A/N: A big thank you to Baba (Babatomyfriends ffnet), my beta from another fandom, to Franzi (soligblomma tumblr & ffnet) who was the first to read some parts of this story and gave me ideas when I felt lost, and to Jo (Jobeth-S ffnet, littlejoregal tumblr) , Ewa (White Little Devil tumblr & ffnet) and Geli (reginashappiness tumblr) who were there to listen to my ramblings and reassured me when I needed it most.
It's not the first time in Roland's short life that memories are pushed into his brain. Or maybe they were already there and now they're just being uncovered. That would make more sense – although nothing seems to be making sense anymore. Whenever Roland thinks everything is okay, whenever he dares to believe that he can enjoy playing in the forest, being with his papa and eating his favorite meals in peace again, something happens to change it all. They always tell him it's something bad, but something he shouldn't worry about because he has a lot of people who love him and are willing protect him.
He doesn't always believe them.
He is certain that what's going on is far more serious than he can imagine. Sometimes he wants to know, he wants to be with his papa and Regina and Henry, he wants to protect baby Neal himself, he wants to never stay behind again. Some other times he wants to forget the things he knows and never remember the things he is supposed to have missed after each curse. He only wants some blissful moments with his favorite people, he wants to spend his days as wonderfully as he did when they were still home.
What's happening to him right now shouldn't be as unexpected and violent as it feels. His papa prepared him for it. He told him that he would remember their trip to Camelot like that other time when he remembered living in Regina's castle.
Roland wasn't scared. He wasn't worried. He had expected memories to come back. What he hadn't expected was a pain in his chest, a sinking feeling that left him panting and sobbing uncontrollably.
Little John is there in seconds, enveloping him in a bear hug. All Roland wants is to be with his papa, but he knows his papa can't be there right now. He promised he would be back soon after the memories. So Roland takes comfort in his huge friend's warm embrace and tries to make his heartbeat slow down.
Little John is rubbing soothing circles on his back while telling him something. The words don't register in Roland's brain though. His mind is filled with voices and images, things he wants to forget again, because life is too confusing, too complicated, now even more so than before.
After his sobs have subsided, he can feel Little John's heart against his ear, beating in a crazy rhythm as well. He wonders if it's because the same set of memories were forced into the man as well.
Little John gently moves Roland away from his body, reaching for a handkerchief in his pocket. He hands it to Roland and the little boy blows his nose noisily. At least now he can breathe properly.
"Roland!"
The little boy's head turns around so quickly he thinks his neck is going to ache for days. But he doesn't care, because his papa takes him in his arms and lifts him off the ground, supporting his body up in the air with one arm and using the other to bury his fingers in his loose curls, drawing the boy's head a little closer to his. Roland brings his arms around his papa's neck, attempting to pull him closer as well.
It's familiar and amazing. It should be everything Roland needs.
But he realizes that it's not.
His papa pulls away slightly to look at him and something in Roland's appearance brings a worried – almost panicked – expression to his face. Roland knows this expression well. It's there every time they're in danger, every time one of those really bad things happens.
"What's wrong, my boy? Don't you remember now? Don't you remember playing swords, eating in the grand dining room, visiting the stables with Henry?"
His papa's voice is calm and Roland doesn't want to upset him more. He does remember those things and he tells him that. His papa asks him if something is wrong once again, but this time Roland doesn't say anything.
How could he tell him that he isn't the one he needs? That it's his momma's embrace he longs to be in? That ever since he remembered, a big hole has taken over a spot in his heart and it won't go away because his momma is not with them anymore?
::::::
Tears well up in Robin's eyes as he hugs his son tightly. He was almost gone, he almost left him forever. He knows that he owes his life to the Dark One and that feels surreal.
He reminds himself that it was Emma, her good will and her kind spirit that saved him in Camelot. It wasn't the Dark One, but that woman who is now tied to him in more ways than before. The mother of Henry, of one of the most important people in his love's life if not the most important one, the woman who gave birth to the boy who changed Regina and urged the best in her to come to the surface. The Savior who broke the curse and without her, Robin and Roland wouldn't be here now, they wouldn't have found their newly-formed family. And now his Savior as well, the woman who healed deep stinging wounds, still painful in his mind in a way that makes him want to lie down and weep, clutching his sides until the memories fade into a cloud of joyful moments spent with his family.
He knows he can't do that though.
Caring for his people and protecting them is his priority, and he can't sink into self-pity and injuries that don't exist anymore.
His worries about his son's well-being become greater when he sees that the boy looks lost. He doesn't blame him though; the youngest Merry Man has been through more than some of his older men have. While whispering words of comfort into Roland's ear, another thought swirls in his mind: he wants to help Emma like she helped him. Whether he likes it or not, it's a dept he has to pay.
::::::
The night becomes even darker as Roland finds himself with Little John once again. His papa said that he had some things to take care of for everyone to be safe and after exchanging looks with Little John, he left.
Roland doesn't mind Little John's company. Actually, he's one of the people he feels the safest and the most comfortable with. However, this time he craves his papa's company, his papa's less broad shoulders, but equally strong arms to be enveloped by, his papa's scent which now doesn't only consist of pinecones and forest dirt, but also of something that reminds Roland of Regina.
He craves something else as well. Dark locks of hair that fit perfectly into his fists. A soft voice wishing him good night. A beautiful smile reserved only for him. He craves his mamma's presence maybe even more than his papa's, because he doesn't know what happened to her and that hurts.
He remembers leaving Storybrooke in her arms and returning without her.
Where did she go? Did she leave them? Did they leave her back in that noisy and crowded place?
He wants to ask his papa and he thinks he can do it once he sees him again. For now he has to wait while darkness covers them all, a new kind of darkness, something he can't actually see. He just knows that it's out there and the way it feels makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand and his forehead sweat.
He waits in the tent that doesn't feel like home anymore, feeling too scared and sad to close his eyes.
::::::
Robin blinks an eye open at the sound of soft baby wails. Before his limbs follow his brain's orders to start moving, Regina has already left the bed and is on her way to the nursery. A minute later, he's about to get up, guilt flowing through his mind, through his soul, about putting Regina in that situation and having her lose her sleep when rest and tranquility would be a relief for her.
Before he manages to actually move, Roland is beside him on the bed, sneaking under the covers and looking even smaller than he actually is.
"Can I stay here, papa?" He whispers, his eyes shiny and pleading.
Robin's heart breaks for his little boy and he decides to stay put, leaving Regina to take care of his newborn daughter for now, promising himself that he's going to do it next time.
He tucks Roland in against his chest, his arms around his small form.
Once Roland's breathing evens out, Regina is back and she's pulling the covers up to make more space and get closer to him. She's halfway there when her hand touches Robin's and he guesses she feels Roland being there as well. She lets out a soft "oh" and Robin can tell her mind is already blurred with sleepiness again.
"I'm sorry," he mutters, his lips moving right above his son's curly mop of hair. He blames himself for mistakes he knows aren't his, for misfortunes that resulted in them both being broken, while he knows that in reality Regina isn't doing anything she doesn't want to.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she replies softly, and despite her exhausted sigh, there's finality in her tone, which makes him breathe a little more easily.
Regina slips her hand along Roland's back and rests her arm close to Robin's.
Robin reminds himself that she wants to be here as much as he does and with that thought, along with Regina's breathing that has already slowed down and found a steady rhythm, he succumbs to a few hours of needed sleep.
::::::
Roland opens his eyes slowly, awareness coming to him in waves as he blinks against the brightness of the morning. He finds himself tucked in warm blankets, his head on fluffy pillows much more comfortable that the ones he lay on when he was waiting for his papa the night before. He realizes he's on Regina's bed. Sleep finally took him, but there were dreams, vivid dreams, that woke him several times, and he couldn't shake the images of the busy streets full of cars and people, the dull colors of the apartment that was supposed to be a new home for them and the eyes of his momma shining with emotion.
Somewhere between dreams and nightmares, his papa was there. Roland circled his arms tightly around his neck, whispering, pleading with him to take him home. The little boy doesn't know if his papa understood what he meant. He isn't sure if he knew what he meant.
Where is home? It's definitely not in the awkwardness of the tents. It's neither in Aunt Snow's place nor in Henry's room where they put him once they got home the previous night. Is it at the noisy place along with his momma?
Faint cries can be heard from somewhere close and Roland thinks that maybe that's what woke him this time. The baby – his little sister – is a tiny thing, but her cries can be heard in the silence like she's right next to him. He groans and pulls the blankets up, covering his head until there's no light and no crying. He hears footsteps on the hallway and then the crying stops.
Whoever was out there now walks away and there is silence. He sinks further into the blankets and doesn't want to get up. Maybe this is home, this warmth that smells like forest and apples.
Until everything becomes chaotic again.
Regina rushes into the room, calling his name softly. She sits on the edge of the bed and starts removing the covers. Roland lets her.
"Come on, my little knight, it's time to get up," she says, her tone urgent but sweet.
His papa and Regina take them – him and the baby – to Aunt Snow's place. Henry is there, too, and once Roland sees him, he runs to him and smiles expectantly. Henry reciprocates, patting him on the head softly, but Roland realizes that the older boy's smile doesn't reach his eyes. Roland's smile fades and he decides that grown-ups – even big boys like Henry who isn't exactly a grown-up yet – have their own problems and they don't need his fears and worries to burden them as well.
Roland's papa calls him and taking a deep breath, he follows him upstairs.
Roland is left in the attic alone. That's not true; he's not alone. The baby is there with him, but Roland isn't sure if his little sister is real. His papa showed the baby to him when he brought her home, but too much happened after that, many things have changed, and Roland hasn't even touched the tiny thing.
He approaches the crib and stands on a chair to look for any signs of reality in the baby's appearance. She looks small, much smaller than Neal ever looked. She could be a doll, a lifeless toy brought to this world for girls to play with. But she's supposed to become an actual girl herself and Roland can't quite see how that –
"Ooooh…"
Tiny lips smack against each other once, twice. Short eyelashes move slowly – almost imperceptibly – until tiny eyes are open, blue staring into brown, making the boy's knees go week. Roland brings his hand up and reaches a tiny cheek, his finger pocking it gently, and he smiles at the squishy feeling. He feels movement beneath the blanket and he pulls it down, revealing a tiny chest that rises and falls just like his does. He looks at his little sister in awe and he finally knows the truth.
::::::
Regina reaches for Robin's arm as he's about to open the door of the attic in the Charmings' apartment.
They just finished a long talk with Henry, Emma and the Charmings. They decided to go to the Underworld together to bring Hook back. A decision not easily made, but one they have all agreed on, each of them for their own reasons.
Robin turns back to face her, his expression a mixture of determination and worry.
Her own expression isn't much different as she asks him if he's alright.
Robin chuckles unhappily. "I could ask you the same thing."
Regina sighs heavily and he takes her hands in his, weaving their fingers together.
"I have to do this for her," Robin says.
"I know. I do, too."
No more questions asked, no explanations needed. They get each other and that makes everything a little easier for them, even when the situations they deal with are anything but.
Still holding one of her hands, Robin steps into the room.
He can feel her gasp, and her fingers tighten around his when they see Roland standing over the crib, caressing his little sister's arm oh so softly.
Robin knows what she's thinking. They have to do this. She's loath to leave their babies there without them, but at the same time she knows that's the best for them. Just like she doesn't want Henry to go with them to the Underworld, but at the same time she knows that it's the best for him, that he'll find a way there even if they don't take him with them, so it's safer not to leave him there with the younger ones.
Thick tension sets inside Robin's chest as Roland looks up at them with bright eyes, a flicker of hope in them that wasn't there the previous night and this morning.
A few minutes later, Robin is certain that crushing his son's hope is one of the worst kinds of pain imaginable.
::::::
Within the next hour a suitcase is filled with all of Roland's and his sister's clothes. Roland stands in front of an imposing building, clutching his favorite plush monkey and waiting for his papa and Regina to finish their talk with the ladies in dark blue, the ones he remembers as fairies back in Regina's castle. Henry is behind him, resting his hand on his shoulder. And then the older boy moves and kneels before him.
"I have something for you," Henry says, rummaging through his backpack. He pulls out a drawing pad like the one Roland used to draw his momma on – the thought brings his momma's picture back in his head and it hurts like it did the previous day when he woke up without her – but this one looks different, worn out by time.
"Here," Henry says and he hands Roland the drawing pad. "I used it when I was your age. My mom always said that my imagination was limitless. Maybe you can check it out and find an inspiration to draw your own fairytales until we're back."
"Thank you," Roland says.
"And remember, you're a big brother now," Henry continues. "Big brothers should protect their little sisters or brothers. Like before we went to Camelot, when we stayed together so that you wouldn't be scared?"
Roland nods, indicating that he remembers. "Now I'll stay with my little sister so that she won't be scared," he says.
"Exactly."
Henry looks at him with a smile and something else in his expression, something that warms Roland's heart. Maybe Henry can still understand how it feels to keep your worries a secret from grown-ups. Interrupting his thoughts, Henry pulls Roland into a hug.
His papa is back, looking at the baby in his arms with a sad face and kissing her tiny cheeks sweetly. Regina draws Henry aside and whispers something to him. Roland looks down and tries to keep himself from talking. There are problems far more important than that. He shouldn't tell them.
Suddenly he's being swept off his feet as Regina hugs him tightly, holding him up against her and rocking him back and forth, making the air move in and out of his lungs with difficulty, but Roland doesn't care because he needs that. He needs her embrace like he needs his papa's, the feeling he gets while being in Regina's arms too comforting to deny.
Before he knows it, he finds himself in his papa's arms, Regina holding the baby and motioning to Henry to join them. His papa buries his head on his shoulder and a moment passes without anyone talking or moving. Eventually, his papa tells him he loves him and promises that he's going to be back soon. That they're all going to be back soon.
And it's one of the times Roland doesn't believe them.
::::::
Fear.
Panic.
Decay.
Destruction.
Loss.
Death.
That's what has taken the place of the light laughter and pleasant moments Robin used to share with his son and his Merry Men, and then with Regina and Henry as well. His heart aches for his daughter, the sweet perfect girl whose arrival into this world was unexpected, but not at all unwelcome. He doesn't want to believe that he's never going to see her again, that she'll grow up without knowing the rest of her family. But Roland – oh, how he misses Roland – has been his beacon for so long and a life without him already feels empty and wrong.
Robin closes his eyes and lets the desperation surround him for a moment, the grave atmosphere of the Underworld seep into his soul. It's not what brings him down though. It's the thought of the sadness and loneliness his little boy must be feeling that hurts Robin a hundred times more.
He fights along with his people and he fights for his people, Regina's support a constant comfort and Henry's presence a spark of belief in this deathly world.
::::::
Roland asks for a new drawing pad and some colors. Every day he draws and talks to his little sister. He tells her about his adventures, about their family and the things he likes.
In the first day he draws his momma. He can't make her as beautiful as she really was – is, as beautiful as she is, he reminds himself, because she's still somewhere out there, he just doesn't know where – no matter how hard he tries. He shows it to his sister and when all she does is trying to unsuccessfully reach the paper with one of her tiny hands, he decides to draw the noisy city as well. Cars, trucks, people and clouds were all he could see. Even when they went to the park, the big city was all around them. It was an ugly place he never wants to visit again, but he has to draw it in case he forgets it. Because some time the world's problems might not be that big and there might be a place for his worries among them.
In the second day he draws his papa. His daddy. That's how he's trying to call him now, because he's a big kid and big kids don't call their daddies the way babies do – at least that's what those mean kids from the next room told him when he met them in the hallway. Roland still lets himself call his daddy 'papa' in his mind, because it reminds him of those happy days in the forest when he wasn't scared or alone. But now he has to prove to himself that he is indeed a big kid and that he can provide his sister with the protection she needs. In the afternoon Little John visits and takes Roland for a walk in the town and the forest. Roland laughs and forgets the world for a few hours, until he has to return. This night he draws Little John as well.
In the third day Roland draws Regina. He draws her with a smile on her face, one she gives only to him. Henry has to be there too, and he draws him on the next page along with that big brown book he always carries around with him.
In the fourth day he draws the forest and Regina's castle. He remembers the days spent in the sun, the nights when he sneaked in Regina's room to steal a bedtime story from her.
In the morning of the fifth day Belle comes. She carries little Neal with her and Roland is happy to see them. He draws Belle and then on another page he draws Aunt Snow, Uncle Charming and Neal.
In the sixth day he draws all his family together. His daddy, Regina, Henry, the baby, the Merry Men on the back, and his momma far from everyone. He starts writing everyone's names, his tongue darting slightly out of his mouth in an attempt to concentrate and use the rules he has learned about letters and simple words. He frowns when it's the baby's turn. He doesn't know what to write.
This night Roland keeps talking to the baby even after the lights are out, even after she's fallen asleep. He asks her what her name is, but he gets no answer. He asked Tink earlier, but he didn't get an actual answer from her either. She told him to wait for his father, but Roland is so tired of waiting. He's been waiting for days and every day is longer, every hour is gloomier, every minute more deafening in the sea of questions and sad thoughts that fill his mind. He tries to be strong, but he doesn't know if he can do it for much longer.
The baby cries and someone is there to take care of her.
Roland cries with her; he cries for her because she doesn't have a name and because she doesn't have his papa or his momma or Regina to take care of her, and she has that woman in dark blue who makes him uncomfortable. He cries because he believes she'll never get to know their family. He keeps his sobs silent and his body rigid so that no one finds out about his pain. They wouldn't understand anyway.
In the seventh day Roland doesn't feel like drawing. He sits by the window, observing the drops of water that fall from the grey sky.
That's the last day he has to wait.
::::::
Robin counts only seven days, but they feel like months. Before returning to Storybrooke, Regina and Robin discuss the possibility that time might actually count differently in the dreadful land where they spent this last week, both shuddering at the thought of Roland and his baby sister waiting for them for an unknown length of time, maybe a having to deal with danger, and growing up even faster than normal.
The moment Robin sees Roland, all doubts are washed away.
Roland has dark circles under his eyes and Little John informs Robin that he hasn't eaten for two days. He is still his little boy though, and Robin knows he'll be okay. He'll do anything to help him get better.
The look in Roland's eyes, the one they held right before Robin and Regina stepped into the room to pick him up, will haunt Robin forever. Hollow and dark, in a way no one's eyes should ever look, let alone a five-year-old's.
Robin knows he did the right thing leaving his boy with the fairies. It will take quite some time for Roland to understand that though, and Robin vows that he will never allow all hope to disappear from those dark expressive eyes again.
::::::
The return to what used to be their normal everyday life in Storybrooke is surprisingly smooth. Life for Roland feels easy and light; his family makes it so. It's a sudden change, yet no one is complaining about it. Awfully chaotic darkness gives its place to immense beauty and serenity. Nature blooms, warming people's hearts and giving them reasons to smile again.
The days become weeks, the weeks become months and the seasons change. December leaves all the trees of the town bare, and even the forest's usual green is mixed with brushes of orange. Chimneys are smoking and people run to get to their destination to escape the cold. Winter in Storybrooke isn't easy, but it holds an excuse for everyone to stay inside and enjoy one another's company, to cuddle in front of the fireplace drinking hot chocolate and laughing until their stomachs hurt.
Roland's days have been filled with lavish meals, surprisingly enjoyable classes at school and the most carefree playtime he has had since he lived in the castle.
"They just want to see you smile," Henry tells him one day, entering Roland's room while he's finishing his homework. Roland hurriedly folds a piece of paper and puts it under his notebook. He looks up at Henry to see him frowning for a moment, and decides to ask him what he means before he gets the chance to ask what's hidden under the notebook.
"Who wants that?"
"Your dad, my mom… They want you to be happy. I want you to be happy," Henry said.
"Why?" Roland asks in a small voice, not being able to push away the guilt about forgetting his momma.
It happened in an instant.
Regina had just prepared an apple pie – one of those that made Roland lick his lips, already feeling its sweet crunchiness in his mouth while he was watching it get a golden tint in the oven – and she was placing things in a picnic basket just like in the teddy bear movie he saw the previous day, just like Roland wanted them to spend their Sunday morning. His little sister was taking a peaceful nap close to him and he could hear his dad and Henry trying to decide what else they would need for their adventure in the woods.
It was what Roland wanted since he met Regina. To get hugged by her, to have her tell him stories, to have her play the role of someone who had been missing from his life. To be with Regina who saved him and was so good to him and with his daddy, because he couldn't imagine his life without his daddy. And now he had that and he also had Henry and Nadia, his new friends at school and he also still had the Merry Men.
He watched the pie expand slowly, enjoying the warmth of the oven and the feeling of being loved and cared for.
"Mom!"
Roland heard Henry's voice as the older boy ran into the kitchen, followed by his daddy.
And then it hit him.
They were a family. Those people were all Roland needed.
What place did his momma have in his life anymore? What would happen if she came back?
For the rest of the day Roland kept his thoughts to himself without smiling, without enjoying the pie, the forest, the sun…
He tried to realize when it happened, when he forgot her.
Maybe it was when he got sick and didn't go to school for two days. Regina stayed with him at home. She made him soup and held him close when he was shivering from the fever. His momma didn't do that. She said she should be careful so that she wouldn't get sick herself, that she should protect the baby. His daddy stayed with him instead, but never his momma.
Maybe it was every time he saw his daddy smile, or even laugh. Regina was the only person his daddy smiled like that for. And she smiled, too! His momma never made his daddy smile, she only made him frown.
Maybe it was the way Regina kissed him softly on the forehead when she tucked him in at night, wishing him sweet dreams while calling him her Little Knight. His momma only tucked him in most of the time, only caressing his hair when his daddy was near.
"Because we love you, Roland! We all do! And we want you to be happy," Henry says, answering Roland's last question.
"Really?" Roland asks.
"Of course," Henry says like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"Could we still have a good time today or is it too late?"
Henry grins widely and takes Roland by the hand, leading him downstairs.
A few minutes later, there's a mug filled with hot chocolate for everyone – almost everyone, little Nadia has her usual bottle of milk – and marshmallows melting by the fireplace.
Pictionary lies on the floor, the four of them situated on fluffy pillows around the game and Nadia falling asleep in her colorful baby seat close to them.
Before they're ready to begin the game, Roland stands up.
"Roland, is something wrong?" his daddy asks, worry evident in his voice.
"Where are you going, sweetheart?" Regina asks while Roland takes off without replying to his dad.
"I'll be right back!" Roland shouts as he's climbing up the stairs.
He goes to his room and takes three pieces of paper from underneath his notebook. Henry might be excited about sketching for the board game, but Roland is anxious to finally reveal his secret drawings.
::::::
Robin can feel that Regina and Henry both hold their breath along with him while they're waiting for Roland to return. The day has turned out to be tense, something none of them was expecting after their delightful morning that was filled with preparations for their outing in the woods. Roland's mood changed without anyone understanding why. Robin hasn't seen his son like that since they returned from the Underworld. The boy was distraught for days, weeks even. Robin, Regina and all the people who care about the sweet lad did everything they could to help him feel loved and protected again. Months later, Roland seems to have adapted well to living in Regina's house – their house.
Robin is wondering what went wrong today and he's about to express his worries when he hears Regina's sigh from beside him. He realizes that Roland is walking back to them with quick steps. He kneels on his pillow and without saying a word, he carefully unfolds a piece of paper, and then another and another.
Robin turns to fully look at his son and leans forward to examine the drawings. He sees Regina do the same on the other side of Roland. With the corner of his eye, he notices Henry looking towards the three of them curiously.
The drawing in the boy's left hand shows a childish adaptation of a cluster of objects that looks like a big city. Robin can't see the second drawing, but a dark-haired woman is portrayed on the third, the one closer to Robin, a woman who looks like –
"What happened to my momma?"
Roland's voice sounds broken, a tiny echo that makes Robin's blood run cold. Robin looks up to see his boy's eyes focused on his drawings.
Regina's stunned face is turned towards Roland as well. She must have sensed Robin's gaze on her, because she looks up at him and their eyes lock, silent communication taking place between them in seconds. She scoots closer to Roland at the same time Robin does. Robin takes the boy in his arms, setting him onto his lap, and Regina places a hand on the boy's back and starts rubbing soothing circles. Henry crawls to them, stepping clumsily on Pictionary's cards, and sits directly in front of them, his fingers touching Roland's socked foot and caressing it gently.
"Your momma is up on the sky," Robin says in a tone as soft as he can master, making sure he looks into Roland's eyes. "Do you remember when we talked about it?"
Roland nods. "But she was back! Did we leave her behind in the big city? Didn't she want to be with me anymore?"
A couple of fat tears escape the boy's eyes and fall on his momma's face on the drawing. Robin's heart breaks for the pain his son is going through and he can't stop the tears that are forming in his own eyes as well. He holds Roland more tightly and blinks quickly to prevent those tears from falling.
"Your momma loved you more than anything. She never stopped loving you. But sometimes, some people have to go up on the sky again and no one can do anything about it," Robin says, not knowing how else he can explain the situation to such a young child. He knows Roland will have more questions later, but he hopes his words are reassuring, at least for now.
Regina's hand leaves Roland's back for a moment and squeezes Robin's arm before going back to the boy.
"She really loved me?" Roland asks, his eyes filled with worry but now also with a hint of hope.
::::::
Roland takes the answers he was looking for. His momma loved him, but she had to go again. His daddy tells him that she's not coming back, but that doesn't mean that there aren't people who love him as much as she did.
And Roland believes that. He knows it's true when his daddy pulls him even closer and lets him bury his face in his chest, when Regina takes his waiting hand in hers and covers his body lovingly while stepping into his daddy's embrace, when Henry joins them, clinging on Regina's arm, and even when his little sister lets out a quiet wail.
Roland giggles in between sobs. "I think Nadia wants a hug, too," he says, his voice muffled against his daddy's shirt.
His daddy chuckles and pulls away slightly, the embrace breaking, but the family staying close.
"That might be true," Regina says and stands up slowly, wiping her eyes with the edges of her sleeves in the process. Roland looks at his dad and notices that there are wet traces of tears on his cheeks as well.
"I didn't want to make you sad," Roland says, his lower lip trembling as he's trying not to cry again.
"You didn't, my boy," his dad says, but Roland isn't convinced.
"Maybe we can play so that we're happy again?" the boy tentatively asks.
"That actually sounds great," Henry says and starts setting the game up properly.
They're all around the Pictionary box again, cards on the floor and a marker in everyone's hand. This time Nadia is awake in Regina's arms and she has her big beautiful eyes fixed on their daddy.
Roland is waiting patiently for his turn while his daddy tries (rather unsuccessfully) to draw something on the drawing pad.
Henry peeks over Roland's daddy's shoulder and snorts.
Regina frowns and tells them to behave and stop cheating.
Nadia laughs and Roland knows that she doesn't understand what's going on, she just laughs because they're together and they're happy. Nadia is still so tiny, but she can feel all that, and Roland wonders if that's what home is like.
He decides that this can be home and maybe his momma has a place in it, too, looking at them from up on the sky.