IT. IS. DOOONEE! THE biggest time-waster, co written w/ my bro, Xlash, is finally done. We used a lot of drugs- I mean, crack- I mean, randomness in this story. All typos are intentional, unless we didnt kno wat the word was actually spelled as and we were 2 lazy 2 use Google.
DISCLAIMER: All content we used belongs 2 the original creators. If ur name is Tommy, its only a joke, plz DO NOT take it purrsonally.
Xlash: We will now tell the entire life story from beginning to the end of the million year old man. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away.. da da daaaaaa, yada yada yaaaaaaada, STAR WARS.
Obe Wan Konoby was 200000000 years old when he became a jedi. He then met Yoda, who was 3 years old at the time. Yoda was destined to be a wise person who spoke his sentences reversed and they usually make sense... sometimes...
Anyway... Yoda set off in his spaceship that had no windows because Tommy kept breaking them, and Jade liked to play the window, but couldn't, because Tommy thought he was so swag because he kept breaking all the windows.
Yoda somehow miraculously survived the travel through the vacuum of space. Obe Wan followed him throughout space.
A space cop gave Yoda a ticket for speeding.
They eventually reached a space tavern that had the original name of The Space Notebook. When they got inside, they heard Jade play beautiful music on her window. But Tommy walked up, with all his fake sahwag, and broke her window. Obe Wan was really ticked, because he liked dah beautiful window music, and beat Tommy in a sahwag contest.
After Obe Wan won the sahwag contest, he gave Tommy a 3 year time-out. Tommy instead took Obe Wan's lightsaber and sliced his head off. Obe Wan then grew his head back, since he was part Hydra, and all-around beastly with swag. Yoda then fixed his windows, not so he could travel in space safely, but so he could listen to Jade's beautiful window music. They all listened for 3 hours. Tommy confessed his love for Jade, making this story a WAAAAAAY better love story than Twilight. Jade felt the same way, so the only logical step was...
To fight the entire tavern, since, you know, they were good guys, and that's what all good guys do, fight each other to the death, until only one person survives long enough to commit suicide because they were really lonely.
Well, that was the logical step to take, but, since it was logical, they didn't do it, and instead they flew to a never-
before-seen planet called Alternoah. There they saw many strange things, like humans and birds.
Yoda began to fall in love with Jade's beautiful window music.
So, in a few hours, Yoda married Jade...'s window. They were happy together, until Tommy broke Jade's window.
Then, Yoda challenged Tommy to a sahwag contest to avenge his wife's death.
Since Tommy doesn't have real swag, Yoda won the sahwag contest, which gave him the ability to accelerate his age to 870 years old.
He grew a cane out of his hand, and the cane could also turn into an epic green swag-saber. Yoda's wife, Jade's window, was eventually repaired, so the happy couple was reunited, making this story now EVEN BETTER THAN TWILIGHT! A few seconds later, Jade's window gave birth to Yoda's first child. His name was Penaut, and he was 18 years old.
Hurr Durr.
Tommy and Jade were happy together, until Tommy broke Jade's heart, which happened to be a window. Jade was ticked, so she challenged Tommy to a sahwag contest. Jade had the most sahwag of the group, since she had awesome window-playing skillz, and utterly destroyed Tommy and all his fake swag. Jade then got together with Obe Wan, and five seconds later, she gave birth to Asrtik, who was 235 years old.
After they left Alternoah, they went to a planet infested with robot dinosaurz. They landed their spaceship on a robot T-rex. Yoda took out his swag-saber and Obe Wan took out his lightsaber. Obe Wan tossed Jade a lightsaber, which turned into a epic purple swag-saber when it came in contact with her sahwag. Jade tossed Tommy's body overboard, and the robot dinosaurz turned his body into a robot dinosaur human cyborg.
Tommy still had feelings for Jade so he beat up the dinosaurz that fixed him.
Jade saw this and she was proud and left Obe Wan for Tommy. But Tommy couldn't have kids with Jade because the robot dinosaurz fixed him. But Jade loved him anyway, and a few seconds later, she gave birth to Tommy's child(don't argue with our logic).
Her name was Pickle and she was born with the infinite knowledge and sahwag of fighting, and she was also 23 years old. She also had robot body parts. She kicked robot dinosaur asss...troids.
After they defeated the dinosaurz's astroids (cuz that's where their nests were), they killed the robot dinosaurz.
Obe Wan liked how Asrtik was fighting, and he fell in love with him, becoming gay. A few seconds later, Asrtik gave birth to Obe Wan's child.
Her name was Mianad and she was 4500 years old.
They left the robot dinosaurz planet that they destroyed and arrived in a world called The Internet. They found a popular meme called Nyan cat. Nyan cat lieked dem so it accompanied them on their purely-based-on-crack journey as their pet. They also met some online peoples and learned how to access Facebook.
They watched Twilight then burned it because they thought their adventure was WAAAY more sahwag. They then proceeded to burn all the copies of Twilight on The Internet.
Eventually, they found a meme called 'The Greatest Story EVAHR'.
Bored, they read it, and they found out that it was their story, creating a story paradox thing that confused them so much that they passed out.
When they awoke, they found two random people writing down what they were doing. They realized they were being stalked, but they couldn't kill them because then their story would never be finished. So they let the two random people, who were named Xkarz and Xlash, live, on one condition: They would accompany them on their journey, documenting everything, and splitting the profits 54-12, with the 65 going to the adventurers and the 100000 going to Charity. The writers, obviously, get the rest, which was 267657646 in cash.
Anyway, back to the drug store to get more crack- I mean, back to the epic journey of sahwag.
Obe Wan, Jade, Xkarz, Xlash, and the rest who weren't important enough to list went off to another distant galaxy or something. Jade, of course, played her window the whole way. Yoda, who was driving,
payed zero attention to the... uhh... whatever, and got lost on their way to, let's say it was Burger King. Yoda instead pulled into Wendy's.
Yoda parked in Disabled Parking because he was swag. Xkarz and Xlash documented everything, including this sentence. And this one. And this one as well. And this one- you get the point. (- I forgot to mention this one and that one as well)
To make it simple fore the Burger King (dont question our logic of space) employees, they ordered as followed: Xkarz got a baked potato, Xlash got a cheezburger with flies on the side, Jade got a window (duh!) and began playing her sahwag window music (she also got a cheezburger), Obe Wan got breakfats, Yoda got to eat the restaurant's leftovers, Tommy got to eat the restaurant (nibble on the walls, eat a fryer, y'know, the norm), Pickle, Asrtik, Mianad, Penaut, and Nyan Cat ate the remaining life forms that stayed after closing time, and also ate the ones that didnt leave a good tip. They also ate the rich people just so that they can steal the money off the dead body.
They left what used to be Wendy's with satisfied stomacks headed off to the next planet in which there is a 275% chance they will destroy it in some fashion.
Hurr Durr deh Derp derp. Smiley Face.
The next planet was called Noname and the surface-
Xkarz: Here, wait, give it to me.
Xlash: Ok.
The next planet was called Noname and the surface was only water, because water is swag. The crew landed on the water and walked across it because they were bauws. All except for Tommy, because he has no bauws quality, and Nyan Cat, because Nyan Cat can fly liek a Tyrannasaurabauws.
Anyway, they walked, Nyan Cat flew, and Tommy swam toward an unown point when they founde a pair of uber-sexcy wings that allowed someone to fly. They gave the wings to Nyan Cat because they made it look bad astroid. Tommy complained that he couldn't fly, so all of a sudden, an old man came out of nowhere and handed him a disk that he said had the power to make Tommy fly. So Tommy tried to fly, but the disk said that Tommy could not learn Fly. The old man came by again on a small bird thing and started screaming how awesome it is to Fly.
Tommy grew jealous. He couldn't fly. But nobody gave a crap.
The crew needed a better name.
Xkarz: Xlash, any suggestions?
Xlash: Umm, uh, Window Crew?
Xkarz: Yeah!
Xkarz: I niaow hereby dubb this Tyrannasaurabauwz crew (and Tommy) the Window Crew.
Anyway, the Window Crew decided to build a civilization on the planet Noname. So they started building. They eventually got bored and left.
They traveled thru space to another planet called Spelling Suks.
Aftr thuh Weendow Cruwe landead, ther advenchure becam baddly tieped.
Seow tey lef, and then the adventure was correctly typed (somewat) again, living to entertain another hour or so (depending when we run out of iders, or if youse guys get bor-red).
Xlash: Uhhh... what now?
Xkarz: Weird how we run out of ideas rite when I type that.
Xlash: How about... *whispers idea in Xkarz's ear*
Xkarz: That's a beautiful idea
Xlash: Thanks. Now onto the story! *heroic pose*
As every great story does, a conflict occurs:
Tommy has to use the bathroom.
Recall that Tommy is now a robot dinosaur human cyborg. He's big, half robot dinosaur, half human, really irritating, and has no swag.
Xkarz: Niaow wut, Xlash?
Xlash: Remember, he uses the bathroom.
Xkarz: But how is this gon' be a conflict?
Xlash: He... *whispers rest of idea in Xkarz's ear*
Xkarz: Hmmm... I dont kno how 2 build up the drama, or watever, but ill try!
Tommy began fidgeting in his not-as-swag-as-the-others seat. He told Yoda to pull over so that he could take a wazz. Yoda just yelled at Tommy to keep his pants on, he's driving as fast as he flippin' wants to. Yoda wasn't really driving. He was just letting the spaceship float around in the vacuum of spaaace~!
2 hours later, Yoda pulled up at a rest stop in Georgia and told Tommy to hurry up because he had the meter running. Tommy said that that didn't make sence but whatever, and he went to the bathroom. Or, at least, tried to.
Remember, Tommy is a robot dinosaur human cyborg. He's big, half robot dinosaur, half human, really irritating, and has no swag. So he couldn't fit through the door, and at the same time, the door wouldn't let him in because he wasn't swag enough.
Tommy eventually broke the door (and the area surrounding it) down, and used the (whole) bathroom. The poor toilet was crushed.
Xkarz: *cries*
Xlash: What's wrong, Xkarz?
Xkarz: That poor toilet... *sobs* That monster crushed him!
Xlash: *comforts Xkarz* Shh, its okay. He's where all good toilets go when they are crushed mercilessly by a robot dinosaur human cyborg. He's in a good place, Xkarz, I promise.
So, after Tommy used the bathroom, Toby Keith and Nicki Minaj sang at the poor toilet's funeral. Tommy went to court for murder of the best toilet ever, and nobady bailed him out because of his lack of swag.
Xlash: Xkarz, what are you doing?
Xkarz: Avenging the death of a toilet, that's wat I'm doing!
Xlash: But we need Tommy and his lack of sahwag to finish this story!
Xkarz: *reluctantly, with a sigh* Fine! But if he kills another toilet, he's gon' be in deep crap!
Xlash: Literally.
Obe Wan eventually bailed Tommy out, also realizing that Xlash was right. Tommy and his lack of sahwag was needed to finish this part of the Window Crew's epic adventure.
Xlash: *grabs Xkarz* Did you hear that! Obe Wan said I was RIGHT!
Xkarz: *awkwardly pushes Xlash away* That's... great, bro, but what do we do niaow? I'm all outta ideas.
Xlash: I have an idea that's so sahwag, people are gonna die from too much sahwag!
Xkarz: Don't you think we overuse the words, 'swag' and 'sahwag'?
Xlash: Nope!
Xkarz: *shrugs* Ok, then. What's this idea of yours?
Xlash: *whispers sahwag idea in her ear*
Xkarz: Heck yeah, that's swag!
The Window Crew gets in their Swag Ship and flys to a magical place, where you never get harmed, a magical place, with magical charm. Indoors, indoors, IINNNN-DOOOOOOOOOOOOORS!
Xlash: That wasn't my swag idea...
Xkarz: *sweatdrops* Ooh yeeeaaaahhh... whoops! It was too funny to resist...
Okay, time to get serious... or, at least, as serious as this epic journey would allow... *clears throat* They don't go to Indoors, sadly, but they instead go to a slightly-less-hood place called The World of Pokemon, as the Narrator from every Pokemon movie describes it. As they landed, Tommy saw a yellow mouse and stepped on it, killing it.
A smallish boy with black hair that wasn't sahwag screamed, NUUUU! MAI PIKACHU! and cried liek a babby. Tommy sais he was sorry, but then stepped on Pikachu again, this time making it explode...
Xkarz: Should we end it here? Keep 'em wantin' fo' more?
Xlash: No. Doesn't seem like a good place to stop.
Xkarz: Okay. Lead on. *surrenders keyboard to her bro*
The smallish boy stoped crying and him and Tommy got into a pokemon battle. Tommy sent out himself and the smallish boy sent out his dead Pikachu. The dead Pikachu yoused thundershock and Tommy died... his hair yelllow and used no-swag attack. Tommy exploded and Pikachu rose form the dead. The Window Crew thanked the smallish boy, who's name was Atth Ketchup, and went on their journey to become pokemon masters. But they quit and left on their Swag Ship.
Xkarz: *takes back keyboard* Mai turn!
Tommy mysteriously came back to life and got on da Swag Ship, much to da dismay of everyone. He took the wheel and made the Window Crew crash-land on a distant planet called Mesophormia. They yelled at Tommy for being so stupid. But Tommy was too stupid to understand why they were yelling at him.
Xlash: And the adventure will contineue in the next episode of 'THE Greatest Story EVAHR!' Was that good for an ending?
Xkarz: Yes, very dramatic. *turns to da people reading this story* Thank you... for reading this big time-waster. We worked very hard to get the crack- I mean, write this story. My goal is for this story to be a meme, so please spam your friends like crazy with this story. And if this becomes a meme, we will get to have so much crack- I mean, so much fun writing.