A/N: I have been on hiatus for a very long time. I really have not been inspired to write, especially since Ziva has been gone from NCIS. I have not watched much at all since she left. She was by far my favorite character. Yet, I feel as though I must write a Tony introspective piece. This was inspired by the song "Brand New Day" by David Nail. I would love to see Ziva on the series again, but I think we all know that is a small hope. All mistakes are mine. Thank you to those that take the time to read and review. Each and every one of you is appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to NCIS.
Rebound
He walks down a street he has walked many times before. Autumn in D.C. is chilly, but beautiful. He takes in a deep breath and waits for the sting. It usually stings. It has been hard to breathe ever since he left her in Israel. It is still the hardest damn thing he has ever done. Yet, today he does not feel the sting. In fact, he doesn't feel anything. It's just cool air, with hint of the spice associated with autumn. There is nothing to fear in the air today.
He keeps walking, passing many of the places he once considered to be "theirs" or "hers". Again, there is no feeling when he looks at those places. They are as they once were. They way he saw them before she entered his life. The whole city feels…normal today. It is not empty, like usual, it is full of people. The city is full of life, and opportunities.
He shakes his head and enters a bar close by. He takes a seat at the bar and orders a beer. He notices a when a beautiful woman steps into the room. He makes eye contact with the woman and smiles, putting as much charm as possible into the smile. He doesn't think of her. He only thinks about the woman in the bar, the one that has come up to sit next to him. He buys her a beer and they chat. He doesn't bring her up once. In fact, he doesn't even think about how she is doing.
The next day Abby says her name. Ziva. It slides off of her tongue with curiosity. He shrugs. They go back to identifying the suspect. Nothing else is said about the Israeli-American they had both known for years. It is hours later before he realizes that it doesn't hurt to hear her name anymore. It honestly scares him a little. He has spent so long waiting for her to come back to him, hoping she would find herself and realize what was waiting for her back in D.C. The place she had once considered to be home. Is he done waiting? He isn't sure. He also isn't sure that he should keep waiting. Maybe she has moved on without him.
These thoughts drive him to talk to the one man that might be able to help him get his thoughts straight. The only other man he knows that has lost the love of his life. The only difference is Gibbs does not have a reason to hope that his love might come back. He, Tony, does, but should he?
"Hey, Boss," he greets as he steps through the man's door.
"DiNozzo," Gibbs greets. He is sitting on the couch, staring at what appears to be nothing. Maybe now isn't a good time, then again, maybe it is the best time.
"I've been thinking, Boss," he says, checking to make sure he should continue. Gibbs raises an eyebrow. Tony takes that as a sign to go ahead. "I've been thinking about…Ziva. She asked me to leave without her. She asked me come back here. Essentially, she asked me to…to…" he struggles to say the words. Part of him suddenly wants to hold on. He doesn't want it to end. He wants to hope.
"To let her go," Gibbs finishes for him.
"Yeah," he comments lamely.
"You been holding on, DiNozzo?" The question isn't meant to be answered. It is rhetorical in nature. Gibbs knows that his Senior Agent hasn't been able to let his partner go. There was always so much more between them then they ever said aloud. That's what made them such good partners. She tore DiNozzo to pieces on more than one occasion. As much as he himself misses Ziva, he cannot quite forgive her for choosing to break DiNozzo one final time. She didn't mean to be malicious about it, but inevitably she was. Of course, he doesn't know that she herself was too broken to see what she was giving up.
"How do I let her go?" Tony finally whispers. Gibbs doesn't respond. He only continues to look at his Agent with the same unblinking stare. It's a decision that Gibbs can't make for him.
"She wanted me to, you know. She wanted me to let her go. I think…I think I needed time, but she hasn't come back. I can't wait forever. Maybe she's gone forever. Maybe I don't fit into her life anymore, and that's ok." Tony finishes.
Gibbs nods, gets up, and goes to the fridge. He hands Tony a beer. They clink glasses and take a swig. He's made through the rebound period. Tomorrow is a brand new day.