Authors Note: This story was written in response to a challenge issued to me, to write a story where I couldn't physically harm, or cause emotional distress to Carter or to Abby. I also had to bring someone from Carter's past into the story, so please sit back and enjoy as we go Looking in the Mirror. I have re-written this story now twice, the first time I just felt it needed more than what it had, and now in trying to it up again I decided that it needed yet another direction.
Disclaimer: The usual stuff, I don't own this characters, I am just borrowing them for personal entertainment, there is to be no money made off this story at any time. Unless the producers and writers of ER decide to let me write for them someday. Any medical information in this story is purely for entertainment purposes and should not be taken. If you have any questions about a medical condition, or treatment, please consult your doctor.
Chapter 1: Reflections
...Boston's Holy Cross Hospital....June 1970........
Eleanor Carter had just given birth to twin babies; the first a boy, named after his father and grandfather, Johnathan, and the second a girl, named Victoria, after Eleanor's grandmother. The Carter's were overjoyed with the new additions to their family, which had grown from two to four. Barbara their eldest daughter and Bobby now had a new brother and sister. However, this joy was short lasting for the day before they were to leave the hospital for home, some one had gone into the nursery and whisked away the baby girl from her family. Eleanor was heartbroken. They never were able to find her baby girl and she was never seen again. In her grief, Eleanor forbade anyone of speaking of the child again.
.... Current day... Chicago 2004
Every doctor has that one patient that catches there attention, that they spend a little more time with. Today I had found mine. She was a 90 year old woman who had come in with end stage lung cancer. She was dying and both of us seemed to know it. She had come in alone and here I was sitting with her holding her hand now, it seemed both the compassionate and noble thing to do. No one deserved to die alone.
"Life is a precious thing." I hear her say to me.
I nod back in agreement, "yes ma'am it sure is."
"We all have life changing moments, everything in life happens for a reason." She goes on, "tell me, I can see it in your face, what was yours. What happened here that changed your life."
I looked down at her, "you want to know about my life?"
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know." She says between labored breathes, "humor an old lady who has many stories that have been told but is looking to hear one this time."
I smile down at her, "well if you put it that way, I think I might be able to tell you about the thing that changed my life as I knew it."
She smiles back at me; I can feel her holding my hand now. "Do tell."
I give her hand a small squeeze, "all right." I watch as she closes her eyes, I know that she is listening to me waiting for me to tell her the story, instead of her telling me what of her countless adventures in life, she wants to hear mine. Who am I to argue with her?
I take a deep breathe in as I begin to tell her the tale. The story of how I ended up in Chicago and the reasons that led me to stay.
...Chicago, Cook County General...November 2002
I walked through the doors of County hospital, here for an interview today. While working in Houston I had seen an ad in the annals of emergency medicine that they were looking for an attending physician. I knew that she was more than qualified after graduating at the top of her class. I also knew and having been told by professors that I was a bright young doctor with a great career ahead of her. But for some reason my mother was terrified of me going to Chicago. I couldn't understand her reasons for it. For I had grown up in a rural area of Washington State, far away from Illinois, but had long moved away from home. I had spent time in Seattle before moving to Houston to do my residency. And after finishing that, I had looked forward to spreading my wings and moving on. There was nothing wrong with Houston, other than the sweltering heat and the run of the mill drive by shootings. I had actually loved my time there but wanted to work in other areas of the country, going where I felt I would be needed the most.
County offered me the opportunity to work with the needy. However I had not been prepared for Chicago after being in the south for so long. It was cold and windy here, and was going to take a lot of adjusting to. Out of nervous habit I straightened my clothes before walking into the ER and I silently prayed that the woman standing there would be able to help me.
"Excuse me," I say to a short woman standing behind the desk, "I'm looking for Dr. Susan Lewis."
"If you have a seat I will get her as soon as I can. She's with a patient" the woman standing behind the desk replied.
"She's expecting me; I have an appointment to meet with her." She seemed rather busy and almost annoyed that I had taken the time to bother her.
"This is an ER, we don't do appointments." The woman said to me as she looked up at catching a glance of me. I watch as her expression changed, her tone almost changed with me too, "take, take a seat in the chairs and someone will make sure that the doctor sees you."
"No, I'm not here to see her as a patient; I'm meeting her for a job interview. Dr. Weaver said that I was supposed to meet with Dr. Lewis. I'm Dr. Ketura Stevens." I say looking at her trying to my best to be persistent; I was not going to be late because a desk clerk wouldn't give me anything more than the time of day.
The woman looked up, her eyes fixed on me standing there in front of her. She stood there wide-eyed, mouth hanging open, as if she was seeing something she couldn't believe. I got the feeling from her that she was shocked. "I'll let her know that you are here Dr. Stevens." I hear her stammer before she scampered away from the admit desk.
"Thank you." I say now looking around the ER. The place didn't seem too bad. There were patients everywhere and nurses seemed to be scrambling. There was a group of what I thought had to be fresh med. students. Dr. Weaver had informed her that this was indeed a teaching hospital and that I would be teaching the med. students as well as working as an attending physician. I was looking forward to the challenge of doing both.
"Excuse me," a voice said from behind me, "Dr. Stevens?"
"Yes that's me," I replied turning to look at the doctor who was standing there behind me.
"Susan Lewis." She said introducing herself as she held her hand out. I got the same eerie feeling from her that she was seeing something that she couldn't believe.
"Ketura Stevens." I said shaking Dr. Lewis' hand, "thank you for taking the time to speak with me."
"My pleasure, I am just so sorry that I won't have much time to talk to you. As you can see we are extremely swamped here at this time and I can't be away for long."
I nodded now, "understandable, I can see that you could use another set of hands around here."
"Well I hope that is why you are here."
"Of course Dr. Lewis, let me assure you that I wouldn't be wasting your time if I didn't have a strong interest in working at County." I say trying to put her at ease that I was here because I wanted to be not because I had to be.
"This place can be hectic." She said looking at me rather oddly. There was an expression on her face, on that I had not seen before on anyone's face, like I was some kind of natural phenomenon that had just appeared out of nowhere.
"It can't be any worse than what I am used to. Did Dr. Weaver happen to share my resume with you?" I asked her trying to get this chilling feeling to leave my body.
"Yes she did." Susan said. "It was very impressive. I can't understand why someone with your talents would want to come to County when private practice is so much more lucrative."
I decided it was best to be up front with her, "I want to work where I am needed. You need a doctor and that is just what I happen to be."
"That's it. You're hired! Susan exclaimed, smiling at the me now.
"Really?" I was shocked. Surely, Dr. Lewis had to be joking.
"No you want to work here. You have a point we need doctors and that's what you are. Do you feel like helping out this afternoon? I can show you around and introduce you to people. Then we can go upstairs and you can meet Dr. Weaver and we will get the rest of the paperwork worked out."
I was flabbergasted that she would offer the job just like that. Don't get me wrong, I had an impressive resume and had high recommendations from the staff that I had worked with in Huston. There was something about County that was calling me. "Sure that sounds good to me."
"Then let's get started." Susan tilted her head, still in shock that someone would volunteer willingly to work at County. "You remind me of someone but I can't put my finger on it. Have you been in Chicago before?"
"No," I replied, "this is my first time in Chicago. I have only lived in here for a few weeks. I grew up on the West Coast."
"You look so familiar me to me, do you have family here." Susan said to her trying to put her finger on why this young doctor was so familiar to her.
"No, I don't." I said sighing, "My mother is in Washington, and my father well he died before I was born. I don't have any family other than my mother."
"That's odd." She said to me.
"Why is that odd, Dr. Lewis?" I asked running her hand through her hair.
It dawned on Susan where she had seen that face before. She looked just like Carter. She had the same baby face, dark hair, and the deep brown eyes. Susan was looking at the female version of Carter. "You have an unbelievable resemblance to our chief resident.
"You must be imagining things Dr. Lewis, I hate to say that to you since we have just met, but I don't have family here." I said looking at her intensely.
Susan just shook her head. "Well let's get started." Susan started walking back into the main ER. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was another Carter walking around with her. She desperately needed the hands right now and if she was some relation of Carter's there was no reason that she still couldn't work here.
I followed her as Susan started to show me around. They approached the Nurses Station and I saw the woman who had helped me find Dr. Lewis earlier.
"This is Abby Lockhart; she's one of the best nurses we have. She is our Nurse Manager. If you need anything I am sure that she will be able to help you." Susan said, "Abby this is Dr. Ketura Stevens, she's the new attending that I just hired." Susan was beaming from ear to ear so proud that she had gotten to make an administrative decision without Dr. Weaver's permission.
"Nice to meet you again," Abby said giving her another odd look. Abby suddenly felt the urgent need to go find Carter.
"It's a pleasure to meet you again Abby." I said extending her hand, "why do I get the feeling that you are thinking the same thing Dr. Lewis was when I met her."
"And what that might be?" Abby said giving me a puzzled look as she shook my hand.
"That I share a remarkable resemblance to your Chief Resident." I said as I was getting uncomfortable with all the stares that I was getting now not only from Abby but also from the rest of the ER staff that were standing around the admit desk.
"That you do." Abby said nodding her head. "I wasn't aware that Dr. Carter had any relatives in medicine."
"I don't have any relatives in Chicago." I said looking at all of them. "I'm from the Northwest and I'm an only child." I didn't know why she had to keep reminding them of that fact.
What I didn't find out until later was that after Abby had run off from the admit desk she had gone in search of Carter. She didn't know what to make of me, but she knew that she needed to either warn him that there was a woman running around the ER that looked like him, or that his sister, which they thought I all was, was loose in the ER.
Abby was floored at the resemblance. She excused her self from the group and went off to find Carter. She couldn't believe what she was seeing or how she was seeing it. Something just was out of place here now. Where did she come from and how did she look just like John? Carter was in the suture room at the end of the hall. He didn't know that Susan was showing a new doctor around. He looked up when Abby came into the room. He could tell by her facial expression that something was up.
"Hey there, what is it?"
"Carter, isn't your sister in Paris?" Abby asked.
"Yeah why?" He replied as he continued to suture the hand lac in front of him.
"Because I could swear that she was standing out at the admit desk. Barbara is your only sister, right?" Abby said trying to stay calm.
"Yeah there's just Barbara and I. Abby what is wrong?"
"No really, there's a new doctor out there that Susan is showing around as the new attending here and well John, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she's your twin. You wouldn't believe how much she looks like you. You have to see this Carter." Abby said pointing towards admit.
John just laughed, "I think that you are seeing things Abby. Although you know what they say everyone has a twin running around."
"I'm really serious John. You have to see this." Abby said slowly, nodding her head as she emphasized every word.
"I know you are." He said to casually to her, "but really I don't have a twin and there's no one else in my family who is in medicine. They are not thrilled that I am in medicine, there's no way that anyone else would have tried it."
"The resemblance is clearly there John. I know that sounds weird but she looks just like you, only the female version." She said.
"It's just a coincidence Abby. There's no other explanation for it other than you are seeing things that aren't there," Carter replied.
"If you say so," Abby said looking at giving him a look that she really wished he would believe her, "but it's still weird. You need to see this yourself John."
"I need to finish with this patient." Carter said looking at Abby.
"Sure whatever Carter, I am sure that she isn't going anywhere since Susan just hired her as the new attending," She said walking out letting the door slam behind her. Carter's whole attitude about this would change once he saw her for himself.
I made her way around the ER. It was not quite, how I pictured my first shift going, but then I didn't expect to be thrown headfirst into an unfamiliar environment. The nurses were helpful, being extremely considerate to me. Yet they still kept looking with odd glances and mumbling to each other about how much I reminded them of Dr. Carter, whoever this doctor was. I hadn't been introduced to anyone by that name yet, but I was sure that I would eventually run into him. I carried my fair share of the patients helping to clear the board, once I got the hang of things. As things settled down Dr. Lewis invited me to go to the coffee stand with her and I happily took her up on the offer. As they walked outside I lit up a cigarette.
"Oh I didn't know that you smoked." Susan said I could feel her eyes watching me now.
"Yeah I know it's a terrible habit, and as a doctor I should know better. I don't know why, really but I picked it up about three years ago. I think I started on Valentine's Day for some odd reason that night I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety and well the habit started. That's the same time that I started having trouble with my back." I said looking at Susan, as I ran my hand through her hair. "I guess it all kind of just goes hand in hand. I mean surely, there are worse habits I could have picked up. I'm rather glad my only two vices are coffee and nicotine."
"Yeah, it's not like you had any kind of drug addiction or something," Susan said looking at me as if to see what my reaction was going to be.
"No that was a habit that I was able to avoid. They put me on percocet for my back when it started bugging me. For some reason every time I took it I ended up sick to my stomach and it wouldn't stay down. So I guess in a way that's a blessing."
"You could say that. So you said you're not from here."
"Yeah I grew up on the West Coast. In a small town and it really was in the middle of nowhere. I don't know why my mother decided that is where she wanted to live. It wasn't like she had any family there."
"You don't have any brother's or sisters?" Susan seemed to be prodding me now for information about my family.
"No!" I was now very flustered and I fought hard not to scream. "I was an only child. My dad died before I was born and my mom never remarried. She told me that she and dad lived in this area for a while. She was a nurse at a hospital but after dad died she said that she went out west to start a new life with me in tow."
I watch Abby came out side now and I assumed that she was on her break for a cigarette and sat down next to where Susan and I were talking.
"Thanks for your help today Abby, just know that I really appreciate it." I said glancing towards Abby, "it was a bit overwhelming in there not knowing where things were at today."
"I'm just glad I could help." Abby said as I watched her lighting her cigarette, "so you're new to Chicago?"
"I am. I just moved here last week." I was now gritting my teeth.
"You should come out with John and I, we could show you around the town." Abby said.
"Oh I couldn't impose on you like that." I responded.
"No big deal." Abby said with a flick of her wrist.
"If you are sure, I wouldn't want to impose really."
"Oh yes, I am so sure." Abby said looking now at me, "besides it would be fun."
"I'd like that Abby," I replied as an ambulance came flying into the bay, "guess that's my cue to get back to work."
I got up and ran over to the ambulance, moving instep with the gurney. As I listened to the report the medics were giving as she walked into trauma one. I then listened to the patient's chest, "Lydia I am going to need another doctor in here." I said when I realized that I was going to need another set of hands if I was to save this patient.
"I'll get one." Lydia replied as she stepped out.
"Dr. Carter we need you in here now." Lydia called out as she ducked back into the room
"What do we have?" I hear a voice ask as he walked into the trauma room pulling on the gown.
I didn't look up from putting in the chest tube. "21 year old male found down in the park, unresponsive after 2 rounds of epi." I said as she slid the chest tube into place. "GSW to the right chest, found both an entrance and exit wound," I continued working on my patient not wanting to divert my attention from my efforts. "Resuming CPR," I said as I climbed up next to the patient and I started compressions again. "Push another amp of epi."
Carter realized that he didn't know the other doctor who was working on the patient, her voice wasn't familiar and he hadn't seen her face. She hadn't looked up once from what she was doing, totally focused on her patient.
"Charge the paddles to 300." Carter called out.
When I heard him call clear, I slipped off the gurney not wanting a little extra jolt in my day. I glanced up at the monitor, "he's still in V-fib, another amp of epi and push 3 mig of lidocaine." I started compressions again; for I knew this routine well, CPR, drugs, shock.
"Charge to 360." Carter said. He shocked the patient, still no change. He went once more time before watching the patient's rhythm decline into asystole. Carter then made the call there was nothing that they could do for him, "that's it, time of death 14:16."
I looked up from what I was doing. He had his back to me. "And who do you think you are calling my patient."
Carter spun around to look at me, "I'm the Chief Resident."
I looked him, eyes wide, his face; it was almost as if I was looking in the mirror. Slowly I found my train of thought and continued, mesmerized by what I was looking at, "well then I guess I have just met the great Doctor Carter, but I am an attending at this hospital and I don't appreciate someone else stepping in and calling my patients."
Carter looked at me, "what there was nothing else that you could have done for him, the kid was dead."
"I prefer to be the judge of that myself Dr. Carter. I didn't spend 4 years in med. school, 4 years of residency and 2 years specializing in emergency medicine to have some young hot shot doctor as chief resident telling me how to treat my patients." I barked all in one breathe.
Susan walked inside the trauma room, "I suggest you two take this outside. The patient's family is here and they don't need to hear the two of you standing over their son arguing."
I watch as we both nodded. With out looking at the doctor I snapped, "outside now." I was still upset over the fact that he called my patient, but there was more, I wanted to know about how I could be standing there practically looking at myself.
I walked outside, lit another cigarette and stared at him. I couldn't believe my eyes, looking at him, "Look I don't know who you are or who you think you are but you don't go calling my patients like that. When I am running a trauma, you help, not push you way into my cases. You know, I don't understand any of this, how you can look exactly like me." I said taking in a deep breath and started to pace. "It's like I am looking in the mirror, no wonder everyone was so freaked out when I got here and they've all been talking behind my back."
"Look I don't understand this anymore than you do." He said putting his hands up, "you have to be a relative somehow."
"Oh yeah that explains how we are so close in appearance if you were a woman people wouldn't be able to tell us apart." I said.
"I'm sure there is an answer to this."
"Carter, I'm an only child." I said pushing his hand away from her body, "I grew up far away from here. Do you have family in Washington State?"
"No I don't." I heard him say.
I got quite for a minute. I was trying to figure out how we could look so much alike. Suddenly like an eerie wind I could feel his confusion. There was nothing but silence between them before I blurted out. "No I don't know that either."
"I didn't say anything."
"Yes you did." I said looking at him, "I heard you. And I have no idea why we would be siblings."
"Ketura, where were you born?"
"That's an odd question Carter, I was born in Boston."
He looked at me, "Really. When, when is your birthday?"
"June 4th, 1970." I said looking at him with my hands now firmly on my hips.
"You're kidding right." He said quietly, as if I had to be joking with him.
"No I'm not, that's my birthday, and it's always been my birthday. I think I would know my own birthday after 32 years. If my mother hadn't lost my birth certificate in the move to Washington I could prove it to you, but she did."
"How have you gotten this far with out having one?" He asked me. God what was it with people prying into other people's personal lives around here.
"I don't know I just have." I said, "Mom always made sure that I had the right documentation I guess."
"I want you to come with me. Maybe Gamma would have some inclining as to why we would look so much like each other."
"I couldn't impose on your grandmother Carter." I said, "That's just not right."
"No that's it come on we are out of here anyway, I know I'm off and well you're coming with me. There's something going on here and I want to find out what it is."
I just looked at him with a puzzled expression on my face. "Let me at least finish my cigarette."
"When did you pick up that habit?"
"Like I told Susan, it must have been Valentine's day three years ago." I said rubbing my wrist, "I hurt my back, probably doing something stupid, and we still don't know what I did. With the insomnia, the anxiety and fear that I was feeling this was my comfort. I rode the pain out for about three months it came off and on, then in May another doctor suggested I try percocet, that didn't do anything but make me sick."
Carter reached for my back, touching on her tentatively where he was stabbed, "was it here?"
"Yeah Dr. Carter it was, how did you know?" I said with chills running up my spine.
"Because that's where I was stabbed that night." He said lifting up his scrub top showing me the scars.
"Oh god I'm sorry I didn't know." I said as I suddenly once again had that eerie feeling as I felt the pain that he was feeling remember that night. "But I didn't know really I didn't."
"No of course you didn't know." He said softly, "but I know that you felt it, just like you can feel the pain I feel right now."
"This is nuts." I said looking at him. "What are you trying to tell me Dr. Carter?"
"I think you're my sister, something is telling me that you are." Carter said looking at me.
"Now I know you're nuts. There is no way that I could be your sister."
"Nothing is impossible Ketura."
"I just met you less than a half hour ago and here you are telling me that you think you are my brother, no offense Dr. Carter but I think that you are jumping the gun. Honestly really I think that I would know if I had a brother, just like you would know if you had a sister." I said flicking my cigarette.
"Not if something happened when we were little."
"Well Dr Carter, I'm telling you, I don't have a brother and I the only thing that happened to me when I was growing up was my Dad dying before I was born. Besides if I was your sister why would I have been raised clear across the country?"
"I don't know Ketura, I don't know. But you can stop calling me Dr. Carter, Carter or John is fine. Just don't go anywhere," he said looking at me, "I'm going inside to get my keys and then we are going to my grandmother's house."
"All right," I said not knowing what he intended to prove to her, if there was anything to prove. But I got the feeling that this doctor could be stubborn when he wanted to be. This was a battle that I wasn't going to win arguing with him in the bay.
I watched him walk back into the hospital as I sat down on the bench putting my hands up against my head. He was searching for answers that I honestly didn't know if there were answers to his questions. Something more than meets the eye was going on here, but I couldn't put her finger on it. Was he right? Could they really be siblings? Someone somewhere had the answers that they needed but who would know? I let out a sigh as she leaned back against the bench. Did mother know and not tell me after all these years? Her mother would know she would have the answers that I needed. How could I belong to another family? Was this why mother was so scared about me coming to back Chicago area? I needed answers now, probably as badly as he did. Here so far away from home I had bumped into a total stranger, yet this total stranger looked just like her. I thought about picking up her cell phone right there and then and calling mother, but I caught the glance of Carter walking out of the ambulance bay doors. He looked so determined and the stress of everything was showing on his face.
"My jeep is parked right over here," Carter said.
I stood up and reluctantly started to follow him, "I don't know if we should be doing this, we are opening a can of worms, if there is anything that we are opening up."
"That's a risk that right now I am willing to take." He said not slowing his stride. I am hurrying to catch up with him; he seems to be in more of a hurry and has more urgency than I do.
"I don't know if I am thou." I said.
I watched him walk up to a black jeep as the headlights blinked indicating that he had turned off the car alarm. He stopped and turned to face me. I could see right into his big brown eyes. It was like looking right into his soul.
"There's nothing that we are going to find out that is our fault. Someone has the answers that we need to straighten this out Ketura and I am going to get to the bottom of it."
I met his eyes, "yes but those answers might just turn my world upside down. You have your family and I have mine. Granted it might have just been me and the woman who told me she was my mother, who I have never had a reason to doubt, being my mother. Yet here now I am face to face with someone who is the spitting image of myself, somewhere along the line, if we are indeed siblings a lie was told. I don't know if I am ready to have the entire world ripped out from under me. And what about you, can you handle having your world torn up?"
"Ketura," John said taking my hand into his as he tried to reassure me, "what ever this is, you aren't alone, I am going to be right there beside you going through it with you."
"I know that," I said trying to put up my best façade with him. "But still I have second thoughts about this can you really blame me. You are a total stranger that I just met and here you are asking me to trust you, telling me that I won't be alone. I don't know you."
"No, and I don't." He opened the door of the jeep for her, "but we need to find out either way. Someone lied to us and I want to find the missing pieces to the puzzle."
I climbed in the jeep, silence taking over me. I didn't know what to say or what to do. We rode out to the Carter family mansion in complete silence. Neither of them was fully sure of the other. Both were feeling out of place. We were able to sense the other's tension and apprehension.
"Don't worry." He said, "I promise that no one will bite."
"It's so big." I said as I gasped in awe of the home.
"Really it's nothing." Carter said as if he was feeling how uncomfortable I was, "Gamma will welcome you with open arms." He said trying once again trying to reassure me of the unknown, to make me see that we were doing the right thing.
I glanced over now checking on my patient as I had started to tell her the story. She seemed to finally be relaxing, the pain not bothering her as much now as she was focused on my story telling skills that in all reality were a bit rusty but I would continue to humor the old woman and tell it to her for as long as she decided she was going to hold on.