Author'sNote: I'm pretty sure that in a Doctor Who episode River Song mentions that she knows all of the Doctor's faces so I thought I'd write a bit about how she knows them. I don't think I've got River's character quite right but I was more focused on the humourous side of this fanfic. And yes, the title is a play on a Lady Gaga song in case you were wondering.

The Doctor walked into the Tardis library to find his wife sitting at a desk surrounded by papers.

"Hello, sweetie," she said, without looking up.

"Working hard, Dr Song?"

"I'm just reading your UNIT file."

The Doctor gulped. He was trying to think of ways to stop River from reading about him but he didn't know how he could distract her. Oh well, they were married so for better, for worse and all that. He pulled out a chair and sat down next to her.

"Nice decorative vegetable," River said as she held up a photo of a man in cricket wear with a stick of celery on his lapel. "I assume this was you at one point?"

"That was my fifth body. I met him in my last regeneration."

"Two of you in the same place, wouldn't that have caused a paradox? And blow a hole in space-"

"About the size of Belgium, yeah," the Doctor replied. "But don't worry, I fixed it."

"You always do," River said as she leaned in for a kiss. The Doctor had just thought of a possible distraction but then River pulled away from his mouth.

She turned back to the file and continued reading. Suddenly, she let out a huge roar of laughter and the Doctor looked at her quizzically. Clearly, something had amused her.

"What- the- hell- are- you- wearing- here?!" She said between laughs.

The Doctor looked at the file and saw a photo of his sixth self dressed in a ridiculously bright multi-coloured coat.

"It's hilarious! You look so silly!" River laughed.

"Oi!" The Doctor responded indignantly.

"Were you auditioning for the main role in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? Or did you steal it from the real Joseph?"

The Doctor opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking like a fish. It was fun to tease the Doctor, River thought.

"So many colours. My eyes hurt just thinking about it."

"It's not that bad!" the Doctor complained.

"Sweetie, even the blind would think it's bright."

"I obviously thought it was cool." He said defensively as he straightened his bowtie.

"You have a weird definition of cool."

"At the time," the Doctor finished as though he hadn't been interrupted.

"Your fashion sense was off at the time too. Seriously, you wore quite sensible and normal clothes and then - bam - you're all 'ooh, look at me. I'm wearing a patchwork quilt.' Could you be more camp!?"

"Alright. I was going through a phase."

"I bet you were," River muttered suggestively.

The Doctor spluttered and River chuckled at his reaction.

Once River had quietened down, the Doctor said, "Several regenerations ago, I had a scarf that was almost as colourful as that coat."

"Yeah, well colourful accessories are probably fine but whole outfits? No."

"I suppose you're right," the Doctor admitted grudgingly. He took a closer look at the photo and said. "You know, the outfit on its own wouldn't have been so bad."

River raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"It's the hair. It's so curly."

"There's nothing wrong with curly hair, my love."

The Doctor lovingly stroked River's hair. It was one of his favourite things about River. "I know. Except on that regeneration. That curly hair is ridiculous. Never mind Joseph, it makes me look like Annie!"

The Doctor began to sing a song from Annie but River didn't notice. She was too busy laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face. For many minutes, River was incoherent. The only word that the Doctor could get out of her was "camp."

"Oh, shut up," he said playfully as he left River to it. Her laughs echoed through the corridors as he made his way back to the console room.

The following day, they were heading to the Arctic to see the Northern Lights so River was in the wardrobe looking for a warm coat to wear. That's when she saw it. She smirked as an idea came to her.

Back in the console room, the Doctor looked up when he heard River heading towards him. She was singing something, which sounded suspiciously like 'Any Dream Will Do' from the Joseph musical.

"I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain to see for certain that this COAT IS BRIGHT!"

"Ahhh! My eyes!" The Doctor exclaimed as he saw River was wearing the multi-coloured coat. "I forgot how bright it is. Was I colourblind when I picked it? Must have been or that coat certainly made me colourblind. Ugh. Take it off!"

"Ah, the perfect sentence. Anything for you, honey." River winked as she unbuttoned the coat.

"River!" He meant to sound shocked but her name came out more like a lustful moan. It seemed like their Northern Lights trip was about to be postponed.

A short while later, River and the Doctor were cradled in each other's arms.

"What was I thinking about that coat?" The Doctor muttered.

"No idea, sweetie."

"At least a fez is better than that monstrosity."

"Hmmm, I suppose."

The Doctor looked at River hopefully. "Does that mean you'll stop shooting them off my head then?"

"Spoilers," she smirked.

No offence to the Sixth Doctor intended - this was just a bit of fun. Also, I don't own Doctor Who or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.