What Means To Be

Part 1

Hi. My name is Peyton. I live in Tree Hill. I used to have a best friend. Her name was Brooke. But there was this guy, Lucas. Do you believe in fate? After seeing how I met him, I think you'll change your mind if you don't. I almost hit him with my car. He was listening to music and didn't even pay attention. We stared at each other for some seconds. That's when he walked into my life and never left. He's a constant thing in my life. I can always rely on him for... well, everthing. He's always saving me. And last time wasn't different. There's this creep guy, Derek. He's a freak. He keeps coming to me and saying he loves me. Lucas tried to warn me but I didn't listen. It was needed for me to be attacked to believe him. He came desperately to my place and fought with him. It was terrifying. When the police came and we went downstairs he wasn't laying in the grass anymore. I asked Lucas to sleep over that night. I didn't want to feel alone. I wanted – needed – him next to me.

"Come on" I said tentatively, holding his hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, pulling me into a hug.

"Yes. I'm still in panic, but I should be fine" I whispered against his chest "Lucas."

"What?"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I did what I had to."

"You're always saving me."

"Seems like I'm the one."

"Look, I..." Both of us said at the same time and then giggled.

"You go first."

"Okay. I'm falling for you again. I feel it."

"What about Brooke?"

"She's a part of my past. Now all I care about is my future. And it involves you."

I was speechless. He always leave me speechless.

"It envolves me?"

"Yeah. I realized that... I want you. Forever. If you want me too, we can try it over and work things out. I want this to stick, to be real. To be forever. I have to be with you. I know I do."

"Lucas. I want you. I want this to last. But, with so many comings and goings, do you really think it could work?"

"I feel it in my heart. I'm willing to give it a try. Don't you?"

"Yes."

"Lucas. Lucas." He heard a voice calling for him.

"Yeah?" He answered in a sleepy voice.

"Were you having like a good dream?"

"It wasn't real?"

"What?"

"Me and you deciding to give us another chance?"

"No."

"Oh."

He sounded disappointed. Suddenly he noticed he had his arms around me.

"Oh god, did we...?"

"No. At least I don't remember doing."

He sighed in relief.

"So you said you dreamed about us getting together?"

"Yes."

"What did it feel like?"

"If felt great. I felt something I only feel when I kiss you."

"Really? Does this something have a name?"

"Yes. Love."

I looked at him.

"Want to feel it again?"

He only looked at me and watched me as I laid down on the bed. He laid next to me and stared at my expressive brown eyes before leaning over to meet my red lips. It didn't take much time until he got on top of me.

"Lucas. Lucas. Wait." I pushed him away.

I reached over my chest of drawers and grabbed a condom.

"Use it."

"Peyton."

"I'm ovulating Lucas. I can get pregnant."

He just stared at me. His looks were so intense and so easy to understand.

"No. No. I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm a teenager! I've got some pretty big plans for me. A baby is not good."

"Hey."

"I said no okay? If you want a baby, go get Brooke. Knock her up. I'm sure she'll love to have you back again!"

"Except that I don't want her. I want you. I've said this before."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Hey. Come here. It's not a big deal."

He pulled me into a hug and I rested my head on his lap. I don't know why but I always feel safe whenever I'm around him. He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Nothing can change it."

He caressed my face with the back of his hand and my body trembled from his warm touch.

"I'm just not the motherly type you know? Some people are born to be mother. Not me."

"Shhh, don't say that. You'll be a great mom. I know it. Plus, you'll have a dedicated and caring guy next to you."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. I promise" He grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Thanks. You're always cheering me up."

"I don't want to see you so sad. It breaks my heart you know?"

"Yeah."

I looked at those eyes I love so much. The eyes that belong to the person I could die for. Everytime I get lost, I need to just look at him and I'm found again.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking about how much I love this. How much I need you next to me. How I would die if you just get up and leave to find Brooke."

"Well, I love this too. I need you next to me as much as you need me. And don't sweat it. I'm not leaving you Peyton. Remember three years ago, when I said Brooke is great but she's not you?"

"Yeah."

"I still mean it. I want us to be together. I do. Nothing will come between us anymore." He took my face on his hands. "I swear it."

I smiled as I slipped my hands up to his shoulder, it's now or never. I've wanted this for so long and now we can have it.

"I can't believe this is happening."

"Me neither."

He had his hands on my back, just below my bra.

"Wanna go ahead?" He asked me.

"Yes, yes I do."

The words came out all together and he laughed.

"Ok."

He gently laid me on the bed and laid on top of me. We're finally doing it. His kisses, I loved them. They are so powerful and deep.

"Lucas."

"Huh?" He continued kissing me.

"Don't ever let me wake up from this dream."

He cupped my face and stared at my teary shined eyes and caressed my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I won't. Don't ever let me wake up too ok? I don't want to."

"Ok. I won't let anyone come between us. It's just you and me now."

He smiled so naively.

"You know."

"What?"

"When I had sex with Brooke, I pictured you under me."

"Oh, that's awkward."

"I was with her but my heart wanted you. Since the beginning."

"But we didn't know each other."

"But we can know when it's meant to be. You and me... were always meant to be."

"Oh you really know how to get a girl."

"Glad the only one I want is here with me now. I won't let her slip away. Not this time."

"Lucas."

"Hmmm?"

"I love you. Never doubt of this."

He looked deeply into my eyes and smiled softly.

"I love you too, Peyton."

I placed my hand on his face, allowing him to bend down to kiss me. He did so, and passionately and deeply. I kissed him back just the same way he did me.

"I've wanted this for so long."

"I know. Me too."

He leaned down and kissed me again. Once again I kissed him back. He reached over my shirt and lifted it to remove it. We kissed some more before he took off his own shirt. I've seen his chest naked before but this time it was different. I felt a pleasant but cold rush through all my body. And I trembled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What?" He insisted.

"It's just... it is so nice to be here, so closer to you."

He smiled.

"Right back at ya. I'm finally where I should be."

His arms were in both sides of me, preventing me from escaping. I didn't want anyway. He was unclipping my bra when the doorbell rang. He pulled away.

"Can't your mom go get it?"

"She's not home." He leaned back and kissed me briefly. "I'll be back."

He closed the door behind him. I threw my head back on the pillow when I heard her voice.

"Lucas, I miss you."

My mind keeps echoing it, so I decide to get dressed and leave. Oh better, I will show up wearing bra and panties. Let's see what she thinks.

"Peyton and I are just friends."

"Just friends?" She looked at Peyton standing against the door.

"Lucas honey. Ready to make some scores?"

"I'm glad you're enjoying the benefits" Brooke walked past him and to the door.

"Brooke."

She stopped and looked at him. I knew I had to leave that moment.

"Lucas, I have to go."

He looked at me and followed me as I began to walk.

"Peyton, wait! Wait!" He grabbed my arm.

"Why did you ask for her to stay?"

"I don't know, okay?"

"Right."

"Peyton, look."

"No. I'm glad we didn't go through it. You were trying to get me pregnant to get to her? That sounds like something Nathan could do. I didn't expect you two to switch places."

"Hey. Listen."

"Two seconds."

He didn't say a word. He only kissed me on the lips.

"You believe me now?"

"You want to get her pregnant?"

"I'll just leave you two alone." I made my way to his room and changed.

I came back after some minutes. "We'll talk later... maybe."

And I stormed off.

"Lucas! I want an answer!"

"No, I don't want to get her pregnant."

"Then why she said that?"

"Can we talk later? I'm really busy."

"With what? She's gone Luke."

"I know. And so are you." He opened the door for her to leave.

After she left he ran to the computer and connected his IM. He was relieved to see me on. He began to chat with me.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Brooke left."

"Wow, she was fast."

"Drop it. We didn't do anything."

"Right."

"Peyton, you've got to trust me."

"I don't know Scott."

"Wow, you must be pretty pissed."

"I am."

A part of me found it funny and I smiled.

"I love that smile."

"Thanks."

"What are you drawing?"

"Nah, nothing really exciting."

"You can draw here."

"Sorry. My stuff is all here."

"Come on, I love to watch you draw."

"Sorry. Maybe next time."

"Come on... I miss you!"

"Gotta go. Bye."

I went off before reading his message. After several minutes he showed up at my place.

"I can't."

"What? And what are you doing here?"

"I can't let you go. I have to be with you."

"Lucas, it's over."

"No."

"I'm sorry."

I turned my back to him. He grabbed my arm, making me look at him again.

"Peyton."

I had no time to answer, when I realized I was kissing him,

"It's you"

My face was on his hands.

"It can't."

"But it is."

"You don't understand."

"Make me."

"Lucas, I got a job... in Nevada."

"What?"

He looked at me in disbelief.