"Sometimes the most addicting of things are the ones that destroy us."
Rain falls, thunder rumbles. They once said that raindrops were Hera's tears and the thunder was the anger of Zeus. Some say they were both from Zeus; from his anger and his distress for having such a wicked wife. If any of those are true, it does not take away from the fact that these storms were caused by fights between Zeus and the lovely Hera.
When they fought, it was rather intense. They were like polar opposites. Hera was responsible when it came to her duties while Zeus was not. Hera was faithful, Zeus was not. The differences can go on; they are like fire and ice. Complete opposites, yet the one thing that saved each other. When ice got to cold, fire was there to heat it up, when fire burned to hot, ice was there to cool it down. But the funny thing is that they both have fire and ice inside. Hera has ice in her heart from the time that Zeus has broken it yet, this fiery persona that burns hot and strong and bright enough to consume everything in its pass. Zeus could be cold like ice. Just like the time he hung Hera from the sky or threw his son, Hephaestus from Olympus or threatened to beat Hera. Or he could burn bright and hot like fire for he was, Shining Zeus. But his fire didn't consume, it kindled, it lit life. Also, like fire and ice, they didn't want to win battles but the whole war. From time to time, Hera's fire got too bright, too hot and Zeus was there it cool it with his indifference. Zeus's fire never consumed like Hera, he didn't need Hera's ice to cool it but Hera's fire to remind him that there was still life to be lived. And just like fire and ice, together they conquered.
Did they love each other? Not now, not anymore. There was too much damage done and going to be done. They never loved each other actually. Zeus had forced Hera to be his wife. And she still remembers it.
Hera was sleeping soundly in her bed chamber, when she was awakened by a little pecking sound at her window. Stretching like a graceful cat, she stood and walked to her window. Outside was snowy, cold, and windy and there, preached on her window pane was a little cuckoo bird shivering violently with ice sticking to its feathers.
Feeling sorry for the poor bird and her own maternal instincts drove her to open the window and grab the freezing cuckoo from the tree, bringing it inside. The poor animal shuddered in her hands. So Hera decided to press it against her chest to warm the creature. As soon she did, the cuckoo bird changed into the Mighty Zeus.
She quickly moved back, trying to reach for the door but Zeus caught her wrists and held her in place. Hera didn't dare look up as Zeus held her in there.
Moving closer to her, he said "Hera, I'll ask one more time, will you be my wife? Imagine everything you can have. You would be the Queen of the Gods, of Heaven right beside me. Everything would be under your rule. All you have to do is say yes."
With the offer, Hera moved her eyes to meet Zeus'. "Yes, I know what I can have and my answer still stands the same; no. I know you, Zeus. I will not share my husband and that's what you love to do. Lay your eyes on every pretty woman and lay with them after. I don't want that. I am the Goddess of Marriage after all. So no Zeus, I will not marry you."
Zeus shook his head. "Then you leave me no choice. Since you won't come willing, I'll take you by force."
He ravaged her. No one came to her aid as she shouted her ragged pleas for help. Eventually, she just stopped all together, just hoping that it would all end soon. By the time Zeus had left, she had bruises forming on her skin and eyes filled with tears and a mind filled with shame. He had asked her again what her answer was to his question and she had said yes. It's not like she had a choice. Had she said no, Zeus would have turned the whole story against her and her siblings would have sided with him.
Hera hugged the sheets closer to her broken body and finally cried; sobbing until she fell asleep.
A couple of days after this Rhea, her mother, started asking questions, which Hera ignored until her mother just stopped asking. By the time the wedding invitation had been handed out and all was in place, Hera had buried this so deep it practical didn't exist. She was able to like her brother to some point again but she did pretend to love him. Her acting was so fine that Zeus believed it, along with everyone else and every once in a while she would believe it as well. All this time before her wedding, there was only one place where she would bathe; the spring of Canathus near Argos. It restored her virginity, so she could actually have her wedding night.
Their wedding was no small occasion. All the Gods and Goddesses attended and they all brought divine gifts. Hera, having buried the dreaded day, she was able to enjoy her wedding night, one that lasted 300 years. On that first night Zeus made a promise to her; one that she believed.
Zeus stroked her soft black hair as she laid next to him, looking up at him. Her blue eyes seemed to study him and her blood red lips were pursed as if she wanted to say something. When she finally did say something, it went like this:
"I need you to promise something, husband. Promise me that I will be the only one you will lay with from now to forever. Promise me."
Zeus smiled and whispered, "I promise that you shall be the only one that I will lay with. You are my wife after all."
Hera couldn't suppress the smile that came to her as he kissed her lips.
"Trust is like a mirror… once it's broken, though you can fix it, it will never look the same."
All too soon she learned what a liar he was. What a lair indeed. The first time she learned that he had broken the promise; she was in slight shock and realized what a fool she had been. She should have never trusted him but she did and now it bites at her.
Determined not to be made a fool of like before, she pursues, punishes and persecutes her husband's mistresses and bastard children. Despite, this leads to fights between them, it's better than the alternative. The alternative of wondering why he doesn't love you, why you're not good enough and why he cheats? You can drive yourself mad wondering, so she focuses her energy on revenge.
Though there are those times were everything is sweet again and it feels like before. She used to cherish those moments but she realized once they were gone, they caused too much pain. So she pushed him away. Pushed and pushed with all her might until a vast ocean formed between them. Sometimes he would call out to her from the other side but she had to turn the other cheek. Eventually their relationship became nothing but professional.
"A bizarre sensation pervades a relationship of pretense. No truth seems true. A simple morning's greeting and response appear loaded with innuendos and fraught with implications. Each nicety becomes more sterile and each withdrawal more permanent." – Maya Angelou
They would counsel together and conquer but there was not any show of affection after that not unless it was necessary like that time during the Trojan War. She treated Zeus as if he was a disease most of the time and he was. He was a disease to her mind; it muddled her thoughts with false hope and pretenses. Zeus could either make her or break her; he could be the best thing for her or the worst. So far he has been the less pleasant part. He challenged her, he made her question things that were and that bothered her. It put her out of her comfort zone.
"Love shouldn't hurt, drag you through an emotional roller coaster or leave you feeling like less of a person."- Michelle Hall
Zeus on the other hand wished that maybe their relationship could have been different. He wished that he wasn't to blame for creating that small, cold-hearted woman. So he didn't blame himself but Hera; blamed it all on her jealous and vindictive personality. Anything to ease that small bit of guilt.
Early in their relationship, Zeus tried to express his feelings to her. Those feelings were supposedly love as Aphrodite called them. But she would always spur him, so he went out looking for immortals and mortals that could substitute his Queen but they never came close. They lacked her wit, her cleverness, her beauty, her regal look, her smell. They only thing that they really provided was the warmth he sought from Hera. The other reason he sought mistresses and barely admits it to himself but was to witness Hera's reaction. Zeus knew that as long as she reacted she cared somewhat of him still. He knew that he could just be mistaking this for her pride but he knew Hera as well as the back of his hand. If she reacted, no matter how little, she still cared, and she felt jealous and he knew why. Zeus belonged to Hera as Hera belonged to him. Whether or not their was love, it didn't matter for Zeus as long as she was jealous he knew that he still belonged to her or her heart still belonged to him. Maybe that's why he prohibited her from moving out of their room together and into a different part of the palace. She belonged to him, forever and always.
"In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited to long to make." – Anon.
Hera tried putting as much distance between her and her husband as possible by trying to move out of the room they shared together. The reaction she got from Zeus wasn't one that she suspected.
She moved throughout the room getting things together for her leave. She just didn't want to face a filled bed at night but by morning it was empty. It would be better like this for both of them. For her, at least.
Suddenly, the door was slammed open and then slammed close. Hera turned around and there stood a fuming Zeus. His bright grayish-blue eyes were vivid with anger. Hera stood her ground. She had faced worst.
With an exasperated sigh, she said tiredly, "What is it that you want, Zeus? I am busy if you cannot see."
"What is this talk of the nymphs that you are moving to a different part of the palace without my permission?" Zeus spoke quietly but there was a deadly edge to his voice.
"I do live here Zeus as well, no matter how much you hope I didn't. I need no permission to move freely and the nymphs are correct in what they say, I am moving from here."
In a flash, Zeus had grabbed Hera's wrist, reminding her of a day she thought she had forgotten. He shook her until it rattled her bones.
"You do need my permission as my wife! You cannot just leave without asking!"
Hera laughed drily, "I personally thought I was doing you a favor. So you bring your whores here without my intervention."
"I prohibit you from parting from here. Here is where our marriage bed is and this is where you will stay. End of discussion."
Hera finally lost her patience, "You don't love me, you do not lay with me and you don't even stay the night! What need is there for me to stay in this room!"
"I do not need to explain myself to you, Wife. But I do warn you to hold your tongue since I wish not to lay my hands on you."
Finally, frightened Hera dropped the subject and removed herself from Zeus's grip but only to find herself be turned around again and have his lips crush hers'. She tried to fight at first but when she saw that this wasn't a battle she was going to win, she relaxed in his grip and leaned into him. For the first time in decades they laid together and it was rather joyous. And when she awakened on the morning, she was still in arms of her husband.
These are the memories that you know will cause you pain later but are too addicting to let go of. After that night, Zeus goes to sleep at the same time as Hera and when she wakes she still finds her husband there. She is not naïve and knows that he sneaks out and sneaks back in before the sun rises but it gives her a sense of pride that he does not sleep until morning with those women but comes back to her bed specifically to awaken with her.
"Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves." – Emily Bronte
But that sense of pride always gets taken down with another affair. He cheats, they fight, and she gets revenge. It's a never ending cycle of retribution. Sometimes Hera wonders what goes thru his mind as he lies with another; does he even think of her? Does her face cross his mind? She knows that any thought of her possible pain is absent in his mind. It doesn't matter to him because all he cares for is himself. If only Hera had known that this would be her life, in which her pain would blaze into an inferno consuming her bit by bit while her happiness was just an occasional spark. So many hopes and dreams were consumed in that inferno, oh so many. That inferno also fueled a lot of her anger; the anger that made her vengeful to the point where they point fingers because of the things she had done. Oh, she regrets them but she would do anything just so Zeus could feel an ounce, a drop of her pain. Hera knows that her pain is an ocean that just gets wider, and bigger; what a miracle she hasn't drowned yet. If Zeus were to spend a second in that ocean, he would drown and sink quicker than cement.
Sometimes Hera likes to close her eyes and just for a second believe that ocean doesn't exist and she's back picking flowers in a meadow far away were she's laughing, happy, and independent and free, so very free. Just a place where she exists and nothing else really does. No duties, no children, no other Gods and Goddess, and especially, no husband. A place where she can say "I'm happy. I'm free." Yet, happiness and freedom has long fled her world and left loneliness and misery in its place.
Her power makes the misery go away. The thrill of knowing that she ruled over everything and everyone was the only thing keeping her from divorce, other than her title. Power fills part of the small void in her heart. Hera hates the irony that she rejected Zeus that night when he had told her about the power she could have and now she reveled in it. It's become the only thing close love she has come too.
Nevertheless, it did little to cure the loneliness. Maybe it's because she is isolated. When she married Zeus and he had started to cheat, she began pushing everyone away, in fear that they would be the ones sleeping with Zeus behind her back; that they would betray her and humiliate her. Zeus made her guarded, in a way that she never was before.
"What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?" – T.S. Eliot
Though, she would thank him for something. He made her ten times stronger emotionally; he made as tough and as hard are iron. But he has made her into a lot of things she regrets like realistic. Oh, the times long ago in her youth were she would close her eyes and have all these hopes for the future. A future where she have a loving, devoted husband and children that she would fuss over and let them have a childhood were they can smile as they recall. Of course, the Fates had nothing of that sorts planned for her.
"You really don't know who I am, only who you want me to be."
Zeus knows that she wonders if he can see her pain and he does but his pride gets the better of him. He can't let her win; he can't give her that power over him. So he acts indifferent when she cries; waits for her to be done so he can promise her things that he surely break a week from then. Zeus knows very well that Hera takes no fate in them, not anymore. In a way those false promises, are not only to comfort Hera but himself, in a sense. If he promises to be a better man, then maybe he can ignore the fact that she deserves better, so much better. Zeus knows plenty of women that would be broken already from his constant betrayals but Hera's superior strength surprises him every time. That she can pick herself up again and defend something that belongs to her. She keeps her head high and he admires her for that. He hates to admit it but she makes a fine Queen better than any other.
Fire and ice. Yes, they can save each other but at the end they will be the downfall of one another. They will both consume each other until they have won the war. One will either come out frozen ice or burned to the bone.
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold those in favor of fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate,
To say that for destruction
Ice is also great
And would suffice."
- Robert Frost