THE WAY TO YOUR HEART Part III: Tried and True
By Peenk Phuzipen
A.N.:Here we are, the last in the trilogy. I'm sure I left you all hanging in that last one. (Ha ha!) Enjoy. (And just so you know 5@#$% is worse than 3@#$%.)
"I can't believe I was such a fool!" cried Lois Lane as she tore down the gravel road, livid with anger and pounding on her steering wheel. "To think that I actually trusted him, I actually trusted him!!"
She was driving down a road in the mountains that was covered with large, white gravel. The Jeep kicked up a cloud of dust seven feet long and seven feet high behind her. She flipped on the radio, for the sheer purpose of it being on. She didn't care what station it was tuned to.
"This is WTEVR, your radio station for the best country music in Roberton. Now back to the 'I Just Found Out My Boyfriend/Husband Is A Big Jerk' hour."
Lois hated country music to the last minuscule amoeba, but it sounded like just the music she wanted to hear, (besides the fact she wasn't thinking clearly), so she kept it on.
"Maybe I read you wrong, thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right . . ."
"I was actually going to marry that overstuffed, pompous, dorkus porkus of a man, if you could actually call him that." Lois was actually resorting to childish, made-up words for insults.
"I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact . . ."
"They've got the right idea. I ain't never lookin' back. I swore I'd never get close to a man again. Unfortunately for me, I didn't keep my promise."
"You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on Highway 4 . . . "
"I did love him though. I did. I thought that if I put enough effort into it, it might be different this time. It was going to be different this time."
"I took the Beatles, left Billy Joel My little goodbyes . . ."
"We shared a lot, Eric and I. And he didn't even care. He didn't even try to stop me."
"Loaded up the TV in the back of my car Have fun watching the VCR . . ."
Lois was struggling not to remember what had happened just hours earlier in Eric's cabin. She wasn't winning.
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" . . . yeah, Brian. Sure," said Eric Williams into the phone.
"Who are you talking to honey?" asked Lois.
"A business associate," Eric retorted, rather gruffly.
"Honey, I thought this weekend was going to be just the two of us." Lois looked like a hurt puppy.
"It is hon. Do you see anyone else?" said Eric sarcastically before turning around. Lois frowned.
There were two phones in the cabin, one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen. Eric was in the bedroom. Lois hoped the two phones had the same line.
Lois walked down to the kitchen and picked up the phone. They did.
"So what's this I hear about you getting hooked up with some chick?" asked Brian the 'business associate'.
"Yup. She's a real looker."
"I hear your pretty serious."
"Yeah, you could say that."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that she's serious. I just figure it'd be nice to have a little housekeeper and someone I could take to parties. The sex outa be good too." Lois's hands were shaking, and she could barely hold the phone.
"Where ya going for the honeymoon?"
"She thinks Hawaii."
"What'd ya mean, she thinks?
"I told her Hawaii so there wouldn't be any fuss. Right before the wedding I'll tell her I'm sorry but I don't have enough money to go. She'll forget about it eventually."
"Oh. What's her name?"
"Lois Lane, soon to be Lois Williams," Eric said with a laugh. Lois had planned on being Lois Lane Williams.
"Isn't she that reporter? The one who writes good but has a nasty temper?"
"Yeah. I figure she'd also be useful if we ever get in trouble, if you know what I mean." Both men were giggling. Lois was ready to throw up. She was also ready that when she did throw up Eric's head would be right under hers.
"Maybe I should drink some salicylic acid so when I throw up on your head your scalp shall flake off," said Lois in a dangerously calm tone. The line was dead silent. "Oops, did I say that out loud?" asked Lois sweetly.
Brian let out a long whistle. "Busted," he said.
"Shut up!" both Eric and Lois screamed.
"Yikes! Okay, okay. I don't want to be in this mess. I'm gonna hang up now." Brian said, and what Lois assumed to be his phone clicked.
"You yellow-bellied 5@#$%!!!!!" exclaimed Lois.
"I- I can explain . . ."
"Well it had better be a good explanation. C'mon, lets hear it."
"I- I . . ."
"That's what I thought. Your little housekeeper, huh? Your little trophy wife, huh? Your little sex toy? Your little minion? Hmmm?!!!"
"I- I . . ."
"You know where you can stick that bull!" Eric could hear her now without the phone. "Eric Hans Jeremiah Williams III, rot in hell!!!!!!!!!"
Lois walked over to the mantle where a large picture of Lois and Eric smiling was. She lifted it off the mantle, and dangerously calm, took out the picture out. Eric was watching her from the stairs. He was afraid to come any closer.
Lois took the picture outside. Her luggage was still sitting next to the door because she had met him there later in the day. She took that with her too.
She set the picture on a chopping block outside. Eric was standing in the doorway, watching her. Lois found a hatchet.
"Come here, Eric." Eric didn't move. "Come here!" Lois bellowed. Eric hurried to her side.
"I want you to watch this, Eric." Lois picked up the hatchet and commenced pounding on the picture. Her first hit was right between them. Her next hit was across Eric's neck. Just his neck, not hers. After that, she just took wild hits, only caring that they landed on the picture.
When she was satisfied the picture was fully mangled, she dropped the hatchet, grabbed her suitcase, and without looking back, walked to her Jeep and drove away. Eric just stared at the picture.
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"I don't really want him to rot in hell. And I suppose he's only 3@#$%. But he's still yellow- bellied."
"Took the hourglass, left the stand Now you got time on your hands . . ."
"I still hate him. I hate him with a passion. How could he do this to me? It's not fair!"
"Shoebox full of old love letters I'll tear each one til I feel better . . ."
Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Dammit, how could he do this to me? It's not fair! It's not fair at all!"
"Just give me a road and a little gasoline . . ."
"He did this to me! He's the reason I'm driving dangerously and aimlessly and he's the reason I'm unhappy and he's the reason I'm hysterical!"
"Johnson's Spa. Relax. Calm down. You're life's not that bad."
"Yes it is! My life sucks like a bagless cyclonic!"
"It's like you're there, again. KODAK Max. Share moments, share life."
I never, ever want to see his face again. I never want to be there again. Never will I share the moment with curious annoying relatives." Lois was too hysterical to realize she was talking to the ads on a country radio station.
"Marvelous Glassblowers. Blow a little beauty."
"Blow a little beauty into what? This world sucks, so why should I even try? It doesn't matter anyway."
"Ladies, have you suffered cruelties from your significant other?"
"Yes, yes I have!"
"Were you shocked to find out how he wasn't what you thought he was?"
"Yes, yes!"
"Well, we have a great hour of country music for you. On Saturdays 5-6 it's the 'I Just Found Out My Boyfriend/Husband Is A Jerk' hour with Ida Rathrnot. Here is Jo Dee Messina with Lesson In Leavin'."
Lois sighed. She had been listening to it for a while. She had developed a new respect for country music. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
"I can be strong. I will rise above this. I am Woman, hear me roar."
"And I hope that I'm around To watch 'em knock you down . . ."
"That's right. You will fall again, Eric."
"You're the kinda man a woman thinks she can change But the only thing changin' is my way of thinkin' . . ."
"You got it, girl."
"Somebody's gonna give you a lesson in losin' Somebody's gonna do to you what you been doin' . . ."
"I like this song. I like it a lot."
"You're a fool-hearted man . . ."
"Sounds like someone I know, or excuse me, knew. I wonder what the next song will be. Hopefully, something uplifting."
It wasn't.
"He promised her a new and better life, out in Arizona . . ."
"That sounds like- like Eric." Memories flooded Lois's mind. Memories of long walks by Metropolis City Park. Memories of dancing until dawn. Memories of humid weekends swimming at the lake. Memories of sitting in lawn chairs looking for constellations. Memories of a rainy day when her love asked her to be his true. Memories of promises of Hawaii, romantic capitol of the world. Lois's chest heaved.
"Each day the sun sinks into the west Her heart sinks lower in her chest, . . ."
Tears found the streams they had been in before like a brook in the spring. She began to sob. It was all she could do to stay on the road.
"There is no Arizona No painted desert, no Sedona If there was a Grand Canyon She could fill it up with the lies he's told her But they don't exist, those dreams he sold her She'll wake up and find There is no Arizona . . ."
"There is no Hawaii." Lois switched off the radio and cried her way back to Metropolis.
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Clark Kent was reading a book in his apartment. I suppose Lois is out having fun snuggling with her fiancé. Clark loved her, but had no chance with Eric Williams in the picture. Then the doorbell rang. Clark used his *good* sight to see who it was. On the other side of the door stood Lois. She looked pathetic. Clark ran to the door and opened it.
"Lois! Come in! Come in! Sit down. You look terrible."
"Thanks, Clark, that's just what I came here to hear." Actually, Lois wasn't sure why she had come here. If anything, she wanted to get away from men, especially ones she had feelings for.
"Sorry, Lois. Do you want some tea?"
"No, thank you."
"So, may I inquire as to the nature of your visit? I thought you were out of town this weekend."
"How did you know that?"
"I, uh, heard it from a little bird." Lois looked at him uncertainly.
"Very - quaint, Clark. No, I need a friend. Eric and I broke up." Why was she letting herself open up so easily? Lois asked herself. Now is a time to be more guarded than ever.
"Lois, please sit down. I know he was very close to you." Clark was sad for Lois, of course, but he was slightly happy for his own prospects were not so in the dream stage. "Are you sure you don't want some tea?"
"No Clark, dammit, I don't want some tea!" cried Lois.
"Alright, alright, lets just sit on the couch and talk. Do you want to talk about it Lois?" Clark asked in soothing tones.
No, no, her intuition prompted. But nevertheless, Lois found herself telling the whole story front to back. Clark added the sympathetic noises when a appropriate accompanied by sympathetic expressions. Lois found solace in Clark's presence. He was so patient and caring, Lois felt safe with him. Lois finished her story and Clark embraced her. Lois wasn't sure what to do. She didn't expect him to make such an intimate gesture, but after a moment's hesitation, she hugged him back.
A.N.: Awwww, now ain't that cute? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, if you ask me. I like ending with a beginning. It leaves a certain sense of wonder. (IMHO.) My only real regret from this trilogy was I couldn't incorporate Superman at all. But we did have the matter at hand. Overall, I did enjoy this trilogy. Ahh. On to the disclaimers.
Lois and Clark are registered for the American Broadcasting Company, and I did not use their names in inappropriate or profiting ways.
The songs Bye Bye and Lesson in Leavin' are registered for Jo Dee Messina, and I did not use them in inappropriate or profiting ways.
The song Little Good-Byes is registered for SheDAISY, and I did not use it in an inappropriate or profiting way.
The song A Little Gasoline is registered for Terri Clark, and I did not use it in an inappropriate or profiting way.
The song There Is No Arizona is registered for Jamie O'Neal, and I did not use it in an inappropriate or profiting way.
KODAK is registered for KODAK Companies, and I did not use the name in an inappropriate or profiting way.
Don't sue me, please.