So this idea just wouldn't leave me alone and kept distracting me from updating my other story and needless to say, it got the better of me. Super angsty but worth it in the end. Enjoy!
"Gold."
The withered man looked up from his counter just as the door slammed, the prized savior standing in its wake. The scene wasn't a new one for him or his shop and neither was the fury on her face.
"Ms Swan," he acknowledged in a falsely soothing voice. "What can I do for you today?"
"I hear there was a run in at Granny's," she told him, walking up to the glass case in front of him, hands on her hips. Just like a Charming.
"What can I say, dearie? He was in my seat." There was hint of a sinister smirk on his face as he enunciated the words, gazing back at her steadily and Emma considered how dead his eyes looked sometimes. Like there wasn't a man in there at all.
She leveled her glare and cut the crap.
"You can't keep doing whatever the hell you want around here, Gold. I don't care who the hell you are. This is my town and I am done with you terrorizing it, magic or not," she told him, putting as much authority in her voice as possible. Gold seemed to brush her off as he hummed to himself, walking around the counter to stand in front of her, hands resting on his trusty cane.
"Does this have more to do with your precious town or a certain pirate who was on the receiving end of my wrath today?" By the tight grin on his face it would seem he already knew the answer but Emma's eyes widened and he could see she thought him insane. For the savior she really was an idiot.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asked, voicing his assumption in a bewildered tone. Gold rolled his eyes at how predictable this whole family was, turning away to go grab something in the back, not bothering to say a word more. He knew she would follow behind, no fear in that one, and she lived up to his expectations warily.
"Ms Swan, I'm not sure you realize just the sort of man our dear Captain Hook truly is," he told her, walking around some crates at a slow pace.
"Thieving, murderous scoundrel with a lack of personal space," Emma listed off easily, the line almost sounding scripted even to her own ears. "What more is there to know?" she asked rhetorically, rolling her head slightly with a bored look.
"Oh, I think we both know you can't be fooled by simple acts of the past, especially considering your own history, dearie," Gold replied cryptically and Emma began to watch him carefully as he came to stand in front of her, holding a carved wooden box in his hands. She wasn't surprised that he somehow knew about her life before Storybrooke but that didn't make it any less unnerving. "I'm talking of what truly makes a man. Attitude, motivations, compassion," he told her, voicing ticking off each word with weight behind them.
"And what would you know of being a good man?" Emma asked coldly, knowing that everything he just listed Gold would obliterate before fighting fair and risk losing.
"I never claimed to be one, dearie," he said with his creepy smile once more and Emma got a hint of the demon inside. It chilled a part of her but she pushed past it, holding his gaze stoically. He broke it easily, eyes trained on his hands as they opened the box carefully. Emma followed suit, watching as he pulled out the brown dreamcatcher, grey feathers hanging from the craftsmanship daintily. "I believe you remember this particular artifact, Ms Swan."
"Unless there's another unsolved murder you want to tell me about, I think you should put that away and take a trip with me down to the station," Emma warned, suddenly more unwary at the sight. She had no reason to be scared but she felt she was playing right into some plot he cooked up long before entering Granny's earlier that day.
"Just thought you'd like to know what you were getting into before entering any relationship with that deplorable pirate." Something sour appeared in his voice at the end, hinting at his true feelings.
"There's nothing going on between Killian and I," she tried once again to drill into the stubborn man's head but stopped short when he raised his eyebrows knowingly and she cursed herself for the slip of tongue.
"I didn't realize you were on a first name basis. I've only ever heard one other call him by his given name in his three hundred years," Gold seemed to muse, effectively catching Emma's attention, albeit reluctantly. They stared at each other for a long moment. She knew she could leave right then, walk out the door and Gold wouldn't miss her but his words echoed in her mind, pulling her in dangerously, curiosity from somewhere beyond her walls telling her to make the deal, to give in and find more.
After an immeasurable amount of time Gold spoke up, voice alight with victory.
"What'll it be, dearie?" Emma glared at him a beat longer before mentally conceding.
"What could you possibly have to show me?" she asked, guard ever present.
"Let's just call it the beginning of the end for your dear pirate, shall we?" He then brushed the dreamcatcher down his arm slowly, the strings lighting gold in a warm hue. As the whole circle glowed he handed it to her gently and after a moments hesitation she took it, holding it closer to herself than last time. Gold didn't bother giving her any direction, same as before, having the utmost faith in her abilities despite everything else.
The magic flowing through her body was more familiar this time, causing less havoc. With the Archie incident, the power had made her muscles tense and mind grow tired after only a few seconds, but she had more control now, watching the memory with apter attention than before.
At first there was flashes, little pieces of memories that Emma quickly realized were of Gold's old life, a life even before the Dark One. There was a modest cottage, a small village, and a beautiful woman with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes. And through these images Emma could feel the old Rumpel's emotions clouding them as all memories probably do.
The bits, of who she assumed was Milah, were light and full of love, her face smiling and eyes warm but something seemed to switch, a great pain falling over their lives, and she could feel Gold's heart break slowly, watching the woman become cold and distant, harsh words leaking through the haze about cowardice and shame. Despite her efforts, a part of Emma's heart squeezed in pity for the simple man back then, wanting nothing more than to love his wife.
And then the scene changed, keeping the setting and becoming clearer and the pressure in her chest was for a completely different reason.
There was Killian, sitting across from Milah, wide smile on his face as he took a shot easily. Emma had never seen him so joyful in the time she'd known him.
He looked so young and so happy, so full of life that seemed vacant most of the time these days. But Emma could see more as Rumpel called out to his wife. She could see cockiness and conceit leaking through his pores, everything expected of a great captain but it knitted her brow.
"He's a tad taller than you described." Everyone laughed around him but Emma frowned, feeling the shame in Rumpel's soul. She watched as more words were thrown at the crippled man before Baelfire, Neal, appeared and she could see the embarrassment enter Milah's eyes and she wondered how a mother could just leave her son alone like that, could try to hide him from the men she craved to impress. As a mom, it felt wrong to Emma but she reminded herself that she wasn't one to judge after all the things she'd done.
The memory shifted, words blending together about leaving and starting new, about seeing the world but eventually being dropped and being replaced by promises. Promises that something deep in Emma knew were empty before it seemed Rumpel was approaching a ship. She quickly realized it was the Jolly Roger, seeing the exterior for the first time, no curse to hide its majestic glory.
And then Rumpel was being thrown onto the deck and Emma once more felt how tiny he once was, how weak before all the magic corrupted him and a part of her could understand his desperation for power. She knew the helplessness of being small and she had vowed to herself multiple times that she would never feel that way again, although she'd never take it as far as he had.
The gaze lifted and Emma got a full shot of Killian, bottom to top and, not for the first time, she easily knew how effortless it was for women to fall at his feet. Rumpel too, apparently, she thought snarkily but focused once more. Even back then he was one for dramatics, obviously posing for the interaction in his "casual" state. She almost smirked at the glimpse of the Killian she knew but her amusement vanished with his conceited words.
"Well I've had many a man's wife."
She watched as he offered him a duel and she knew that Killian was sure he'd say no. The man was crippled, the only one now left to take care of his son, and beyond frightened. It was an unfair match from the beginning and Emma felt truly disappointed at his next words.
"Try the truth. His father's a coward."
Watching him walk away and hearing Rumpel's cries, Emma realized why Gold was showing her this. She understood what he was saying about what makes a man and a part of her agreed.
This wasn't the Killian she knew. This man was self righteous and merciless to those below him. He cared only for himself and took joy in the misfortune of others he saw unfit. He was arrogant and pig headed and Emma watched in a flurry as he dealt with the consequences of his actions.
The pub, bodies bumping, the dread on Killian's face as Rumpel made a show of his misfortune, the duel, Milah, a bean, the ship, a match between husband and wife. It all whirled together, making it hard to concentrate on one particular thing but it all seemed to slow down as last words were spoken and dust blew between Rumpel's fingers. And even though she felt the sense of accomplishment and darkness as Gold had when watching Milah die, she wanted to cry out at seeing Killian so hurt. She knew the devastation on his face, had felt it in her own soul.
And as she saw him attack his crocodile, she knew that the Killian she had watched before died along with his beloved and Hook was now there. But with his last words, Emma knew.
"Even demons can be killed. I will find a way."
The dreamcatcher eventually went black before the magic completely faded, leaving her staring through the strings at nothing.
Silence enveloped the shop but to Emma it might has well have been deafening.
"Not quite as he seems, is he, Ms Swan," Gold spoke quietly, smugness deep in his voice. Her gaze dragged to his face, anger and hurt evident in her vulnerability as she shoved the trinket into his chest, making her way out of the shop without a word.
She headed home, taking the backroads as her face crumpled but no tears made their way out. She wouldn't stoop that low no matter the pain in her chest.
How could she be so stupid? It's like she never learned her lesson no matter the repeats. The men would always have hidden motives, something forever coming before her, and she would never be enough to fix them. She fell for it over and over and she couldn't even come up with an excuse other than she thought he was different despite knowing otherwise.
Her apartment building came into view and she entered slowly, sluggishly making her way up the stairs and unlocking the door. She kept the sullen look on her face as she hung up her coat and scarf, not bothering to hide it as she figured she'd only end up telling everything to her mother eventually.
"Hello, love," Emma heard from behind her and her face scrunched up, blocking back tears at the smooth voice before composing herself to turn around. Her expression was stony, a well practiced move after years of training.
Hook was laying across her couch, foot elevated on some throw pillows and an ice pack fastened around his ankle, bright smirk ever present. His face had some bruises shadowing it and Emma for the first time saw the full extent of Gold's abuse from their run in.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, voice monotone if not a bit hostile. Instead of Hook speaking up, she heard someone in the kitchen and looked to find Snow making tea and looking at her, eyes clearly asking what was wrong.
" Rumpelstiltskin did quite a number on him before and Whale said someone should probably keep an eye on him until he was fully healed," she told Emma carefully, fully aware of her daughter's demeanor. "It was either this or hiding him in the ER again." Her parents had cozied up quite nicely with the pirate after he helped save their grandchild in Neverland so the hospitality didn't surprise her. Snow continued to watch her, hoping to catch something that would explain the mood Emma had walked in with. The blond only huffed in response, turning to trudge up the stairs and towards her room.
"What? Were there no more beds in the hospital?" she called back, not bothering to look over her shoulder as she made it quite clear how she stood on their houseguest. Snow shared an apologetic look with Hook but before she could blink he was up off the couch and bolting after where Emma had disappeared. Snow made a move to stop him but he brushed her off with a wave of his hand, not even paying attention to the pain shooting through his leg as he followed behind the woman that had wormed her way into his affections.
Despite his throbbing foot, Hook made sure to keep his steps light, making his way down the hall to Emma's door. He knocked delicately against the wood and waited for a response from within.
"Listen, Mary Margaret, I don't fe-" Emma sighed tiredly, swinging open the door to send her mother away but instead found the cause to her turmoil standing in front of her. Her back straightened defensively and she pulled the door closer to her side, feeling like he was invading her privacy if she had it wide open to his view. She glanced down at his foot to see the cold compress still hanging on his leg, seemingly forgotten in his journey up here. "What do you want?" she asked coldly.
He answered her question with a question. "Care to explain what that was down there, darling?" His expression pissed her off, blues eyes having the audacity to look annoyed at her as his eyebrows peak, mouth held in a tight lipped, sarcastic smile that looked more like a grimace. Her aggravation got the better of her as she lashed out.
"In fact, I don't," she replied in a fake thoughtful voice. "Now, if that's all..." she trailed off, moving to shut the door in his face. But just before it slammed, a ringed hand easily caught it and if he wasn't so strong, Emma would have crunched his fingers in the door jam. He pushed it open seamlessly, smirking at the defiant scowl pointed at him as she fumed.
"'fraid it won't be that easy to get rid of me, love," he told her in a sing song voice and her jaw visibly clenched. "Now, how about you tell me what's making such a fuss up in that pretty little head of yours."
"Don't condescend me, Hook," she practically growled at him. She wanted to hate him, wanted to punch him in the face and throw him down the stairs. She wanted him to be another villain she had to beat without a second thought, not an infuriating, attractive, crippled man in her bedroom. "I'm not some lowly idiot you can just push around," she added, venom building up in her voice as Hook faltered. His expression turned cautious, sensing that there was more to this than one of the silly tantrums she talked herself into occasionally.
"Love," he said tentatively, voice soft as he took a calculated step towards her but Emma began to shake her head in response. "Love, tell me what's going on. Where were you just now?" The sadness that began to bleed into her eyes scared him and he was desperate to know what was hurting her, desperate to fix it.
"It doesn't matter," she mumbled, shaking her head as she began to walk passed him but he slowly stepped into her path, blocking her with his body. Emma stared at his neck, blatantly avoiding his eyes and he wished she wouldn't deny him so but held his resolve, standing tall, demanding an answer. But Emma was stubborn and knew how to hold her tongue.
"Emma, please," he whispered pleadingly. Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath in through her nose.
"I was at the pawn shop," she finally told him, trying to make the confession sound casual but it didn't work as she saw him stiffen, watching the veins in his neck tighten repeatedly.
"And?" he prompted, voice forcibly even.
"And Gold showed me some memories," she confessed, finally glancing up so her gaze could drill in the meaning. Hook stood stoically, holding all his cards until the last second, a move Emma knew well but wish she didn't.
"What memories would that be, Swan?" he asked. Swan. He was pushing her away.
"Don't play dumb, Hook. It doesn't suit you," she bit out, moving around him to put distance between them. He wanted keep her at arms length? Fine. She can play that game too. She was a pro at it actually.
"So I suppose that's it, yeah? You finally have your reason to hate the deplorable pirate, ey?" he threw out like an accusation, twisting to face her.
"Oh, believe me, Hook, you've already given me more than enough reason if I wanted to hate you," she retorted sarcastically, giving him a scathing look.
"So what is it then? Going to say I stole his wife in the dead of night? That I was selfish and conceited and deserved my lot for egging on the Dark One? Call me a fool for taking on the most powerful being in all the realms just for a woman?" Hook asked angrily and Emma's face fell slightly. Somewhere in the middle of all this she had hurt him and she couldn't pinpoint when but it made her want to backtrack, take back the unknown offense that put the anguish in his eyes as they met her wide ones.
Her shoulders slumped in defeat and she stared down at the floor, wondering when she had lost this fight. It seemed she was doing so well for so long but here she was, practically throwing in the towel. She was losing herself in her thoughts bit by bit, trying to make sense of her life up to this exact moment, but was pulled out by a calloused finger raising her chin to then cup her cheek. Her stormy grey eyes met bright blue and she almost didn't care about failing if it meant at least losing herself in the sea.
"Love, you need to tell me what happened," he told her, almost begging but he was above that. Well, most of the time.
And surprisingly, Emma told him everything. Told him every memory and every thought, she confessed her disappointment and pain and how she felt everything Gold had in those moments. She watched as his eyes clouded with hurt and shame but never left hers. She explained her maternal opinions and her pity for Neal but also her pity for Milah. She poured everything into her words for him, for once craving someone to actually understand. But not just anyone. She wanted it to be Killian who listened to her, who saw everything. She greedily took in all of his undivided attention, never once realizing that she always had it.
"So, I see you've met the real Killian Jones," he spoke up once she was done, thumb stroking her cheek and Emma wondered when she had started to cry. She frowned at his words, ignoring her emotions to hold his face in her hands.
"Yes, you were wrong and didn't think about your actions but you were also a young boy at the time, Killian," she told him fiercely, wanting him to listen to every word. "You wanted your happiness like every other stupid kid, damning anyone who got in your way," he moved to pull his head away but she held tightly, "it was a mistake, Killian, but that doesn't mean you deserved what you got." He stared at her with ghosts in his eyes and she understood immediately. "Milah's death was not your fault." His eyes closed at her words and she knew her prediction was right, watching as his jaw clenched so tightly that it could bend metal and he breathed heavily through his nose. His cracks were slipping at she could see the centuries old pain wanting to break through. So she did the only thing she could think of and pressed her lips gently to his.
Killian stayed still under her touch but she didn't back down, coaxing him to share some of the burden on his shoulders, asking him to let her in. But he could be just as stubborn as her and didn't budge.
"It wasn't your fault," she repeated against his lips. "You have nothing to prove, Killian." And like that, the dam broke and his mouth possessed hers as their bodies pressed together, leaving no space between the two. His lips were firm and insistent but not ungentle. He said everything he'd been thinking in that one kiss and it left Emma breathless but craving more as she clutched onto him. Her mouth opened to him and he obliged instantly, leaving both of them wanting. Emma knew that this was a one-shot deal, that she could never have him in the way she needed, that his heart would always be on his wrist with another woman's name tattooed across it but she hungrily took her moment, damning the inevitable pain that would follow as soon as he left.
They pulled apart when air was a necessity, both gasping as their foreheads rested against each other.
"He used you to get back at me," Killian panted, voice breaking and sounding as beaten as it had during his parting words to Gold on the ship and it broke her the same way it did in the shop. Emma looked up at him to see his eyes closed again, painful images flashing behind his eyelids. "Wanted me to feel the pain of being left willingly."
"But that doesn't make any sense..." Emma trailed off, sounding small in the emotion packed moment. Killian's eyes opened and the honesty there made her heart skip a beat.
"Emma, you must know," he replied hoarsely, looking at her in disbelief that only proved to confuse her.
"All I mean is, you lost Milah in the worst way possible," she told him carefully, not wanting to inflict any more pain. "How could he hurt you even more after that?" The question was meant to be rhetorical but Killian answered anyways.
"I loved Milah," he told her with conviction and any hope she had was dashed away. "She was a good woman and helped show me what it was to be a man. But Emma..." he trailed off, catching her chin once more. "You must feel this between us?" He looked at her as if she were missing something so obvious. "Emma, we're the same, you and I. We belong to each other by destiny, can't you feel it?" Her heart fluttered at his words, but was unable to let herself believe. She may have been the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming but she never expected her life to be a fairytale. He saw it in her eyes and took her right hand, placing it over his chest where his heart was kept before copying with his own. Emma watched her fingers in awe as they splayed over the thin, dark fabric, thumb brushing across his exposed chest as she felt the pulse beneath her palm. The two beated as one, perfectly synchronized, not a millisecond off, as if they were playing the same song.
She glanced up timidly to see him smiling down at her, undisclosed affection pointed solely at her.
The same smile from the pub. It might have actually been happier if she were being honest with herself. Unbridled happiness and something else that made her heart beat faster. And oddly enough, she felt his do the same. A careful, watery smile spread across her face, widening when he pulled her into the safety and comfort of his body, wrapping around her in a way that wasn't anything less than perfect, whispering sweet words that made her being hum in response, recognizing them to be true.
"We're made of the same stuff, you and me. Forever."
What did you think? Lots of angst that needed to come out in this one. If you want something a little more lighthearted after this you could always head over to my other fluff fic The Kiss...maybe...
Review?