My first fan fiction! For the love of Roy, please review!
++NOTE:++ I edited this a little. Not much, only for the grammatical errors and small things like that.
Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, I wouldn't be writing a fanfiction about it!
Your Not Alone.
Roy Mustang was growing worried.
He hadn't seen his son- urm, subordinate- the entire day. Edward had called early in the morning, saying that he wouldn't be able to come to work. Ed's voice had sounded raspy, like he had been crying for hours, even on the phone.
Growing worried with his voice Roy made a short joke- something along the lines of not being able to see him over the desk anyway- to get the teen to react.
But Roy's fears, came true as the blonde on the other end of the line had not yelled, screamed, threatened or said the usual bastard comment, much to Roy's dismay.
He tried to go and see Ed then, but being the good first lieutenant she was, Riza dutifully reminded him of the meeting with the Fuhrer all general's and colonel's were demanded to attend.
The Flame Alchemist got out of the meeting much later then he would have liked, he needed to see the blonde he considered his son. Make sure everything was okay. Even though the Colonel had a feeling that everything was not okay.
Alphonse was is Risembool, visiting Winry and Pinnako, who needed Al's help for heavy repairs on the house while they filled out the seemingly endless orders for automail.
So here he was, the Hero of the Eastern Rebellion, outside the door of the famous Fullmetal Alchemist's apartment. Roy wondered if he should be visiting at all, it was rather late, quarter after eleven.
Roy sucked in a breath, he needed to do this, rid the feeling lurking in his gut that something was wrong. Direly wrong.
But no... He had to do this, he had to see with his very own eyes that the young alchemist was alright. With that he knocked on the door. No answer. Roy could have sworn he heard a slight whimper.
Something was wrong. There was no mistaking it. Without further hesitation, he snapped- his ignition gloves still on from work- and burned the door down. Roy had no time to waste on petty things such as doorknobs or keys.
Roy jolted forward into the living room. No one. "Fullmetal! Fullmetal!" receiving no replies he mumbled "awe, screw formalities." And called out for the blonde teen he had grown to care for so much. "Edward! Ed!"
In reply he heard a whimper.
'There's no mistaking that sound.' Roy thought sadly, wondering what in Amestris could cause the Hero of The People to whimper; A sound that made Roy's heart break when it came from the golden-eyed alchemist.
The bedroom. With that thought the dark haired man raced to the bedroom, not prepared for the sight that awaited him.
Edward. A bloody wrist with a knife on the floor next to him. That's all the colonel's brain could form at the scene of Edward, lying crumbled in the fetal position, clutching a small kitchen knife in his automail hand, and slash marks all down the front of the blondes left wrist.
A little voice rung in Roy's head. 'Stop the blood. Save him'.
Upon that thought Roy was at the blondes side, kneeling down next to him.
"Edward! What have you done? What happened!" Roy knew full well what happened, but the father side of him, didn't want to believe it. That his son, -biological or not be damned-, would do that to himself. Roy stripped himself of his military coat and pressed it onto the never ending blood flow coming from the young alchemist's wrist.
The voice he heard was so soft he doubted it even there. "No stop. Let me go. Let it bleed. Let me end this."
Roy knew this voice too well, and it frightened him to think that such a loud, bold voice could be reduced to this tiny whisper.
"What do you mean stop? I'll be damned if I let you-" He choked on the next words "...Kill yourself..." He whispered, barely audible in the dark room.
The colonel did however hear the words the boy whispered next, as though they were shouted in his ear. "Why can't you do me this favor? Why won't you let me finally be in peace? Do you hate me this much? Why?"
Roy snapped back- more harshly then intended- "Why? Because killing yourself is stupid! Pathetic! I'm not letting you die like this! And why else, because I care about you, you idiot!" His grip on Ed's wrist painfully tightening with every word.
Ed's voice seemed to grow in volume "No you're lying! No one cares about me! No one! And if you did care for me, you would let me be happy and let me end this nightmare I've been living!"
It took Mustang a minute to realize that Ed had been crying the whole time he has been in this room. Roy's never seen Ed cry. Never. Ed has always been so brave, so strong. too strong. hes just a child, forced into this grown up life in the military. that's not fair for Ed. not fair at all. Forced to be strong, for Al. He cant do this all by himself. But still, even knowing that, it still hurt him to see Ed in such a vulnerable, weak position.
Roy had something important to say. His voice cracked as he spoke "Edward- why? Why did you do this?" he honestly wasn't expecting an answer, so when Edwards shaky voice spoke up, he was shocked.
"Don't ask why I'm telling you this, but you've caught me in the act so I may as well tell you." He sighed and breathed deeply. "multiple reasons. First off, I just cant deal with it, the guilt, its all my fault everything. everything is all my fault, from" Eds voice tightened, as did the grip Roy had on eds wrist "mothers transmutation, Al being stuck in that horrible body, Nina, Hughes dying" Ed choked out "Everything" before dissolving in a mass of sobs that wracked his small frame.
Roy took the small teen's head- which was lying on the wood floor- and put it on his lap, stroking Edward's golden hair, that was so soft to the touch.
The older man could see how the boy would think those things are his fault, but they weren't, they honestly weren't his fault. Other people had been with him in the acts so, even if it was his fault -which it wasn't- he wasn't the only person to blame. And that's exactly what Roy said to the small teen.
"B-But it- it was a-all my f-fault. I know i-it was." Roy stopped petting the boys golden locks and looked down into the boys eyes.
"Listen to me, Fullme- Edward, it was not, and I repeat was not your fault!" Roy all but yelled. The teen seemed to calm slightly, but not enough to comfort Roy.
'Wait, Edward said multiple things, so guilt isn't just it.' The colonel reminded himself.
Roy's tone was soft as he spoke."What else Edward, tell me, you can tell me everything okay. I'll listen, I promise."
Ed seemed to doubt this for a second before replying. "Its just too hard sometimes, all this pressure... But I have to be strong. I need to be. For Al. I can't let Al know I doubt myself. I can't let him know this. I'm all he has left."
'That's true... He does need to be strong for Alphonse.'
"I know. Your so strong, for someone your age. We know. All of us. Just relax once in a while." Roy added as an after thought, "So I guess Alphonse doesn't know you do this to yourself?"
A whole new set of tears came cascading down Edward's cheeks. His voice was soft and almost... frightened. "No he doesn't. And he cant. You won't tell him!? Promise you won't! Please!" The blonde was panicking with the thought of his younger brother knowing his secret.
"No... Relax Ed, I won't tell him." Edward visibly relaxed.
Ed sighed before stating "So please colonel- er, Roy, now that you know, will you please let me finish? Will you? Let me be happy for once? Please I- I can't do this anymore, not by myself."
Roy didn't know he was about to cry until he blinked furiously to keep them back.
'How could he think hes alone? He has so many people that care for him. Me, Al, The Rockbell's, Breda, Havoc, Hawkeye, Fuery, The Hughes family, so many people, and yet he thinks hes all alone?' He asked himself.
"Edward, there are so many people who care for you and want to help you." Roy said, his voice soft.
Ed almost snorted, almost. "Yeah like who?" Roy could tell he was generally curious. Roy picked Ed off the ground pulled him into his lap and hugged him tightly.
"Me." Roy whispered in Ed's ear.
"You mean it? I'm not alone?" Eds voice was so full of desperation it hurt.
Roy squeezed Ed tighter and felt wetness on his cheeks. He was crying. The Flame Alchemist. How ironic.
"No Ed, you haven't been alone and you never will be alone." He whispered in Ed's ear once more, "Your not alone."
END.
Review please! Hope you liked it!
Love ya,
HDA