A/N: I've never written anything with Aerith before or Zack really. I'm not the biggest Aerith fan, but now that I'm replaying FFVII I can't help but get teary-eyed every time I see her. I absolutely love Zack, and a friend of mine and I were talking about him and his character in depth the other day. I think I might like him more than Cloud (SORRY CLOUD!); he's flirtatious, funny, energetic, and an all-around good guy.
Game: Final Fantasy VII
Pairing: Zack/Aerith, with hints of others
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing :(
If We Had Lived
If anyone had ever asked Aerith Gainsborough where she saw herself in twenty years, she would have said, "I see myself married to the man of my dreams, raising our children in a small, secluded house away from the dangers of the world and surrounded by a beautiful flower garden." Maybe her dream was typical for a woman of her age and status in life, maybe it was cliché and boring and dull, but as it was, that was what she had wanted.
Sure, she'd always enjoyed a little excitement to shake up the dull, monotonous daily routine, but when one has been chased by Turks and Shinra for almost their entire life, one cannot help but hope for a peaceful future away from strife and chaos.
Part of her desire to get married and have children was to preserve the Cetra line; maybe it was selfish of her, but she wanted someone else to share that burden with (and it was a burden, one she had never asked for or really wanted). It was lonely, as she had told a certain blonde swordsman on one occasion, to be the last one of her kind, to be the only one standing between them and utter extinction. She wanted to not feel so utterly alien, so out of place. She wanted someone that could "hear the wind" with her, someone that could feel the Planet's pain and sorrow.
The other part of that desire to get married and have children stemmed from having met him, the SOLDIER with the beautiful blue eyes. It had always been her dream to meet her Prince Charming so to speak, and she knew that when she did she would fall in love, but the thing that she had never counted on was just how far in love she would fall, or known just exactly what it meant to be in love. She hadn't known that she'd get this warm and giggly feeling inside of her gut, hadn't known that a million butterflies would dance around in maddening circles inside her stomach. She hadn't known that she would discover how much she just loved to be and how complete and happy she felt whenever she saw him.
She hadn't realized how small her world was until she met that raven-haired womanizer. She had never seen the side of herself that he brought out, the side that was both infatuated and frustrated with him at the same time. Really, he was pompous and a little cocky, self-assured and almost arrogant, her exact opposite in many ways. Those quality traits made her raise her eyebrows in irritation but also made her giggle and laugh at him at the same time.
She hadn't realized, however, that she was in love with him until she had seen him so distraught and upset and so alone in his suffering; seeing him so human and broken made her see that others suffered just as much as she, that others felt lonely too.
She had never thought that she could love someone so much that it hurt; she had never thought that she could love someone so much that she would give up anything just to take their pain away.
She also hadn't ever counted on losing him.
But then again, she hadn't counted on a lot of things that had happened to her that had ruined her dreams and hopes. Because, never in a million years would she have responded, if anyone had ever asked her where she saw herself in twenty years, "I see myself being remembered as an honored member of AVLANCHE, a matryr; I see myself praying on behalf of the Planet to spare the lives of its inhabitants, sacrificing my life and giving up the ghost as an insane man runs his sword through my chest."
But that was what she was.
She had been a member of AVALANCHE, the bane of Shinra's existence. She had put her dreams on hold to help the man that so reminded her of her lost lover, she had given the Planet her all as she tried to help heal it. She had embraced the side of her that she had been trying to outrun and realized that she possessed an even greater love inside her than the love that she had felt for that man, a love that wanted to protect everything, including her special friends.
She had accepted her fate, her duty. She had given up her life for the greater good and been killed, murdered.
She had been laid to rest beneath the calm water's surface, the smell of flowers stinging the air and mixing with the bitter, salty tears of her dear companions. Her body had sunk impeded through the crystal depths, her life force gone and her physical remains dissolving and becoming one with the Lifestream.
She had never thought that her entire purpose in life was leading up to that one glorious moment when her life was put second to everyone else's, never had she thought that her dreams and hopes and aspirations were just that, dreams, hopes and aspirations, all unattainable. Never had she thought that she had been born to die.
But she had.
And she was dead.
"Hey! You're not moping again, are you?"
Striking green eyes fluttered open as a strong, masculine voice reached her eyes. A warm breeze ruffled her dress and blew her chestnut-brown bangs against her face, and she vainly tried to tame them as a man in blue SHINRA issue uniform walked over to where she sat against a tree.
He cleared his throat and she looked up at him, smiling as his beautiful eyes met hers. Her heart skipped a beat and a warmness that started in her belly spread throughout the rest of her lean body as he observed her carefully.
"May I join you?" he asked after a second of his watching (or admiring), even though he needn't have because he knew that she enjoyed his company and would not refuse him (but if there is one thing that he has learned from her it is that even if he can read a woman's mind, it was still polite to ask her things and have that verbal or physical consent from her saying that he was allowed to do something).
She nodded and he flopped down next to her rather ungracefully, folding his boot-clad legs in front of him like a pretzel while leaning on his right hand, his keen orbs trained on her soft face. His left hand tucked a stray hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek on its way back down to his lap. She sighed and leaned into the contact, thrilling at his touch even if there was a glove separating her from his skin.
Her sigh is not one of complete happiness and contentment however; he frowned as he heard the slight wobble in her normally cheery tone.
"What's eatin' you Aerith? And don't say 'Nothing' because I swear if you do I will be forced to tickle you into submission."
The flower girl couldn't help but laugh slightly at this, despite her current semi-depressed state. She had never thought it possible, but in the many years (how many? She couldn't remember, but it wasn't like it mattered anyway) that they had been dead together he had finally, finally learned how to read and perceive her many moods and see through her calm, positive exterior to the trouble that was sometimes bubbling beneath.
Her small smile wavered slightly as she realized what she had just thought; she bit her lip to keep it from shaking as she replied the words that had upset her so in her mind.
…in the many years that they had been dead together…
She had been surprised, in all honesty, to discover that he had been dead. She had always had this nagging suspicion in the back of her mind that he had left the world of the living, but she had never been able to really accept it. She had thought that he was invincible, as childish and ridiculous as that sounded, and had never, ever thought that hewouldn't come back or fail to carry through on what he had proclaimed to be both of their dreams. She had allowed herself to open up to him completely, hiding nothing and setting free a side of herself that she hadn't known existed. But in opening herself up to him and in exploring a different side of her personality, she had also left the door wide open for heartbreak to come waltzing in (but one couldn't really blame her; it had been her first time in love after all), and heartbreak, sadly, is what she had gotten.
Zack had always been an honest person; she had been able to sense that about him from the time they first met, when he had come fallen into her church. She'd had no reason to doubt him, no reason to believe that her happy world would be torn to shreds. She'd had no reason to not open up to someone that she shared such a connection with, even if he was almost a complete stranger. He was unlike most men that she had come upon in her short life; he was honest to a fault and genuine in whatever it was he did. It had startled her how easy it had been to fall in love with him, to fall in love with such a man that was as happy and energetic and honest and flirty as could be, but she had and she had fallen so, so hard.
And that was why when he had never returned that one time that she felt as if someone had broken a glass vase and driven it into her heart.
She had actually felt him die, she had known it, she had experienced it, but she hadn't been able to acknowledge that it had happened. That is, until she got to the afterlife and saw him there, waiting for her with open arms and that easy smile she loved so much.
But at the time, she had been unable to accept his death and had instead convinced herself to believe the lie that he was alive out there somewhere. She had been initially depressed, but had eventually mastered that feeling (or so she had thought) and turned it into anger. She had been mad at him for not returning, mad at him for standing her up, mad at him for ruining her dream.
Beneath all the madness and anger she had been secretly sad. It had been her hidden nightmare, her fragile rose, her shattered dream, the thing that woke her up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face, tears that she would wipe off with violent ferocity, refusing to accept that they were there and that they were real because once she did, once she accepted her sadness and pain and agony and sorrow…that would be accepting that he had died. And living in her anger and believing in the lie was so much better than admitting that he was gone forever, never to be seen, never to be touched, never to be smelled…ever again.
Or so she had thought.
She had been more than happy to learn that she would be spending eternity with her first love, although a little sad that he had been waiting so long for her alone. But then again…he hadn't really been alone. There were other people with them there in death, but they rarely saw them. It wasn't as if they couldn't see them, it was just that they didn't really want to. They were content to stay in their field of flowers and watch over their friends on the Planet below (or under or sideways or wherever it was).
There had been times, however, when they'd visited others; when they'd wanted to see someone they had just sort of…materialized. And then when they had finished talking, they had just sort of vanished, which had left Aerith to ponder the mechanics of the afterlife.
The afterlife…it was a strange place to say the least. She wasn't even really sure where it was or what it was composed of. Well, she supposed it was composed of the energy from the Lifestream, because that was where the afterlife was technically, but it was still a rather confusing and fascinating thing.
It was one of those phenomenon where you could study and study and never understand it; something that would end up driving you mad if you thought about all the little details and fine print. It was one of those mysteries that was beautiful the way it was, one of those things best enjoyed, even if it was enjoyed in a state of semi-ignorance; to tear it apart and examine it at the seams would ruin it's splendor and detract from its beauty.
"Aerith…"
She blinked again, looking over at her…
She frowned slightly.
At…what? What was he?
In all the years she had spent with him, she had never really been able to define what he was to her. Boyfriend? Lover? Husband? She had called him lover on a couple of occasions to avoid having to answer embarrassing and prying questions about the relationship she shared with him, but when it came down to it she didn't really know if any of those terms fit them and that was part of the reason why she was feeling full so melancholy.
It really all came down to the question of whether or not such terms in the Lifestream even mattered. They weren't governed by the laws of the living or the constraints of reality anymore. They were pure energy located on some astral plane; did they even need to call each other by such mortal terms?
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for her poor brain), she did not have the chance to think about this.
"Aerith, dude, talk to me."
She felt a hand on her shoulder and her emerald eyes found brilliant blue-green looking at her in concern. She flushed a little and shrugged his hand off of her.
"I'm not a 'dude' Zack," she sniffed a bit haughtily, even though her mouth betrayed her true emotions with a shy smile, "and you'd be best to remember that." And by "best to remember that" she meant that he'd be one very frustrated puppy for a very long time.
Zack chuckled slightly, the edges of his crinkling up as his mouth mimicked hers in a wide grin. "My bad. I'm sorry. Dudette."
She huffed and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. Zack's eyes sparkled with mischief as she blushed under his intense gaze. He moved quickly, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her into his lap, ignoring her protests and half-hearted threats.
"Aerith, just relax, ok?" He murmured into the top of her head, placing a light kiss against her silky hair. "Just tell me what's been bothering you recently…let the Great SOLDIER Zack solve all your problems! And you know that I can because I am just so amazing you know."
Aerith rolled her eyes. In some ways Zack Fair reminded her of a certain ninja…
Her smiled vanished and her playful mood from just a second ago vanished completely. She sighed and shifted slightly, bringing her knees up to her face and resting her chin on them from where she sat on Zack's lap.
Said ninja was currently expecting her first children. Said ninja was living the dream (although she'd had to go through hell and break numerous laws to get it) that Aerith had once wanted to live. She'd gotten her happily ever after; she'd grown up and matured and seduced the most stoic man on the face of the Planet (ok, so maybe there were more stoic and reserved guys but Aerith in her short time on the planet had never met them).
It wasn't like Aerith was mad at Yuffie Kisaragi for living life or for getting married and expecting children (and yes, children; a small smile tugged up the edges of her mouth as she thought about that. Would Vincent Valentine ever be surprised…). If anything, Aerith was more worried for the dear girl—no, woman—than anything else. Part of being dead meant having this sort of connection with the cosmos, and sometimes things, feelings, premonitions, managed to slip their way into the other-worldly inhabitants of the Lifestream, especially when the inhabitants were specifically concerned or watching out for a certain group. Aerith had gotten the feeling the minute the children were conceived (and no, she hadn't been watching but she had just known that new life had been created) that something bad was destined to happen, something that was possibly dangerous to Yuffie's health and could end up destroying Vincent's remaining sanity.
She bit her lip in frustration and her shoulders slumped.
That was another thing about being dead. She couldn't reach out to those that she cared about most.
Well, she kind of could, but not in the way she wanted to. She could come back as a vapor, a mist, a ghost, a figment of the imagination. She could never attain a physical state of being, could never really touch them outside of their dreams and hallucinations.
It was maddening.
She'd wanted to be there for Tifa when she'd had her and Cloud's first child (a son that they had named Zack by the way; Zack Fair hadn't been able to get over it and gotten a very, very swelled head about the whole ordeal, his ego had being inflated about 10x its original size). And she'd wanted to be there for them at their wedding. She had been there in spirit, but…it just hadn't been the same as being there.
Being able to watch people, to see them interacting and laughing and just living in general while you were a ghost…it was disheartening to say the least.
She didn't regret her choice to sacrifice her life for the greater good or anything—heck, she'd do it again in a heartbeat—but that didn't stop her from being sad.
"Aerith…"
"Yes Zack?" she asked, stretching out her legs and leaning against her muscular chest.
He let out a breath and her body moved a bit as shifted, wrapping his arms around her.
"C'mon Aerith. What's bugging you? You're never this quiet! I mean, it's nice, but…it's not you."
"No…I suppose it's not." She agreed sadly.
"Soooo…." He said, drawing out the "o" sound, "Will you tell me what's up? It's not…it's not something Idid, is it?"
Aerith's heart tugged a little as the last words left his mouth; his normally boisterous voice was tainted with uncertainty and regret.
She scrunched up her nose.
If there was one thing about Zack is was that he was never uncertain and filled with regret. She hadn't realized it, but it seemed as if his emotions had become attuned to her own and now he was suffering along with her, without even knowing why he was suffering.
She was brought out of her thoughts and Zack moved again, gently setting her on the ground while he stood up. She blinked and looked up at him, startled. Where was he going?
"If you want to be alone for a while, I can go bug Angeal…" Zack said, kicking his boot against the grass and scratching the back of his head as he bit he did a little nervous dance (which Aerith thought was rather cute), "I'm sure the ol' coot misses me anyway."
Aerith smiled warmly up at him.
"No, it's alright. I like having you here. It's just…" she trailed off, her voice wobbling and cracking slightly. She suppressed a hiccup and blinked her eyes rapidly as tears bit at them in their salty glory. She quickly brought her hand up to her face and tried to wipe away the drops that had gotten passed her defenses, cursing her weakness. Zack didn't need to see her like this.
There was a sound from above her, and the next thing she knew she was looking in Zack's mesmerizing eyes.
"Hey…" he said softly, a gloved hand reaching out and resting on her right cheek, "…just…tell me what's wrong…'k? I promise I won't think you're being stupid or girly or whatever. Just…please tell me…"
His eyes were filled with love, concern, and worry, his face twisted up into a grimace as he watched the woman he loved cry silently.
He wanted to kill whatever it was that had made her upset, or at least teach them a lesson (even if it was himself that had been the cause of her depression). Aerith was happy and sunshine and flowers and goodness and energy…she was not sad and clouds and weeds and darkness and sloth.
"Please…" he said again, leaning his forehead against hers, making her shiver at the skin on skin contact.
He wanted his Aerith back, the Aerith that he had grown to love and cherish above anything else. Of course, he'd always love her, no matter what she was like, but the Aerith he was seeing now wasn't the true Aerith and that made his insides twists into painful knots and made his heart do flip-flops in his chest.
Aerith closed her eyes and leaned into him, placing her own hand over his where it rested on her face.
She didn't want to burden him with her troubles, but she guessed that he did deserve to know why she, and therefore he, was moody and withdrawn. There was a whole list of things that she could ramble on about, a whole mess of doubts and thoughts that she could unload onto his listening ears and warm heart. She could go on and on for ages and never shut up about everything that was bothering her and making her long to be part of the tangible world, and they did have ages and ages but she didn't have the emotional energy to go on and on for ages and ages. So, instead of babbling about every little thing that was getting to her at the exact moment, she decided to pinpoint the thought that had started the hurricane of pain and voice it.
"If we had lived…would you…have…married me?" she asked in a small voice, barely above a whisper. Her heart was racing in her chest, even though she knew what he would most likely say, and she squeezed her eyes shut and tensed her body.
It was ridiculous, really, asking him that question. He'd been very unsubtle in pointing it out back when they had first been together that if he'd ever had the opportunity he would have come back and settled down with her and helped her spread flowers throughout the slums (which was also a part of her dream).
Zack sucked in breath of air, no doubt surprised by her question. "Well…yeah!" he said after a moment, "I mean…what guy wouldn't want to marry you!"
She opened her eyes slightly and gave him a small smile as she drew back. She was sitting now with her legs under her with Zack crouching in front of her in a position that mimicked the start of squat-thrusts.
Zack studied her fair features, noticing with concern the bitterness in the smile she was giving him. He suppressed the shudder of uneasiness that wanted to course through him; Aerith should neversmile bitterly. Unless it's at Corneo (and boy, had he gotten a kick watching that particular scenario; when Cloud joined them in the Lifestream, Zack had tons of gender jokes he was planning on using against the poor dumb Chocobo head).
"I mean…yeah I know you would…" Aerith said slowly, as if trying to figure out what she was saying, "…but I mean…would you have gone away with me? Left everything behind? I mean, not our friends of course! But…" she sighed, "…could you have left the fighting behind? Could you have just walked away from that life?...would you have wanted…to have…children…with me?" The last sentence was barely whisper-volume and even Zack's ears had trouble catching hit.
He blinked, a bit taken back.
Sitting back on his haunches, he continued to study the upset flower girl while contemplating her words.
He'd always planned on being with her, even in death he'd thought that somehow they'd be brought together again (and they had). He had simply been content to live by her side, enjoying day after blissful day in paradise. He'd never really thought about having kids in all honesty, probably because his life had simply been too crazy and filled with excitement to give it much thought. And as for settling down…
His unlined brow wrinkled slightly as his mouth pulled into a straight line and his finely sculpted eyebrows drew closer together.
While he had known that he wanted to be with Aerith, he hadn't considered what being with her would mean.
He drummed the fingers of his left hand against his arm lightly, catching his lower lip between his teeth.
He'd always been fighter, always had the longing for danger and action. Since coming to the Lifestream that desire hadn't really diminished, and while there was no need for fighting he had found that he could channel that energy into other useful avenues.
Still, whether or not he would have given up the life style completely if he had lived was beyond him. Now that he was dead he didn't really have a choice, but when he had been alive…
He shook his head, his long bluish-black hair moving slightly as he smiled a little.
No, he wouldn't have been able to give up that lifestyle completely, and maybe Aerith would be mad at him, but he knew that deep down she wouldn't have been able to either. Maybe she wasn't a glutton for punishment and pain like he was, but she had this urge to protect people and no matter what she did she would never be rid of it.
In many ways his relationship with Aerith mimicked that of Cloud and Tifa's, and he was sure that if he had been alive they would be going through the exact same things that the Strifes were.
Cloud was a born fighter, just like him. Tifa was a born protector, just like Aerith. Tifa had asked Cloud to put his past behind him more than once as well as requested that he lay down his sword for good, but when push came to shove Tifa was always there beside him, iron fists ready to pummel her enemy into oblivion. While Tifa didn't like fighting and wanted to avoid it whenever possible, she realized that sometimes you just had to stand up for the good side and pay your dues (even though she had paid hers many times over).
Aerith watched Zack carefully as several emotions flashed through his eyes and changed his facial expression. She resisted the urge to giggle; he was taking it all quite seriously and she was rather pleased.
She had felt a little bad in asking him if he would have given up everything he had ever known, and yes it was selfish, but she couldn't help it. She knew that he knew that she would never stop loving him even if had said that giving up fighting was impossible for him to do, but she also knew that he knew that she would never have been able to completely give up that life herself.
She wasn't a fighter or physically strong like him, but she still cared. She didn't like seeing sad people, she didn't like pain and suffering and agony. And if fighting was required to stop the torment, than she would have fought beside him.
"Yes."
Aerith blinked.
"What?"
Zack looked her in the eyes, the glazed-over, thoughtful look completely gone. "Yes. I would have married you."
Aerith felt the air leave her lungs. "You would have left it all…?" she stopped, biting her lip as that selfish feeling clawed at her insides.
Zack frowned, moving down beside her in a more comfortable position, one leg bent with his hand resting on it and the other leg stretched out in front of him. "…yes. I think that I would have been able to leave it all behind. Of course, if the world had ever been in trouble again…" he trailed off, looking over at her with an apologetic look. "…I would have had to have helped."
Aerith smiled and shook her head. "No, don't be sorry. It was selfish of me to ask of you to do that…"
"No, not really," Zack let out a breath and looked off into the distance, "Elmyra…your adoptive mother…she…lost her husband to war…" He looked over at her again, pain clouding his beautiful eyes, "I would have never wanted to put you through that, although…I kinda did…" He grimaced and looked down at the grass, wishing all of a sudden that he'd had more time with Aerith back then.
If there was one thing that he had regretted, it was leaving her like that. It had been the only sad rain in his otherwise sunny death-life.
"I apologize for that, by the way," he said after a few seconds, still refusing to look at her.
All of a sudden, her small, warm hands were on his face, turning him to face her.
"Don't ever be sorry for that," Aerith said sternly, anger and sorrow in her emerald eyes, "you did what was necessary. You saved Cloud! And because of that, because of the sacrifice that you made, I…I was able to make wonderful friends…" she smiled sadly at him, "…because of your death, because of everything you ever gave up, our friends are now living happy lives! Look at Cloud and Tifa! Look at Vincent and Yuffie! Cid and Shera! They're alive Zack, and all because you saved one little boy!..." She nearly choked on the last words, and sucked in a shaky breath.
Cloud, Tifa, Vincent, Yuffie, Cid, Barret, Cait Sith (Reeve), Nanaki, Marlene…
…she missed them.
"Hey now," Zack said soothingly as he pulled her into his arms, noticing the tears in her clear eyes, "I don't get all the credit here! You were the one that got the Lifestream to help Holy repulse the Meteor!" He laughed. "Compared to what you've accomplished I haven't really done much!"
Aerith giggled, despite herself. "That's not true!" She looked up and beamed at him. "If it hadn't been for you I wouldn't have even joined Cloud in the first place probably! And I most certainly wouldn't have been selling flowers or really doing much of anything really!" She wrapped her arms around him. "You gave me courage and self-confidence Zack, and for that…for that I thank you…"
They sat there in silence for a few moments, simply enjoying the feeling of togetherness and the warm breeze blowing through their hair and clothes. It was beautiful out, absolutely perfect. Aerith would have been content to stay in that peace, but Zack, however was not finished discussing the issues that she had brought up earlier.
"Soooo…about kids…how many did you want? And what gender? Because I know some positions that would have helped in determining that little matter." He said, his voice warm and full of amusement.
Aerith bolted upright, blushing madly. "ZACK!" she screeched, eyes wide.
He flinched. "Ow! Super-sensitive hearing man over here, remember?" he griped, earning himself a light smack on the shoulder. "Hey! Enough with the abuse!" he teased.
"Oh you!" Aerith rolled her eyes. "I barely touched you!"
"Barely touched me? You physically assaulted me!" he exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with merriment. "And I did nothing!"
Aerith blushed. "Y-yes you did!"
"What? Mentioned kids?"
"YES!" she blushed even redder, putting her hands over her tomato-face, peeking out from behind slender fingers.
"But you're the one who mentioned it in the first place! Why are you so freaked out?" he asked.
"Oh…I don't know!" she said loudly, "It's just…"
"Aerith, my dear, if it's about the dirty deed, you and I have—"
"—QUIET ZACK!" Aerith screeched, "I still get a little…embarrassed about it, ok?"
Zack shrugged. "I don't know why you do, it's a perfectly natural process after all. Besides…" he looked at her smugly, "I know for a fact that you enjoy it."
Her eyes narrowed and she did her best to mimic her stoic friend in the world of the living. "I still don't want to talk about it."
"Well alright, but…can we at least…talk about…kids…?" His voice was high and light, a certain airy quality making it seem as if he was uncertain on how to discuss such a thing as children.
Aerith looked at him. He looked away quickly, but not before she had caught the small pink blush that had risen on his cheeks. She chuckled and leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Why? Do you want to?"
She felt his shoulder rise a little, indicating that he was shrugging. "Eh."
"Seriously Zack…" Aerith said, a delicate finger tracing up along his muscled arm, "…do you want to? I mean, I wouldn't mind at all…it's just…I know that men usually don't think about that stuff until later on in life…after they've lived life to the max so to speak…" Her voice trailed off and she sighed.
Lived life to the max.
Well, they'd lived, but certainly not to the max. They'd both been cut off in their prime, their full potentials never fully reached. Or maybe they had been and that was why it had been time for them to go…
"Two sons and a daughter."
Aerith blinked, brought out of her depressing thoughts yet again by that voice that she loved so much. "Eh?" was all she managed to get out, eyes looking into his blue-green, surprise shining in them. Had he just said…?
Zack looked down at her, face completely serious. "I…would have liked to have two sons and a daughter."
Aerith just stared at him.
Zack shifted uncomfortably. "Uhhh….well you asked me…if I wanted to…and I never really thought about it before now, but yeah…two sons and a daughter."
"Really?" was all Aerith managed to get her mouth to say. In all honesty, she had a million questions running through her head, but her brain to mouth connection seemed to have been severed with the shock of Zack's admission.
He would have wanted kids? With her?
She'd been half hopeful that he would have wanted to, but been expecting that he wouldn't have.
Zack studied her curiously. "Uh…yeah…is it really that hard to believe?" His tone was one of slight offence and hurt.
Aerith shook her head. "No…it's just…" she shrugged her shoulders, at a loss for words.
Zack raised his eyebrows before letting out a breath and stretching his gloved hands out behind him, resting carefully on the small patches of grass that were surrounded by a field of what he had dubbed "Aerililes." He threw his head back and looked up at the clouds, his mind for the first time thinking about what kind of progeny he would have.
He quickly discovered that it was actually something rather fun to think about; there were many things from both him and Aerith that the children could potentially inherit and in his mind's eye he carefully selected the details and quirks that he would like them each to have. He knew that if they had ever had children that he wouldn't have been able to do this, but since they apparently couldn't conceive (because if they were able to he was quite sure they would have a looooooong time ago), but since they were childless he didn't see the harm in mixing and matching.
"I've got it!" he said after a few minutes of sketching Gainsborough-Fair children out in his mind.
Aerith started slightly. She had thought that he had dropped the subject with his abrupt silence, but apparently not.
"Got what?" she asked curiously.
Zack looked over at her and flashed her his signature grin. "I've got what our kids would look like! Aren't I amazing or what?"
Aerith smiled at him. "Yes, you are!" In all honesty, she had thought up what their kids would look like a very long time ago, but was too embarrassed to talk about it. She was, however, curious in seeing what the spikey-haired SOLDIER had come up with so she decided to humor him and make it seem like he was a genius. "Pray tell me what they'd look like."
Zack nodded enthusiastically, sitting up and tucking his legs under him, motioning for Aerith to sit in front of him and do the same. She rolled her eyes and let out a small giggle; he was really exicted about this and it was just absolutely adorable. His eyes were wide and his body was trembling with restrained energy and excitement; she could practically feel his eagerness to share with her his brilliant ideas of what their children would be like.
"First, we'd have a son of course," Zack said seriously, though his mouth was twitched up into a smile, his bright white teeth showing as he spoke animatedly, "He'd be the protector of the group, loud, boisterous, smooth, chivalrous…just like his father!"
Not to mention pig-headed, obnoxious, and a womanizer! Aerith added silently in her head. "Go on!" she encouraged him out loud, not wanting to spoil Zack's little daydream by pointing out that while he was quite a catch, he was still rather immature and childish and goofy in many, many ways.
Zack nodded. "Alright. Anyway, he'd have bluish-black spikey hair and my trademark MAKO eyes." He paused, "Actually, I'm pretty sure that all of our children would have MAKO eyes. Based on the experiments and stuff done to me…yeah…" He bit his lip and for a moment Aerith was afraid that he wouldn't continue. But of course, Zack being Zack, not even wacko, crazy scientists and alien DNA in his blood could keep him down for long (if at all). "…and then we'd have our second child, two years after the first," here he paused and looked at his attentive lover, "so they wouldn't get lonely you see."
She nodded.
"Yes, well…our second child would have dark brown hair, just a shade browner than yours. His eyes would be the trademark blue-green of course, and he'd be a strong young man when he grew up, but for the most part he'd be reserved, waiting until the last minute to strike.
"Facially the two boys would be similar; they would have my strong chin but the smoothness and plumpness of your cheeks. They'd have my lanky body, and their muscular build would mimic mine…you know, the muscle is kind of all in one spot instead of stretched out…" he frowned, not quite sure how to describe it. Biology and matters relating to it had never been his strong suit (hence why he was a SOLDIER and not a medic).
"And then the girl…" he said, deciding that he'd described the boys as best as he could (and there was no way he was going to be talking about…things…in front of Aerith). He sighed and looked at Aerith, his smile warm and full of love. "She'd be our little princess. She'd be sweet and kind but have that killer mean streak of yours as well…you know, the one that likes to abuse me and push me around."
Aerith scowled at him, even though her heart was singing with joy. She pushed against him slightly. "For the last time I do not abuse you!"
Zack ruffled her hair playfully. "Whatever you say dear…"
She huffed, biting her lower lip to stop her smile from widening. He could be an ass sometimes, but he was her ass, and a lovable ass at that.
"Our little girl would have your deep sea-green eyes, with little flecks of blue in them…the ocean and sky meeting together in her beautiful orbs and creating a brilliant symphony of colors…" Zack said softly, and Aerith could have sworn she heard tears in his voice, "…her hair would be long and brown, mimicking yours in body and length…" here he reached up and played with the front of her bangs, "…she'd be the most beautiful woman on the Planet when she was older, being a carbon copy of her goddess mother."
By this point in time, Aerith was blushing madly, both from Zack's flattering words and his skillful attention to her hair as his sharp yet gentle eyes traced around the curves and lines of her face and body. She shivered slightly and closed her eyes, leaning forward.
"Go on…" she said, voice barely above a whisper as if she was afraid a sudden loud noise would break the moment and she would lose this beautiful place in time forever.
"I'd have to beat the boys offa her with a stick! Or, the Buster Sword I guess…" Zack, his voice a little more animated as he imagined boys coming from all across Gaia to court his little girl.
Aerith opened her eyes at the sound of moving fabric to discover that Zack had jumped up and was swinging an imaginary bladed weapon at equally imaginary foes.
"I'd have to turn them all down for her, because you know that she'd belong to Cloud's little boy!"
"Oh?" Aerith said, watching with amusement and mirth dancing across her fair features. "What makes you say that?"
"Because…" Zack said, giving one last final swing of his great sword and doing a small victory dance as the last of his imaginary daughter's imaginary suitors ran away, "…he's a Zack and Zacks are attracted to beautiful women."
"Is that so?"
Zack snorted. "Well duh." He looked at her and gave her that special grin of his that made her go weak in the knees and butterflies fly in her stomach. "And it helps if they're really sweet and kind and gentle…and abusive…"
"Good grief! You are never going to let that go, are you?" Aerith shook her head, laughing.
"Nope, never, cuz it's true," Zack said, stretching. He yawned and settled down beside Aerith again; leaning back as she shifted so her legs were tucked underneath her and her lap was exposed for his head. He laid his long-spiked hair back on her pink dress and looked up into her eyes dreamily. "And you know who our first and second sons would marry?"
She titled her head to the side, a bit amazed that he had been able to imagine so many details about their children in such a short amount of time. "No…who?"
He grinned. "Well of course our first son would fall head over heels for Cid and Shera's daughter. And then our second son would have to fall for Yuffie's daughter, assuming that she has one that is." He thought about it for a second. "Yeah, she's definitely having a daughter that's as rambunctious and as energetic and cute and frustrating that she is. It's only right after all…" he trailed off and his eyes became distant.
Aerith became worried. "What is it?" she asked, running a hand through his raven locks soothingly.
"Eh?" he blinked. "Oh…I was just thinking how…weird it is for…her to be having kids."
Aerith raised an eyebrow. "You mean…with Vincent? Is it the age gap?"
Zack pursed his lips and shook his head slightly, his front bangs moving with the effort. "Nah…it's just…I knew her when she was knee high to a grasshopper. To think that she'll be popping out her own brats any day now….that's kinda…strange…" He shivered slightly. "Everyone is growing up…getting old…can't say I envy that last part though…."
"What? Can't stand the thought of grey hair?" Aerith teased, pulling slightly on his locks, eliciting a wince from him.
"Feh. Me? Get gray hair? Never."
Aerith resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "No…with your luck you'd probably go bald!"
At the word "bald," Zack's mouth instantly mimicked an upside down "d" and he sat bolt upright.
"Hey! Who says I'd have gone bald! Agh!" he cried out in distress, running both his gloved hands through his hair in agitation. "Just the thought…the horror…!"
And so, just like that, the topic had been switched from kids to growing old and what they would have looked like (Zack nearly had a mental breakdown at the thought of getting old and slow and grey and just ew, something that Aerith was only more than too happy to tease him with).
In all honesty, if Aerith was to say that all her fears and sadness disappeared just like that, she would have been lying. However, if she was to say that she was glad that she had lived her life the way she had and she was thankful to have Zack with her at her side again, she would be telling the truth.
There were a lot of things that she couldn't do, a lot of people that she couldn't talk to or touch or comfort…there was a lot of fun times that she couldn't laugh through with them, a lot of sad times that she couldn't cry over with them…there was a lot that she missed, and there were a lot of people that missed her, but deep down in her heart she knew that she would never be too far from them, never be completely separated. She was alive in their hearts, and she would never stop watching over them from afar.
It wasn't the best comfort, nor was it a permanent one that automatically ruined itself should it feel itself dying. Instead, she had an amazing man to rely on, her boyfriend, her lover, her husband, someone to pull her back into the light should she find herself slipping.
If there was one thing she knew one thing that she could truly believe and take shelter from the storm in, it was the fact that he'd always be there for her, just like he'd promised so long ago.
And as for having kids…
…well…
…it never hurt to keep trying.
A/N: FINALLY DONE! This took me a couple days and had some rewrites. I hope you liked it though; please excuse my typos and spelling errors if there are any (I AM SO TIRED!).
SO TIRED!).